Chapter 5
Hidden Truths
Liz paced around her room as she had been doing all night. It was around 3 o'clock in the morning and she couldn't sleep. She was plagued my the events of the preceeding day. To discover so many things in one day was just too much stress. She finally knew the truth about Alex. Nothing else seemed to matter anymore.
Liz sat on her bed and thought back to when everything started to come together. She was finally starting to trust Tess. She believed she was sincerely trying to make peace with the entire group. She should have never let her guard down. How could she have been so stupid. How could she have let that evil, deceitful bitch do that to Max...to Kyle. Why did she even care anymore?
"Kyle's my friend. He deserves better," she told herself flopping back on her bed. "And Max...he didn't deserve this. Even if...ugh!" she cried in disbelief.
She was doing it again. She was thinking about him. Every time she thought about it she blamed herself. "It's all my fault," she said in a wimper. "I pushed them together. Why didn't he warn me? He told me to get them together but she left anyway. The first time she left because of me. I was the cause. Who caused it this time? Alex? Max? Is this all happening because of me?" she began to cry. "What did I ever do? I deserve happiness." She stared at the ceiling as if talking to God.
"Why does it have to be this way?" she said in a whisper as she closed her eyes. A tear escaped her eyes and trailed down her cheek. She was miserable. "If only Max had never saved me. If only he would have let me die. None of this would have happened. He'd be allowed a normal life as would Michael and Isabel. Alex would be alive. Everything would be the way it should be. I wish he would have let me die," she said turning over and resting her tear-soaked cheek on her hand.
A thunderclap was heard in the distance as a howling breeze came rolling through her window. Is chilled the air in the room making Liz shiver. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing. She cried for Alex, Max, and herself. She cried for all of her friends who's lives she destroyed that one fateful day. The day her life had ended. The day it all began.
"God...please...if you're as merciful as everyone says. Please...let me die. I can't take the pain anymore. Why didn't you just let me die?"
She felt the bed sink on the side of her and a warm hand run over her cold, wet arms. The hand then went up to her hair and tucked some damp strands of hair behind her ear. She wasn't frightened. The touch was so warm and gentle. It was a touch she hadn't felt in a long time.
"Why didn't you just let me die?" she said in a teary but angry tone. There was no answer, just a touch. Liz turned back to lay flat on the bed. She peered into the darkness only able to see the outline a someone sitting next to her. A hand reached down and slowly brushed the tears away. The skin was so soft. It traveled all the way down and reached for her hand. She held it still and intertwined her fingers squeezing hard.
She felt a bolt of electricity as images began to fly past in her mind. Pictures of her. They were all pictures of her. Images of Maria, Alex, and her eating lunch under the tree just outside the school. Images of her laughing as Maria said something very Maria-like. Images of her and Maria laughing as Alex contorted himself into a pretzel. Images of her working at The Crashdown. Images of her death.
It hit her hard. She felt all the color drain from her face as she sat there watching herself get shot. She felt like she had died inside. She felt like she had never felt before. It was the most painful thing she had ever experienced. She ran up to her body and saw the blood pouring from her uniform. She forced herself to look. She put her hand over the wound and watched as it glowed.
"NO!" she screamed and tried to break the connection but the hand just squeezed tighter. She began to feel drained as the energy flowed through her body to push the wound back together. "Don't do it," she whispered. "Please...let me die." She felt a stab in her heart as she said these words. It was not her pain she felt, but his.
She felt worse than death as she raised her hand to see the bullethole gone and a thick reminence of blood covering her bare flesh. She felt so weak but at the same time she was the happiest person in the world as she saw herself look up and take a breath. She ran quickly out of the door and towards a light so bright that it blinded her. She was trapped in it but she wasn't afraind. It was so warm like the gentle touch that lingered on her fingertips.
