Take Away My Pain
By: DragonMage
Notes: Oi... I know it has been a...while? I don't remember. But, um, I had to lurk for a while *shrug* Sooo, I'm coming back with loads of fics since I had nothing better to do! This is the companion fic to 'I Never Knew Love Till I Met You' and I hope you guys like it!
Pairings: 5+2
Warnings: AU, slight angst, slight language, sap
Disclaimer: I do not own the GWing boys
Duo's POV
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I'm a relatively happy person, or at least that's why people tell me. I mean, yeah, I try to keep happy and not let things bother me. In fact, I think I've been doing it for a pretty long time. I guess that would explain why, all of the sudden, all these emotions that I've kept locked up in a steel box has finally cracked and with it, I cracked.
All these years I've pushed back everything and locked it tight inside of myself. Occasionally I let myself feel sad but most of the time I push it back and try to go on in life. It was pretty easy in the beginning since you don't have much to really worry about when you're only a kid and being a kid meant having fun. It wasn't until when I got older did I realize that locking all these things up tight was starting to hurt me. Bad.
I felt bad all the time, I always felt like crying but I never could, I wanted to hurt someone or something to help release some of the emotion pent up inside of me, I contemplated suicide. So many different kind of thoughts would fly through my head when I'm alone and all I have for company are my thoughts. And those thoughts were never pleasant, by the way. They always hurt and I always wanted that pain to go away.
The pain I felt sometimes bit so deep I'm baffled as to why I'm feeling such a thing to begin with. Why did I have this constant pain? This constant ache inside of me? I was just a kid! Sure, I didn't have parents and I lived in an orphanage, but that never bothered me! I was okay! Or at least I had thought I was okay. I guess, around the age of 15, I realized that no, I wasn't okay and I needed help or I would end up doing something I would regret--or never actually live to regret.
Suicide was always on my mind and I'm a pretty dramatic guy so I get all sorts of thoughts in my pretty little head. I think about just walking out of class during a test or lecture and committing suicide on campus. Yeah! Give them all a show! At least I would leave this world remembered somehow, right? Right.
It's scary, really, what goes on in my head. I dream of so many different ways to end the deep ache of sorrow and pain inside of me. Maybe I could take some pills, slash my wrists and go to sleep. Someone would find me eventually and by then I'd be dead. Or I could just take pills and avoid the blood. I don't know; there were so many ways to end it so wonderfully dramatic. My morbid mind fed on these thoughts and I'd get caught up in the fantasy of my own death until the pain is just a dim reminder and all there is left is the drama.
But in the end the pain is still there and I still don't know how to make it go away. The tears never fall, no matter how much I wanted them to. I wanted to cry; I wanted the pain to be let out somehow. But I couldn't cry and that was the problem. I had no outlet for my pain and it was killing me inside. I honestly had no idea how to make it all better except to either kill myself or force myself to cry. Unfortunately, I can't manage the latter and the former is gonna take some guts to accomplish--something I really don't have despite all my daydreams.
Oh, but to make it all go away! Gods, that was all I asked for. All I wanted was this pain to go away, I wanted the tears to come. Why couldn't I cry? I wanted so badly to cry! To just let it all go and make it better...That was all I ever wanted! All I wanted was to make it better.
It didn't get better until I met him, my soulmate. He had been a new transfer student from a prestigious private school. No one had any idea why a rich boy like him would want to come to a public school, and honestly, I didn't care.
He was in my second period class. It had been one of those days when my depression really ate away at me. He came to class late because he had lost his way through the many hallways of our school. He came in all breathless with his long hair framing his face so beautifully. I just looked up from my thoughts and saw him standing there, quickly telling the teacher why he had been late and giving him his program card. I don't know if it was love at first sight but I do know that at that moment I had something better to concentrate on than my pain.
He sat right in front of me, actually and I could smell his light, fresh scent. His silky hair had been so inviting all I wanted to do was run my fingers through them, just to know how they felt. But I couldn't do that! That was crazy. Oh, but the temptation had been so great!
We didn't talk until the third day he had been there when he dropped a pencil and it rolled under my desk. I picked it up and gave it to him and he smiled his thanks. After class he had met up with me and we talked a little about the class before he headed off to his next class. That was the beginning.
We rarely talked during class since the teacher was constantly lecturing and we could do nothing but listen and take notes. We couldn't talk after class either since he was always rushing off to the next class.
But then, one day I got my wish, and we were partnered up for a project. I couldn't believe my luck! It wasn't in alphabetical order this time. Instead the teacher picked names out of a stupid hat and we had been paired off! I could barely stop smiling! I wanted to get to know him so badly! That was the first time, in a very long time, I didn't feel sad at all. In fact, I was elated at the fact that we were going to be able to get to know each other a little bit more.
