Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing
_Forgive me for taking so long, but I just had to wait for the right inspiration.
Lose and Gain
Chapter 4 'Near Death'
Heero looked at the green computer screen and tried to focus his tired eyes. He had been looking endlessly for some clue to Duo and Hilde's fate, but to no anvil. The only thing that seemed odd at all was the fact that the modifications in Duo's will had been made on a day before the death. Why had Duo been in such a hurry? Had he know something Heero didn't? Heero clicked his mouse and tried to get into another file but it was locked. The password box popped up on the screen and demanded the access code in order to enter. He bypassed the code easily enough and searched through Duo's records. Just as he was accessing medical files a small cry reached his ears.
At first he ignored it. He was busy and it took a lot to get him to pull away from it. Narrowing his eyes he forced the noise out of his mind and refocused on his job. It wasn't long before the cries lapsed into a quick silence. He noted the fact and got to his records. There was nothing, nothing unusual. Beside his keyboard his fist balled in frustration and he pounded it on the end of his table. What was he missing? There had to be something to link him to the mysterious situations surrounding Duo's death. Someone had to have a reason. Just as his fist slammed onto the desk again another muffled cry reached his ears. His concentration already broken Heero listened.
It was Solo. It was the boy's first night at Heero's house and he had gone directly to sleep after he'd arrived. Heero had tried his best to get some response out of the boy, but he had a hard enough time being happy for himself let alone for others. The child merely looked at him, the same way he did everything, and frowned. The only things that seemed to change were his eyes. Sometimes he looked to be on the verge of tears, but when Heero would try and coax the boy to him he'd back away. Other times they burned with a hard hatred, but mostly they were blank.
Heero stood and headed out of his office to check on Solo. He was staying in the room next to the office so he only had to turn and open the other door. Solo slept with the lights on. He had almost had a fit when Heero had tried to turn them off. Blinking at the intense brightness of the room Heero tried to make his eyes adjust to the lights. When they did he gaze fell on Solo tossing and turning in his sleep. The blanket that had been tightly wrapped around his little body was balled up on the end of his bed and his pillow was on the floor to his right. Every few seconds he would let out a pained moan punctuated by a small cry of fear.
What had happened to the boy Heero had known? Where had the little boy who'd sat on his lap and called him Uncle gone? Striding into the room he went to stand beside the bed. Looking down he tried to decide what to do. Should he wake him up and risk scaring him, or should he leave him alone? Not taking either option Heero reached down and took the boy's small chubby hand in his. Speaking as soothingly as he knew how. He whispered. "Shhh…It's all right." His voice wasn't having much effect on the tossing, but he kept at it anyway. It was the only thing that he knew to do.
Eventually the turning ceased and his small tightened brow relaxed, his breathing evened and the cries stopped. Did Solo dream of his parents death as he dreamed of Relena and Trey? Was he haunted? Heero watched the boy in silent thought. He wanted to help him, but he didn't know how to. Sally had left him with a load of instructions. Most of which were mental capability exercises; some were games that were meant to stimulate reaction. None of them seemed like they'd help. He was in no position to take on this kind of responsibility.
Heero released the boy's hand and got to his feet again. For know at least Solo was okay. Reaching down to the end of the bed he pulled the comforter back up to rest under Solo's chin, and replaced the fallen pillow. As he was walking out he noticed the stuffed bear lying on the floor near his bag of belongings. Absently he picked it up and squeezed it. The things fur was worn and dirty and one side of the bear's face was worn away so that one eye looked bigger than the other did. It was ratty looking, but Heero assumed that Solo didn't really care for appearances. Returning to the bedside Heero tucked the bear under the cover with Solo.
Immediately the child's arm reached out and wrapped around the bear. His thumb went into his mouth and he seemed to breathe even easier than before. Feeling that he had done everything he possibly could Heero exited the room and went back to his computer. He needed to find a lead soon. Who would have a grudge against Duo and his family? Who would be after a barely four year old child?
* * * * * * * ** * * * * * * *
Darkness, it surrounded him with a penetrating force and blocked all light. The air held a certain thickness that made it hard to breath, hard to swallow. A lump was building in his throat and he couldn't push it away couldn't breath, he was drowning in the darkness. One hand equally surrounded in darkness flew to his throat as if he could pull the lump out with his bare hands and the other reached toward the sky, grasping, begging for something. In a strangled to attempt to breathe on last time he coughed, but the action only made the lump worse. He couldn't swallow; he was going to die. Even though he couldn't see anything he felt his eyes shut and he was lost.
Brightness a stinging light brought him to his senses. He could barely make out himself in the bright lights. The lump was gone and his lungs were free. Unwrapping his fingers from his throat he squinted and tried to see into the brightness, but he even seemed to glow in this light. It was surreal it was incredible. Looking down he noticed he was dressed all in white and his feet were bare.
"Heero."
