DISCLAIMER: The sky is blue.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, I've been really busy with my other fics and that little something I like to call my life (back stupid exam papers, back!) so I haven't gotten round to doing this for ages. I apologise for the delay and I hope you guys enjoy this.
THE WUFEI SHOW – Not for Weaklings!
EPISODE 2
LADY D: Has anyone seen Heero?
WUFEI: Last I heard he was going to kill Duo for playing that stupid commercial.
LADY D: That's just great.
DUO: AAAGGHHHH!!!!! Help!! (Runs out onto the stage and hides behind the authoress)
LADY D: Duo, let go of me!
DUO: you've gotta help! Heero's trying to shoot me!
WUFEI: That's nothing new. Besides, it's your fault for choosing that commercial.
DUO: But it's cool! I get to hit Heero with a bazooka!
LADY D: I think maybe that's the problem… Here he comes.
HEERO WALKS OUT ONTO THE STAGE, WITH A BAZOOKA HELD UP ON HIS RIGHT SHOULDER
DUO: Hide me!
LADY D: I can't hide you; you're too big!
TROWA: So shrink him.
LADY D: Huh?
TROWA: You can use your author-powers.
LADY: Oh yeah. (Zaps Duo with her author-powers. Duo shrinks to the size of a Barbie doll)
DUO: (3 octaves higher than usual) Aaaaaaaaghhh!!! What have you done to me?!
LADY D: I shrank you. Now shut up or Heero will hear you.
HEERO: Have any of you guys seen Duo?
LADY D: No.
TROWA: …
WUFEI: No, the braided baka isn't here.
HEERO: If you see him, let me know straight away. (Goes backstage again)
QUATRE: Hey guys! Have you seen Duo? Hilde's on the phone.
DUO: I'm down here Q-man.
QUATRE: (Looks confused) Did you guys hear that? It sounded like Duo on helium.
LADY D: He's not on helium; he's just been shrunk.
QUATRE: Oh okay. Duo, Hilde wants to talk to you. (Passes Duo a cell phone)
DUO: (Falling over because of the weight) Hello?
HILDE: (On the phone) Duo, is that you?
DUO: Yeah Hilde, what's up?
HILDE: Duo, have you been breathing helium again?
DUO: No, I've been shrunk to the size of a Barbie doll by the authoress' powers 'cause Heero wanted to kill me for making an ass of him on national T.V by hitting him with a bazooka.
HILDE: Duo, are you making fun of me?… Are you drunk or something? Do you really think that I'd believe that you've been shrunk? If you didn't want to talk to me you could have just told Quatre to tell me that you were busy or not there. I can't believe you sometimes. (Sigh) Give the phone to Quatre.
DUO: Um, okay… (Hands the cell phone back to Quatre)
QUATRE: Hello?
HILDE: Quatre, would you like to go out with me sometime?
QUATRE: Sure Hilde. ^_^ (He wanders off backstage, cell phone in hand)
DUO: -_-;
WUFEI: INJUSTICE! What about me?!
SALLY: What about you? (Gets a mallet out of hammer-space)
WUFEI: Um, nothing.
SALLY: That's what I thought. (Puts the mallet away
LADY D: Are we actually going to film the next episode of this or what?
WUFEI: Huh? Oh yeah. Let's go Onnas.
LADY D: … (Gives Wufei death-glare) Don't call me Onna!
WUFEI: Why not?
LADY D: 'Cause I'll do the same to you as I did to Duo, except that I'll make you look exactly like him too.
WUFEI: What?! Look like Maxwell?! INJUSTICE!!!
LADY D: You'd better keep your mouth shut then.
* * *
TROWA: Okay, places people!
WUFEI: (Sits down in his chair) Welcome again everyone to the Wufei Show! You may or may not know that this is our second episode. However that's all irrelevant. Justice is all that matters in this world and I want you all to remember that. Without justice the world would be a scary place and so you all have a lot to thank justice for. I want everyone to join me in praising justice. 'Thank you justice. Justice is life and life is justice.' … Come on you ungrateful lot! Praise justice!
LADY D: Wufei, this is a talk show. Not a Justice Cult.
WUFEI: It's my show isn't it?
LADY D: I suppose so.
WUFEI: So I wanna praise justice.
LADY D: Fine, fine. Praise justice. See if I care. When the ratings fall, don't try to blame me.
TROWA: Aren't you paying for this show to air?
LADY D: Don't remind me. It's got to be one of the stupidest things I've ever done.
TROWA: Well, if the ratings fall doesn't it cost you money?
LADY D: Oh crap.
WUFEI: (Still ranting about praising justice)
LADY D: Wufei, this is your last chance. You're costing me money dammit!
WUFEI: (Ignoring everyone) Nataku, show this bunch of ungrateful onnas what true justice is!
LADY D: That's it. Quatre! Come here!
QUATRE: (Comes out, still with a cell phone) What is it? I'm talking with Hilde.
LADY D: Put the phone down, you're my new host for the Wufei Show!
WUFEI: (Stops ignoring everyone) What? Tea boy taking over my show? INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!! (Faints)
QUATRE: Cool, can Hilde co-host?
LADY D: I suppose so. Anyway, Let's take a break. I'm sick of this.
THE AUTHORESS, TROWA & QUATRE ALL HEAD BACKSTAGE. WUFEI IS LEFT COMATOSE ON THE STAGE FLOOR. (A/N: I promised myself I'd stop making him faint ^_^)
LADY D: (Backstage) I have this weird feeling that I've forgotten something. Oh well, I'll remember later if it's that important.
DUO: (Onstage, and still in helium mode) HEEEEELLPP MEEEE!!! AAAAGGHHH!!!! HEERO'S BACK!!!!!