He invited me over to his house and I was more than happy to jot down the address and go over there after school. Quatre had remarked on my sudden brightness that day and I was too happy to tell him why. I wanted the blonde to suffer. He was such a busybody sometimes. I didn't want him butting his little behind into my business until I was ready to have him butt in.
When I went over, I had been greeted at the door by a stiff looking maid who led me upstairs to his room. The mansion had an eerie feeling of loneliness to it and it gave me the shivers. In the orphanage there was never a period of silence except a bedtime, and even then there was some whispered conversations in the dark. Here, it was all quiet with only the occasionally muffled footsteps of the maids and butlers around the place. But when I went into his room, it was completely different. There was life and warmth in his room, a very clear difference from the rest of the impersonal mansion.
We spent the day going over the project and split the work so that we weren't burdened with too much. I really hated work but if working on this project meant I could get closer to him, I really didn't care. After we discussed everything, we just sat back and started talking about anything else that came to mind.
He had perfect English which told me he was born in America but his room had a distinct Chinese taste to it. There were Chinese scrolls hung on the wall and some small Chinese statuettes as well. Then there were the many, many awards and trophies on a beautiful case built just for them on one side of the large room. There were Oriental rugs on the soft, white carpet and some small vases on the drawers with an Oriental mirror hanging over it. It was easy to relax in that room. Everything about it suggested that he loved his room and wanted to make it as comfortable as possible.
Our meeting had to end sometime and I needed to get back to the orphanage before the nuns there decide to scold me for coming in late. I wanted the rest of the day to be happy with no scolding or anything like that.
We said our good-byes and made a quick promise to meet again tomorrow after school to really get started on everything.
I went home that day with my heart lighter and the world just seemed a lot better.
~*~
I didn't meet his parents until a week into the project and immediately I knew they weren't very nice people. Or at least that's the impression I got. He seemed to respect his parents but I could also see a bit of detachment when it came to conversing with them. His sister also had the hint of 'bitch' to her. I wondered how could such a person like him live with such people like this. It just baffeled me. He was so kind and so wonderful, yet his family was horrible!
We escaped to his room after a rather awkward meeting and I could barely hold back my sigh in relief. I really didn't like them and it was quite obvious they didn't like me. And I asked him why.
He was hesitant for a moment as he sat down on his bed and gestured for me to sit down as well. I complied and waited for his answer.
"They are not open-minded, Duo," he began slowly, obviously thinking his words through. "They aren't as accepting to certain things than I am because they came from China and China is a different world with a different way of thinking." He looked at me with pleading dark eyes, asking me to forgive his family's behavior.
I nodded. I understood. His parents were racists. Well, that wasn't really a surprise. Most of this country was biased and discriminating one way or another.
"Ah, well, why don't we get started on our project?" I suggested, hoping a change of subject would life the slightly dark cloud that had settled over on us. Ever since, well, yesterday, I had been determined to be happy. I wasn't going to let my emotions crush me. Not when I had him to make everything better.
"That is a good idea," he agreed in relief. His smile was beautiful and it was that same smile that kept me going through the day when I didn't see him and through the night, keeping the strange and horrible nightmares at bay. He was the light that scared away the darkness inside of me. I didn't think much of suicide anymore. In fact, I wanted to stay alive and in this realm because he lived in it and where ever he was, I was going to follow him. It was that day I became utterly devoted to him even though he didn't know it.
~*~
Long after the project had been finished we continued to stay friends and I would go over to his house almost every day after school to do homework or just hang out. Those weeks of friendship kept me alive and happy and so....Gods, I couldn't find the words to describe the happiness I found in his presence any better when I can now. He was my world! He made everything better and I loved him for it. It was crazy, but I loved him even though I was never sure if he could ever return the feelings.
So even though I was never sure he'd ever love me back--or if he was gay to begin with--I loved him and I was forever devoted to him. I wanted to please him, I wanted to make him happy like how he made me happy. I wanted to do everything to make sure he was okay. To know that he was happy made me blissfully complete. My life had never known any happier moments than those I spent with him.
"Duo, do you think..."
"What?"
"Do you think things will ever get better between me and my parents?"
I paused, looking up from the math book I had been working out of. I felt a sharp pain in my heart as I heard the pain in his voice. He was hurting and it hurted me.
"I...I don't know, Wufei," I told him honestly. He parents didn't look like the sort to bend over backwards to please Wufei. In fact, they wanted everything their way. I was surprised I was still allowed into his house after some rather stiff meetings while we were going to the study or kitchen. They weren't nice people and their dislike for me was very obvious.
"I don't know what to do about them, Duo. They--" Wufei suddenly stopped talking and he looked at me with an expression that I could only recognize all to well. It was the same ache I felt every day until I met him.