She was bathed in light that was so pure and radiant that she felt like she was falling into him. She knew this light. It was his light. It was so caring but so sad. She reached out in front of herself and felt as if she could touch it. She stepped a little farther and saw herself sitting on the balcony with a man. It was Max. They were discussing something and Liz was at the brink of tears. Another step and she realized it wasn't Max but Future Max. She felt his heartbreak as he told her the had to find another way to break themselves up.
'How did this memory get in here?' Liz wondered. 'Oh no.' She felt the hand tighten around her as she threatened to pull away. It wouldn't let her go. 'No!' she cried in her mind and jerked her fingers away. He was seeing her. He could never see. She promised him.
She laid another minute and jerked up to a sitting position. She felt his hand run across her shoulders and she knew that he knew the truth. She felt it. She felt his warm breath on her neck and saw the shadow of his head move to meet hers. She felt the smooth skin of his forehead touch the side of her cheek. He was in anguish.
She wondered just how much he knew. Maybe he had only seen that one little piece and she could chuck it off as a dream. Maybe he knew everything. That thought made her stomach fall. She had broken her promise.
"Now do you see why?" his voice said against her hair. She could feel his warm breath against her cheek. She should have been frozen with the cold wind escaping the window but she wasn't. She was very warm. "If you had died..." his voice trailed and Liz knew what he was going to say.
"You would have died," she continued for him, her voice wavering.
She felt her face moisten and realized that it was his tears mingling with her own. He was crying. She reached up her hand and laced it through his hair pulled his face closer to her cheek. He pulled his mouth a short distance away from her ear and she could hear his labored breathing.
"I know, Liz," he whispered in a tone that made Liz want to curl up and cry.
"Max..." she began but was silenced with a finger to her lips.
"Shhh," he whispered in her hair and held her close to him. He just wanted to hold her. As much as he wanted to kiss her tears away, he couldn't do that to her. In the last 24 hours he had hurt her more than he had ever hurt her before. He had felt it with their connection. He wished he had connected with her sooner. He wished he had known how much he had hurt her. That was something he never wanted to do.
But he had hurt her. He had hurt her so bad that she wanted to die. Things should have never gotten this bad. He had told all those months ago that he believed in her and then he had betrayed her. He should have known that he could always trust and believe in her but he had been the one who couldn't be trusted. He had felt so hurt when he thought that she had betrayed him but she had saved him. He knew that now.
He thought back to the connection they had formed earlier. He had seen himself...an older version of himself. He was telling Liz that they had to break up or their future would be a disaster. He felt her pain as she tried everything to break them up but none of it worked.
Tears formed in his eyes at the pain she was in when nothing worked and she had to keep trying. Then the hardest part. She did the only thing that she knew would. She slept with Kyle...no, she pretended to sleep with Kyle. She had done it for him. It was all for him. He knew that now but it was too late. So he just held her. Held her while she cried. Held her while she breathed. He just held her. His arms were wrapped warmly around her body as she sank into him. It was a pefect fit. Like two puzzle pieces coming together. She fit into him. She was lost in him.
Max felt her relax in his arms and her body go limp. She was asleep and peaceful. He had missed so much. The scent of her skin. Strawberry. That's what she smelled like. Her hair. Her skin. She smelled sweet enough to devour and there she was peacefully asleep in his arms. There was something so angelic about her. She was willing to give up everything for him. She did the one thing that would kill her inside so that he could live the life she believed he should have but the only life he knew worth living was one with her. He wanted to tell her that but decided he'd tell her in the morning.
He took one last look at the delicate girl he held in his hands. The moonlight from her window danced across her skin glowing so brightly that it looked as if she were positively emmiting a light so pure and imminant that the heavens itself couldn't compare. She had the reminence of tears lightly splashed across her delicate feature that made her look even more beautiful and pure. He placed a kiss on each tear-stained eye then one lightly on her lips.
He had longed to do that since he had found out what she had done for him but this wasn't exactly how he had pictured it. He had hurt her so bad. He wasn't sure he could ever make ammends or fix things. Maybe this was how it was all supposed to be. Maybe he was destined to love her from afar and never experience true happiness. But Liz...she had done so much...for him. She deserved happiness.
