Author's Notes: I finally got back into humour. Sort of. I wrote this song 5:00 in the morning about fanon Draco and decided to make a songfic out of it. It's like a music video sort of thing. It's OOC, but hey, it's for laughs, man. Btw, I don't know if it's been done before, but I did not copy it... I don't go around looking for fics anymore.
[*] lyrics
Bad Boy In Leather
[Camera begins from the sky and turns down to a busy downtown, closing up on Harry, Hermione and Ron walking near a street with a stoplight. They're chattering cheerfully until the stoplight turns green on the other side. The camera closes up on Harry as he turns his head to see...]
So there he is one day strollin' down the street
Swingin' those hips so seductively
And I wouldn't have cared but he caught my eye
When I saw what was clingin' to those beautiful thighs
[The camera switches to Draco Malfoy who is walking down the street with a pair of shades and skin-suffocating shiny black leather trousers. He's wearing boots of the same material, loaded with zippers and straps and other things. His black wifebeater was revealed through the opening of of a genuine black leather jacket with spikes and all that other yummy leather stuff. The camera closes in on all of those and backs out, turning back to Harry.
Harry turns his head just as Draco begins to walk between the yellow pedestrian walk lines in all his glory. His eyes are broad and his jaw is slack. Hermione and Ron are oblivious.]
Baby it was leather!
Plastic to his white, white skin...
Leather!
With its musky, thick scent all around me
I couldn't help but sigh
But darlin' it wasn't his eyes
Honey. It's just the Leather.
(Oh, oh, oh -the leather)
[Camera closes in on Harry's eyes, delving into his mind where images of him running up to Draco and whispering something in his ear. Camera blacks, and reappears with Harry and Draco in an alley and Harry is down on his knees greedily licking at Draco's shiny leather trousers.]
Paperwhite skin was so clichè
And his silvery hair just wasn't my thing
Grey eyes? Baby, I'd rather have blue
But what he wore, darling I'll tell you...!
[Camera closes in with Harry running his tongue over all Draco's leather apparel, leaving Draco staring at him bewildered but obviously turned on. Harry moves from Draco's jacket, leaving wet Harry-slobber trails as he ran it down across Draco's crotch, grasping at Draco's buttocks and feeling the leather beneath his palms. He then moves further down, causing quickened gasps and shocked expressions from the Slytherin boy. Harry licks at Draco's boot and Draco does not supress a moan.]
(Chorus)
Ooh, ooh, it drives me ma-a-ad!
When it's the leather, baby, not the plaid
The denim, polyester or silk
It's that tight, black animal hide that's so totally hip!
[Draco is now pressed up against the wall front-side, with Harry licking him from behind. Camera closes in on Harry's hands creeping up Draco's back and slowly sliding the leather jacket off Draco's muscled, pale arms. Draco, in the midst of his pleasure, agrees and waits for Harry to continue his tender licking, but instead sees Harry hugging the jacket as he runs off with it.
The Camera closes in on Draco's angry face and the censors cover his mouth.]
(Chorus)
Whoa-o-oa, it's the leather, baby...
Give me a guy, whoa-oa, give me a guy
Just give me a guy in that
Hot.
HOT.
Hot, hot leather! Woo!
[The Camera moves out of Harry's head and away from his eyes and swerves to Hermione who taps him on the shoulder.]
"Harry?" Hermione says, looking inquisitively at him. Harry snaps out of his trance and looks at Hermione, shaking his head and smiling.
"Nothing at all, Hermione." He said brightly. Ron shrugged and instantly ran to where they were selling vintage wizarding items, pulling Hermione with him. Harry laughs a little and then stares, as if in some euphoria, as Draco passes right by him and doesn't notice. Harry takes a deep breath.
"Hot, hot leather."