"What is it, Wufei?" I asked as I scooted closer to him on the bed. Oh, if only I could reach out and touch him! I could show him that I would always be there for him even though his parents weren't.
"I..." He sighed heavily. "You'll hate me for this."
Hate him? How could I hate him? I loved him with all my heart! I could never hate him. Of course, I couldn't tell him this. Instead, I looked at him and shook my head. "You're over exaggerating, Wufei. I won't hate you unless you..."
He looked at me. "Unless I what?"
"Unless you..." I couldn't think of a proper answer. I was at loss! I would never hate him. Even if he pulled out a knife right now and stabbed me to death with it I'd still love him. He could curse my dead parents, curse me and tell me that he hated me and never wanted to see me again and I would still carry that flame of love for him. Was this normal? I didn't know and I honestly didn't care. I loved him.
"Duo, my parents hate me because I'm gay," Wufei suddenly spat out furiously. He looked at me with pained eyes filled with fear or rejection or hate from me.
I stared at him in shock. He was...gay. I had a chance! Oh gods above, I had a chance!! My heart soared for a moment before coming back down, reminded by the fact that Wufei was hurting.
"Do you hate me?" He asked with a curious expression on his face, as if he was thinking of something he wasn't suppose to.
I opened my mouth and before I knew it his arms were wrapped around me and I was in his arms. Gods, I almost cried as I felt him kiss me, his lips on mine and his breath warm against my cheek. I clung to him and kissed him back, showing him just how much I cared for him through that kiss.
After a too short moment, he broke away, his arms still around my body and I was pressed against him. I noted that we fit perfectly against his each other's body. We were made for each other, I knew it! Please, God, let this be right!
"I love you, Duo. Please, don't hate me," he whispered brokenly as he continued to hold me.
I closed my eyes and finally gave way to tears. I could cry! After so many months of praying, I was finally crying. He gasped sharply and held me as I cried into his shoulder, wetting his shirt with my tears. I cried for such a long time I think he began to worry for my sanity. But after a while my sobs finally quieted and I was still in his arms, he had never let me go once.
"Are...you all right? Duo, did I do something wrong?" he asked fearfully. He was afraid. Afraid of what? That I'd hate him?
"No, no you didn't," I managed shakily as I leaned against him, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of his strong body against my own. "I just... I just never expected that." And it was true, it was so true I started crying. It felt so good! I can never describe how good it felt to know that I loved and it was returned, to be in his arms and know that he won't push me away. Gods, I have loved him so deeply it was near worship, and now I feel my heart filling to the very brink with happiness, relief and utter bliss.
"I do love you, you know? You were always there when I needed you and you're so beautiful," he whispered in my ear as he held me tighter. All I wanted at that moment was to never leave his arms. It felt so good to be in them. "You're so good and wonderful... I could never ask for a better friend..."
"I love you too, Wufei," I told him, meaning every single word with every bit of my heart and soul.
We just remained like that for the rest of the afternoon until it came time for me to go home. He gave me another kiss in the safety of his room before we walked downstairs and he saw me off. And as I walked away, I knew we would be together forever.
~*~
He took away my pain and replaced that ache with love, he made my world so much better. I loved him and I could never stay away from him. I went over to his house nearly every single day until we finally announced we were an official couple.
Needless to say, his family didn't take it well but he argued with them, fought them every step of the way to see me, and he never left me. He promised me we'd stay together forever and he never broke that promise. I can't say it was my fault his relationship with his family gotten worse because of me, it was always bad to begin with. But I do feel a bit guilty for making life more difficult at home for him. Sometimes he would stay over at Quatre's place or stay with me at the orphanage until he *had* to go home.
After one pretty bad argument with his family, I had tentatively suggested that we break it off to make his parents happy. This kind of rift between family shouldn't exist! I almost cried when I suggested it and I was very happy over his response.
"No, Duo. Don't you ever suggest that ever again. I love you! Do you understand? I love you and I will never leave you. I'd die first," he had whispered fiercely into my ear as I was crushed in his tight embrace. "Gods, never say that. I don't want that, Duo. I will never want that. You're my life. Without you... I love you, Duo."
I had closed my eyes and nodded and the subject had never been brought up again. I knew his decision and I knew nothing could change it. And I was damn glad of that! I couldn't lose him! Not ever; I loved him too much and vice versa.
My love for him never faltered and I knew that his love for me never faltered. We fought his family and society to stay together. We couldn't give up after such a hard fight!
The summer before our senior year was probably one of the best summers I've ever had. We drove down to the beaches in California and spent every single day together just having fun while living in a beautiful rented beach house along the beach. We went swimming, played volleyball, walked down the boardwalk, and ate anything we could eat. It had been wonderful.