'Maybe I should just let her have a life,' he thought and knew that letting her go and giving her that life would bring his to an end. For some reason he'd always felt a connection with Liz. It was deeper than any words could describe. It made him feel whole. It made him feel. He couldn't say that about anyone or anything in his life. Liz was special, he could feel it. They were connected now and always. He didn't care about the past or the future. Without Liz life wasn't worth living. If it caused his death in the future so be it. At least his life up until his dying day would have been something worth fighting for. Their love was worth fighting for.
He looked down towards her as she clung to him in her sleep. He carefully layed her down upon her pillow and pulled the covers over her cold skin. He laid there next to her holding her. He never wanted to let go. He thought of all she'd done for him and knew how much she loved him. He'd felt just how much she loved him when they touched earlier. He never thought he'd have he love, but he did. Completely.
She stirred beside him and was now facing him. She seemed so sad. He wondered what she was dreaming about. She nestled her face into his chest and he knew that there was no way he could leave. It just felt too right. He wrapped his arms tighter around her and drifted off to sleep while images of Liz danced through his head. He saw her crying over Alex. Crying over him. He never wanted to make her cry. Ever.
He felt lost in her. It was because she was lost. Lost and scared. He saw a future version of himself come to her and telling her of their future tribulations. She did it all for him. He'd only seen a small piece of it before but now he was seeing it all. She had given him all of her love and in return he had crushed her. His dreams were more like nightmares put Liz had lived through them. She had been consumed with these thoughts night and day and he never knew. He couldn't believe that she was this strong. He knew just how brave his Liz was but he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle all of this. She had the weight of the world on her shoulders and couldn't tell anyone. She was amazing.
And now she knew that he knew. He knew it all now. She had let him see it all through her dreams. She was so open to him even after all he'd put her through. If it took eternity he'd make it right. He knew he could. He'd die trying. A life without Liz wasn't a life at all.
Hidden Truths
Liz paced around her room as she had been doing all night. It was around 3 o'clock in the morning and she couldn't sleep. She was plagued my the events of the preceeding day. To discover so many things in one day was just too much stress. She finally knew the truth about Alex. Nothing else seemed to matter anymore.
Liz sat on her bed and thought back to when everything started to come together. She was finally starting to trust Tess. She believed she was sincerely trying to make peace with the entire group. She should have never let her guard down. How could she have been so stupid. How could she have let that evil, deceitful bitch do that to Max...to Kyle. Why did she even care anymore?
"Kyle's my friend. He deserves better," she told herself flopping back on her bed. "And Max...he didn't deserve this. Even if...ugh!" she cried in disbelief.
She was doing it again. She was thinking about him. Every time she thought about it she blamed herself. "It's all my fault," she said in a wimper. "I pushed them together. Why didn't he warn me? He told me to get them together but she left anyway. The first time she left because of me. I was the cause. Who caused it this time? Alex? Max? Is this all happening because of me?" she began to cry. "What did I ever do? I deserve happiness." She stared at the ceiling as if talking to God.
"Why does it have to be this way?" she said in a whisper as she closed her eyes. A tear escaped her eyes and trailed down her cheek. She was miserable. "If only Max had never saved me. If only he would have let me die. None of this would have happened. He'd be allowed a normal life as would Michael and Isabel. Alex would be alive. Everything would be the way it should be. I wish he would have let me die," she said turning over and resting her tear-soaked cheek on her hand.
A thunderclap was heard in the distance as a howling breeze came rolling through her window. Is chilled the air in the room making Liz shiver. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing. She cried for Alex, Max, and herself. She cried for all of her friends who's lives she destroyed that one fateful day. The day her life had ended. The day it all began.
"God...please...if you're as merciful as everyone says. Please...let me die. I can't take the pain anymore. Why didn't you just let me die?"