Heero looked up and tried to find the voice that had just spoken to him, but it was far away almost as if he it were speaking from across an ocean. It was a whisper almost indiscernible. "Who, what." He managed and tried again to see something in the whiteness.
"I'm right behind you buddy."
Heero whirled around and there standing right in front of him was Duo Maxwell. He was dressed from head to toe in black and his eyes were shining with a happiness he had never seen before. "Duo?" He stumbled out and found his was unable to move.
"In the flesh, or in spirit." Duo shrugged his shoulders and took a step toward his disbelieving friend. "Can you believe black is a holy color?" He looked down at his pants and pulled the sides of his black suit jacket. "Used to be black was more holy then white." He smiled.
"Your dead." Heero found that it was the only thing he could say. Why was be talking to Duo. Duo was dead. 'I must be dead too.' It was the only thing that made sense. "I'm I dead."
"Yes, I'm dead and you are not even close to being there yet." Duo grinned again and looked Heero over for a moment. "You need to eat more. Especially if you plan to keep up with Solo."
"Solo doesn't do much of anything." He found himself blurting and immediately felt bad for doing it. "I'm sorry." He apologized.
"He's in there somewhere Heero, you just have to pull him out of it. He's scared and he doesn't understand." Duo hung his head for a moment and shifted his weight from foot to foot. "He's plagued by nightmares, so many that I can't get to him. Hilde tries, but even she can't get through. So it's up to you."
"I don't know how." Heero confessed. "I don't know if I can."
"You haven't lost the ability to love Heero, maybe you're a little rusty at expressing it, but you never lost it. All he needs is for you to love him."
"What if I fail anyway?" Heero asked. He didn't know why he was talking so openly with Duo in the first place, but something told him that hiding things wasn't going to make a difference.
"You have too little faith in yourself." Duo commented and smiled sadly. "Stop looking for the one's that did this to me. Focus on him for the moment. They'll make their presence known in time." Duo paused and looked behind him as if he were listening to someone.
"Do you know who did this?" Heero asked and moved to where he was almost touching Duo. "Do you?"
"Solo knows. He's the one you have to talk to. He knows." Duo paused and looked behind him again. "I've got to go Heero."
"How? Where do I even start."
"Just listen to your heart." Duo said. "Trust yourself." Duo sighed and shook his head. "Relena warned me, she told him…" Duo trailed off and took a step backward.
Heero could hardly believe his ears. Duo had talked to Relena. That meant Relena was somewhere around here. He had to talk to her. He had to see her. "Where Duo? Where is she." Heero looked around searching the brightness for some clue a key to her.
"You can't see her Heero." Duo told him. "She can't get through to you just like I can't to Solo. You hold too much blame and guilt in your system. She can't break through."
Heero felt himself sinking to his knees in front of Duo. "Please I have to see her. I need to know that she's all right." Heero let his head fall into his hands as Duo shook his head again.
"I'm not God Heero, stand up. If you want to see Relena, you will, but right now you don't."
"Duo you don't understand how much it hurts. Everyday I feel it. A big empty place in my soul. It tugs at me and I'm afraid I'll be without it forever. Relena, Relena and my son were that space and now it's empty. How am I supposed to just move one? It's not fair." Heero couldn't bare to know that she was so close and he couldn't touch her.
"Life isn't fair." Duo merely responded. "We of all people should know that." Duo looked over his shoulder and started to walk away. "Solo holds the answers Heero, to more than just the mysteries surrounding my death." With that said he faded into the brightness and disappeared.
Heero watched him leave and turned to look around him. He was alone always he was alone. Sinking to the floor he sat empty and devoid. He didn't cry, he didn't speak, he just sat. Sat and listened. Surprisingly he could hear his own heart beating in his chest. It thumped in an easy regular pattern and drew his attention. He just wanted to listen. 'Thump, thump, thump.' It was almost like he could feel his heart pounding on his chest. All around him the bright faded and darkness surrounded him again, but this time he didn't care.
Heero blinked his eyes and almost sat straight up, but something was lying on his chest. Looking down he saw a small head of sandy brown hair. Blinking again he noticed the 'thump, thump..' of his dream. The noise the feeling was Solo's heart beating against his chest. The boy's eyes were shut tightly and he had his little fingers wrapped around his chest. Heero looked at him and felt his heart swell with emotion. Something about it touched him deeply.
Leaning downward, Heero brushed the boy's cheek and smiled. Somehow he felt better knowing that Solo trusted him. Something about the beat of his heart on his was almost soothing. The feeling that he needed to bolt quickly left and he tried to stay as still as possible in order not to disturb the child. Lying back on his pillow he looked at the ceiling. Life had become more complicated.
He remembered the dream. The words Duo had spoken. The promise Duo had made. Lifting his free arm Heero let it hover over the boys for a moment before it settled on Solo's back. With the contact finally made Heero felt better and hugged the child closer to him. He wasn't going to let anything happen to him.
So did you guys like this part??? Tell me if you did.