The day before summer was nearly over and we needed to drive back home, he had made a beautiful dinner for us both and that was the night we made love. That had been one of the many happy days in my life I had from the day I met him. I had never dreamed making love would be so wonderful but it had and I never wanted to leave the place. But we had school so the next day we packed up and drove back in time for school.
When his family disowned him, I had thought that was the end of it. He was never going to see his family again and it was my entire fault! If only we had broken up he wouldn't have ended up in such a situation. I had been miserable but I tried desperately not to show it. He eventually noticed and he took me to the park. We talked and I had my worries settled and I spent my time trying to help him through this very difficult part of his life.
Everything seemed to work out perfectly for us. We went to the same college and lived in the same apartment. We studied together and occasionally go out on a date and sometimes end our nights with a bit of lovemaking. Life seemed perfect but it hadn't always been like that. Sometimes we had our disagreements but we had been willing to work it out and the disagreements never had enough life to actually do any harm. He had an incredible way of making up to me.
It had been our third year anniversary when he proposed to me. I had came home from a tiring day at school and work to find the house filled with candles and rose petals scattered every where. He appeared, dressed loosely in white silk pajamas with the shirt unbuttoned, revealing his beautifully defined chest.
I had been given a wonderful bath before he wrapped me up in my own pajamas and we had dinner. I had never expected, really. I never thought he had meant to commit just yet. I thought it would come later when we were out of college.
Naturally, I accepted and we married a year after we both graduated from college. I hadn't wanted to but I asked him to invite his parents. Family was important and I had hoped that after all this time they'd forgiven him and they could come to one of the most important times of our lives. Sadly--or maybe not--they declined. I had been furious when they did that. Couldn't they see past their ignorant and biased black and white world? I know it hurt Wufei some but he didn't show it. He's always been very strong through it all.
The second time we tried making contact with them was when we had our first child. We had mixed our seed together and had a surrogate mother carry the child. When we called them, they had been anything but happy. They had thought it was wrong and disgusting that two men had a child together. Again, I had been furious but Wufei had not seemed at all affected by it so I never bothered about it. We just went on in life and we never spoke with them ever again. They didn't deserve to be contacted. They were just a bunch of people who couldn't accept the truth when it slapped them in the face. I hated them for what they put Wufei and I through and I hated them for hurting Wufei.
I loved Wufei and I always will no matter what. He's my world, my life, my love and I know that will never change. We have our happily ever after and it's going to last us a life time.
~*~
Duo closed his notebook and massaged his cramped hand. Wufei was away on a book signing and he had had time to write down everything that was bottled up inside of him. For years he had kept all these memories inside and Wufei was right when he said writing was a very good tension reliever.
He had read Wufei's newest short story and it had been a story of their love in his point of view. While it was good and everything had been true in there, he only had one point of view and Duo decided to write his point of view. Besides, he had been bored and the baby was asleep so he had nothing to do but write. It was summer break and he hadn't taken up a summer job at the school to stay home with Wufei and the baby.
Stretching like a cat, Duo flopped himself over onto his back and sighed happily as he felt his back crack into place. Gods, I needed that. He had been in the same position for such a long time his body was starting to stay like that almost permanently. And that would most certainly not be good.
Well, at least I finally finished writing. It's finally outta my system. Little wonder Wufei's love for writing rubbed off on me a bit. His husband was continuously in front of the computer or laptop just writing. That was all he did when an idea hits him and he *has* to sit down and write like a madman until at *least* half of the book is finished. And then there are the edits to get done... Both Duo and the baby knew how difficult it was to pull Wufei away from a project. But when they manage to, Wufei was always the most attentive and loving husband and father to the both of them.
Figuring it was time to go to sleep, Duo threw his notebook on to the floor with his pen following it. He turned off the lights and crawled into bed, happily pulling the covers over his tired body in hopes of some semblance of sleep until Wufei came home. He could never really sleep with Wufei away.
Closing his eyes, he dozed lightly.
~*~
Wufei smothered a yawn as he quietly opened the door to his and Duo's bedroom. The book signing had lasted waay too long for Wufei's convenience and he hoped he didn't have to go through another one of those. He hated being away from Duo and the baby for such a long time.
He smiled when he saw Duo's sleeping figure on the bed and quickly took off all his clothes and threw them into a corner before crawling into bed with Duo. His husband immediately turned around and wrapped his arms around him and they settled into their customary position.
"What took so long?" Duo asked sleepily as he rested his head on Wufei's chest.
"Too many people," Wufei murmured as he pulled Duo close and kissed his husband on the forehead.
"Told you, you were too popular," Duo complained.
"Oh, hush and go to sleep. I'm tired."
"Hmph. Good night, Wufei."
"Good night, Duo."