She felt the bed sink on the side of her and a warm hand run over her cold, wet arms. The hand then went up to her hair and tucked some damp strands of hair behind her ear. She wasn't frightened. The touch was so warm and gentle. It was a touch she hadn't felt in a long time.
"Why didn't you just let me die?" she said in a teary but angry tone. There was no answer, just a touch. Liz turned back to lay flat on the bed. She peered into the darkness only able to see the outline a someone sitting next to her. A hand reached down and slowly brushed the tears away. The skin was so soft. It traveled all the way down and reached for her hand. She held it still and intertwined her fingers squeezing hard.
She felt a bolt of electricity as images began to fly past in her mind. Pictures of her. They were all pictures of her. Images of Maria, Alex, and her eating lunch under the tree just outside the school. Images of her laughing as Maria said something very Maria-like. Images of her and Maria laughing as Alex contorted himself into a pretzel. Images of her working at The Crashdown. Images of her death.
It hit her hard. She felt all the color drain from her face as she sat there watching herself get shot. She felt like she had died inside. She felt like she had never felt before. It was the most painful thing she had ever experienced. She ran up to her body and saw the blood pouring from her uniform. She forced herself to look. She put her hand over the wound and watched as it glowed.
"NO!" she screamed and tried to break the connection but the hand just squeezed tighter. She began to feel drained as the energy flowed through her body to push the wound back together. "Don't do it," she whispered. "Please...let me die." She felt a stab in her heart as she said these words. It was not her pain she felt, but his.
She felt worse than death as she raised her hand to see the bullethole gone and a thick reminence of blood covering her bare flesh. She felt so weak but at the same time she was the happiest person in the world as she saw herself look up and take a breath. She ran quickly out of the door and towards a light so bright that it blinded her. She was trapped in it but she wasn't afraind. It was so warm like the gentle touch that lingered on her fingertips.
She was bathed in light that was so pure and radiant that she felt like she was falling into him. She knew this light. It was his light. It was so caring but so sad. She reached out in front of herself and felt as if she could touch it. She stepped a little farther and saw herself sitting on the balcony with a man. It was Max. They were discussing something and Liz was at the brink of tears. Another step and she realized it wasn't Max but Future Max. She felt his heartbreak as he told her the had to find another way to break themselves up.
'How did this memory get in here?' Liz wondered. 'Oh no.' She felt the hand tighten around her as she threatened to pull away. It wouldn't let her go. 'No!' she cried in her mind and jerked her fingers away. He was seeing her. He could never see. She promised him.
She laid another minute and jerked up to a sitting position. She felt his hand run across her shoulders and she knew that he knew the truth. She felt it. She felt his warm breath on her neck and saw the shadow of his head move to meet hers. She felt the smooth skin of his forehead touch the side of her cheek. He was in anguish.
She wondered just how much he knew. Maybe he had only seen that one little piece and she could chuck it off as a dream. Maybe he knew everything. That thought made her stomach fall. She had broken her promise.
"Now do you see why?" his voice said against her hair. She could feel his warm breath against her cheek. She should have been frozen with the cold wind escaping the window but she wasn't. She was very warm. "If you had died..." his voice trailed and Liz knew what he was going to say.
"You would have died," she continued for him, her voice wavering.
She felt her face moisten and realized that it was his tears mingling with her own. He was crying. She reached up her hand and laced it through his hair pulled his face closer to her cheek. He pulled his mouth a short distance away from her ear and she could hear his labored breathing.
"I know, Liz," he whispered in a tone that made Liz want to curl up and cry.
"Max..." she began but was silenced with a finger to her lips.
"Shhh," he whispered in her hair and held her close to him. He just wanted to hold her. As much as he wanted to kiss her tears away, he couldn't do that to her. In the last 24 hours he had hurt her more than he had ever hurt her before. He had felt it with their connection. He wished he had connected with her sooner. He wished he had known how much he had hurt her. That was something he never wanted to do.
