Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing
-I swear I really tried with this chapter, but it was really hard to write. For some reason I couldn't get it to sound write.
Lose and Gain
Chapter 3 'What if I fail?'
The ebony shining coffins glinted in the sunlight and Heero watched stoically as they were lowered ceremonially into the ground. Behind the coffins a priest recited words of prayer, words he had never heard and mostly meant very little to him. All he managed to do was watch the coffins as they went into the ground. His best friend was gone, his wife was gone, and his son was gone. Why? Why was it always take, take. If there was a God, if what that preacher was saying had any truth to it then why were they dead, murdered, and why was he alone. Heero shut his eyes as they disappeared into the gaping holes and a few people around him threw flower in. 'Goodbye, Duo and Hilde.' He thought dejectedly. 'I'll make sure whoever did this pays.'
That thought alone seemed to the drive him to go on, but he didn't know if he could take anymore. One more load on his back and he was going to break. Once again he was guilt ridden and struggling with his emotions. It had literally knocked the air out of him when he'd heard. Now he was hiding behind his mask, and he had no idea it was destroying him. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of Solo. The boy was sitting emotionlessly in a chair to his far left. Sally had taken him saying that he needed to be here, in order to understand. The child was getting to his feet. Heero watched him for a moment.
The boys sandy hair was tousled and whirled around his head with the wind. His face was straight and he stared at the coffins as they were lowered into the ground. He was wearing a little suit that seemed almost uncharacteristic on the boy's body. His large violet eyes held a sadness that he had never noticed before. Was if possible the child knew pain as he did? As the coffins began to lower into the ground Solo reached his arm out as if he were trying to touch something. He was moving dangerously close to the hole when Sally finally scooped him up. The reaction it caused made Heero jump. The boy started to scream. It filled the air was an echoing staleness as his tiny plea reached to the heavens. "Daddy!" He yelled as tears streamed down his cheeks. "No! Mommy." As Sally's arms tightened around him he struggled with a renewed strength. It looked as if he were trying to jump into the graves with his parents. His screams only faded into muffled sobs. It was the first thing the boy had said in three days.
A sea of overlooked emotions washed over him as he watched a deep pang building in his chest. What was it he felt? The child continued to sob and even Sally was having trouble keeping his small arms and legs under control. He wanted to be let go he wanted to be with his parents. Just as he was mulling over the significance of the thought a shot was heard over head. Reacting without even thinking Heero ducked behind his chair and drew his gun. "Get down!" He screamed. "Get down!"
People were scattering and scream filled the eerie quite that had existed just moments ago. Strangely he could still hear the muffled cries of Solo Maxwell. Letting his soldier instinct kick in he turned over his shoulder to see that Sally had Solo pushed to the ground trying with all her might to keep him still. Wufie was to her left his gun drawn and before he knew it Quatre was kneeling beside him.
"What do you think they want?" Quatre asked as he knocked over another chair to hide behind. Another shot rang over head and Heero peaked over the top of his seat trying to catch a glimpse.
"This is stupid. Whoever this is they're trying to make a show." Heero informed him and took another chance at looking over head. There was nothing. "There is nothing to gain from this. Whoever we're dealing with likes to play games."
"Do we spread out and try to find him?" Trowa asked from his other side.
"We wait." Heero said finally. "He'll make a move soon enough if he plans on it, but I think this was just a warning." Heero said finally and got to his feet. Most of the people had scattered and everything was quiet. Whoever it had been was gone now. He holstered his gun quickly and turned to Sally and Solo. Wufie was helping Sally to her feet. As Sally stood Solo darted from her grasp and ran toward the graves.
In two easy strides Heero was beside him and lifted the boy away from the coffins. The child continued to struggle, kick, bite and scream. Heero held him as tightly as he could without hurting him. The boy was hysterical. "Here." He said and held his arms out for Sally to take him. To his surprise Sally merely shook her head. Heero raised an eyebrow and started to question, but Sally answered before he could say anything.
"I was going to tell you after the funeral, but Duo left Solo under your care."
All the blood rushed from his head and Heero almost dropped Solo as his finger's numbed. 'What had she just said.' He didn't even notice that the boy had stopped struggling and regained his stoic blank stare.
"I hate to tell you like that Heero, but you know as well as I do that he saw the whole thing. Those men are after him and they'll do anything to cover their asses. He needs you to protect him." Sally pointed at him as she spoke and waited for Heero to say something.
"I can't." He said speaking finally. " I can't." His arms lowered and he set the boy on the ground. "I can't." He didn't even notice that way his voice had cracked. Being a Godfather was one thing, but he couldn't, wouldn't take on guardianship of the boy.
"You're all he has Heero. Unless you take him he goes to the state." She paused for emphasis. "He'll never know his parents, and he'll quite possibly be killed. He's a witness and he needs your protection."
His face showed nothing but inside his thoughts ran wildly. 'What if I fail.' It was all he could think. Over and over. 'What if I fail, again.' "No." He said firmly. "Mission denied." With that he backed away from the whole scene. As he turned to run he caught sight of Solo. The boy was looking at his large violet pools searching, searching for something Heero couldn't give. 'What if I fail.'
* * * * * * *
The world was crying. Perhaps mourning the deaths of Duo and Hilde, perhaps pitying the child the death had left behind. Either way the rain fell in angry sheets soaking Heero Yuy to the bone. He sat on his roof ignoring the chill that seeped into his dress clothes and saturated his skin. He didn't know what to do. Sorrowfully he looked up at the sky hoping the raging clouds would give him answers. Something, he needed something. Letting his head fall back between his bent knees he choked down another sob.
How could he take on Duo's last wishes? He had already failed Relena and his own son so many years ago. He had let them die. Being the 'perfect solider' hadn't helped. He had tried everything, but it still hadn't been enough. Both of him were gone and he was to blame. If he took in Solo and he failed…. Heero couldn't bare the thought.
"I don't know what to do." He moaned helplessly. "I don't know what to do." Thunder crashed overhead swallowing his cries in the night. He was lost, and spiraling down a path with a future he couldn't escape. His world was twisting violently and even though it hurt he knew he had to take it one. He had to at least try. Maybe somehow he'd be able to make up for Relena.
Even after the decision was made he continued to sit there. The sound of the rain plinking against the roof tiles was the only noise that greeted him. The only answer to his desperate question. In his mind he could see Relena her beautiful smiling face, her loving eyes. Beside her finger wrapped tightly around a small hand. The boy was his and he had the same violet eyes of Solo Maxwell. As the rain became more violent Heero felt the pain wash over him. Why did it still hurt so much, and why was the boy so important? Why couldn't he just walk away? He didn't know and somehow that bothered him more than anything else did.
Be nice all right I know this chapter kinda sucks, but I'll be better. I'll tell what that shooting incident was about in the next chapter. Be patient. I'm having a real rough time getting my ideas across. Tell me what you think flames and all.