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The End! *sighs tiredly and falls back on to the chair, unconscious*
Finished: April 15, 2001
By: DragonMage
Notes: Oi... I know it has been a...while? I don't remember. But, um, I had to lurk for a while *shrug* Sooo, I'm coming back with loads of fics since I had nothing better to do! This is the companion fic to 'I Never Knew Love Till I Met You' and I hope you guys like it!
Pairings: 5+2
Warnings: AU, slight angst, slight language, sap
Disclaimer: I do not own the GWing boys
Duo's POV
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I'm a relatively happy person, or at least that's why people tell me. I mean, yeah, I try to keep happy and not let things bother me. In fact, I think I've been doing it for a pretty long time. I guess that would explain why, all of the sudden, all these emotions that I've kept locked up in a steel box has finally cracked and with it, I cracked.
All these years I've pushed back everything and locked it tight inside of myself. Occasionally I let myself feel sad but most of the time I push it back and try to go on in life. It was pretty easy in the beginning since you don't have much to really worry about when you're only a kid and being a kid meant having fun. It wasn't until when I got older did I realize that locking all these things up tight was starting to hurt me. Bad.
I felt bad all the time, I always felt like crying but I never could, I wanted to hurt someone or something to help release some of the emotion pent up inside of me, I contemplated suicide. So many different kind of thoughts would fly through my head when I'm alone and all I have for company are my thoughts. And those thoughts were never pleasant, by the way. They always hurt and I always wanted that pain to go away.
The pain I felt sometimes bit so deep I'm baffled as to why I'm feeling such a thing to begin with. Why did I have this constant pain? This constant ache inside of me? I was just a kid! Sure, I didn't have parents and I lived in an orphanage, but that never bothered me! I was okay! Or at least I had thought I was okay. I guess, around the age of 15, I realized that no, I wasn't okay and I needed help or I would end up doing something I would regret--or never actually live to regret.
Suicide was always on my mind and I'm a pretty dramatic guy so I get all sorts of thoughts in my pretty little head. I think about just walking out of class during a test or lecture and committing suicide on campus. Yeah! Give them all a show! At least I would leave this world remembered somehow, right? Right.
It's scary, really, what goes on in my head. I dream of so many different ways to end the deep ache of sorrow and pain inside of me. Maybe I could take some pills, slash my wrists and go to sleep. Someone would find me eventually and by then I'd be dead. Or I could just take pills and avoid the blood. I don't know; there were so many ways to end it so wonderfully dramatic. My morbid mind fed on these thoughts and I'd get caught up in the fantasy of my own death until the pain is just a dim reminder and all there is left is the drama.
But in the end the pain is still there and I still don't know how to make it go away. The tears never fall, no matter how much I wanted them to. I wanted to cry; I wanted the pain to be let out somehow. But I couldn't cry and that was the problem. I had no outlet for my pain and it was killing me inside. I honestly had no idea how to make it all better except to either kill myself or force myself to cry. Unfortunately, I can't manage the latter and the former is gonna take some guts to accomplish--something I really don't have despite all my daydreams.
Oh, but to make it all go away! Gods, that was all I asked for. All I wanted was this pain to go away, I wanted the tears to come. Why couldn't I cry? I wanted so badly to cry! To just let it all go and make it better...That was all I ever wanted! All I wanted was to make it better.
It didn't get better until I met him, my soulmate. He had been a new transfer student from a prestigious private school. No one had any idea why a rich boy like him would want to come to a public school, and honestly, I didn't care.
He was in my second period class. It had been one of those days when my depression really ate away at me. He came to class late because he had lost his way through the many hallways of our school. He came in all breathless with his long hair framing his face so beautifully. I just looked up from my thoughts and saw him standing there, quickly telling the teacher why he had been late and giving him his program card. I don't know if it was love at first sight but I do know that at that moment I had something better to concentrate on than my pain.
He sat right in front of me, actually and I could smell his light, fresh scent. His silky hair had been so inviting all I wanted to do was run my fingers through them, just to know how they felt. But I couldn't do that! That was crazy. Oh, but the temptation had been so great!
We didn't talk until the third day he had been there when he dropped a pencil and it rolled under my desk. I picked it up and gave it to him and he smiled his thanks. After class he had met up with me and we talked a little about the class before he headed off to his next class. That was the beginning.
We rarely talked during class since the teacher was constantly lecturing and we could do nothing but listen and take notes. We couldn't talk after class either since he was always rushing off to the next class.
But then, one day I got my wish, and we were partnered up for a project. I couldn't believe my luck! It wasn't in alphabetical order this time. Instead the teacher picked names out of a stupid hat and we had been paired off! I could barely stop smiling! I wanted to get to know him so badly! That was the first time, in a very long time, I didn't feel sad at all. In fact, I was elated at the fact that we were going to be able to get to know each other a little bit more.