But he had hurt her. He had hurt her so bad that she wanted to die. Things should have never gotten this bad. He had told all those months ago that he believed in her and then he had betrayed her. He should have known that he could always trust and believe in her but he had been the one who couldn't be trusted. He had felt so hurt when he thought that she had betrayed him but she had saved him. He knew that now.
He thought back to the connection they had formed earlier. He had seen himself...an older version of himself. He was telling Liz that they had to break up or their future would be a disaster. He felt her pain as she tried everything to break them up but none of it worked.
Tears formed in his eyes at the pain she was in when nothing worked and she had to keep trying. Then the hardest part. She did the only thing that she knew would. She slept with Kyle...no, she pretended to sleep with Kyle. She had done it for him. It was all for him. He knew that now but it was too late. So he just held her. Held her while she cried. Held her while she breathed. He just held her. His arms were wrapped warmly around her body as she sank into him. It was a pefect fit. Like two puzzle pieces coming together. She fit into him. She was lost in him.
Max felt her relax in his arms and her body go limp. She was asleep and peaceful. He had missed so much. The scent of her skin. Strawberry. That's what she smelled like. Her hair. Her skin. She smelled sweet enough to devour and there she was peacefully asleep in his arms. There was something so angelic about her. She was willing to give up everything for him. She did the one thing that would kill her inside so that he could live the life she believed he should have but the only life he knew worth living was one with her. He wanted to tell her that but decided he'd tell her in the morning.
He took one last look at the delicate girl he held in his hands. The moonlight from her window danced across her skin glowing so brightly that it looked as if she were positively emmiting a light so pure and imminant that the heavens itself couldn't compare. She had the reminence of tears lightly splashed across her delicate feature that made her look even more beautiful and pure. He placed a kiss on each tear-stained eye then one lightly on her lips.
He had longed to do that since he had found out what she had done for him but this wasn't exactly how he had pictured it. He had hurt her so bad. He wasn't sure he could ever make ammends or fix things. Maybe this was how it was all supposed to be. Maybe he was destined to love her from afar and never experience true happiness. But Liz...she had done so much...for him. She deserved happiness.
'Maybe I should just let her have a life,' he thought and knew that letting her go and giving her that life would bring his to an end. For some reason he'd always felt a connection with Liz. It was deeper than any words could describe. It made him feel whole. It made him feel. He couldn't say that about anyone or anything in his life. Liz was special, he could feel it. They were connected now and always. He didn't care about the past or the future. Without Liz life wasn't worth living. If it caused his death in the future so be it. At least his life up until his dying day would have been something worth fighting for. Their love was worth fighting for.
He looked down towards her as she clung to him in her sleep. He carefully layed her down upon her pillow and pulled the covers over her cold skin. He laid there next to her holding her. He never wanted to let go. He thought of all she'd done for him and knew how much she loved him. He'd felt just how much she loved him when they touched earlier. He never thought he'd have he love, but he did. Completely.
She stirred beside him and was now facing him. She seemed so sad. He wondered what she was dreaming about. She nestled her face into his chest and he knew that there was no way he could leave. It just felt too right. He wrapped his arms tighter around her and drifted off to sleep while images of Liz danced through his head. He saw her crying over Alex. Crying over him. He never wanted to make her cry. Ever.
He felt lost in her. It was because she was lost. Lost and scared. He saw a future version of himself come to her and telling her of their future tribulations. She did it all for him. He'd only seen a small piece of it before but now he was seeing it all. She had given him all of her love and in return he had crushed her. His dreams were more like nightmares put Liz had lived through them. She had been consumed with these thoughts night and day and he never knew. He couldn't believe that she was this strong. He knew just how brave his Liz was but he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle all of this. She had the weight of the world on her shoulders and couldn't tell anyone. She was amazing.
And now she knew that he knew. He knew it all now. She had let him see it all through her dreams. She was so open to him even after all he'd put her through. If it took eternity he'd make it right. He knew he could. He'd die trying. A life without Liz wasn't a life at all.