He invited me over to his house and I was more than happy to jot down the address and go over there after school. Quatre had remarked on my sudden brightness that day and I was too happy to tell him why. I wanted the blonde to suffer. He was such a busybody sometimes. I didn't want him butting his little behind into my business until I was ready to have him butt in.
When I went over, I had been greeted at the door by a stiff looking maid who led me upstairs to his room. The mansion had an eerie feeling of loneliness to it and it gave me the shivers. In the orphanage there was never a period of silence except a bedtime, and even then there was some whispered conversations in the dark. Here, it was all quiet with only the occasionally muffled footsteps of the maids and butlers around the place. But when I went into his room, it was completely different. There was life and warmth in his room, a very clear difference from the rest of the impersonal mansion.
We spent the day going over the project and split the work so that we weren't burdened with too much. I really hated work but if working on this project meant I could get closer to him, I really didn't care. After we discussed everything, we just sat back and started talking about anything else that came to mind.
He had perfect English which told me he was born in America but his room had a distinct Chinese taste to it. There were Chinese scrolls hung on the wall and some small Chinese statuettes as well. Then there were the many, many awards and trophies on a beautiful case built just for them on one side of the large room. There were Oriental rugs on the soft, white carpet and some small vases on the drawers with an Oriental mirror hanging over it. It was easy to relax in that room. Everything about it suggested that he loved his room and wanted to make it as comfortable as possible.
Our meeting had to end sometime and I needed to get back to the orphanage before the nuns there decide to scold me for coming in late. I wanted the rest of the day to be happy with no scolding or anything like that.
We said our good-byes and made a quick promise to meet again tomorrow after school to really get started on everything.
I went home that day with my heart lighter and the world just seemed a lot better.
~*~
I didn't meet his parents until a week into the project and immediately I knew they weren't very nice people. Or at least that's the impression I got. He seemed to respect his parents but I could also see a bit of detachment when it came to conversing with them. His sister also had the hint of 'bitch' to her. I wondered how could such a person like him live with such people like this. It just baffeled me. He was so kind and so wonderful, yet his family was horrible!
We escaped to his room after a rather awkward meeting and I could barely hold back my sigh in relief. I really didn't like them and it was quite obvious they didn't like me. And I asked him why.
He was hesitant for a moment as he sat down on his bed and gestured for me to sit down as well. I complied and waited for his answer.
"They are not open-minded, Duo," he began slowly, obviously thinking his words through. "They aren't as accepting to certain things than I am because they came from China and China is a different world with a different way of thinking." He looked at me with pleading dark eyes, asking me to forgive his family's behavior.
I nodded. I understood. His parents were racists. Well, that wasn't really a surprise. Most of this country was biased and discriminating one way or another.
"Ah, well, why don't we get started on our project?" I suggested, hoping a change of subject would life the slightly dark cloud that had settled over on us. Ever since, well, yesterday, I had been determined to be happy. I wasn't going to let my emotions crush me. Not when I had him to make everything better.
"That is a good idea," he agreed in relief. His smile was beautiful and it was that same smile that kept me going through the day when I didn't see him and through the night, keeping the strange and horrible nightmares at bay. He was the light that scared away the darkness inside of me. I didn't think much of suicide anymore. In fact, I wanted to stay alive and in this realm because he lived in it and where ever he was, I was going to follow him. It was that day I became utterly devoted to him even though he didn't know it.
~*~
Long after the project had been finished we continued to stay friends and I would go over to his house almost every day after school to do homework or just hang out. Those weeks of friendship kept me alive and happy and so....Gods, I couldn't find the words to describe the happiness I found in his presence any better when I can now. He was my world! He made everything better and I loved him for it. It was crazy, but I loved him even though I was never sure if he could ever return the feelings.
So even though I was never sure he'd ever love me back--or if he was gay to begin with--I loved him and I was forever devoted to him. I wanted to please him, I wanted to make him happy like how he made me happy. I wanted to do everything to make sure he was okay. To know that he was happy made me blissfully complete. My life had never known any happier moments than those I spent with him.
"Duo, do you think..."
"What?"
"Do you think things will ever get better between me and my parents?"
I paused, looking up from the math book I had been working out of. I felt a sharp pain in my heart as I heard the pain in his voice. He was hurting and it hurted me.
"I...I don't know, Wufei," I told him honestly. He parents didn't look like the sort to bend over backwards to please Wufei. In fact, they wanted everything their way. I was surprised I was still allowed into his house after some rather stiff meetings while we were going to the study or kitchen. They weren't nice people and their dislike for me was very obvious.
"I don't know what to do about them, Duo. They--" Wufei suddenly stopped talking and he looked at me with an expression that I could only recognize all to well. It was the same ache I felt every day until I met him.
"What is it, Wufei?" I asked as I scooted closer to him on the bed. Oh, if only I could reach out and touch him! I could show him that I would always be there for him even though his parents weren't.
"I..." He sighed heavily. "You'll hate me for this."
Hate him? How could I hate him? I loved him with all my heart! I could never hate him. Of course, I couldn't tell him this. Instead, I looked at him and shook my head. "You're over exaggerating, Wufei. I won't hate you unless you..."
He looked at me. "Unless I what?"
"Unless you..." I couldn't think of a proper answer. I was at loss! I would never hate him. Even if he pulled out a knife right now and stabbed me to death with it I'd still love him. He could curse my dead parents, curse me and tell me that he hated me and never wanted to see me again and I would still carry that flame of love for him. Was this normal? I didn't know and I honestly didn't care. I loved him.
"Duo, my parents hate me because I'm gay," Wufei suddenly spat out furiously. He looked at me with pained eyes filled with fear or rejection or hate from me.
I stared at him in shock. He was...gay. I had a chance! Oh gods above, I had a chance!! My heart soared for a moment before coming back down, reminded by the fact that Wufei was hurting.
"Do you hate me?" He asked with a curious expression on his face, as if he was thinking of something he wasn't suppose to.
I opened my mouth and before I knew it his arms were wrapped around me and I was in his arms. Gods, I almost cried as I felt him kiss me, his lips on mine and his breath warm against my cheek. I clung to him and kissed him back, showing him just how much I cared for him through that kiss.
After a too short moment, he broke away, his arms still around my body and I was pressed against him. I noted that we fit perfectly against his each other's body. We were made for each other, I knew it! Please, God, let this be right!
"I love you, Duo. Please, don't hate me," he whispered brokenly as he continued to hold me.
I closed my eyes and finally gave way to tears. I could cry! After so many months of praying, I was finally crying. He gasped sharply and held me as I cried into his shoulder, wetting his shirt with my tears. I cried for such a long time I think he began to worry for my sanity. But after a while my sobs finally quieted and I was still in his arms, he had never let me go once.
"Are...you all right? Duo, did I do something wrong?" he asked fearfully. He was afraid. Afraid of what? That I'd hate him?
"No, no you didn't," I managed shakily as I leaned against him, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of his strong body against my own. "I just... I just never expected that." And it was true, it was so true I started crying. It felt so good! I can never describe how good it felt to know that I loved and it was returned, to be in his arms and know that he won't push me away. Gods, I have loved him so deeply it was near worship, and now I feel my heart filling to the very brink with happiness, relief and utter bliss.
"I do love you, you know? You were always there when I needed you and you're so beautiful," he whispered in my ear as he held me tighter. All I wanted at that moment was to never leave his arms. It felt so good to be in them. "You're so good and wonderful... I could never ask for a better friend..."
"I love you too, Wufei," I told him, meaning every single word with every bit of my heart and soul.
We just remained like that for the rest of the afternoon until it came time for me to go home. He gave me another kiss in the safety of his room before we walked downstairs and he saw me off. And as I walked away, I knew we would be together forever.
~*~
He took away my pain and replaced that ache with love, he made my world so much better. I loved him and I could never stay away from him. I went over to his house nearly every single day until we finally announced we were an official couple.
Needless to say, his family didn't take it well but he argued with them, fought them every step of the way to see me, and he never left me. He promised me we'd stay together forever and he never broke that promise. I can't say it was my fault his relationship with his family gotten worse because of me, it was always bad to begin with. But I do feel a bit guilty for making life more difficult at home for him. Sometimes he would stay over at Quatre's place or stay with me at the orphanage until he *had* to go home.
After one pretty bad argument with his family, I had tentatively suggested that we break it off to make his parents happy. This kind of rift between family shouldn't exist! I almost cried when I suggested it and I was very happy over his response.
"No, Duo. Don't you ever suggest that ever again. I love you! Do you understand? I love you and I will never leave you. I'd die first," he had whispered fiercely into my ear as I was crushed in his tight embrace. "Gods, never say that. I don't want that, Duo. I will never want that. You're my life. Without you... I love you, Duo."
I had closed my eyes and nodded and the subject had never been brought up again. I knew his decision and I knew nothing could change it. And I was damn glad of that! I couldn't lose him! Not ever; I loved him too much and vice versa.
My love for him never faltered and I knew that his love for me never faltered. We fought his family and society to stay together. We couldn't give up after such a hard fight!
The summer before our senior year was probably one of the best summers I've ever had. We drove down to the beaches in California and spent every single day together just having fun while living in a beautiful rented beach house along the beach. We went swimming, played volleyball, walked down the boardwalk, and ate anything we could eat. It had been wonderful.
The day before summer was nearly over and we needed to drive back home, he had made a beautiful dinner for us both and that was the night we made love. That had been one of the many happy days in my life I had from the day I met him. I had never dreamed making love would be so wonderful but it had and I never wanted to leave the place. But we had school so the next day we packed up and drove back in time for school.
When his family disowned him, I had thought that was the end of it. He was never going to see his family again and it was my entire fault! If only we had broken up he wouldn't have ended up in such a situation. I had been miserable but I tried desperately not to show it. He eventually noticed and he took me to the park. We talked and I had my worries settled and I spent my time trying to help him through this very difficult part of his life.
Everything seemed to work out perfectly for us. We went to the same college and lived in the same apartment. We studied together and occasionally go out on a date and sometimes end our nights with a bit of lovemaking. Life seemed perfect but it hadn't always been like that. Sometimes we had our disagreements but we had been willing to work it out and the disagreements never had enough life to actually do any harm. He had an incredible way of making up to me.
It had been our third year anniversary when he proposed to me. I had came home from a tiring day at school and work to find the house filled with candles and rose petals scattered every where. He appeared, dressed loosely in white silk pajamas with the shirt unbuttoned, revealing his beautifully defined chest.
I had been given a wonderful bath before he wrapped me up in my own pajamas and we had dinner. I had never expected, really. I never thought he had meant to commit just yet. I thought it would come later when we were out of college.
Naturally, I accepted and we married a year after we both graduated from college. I hadn't wanted to but I asked him to invite his parents. Family was important and I had hoped that after all this time they'd forgiven him and they could come to one of the most important times of our lives. Sadly--or maybe not--they declined. I had been furious when they did that. Couldn't they see past their ignorant and biased black and white world? I know it hurt Wufei some but he didn't show it. He's always been very strong through it all.
The second time we tried making contact with them was when we had our first child. We had mixed our seed together and had a surrogate mother carry the child. When we called them, they had been anything but happy. They had thought it was wrong and disgusting that two men had a child together. Again, I had been furious but Wufei had not seemed at all affected by it so I never bothered about it. We just went on in life and we never spoke with them ever again. They didn't deserve to be contacted. They were just a bunch of people who couldn't accept the truth when it slapped them in the face. I hated them for what they put Wufei and I through and I hated them for hurting Wufei.
I loved Wufei and I always will no matter what. He's my world, my life, my love and I know that will never change. We have our happily ever after and it's going to last us a life time.
~*~
Duo closed his notebook and massaged his cramped hand. Wufei was away on a book signing and he had had time to write down everything that was bottled up inside of him. For years he had kept all these memories inside and Wufei was right when he said writing was a very good tension reliever.
He had read Wufei's newest short story and it had been a story of their love in his point of view. While it was good and everything had been true in there, he only had one point of view and Duo decided to write his point of view. Besides, he had been bored and the baby was asleep so he had nothing to do but write. It was summer break and he hadn't taken up a summer job at the school to stay home with Wufei and the baby.
Stretching like a cat, Duo flopped himself over onto his back and sighed happily as he felt his back crack into place. Gods, I needed that. He had been in the same position for such a long time his body was starting to stay like that almost permanently. And that would most certainly not be good.
Well, at least I finally finished writing. It's finally outta my system. Little wonder Wufei's love for writing rubbed off on me a bit. His husband was continuously in front of the computer or laptop just writing. That was all he did when an idea hits him and he *has* to sit down and write like a madman until at *least* half of the book is finished. And then there are the edits to get done... Both Duo and the baby knew how difficult it was to pull Wufei away from a project. But when they manage to, Wufei was always the most attentive and loving husband and father to the both of them.
Figuring it was time to go to sleep, Duo threw his notebook on to the floor with his pen following it. He turned off the lights and crawled into bed, happily pulling the covers over his tired body in hopes of some semblance of sleep until Wufei came home. He could never really sleep with Wufei away.
Closing his eyes, he dozed lightly.
~*~
Wufei smothered a yawn as he quietly opened the door to his and Duo's bedroom. The book signing had lasted waay too long for Wufei's convenience and he hoped he didn't have to go through another one of those. He hated being away from Duo and the baby for such a long time.
He smiled when he saw Duo's sleeping figure on the bed and quickly took off all his clothes and threw them into a corner before crawling into bed with Duo. His husband immediately turned around and wrapped his arms around him and they settled into their customary position.
"What took so long?" Duo asked sleepily as he rested his head on Wufei's chest.
"Too many people," Wufei murmured as he pulled Duo close and kissed his husband on the forehead.
"Told you, you were too popular," Duo complained.
"Oh, hush and go to sleep. I'm tired."
"Hmph. Good night, Wufei."
"Good night, Duo."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End! *sighs tiredly and falls back on to the chair, unconscious*
Finished: April 15, 2001