The song 'Cuckold' is not owned by us, it is owned by a very cool Melbourne band named Tripod. It is theirs, not ours. Enjoy. :)
Roger arrived home early, planning to surprise Mimi, since he'd told her that morning his band practice was going to go over time. They had been fighting a lot lately, even more than usual, so he had bought her some roses, to make things better. He decided to wait in what passed for a lobby in their building, expecting that Mimi would walk through the door any second. He waited. And waited. And then waited some more. But she didn't show up. He frowned. He even did a tap dance routine. But still, there was no sign of Mimi. He chewed on his bottom lip for a while. Where on earth could she be? Then, as lightning, it struck him. Maybe she was at home. After all, she did have an apartment in the building. He nodded to himself - he'd go upstairs and surprise her. He climbed the stairs quickly - because, after all, he went up and down them every day and they weren't exactly interesting to look at.
When he stopped he realised that he was standing in front of his own door. Out of habit he had walked too far. Feeling a bit stupid he turned around, and walked down to the floor below. He went to knock on Mimi's door before he remembered he had a key. And wasn't surprising people all about breaking and entering anyway? As quietly as he could he opened the door and stepped inside. He didn't call Mimi's name, because that would ruin the surprise. He carefully took off his shoes, reasoning that her floor was wooden and she might hear him. He glanced around the tiny apartment while he was doing so, but couldn't see her. He couldn't really decide if he should start looking for her in the bathroom or in the bedroom. While he was thinking he glanced down at his feet and discovered that he had a hole in his sock, and that his toe was peeking out.
It was then that he heard a noise coming from the bedroom. His brow furrowed - it didn't exactly sound like Mimi was asleep in there. He hesitated a bit before walking the few steps to the bedroom door, but if you couldn't disturb the privacy of your girlfriend, then who's privacy could you disturb? Opening the door softly he saw a shape under the covers. Suspiciously he ran to the bed and pulled the covers off. What he saw confirmed his worst fears. Mimi, as in Roger's girlfriend Mimi, was lying in bed with someone who wasn't Roger. Roger made sure he understood this before he did what any normal boyfriend would do. He called Mimi a whore and turned to leave.
And Mimi said what any normal girlfriend would do in that situation. "Roger, this isn't what you think!"
"Forget it Mimi. It's over. WE'RE over!"
"But Roger! Roger! He's paying me $500 and YOU GET HALF!! ROGER COME BACK!"
Roger was walking up the stairs to his apartment by that stage. He briefly considered what he could do with $250, but realised that the fact was SOMEONE WAS SLEEPING WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND and that was wrong. He nodded firmly as he reached the door of the loft.
The loft wasn't empty. Mark was there, and he got a huge smile on his face when Roger came in. Roger was too busy fuming to notice, though.
"Mimi and I broke up because she was sleeping with someone who, surprisingly, wasn't Benny, I'm fine and don't need a hug, I'm not hungry, I'm going into my room now to write a song and I'll talk to you later," Roger said before Mark could get a word out. He then went into his bedroom and shut the door.
Mark was left in the kitchen, looking more than a little disappointed that Roger didn't need a hug. Mark wouldn't have minded giving him one.
Roger, meanwhile was playing his guitar, deciding that the best way to release his anger would be to turn it into a song. "Hmm... 'I got home earlier than expected..' No. 'I wasn't late.' No. 'I arrived home early.' That has possibilities!" It was time to mention the evil cheating so-called girlfriend. "She didn't expect me... nah. She thought that I'd be late. Yeah, that's good. Now, what rhymes with early?"
Mark hammered on the door. "Roger, tell me the truth! Do you think I'm too girly?"
"Girly! Of course!" Roger exclaimed, hurriedly scribbling it down.
A muffled sob came from the other side of the door, but Roger was too excited to notice.
He quietly sang the few lines he had come up with so far. "I arrived home early. She thought that I'd be late, so my girly wasn't waiting at the gate." He smiled proudly. This was good. This was really good.
"Hmm, then what happened? I walked upstairs, heard a noise in her bedroom and got suspicious."
He bit his lip and stared up at the ceiling, softly playing his guitar. "I climbed the stairs, the stairs that I had climbed a hundred times before and there, I heard a noise behind the bedroom door." He stopped, and realised that he was a poet.
"A silent prayer escaped my lips as if I knew what was in store." Roger looked at his guitar in amazement. "Wow. That sounds pretty good!"
He continued, his voice rising in anger. "I, I tore the bed sheet off and there she was with another man, I looked into her eyes and then I knew.." He sniffed. Oh, no, he wasn't crying. Men don't cry. Especially not manly men, like Roger.
He sniffed again and tried to concentrate on the song. "I knew.. I knew.. what did I know? I knew I was alone... I knew I'd been cheated on... dammit, nothing sounds right!"
The phone rang and he raced out to answer it, knocking Mark over in the process, desperate for a distraction.
"Hello?" he shouted into the phone, ignoring Mark's whimpers for help.
"Roger?" Collins's voice said, sounding a bit surprised. "Are you ok?"
"Not really," Roger said, shaking Mark off who was desperately clinging on to Roger and trying to stand back up. "Mimi just cheated on me with some other guy and Mark's being a baby."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Roger," Collins said while Mark began to bawl. "Seems like you're a cuckold."
"What did you call me?" Roger screamed. "Great! First my girlfriend cheats on me, and then one of my best friends insults me! This is turning out to be a wonderful day!"
"No, no, no!" Collins said hastily. "I've been studying Shakespeare at this night class and we spent last night learning about words he invented. The word 'cuckold' means 'to be someone who has been cheated on.' I think it's a beautiful word, I'm so lucky you gave me a change to use it!"
"Oh ok," Roger said. "You're welcome I guess." He absentmindedly looked at Mark who was lying down, banging his fists on the floor, and tried the word out. "Cuckold. It is a pretty good word." He remembered his song. "Cuckold... It's exactly what I need! Thanks Collins!"
"You're welcome, too!"
"Hey, do you want to talk to Mark? I have to go write a song now."
Roger dropped the receiver onto Mark's hand and walked back into his bedroom.
Three hours later he came out again. Mark was just about to hang up the phone after spending these three hours describing the colour of Roger's eyes to a very bored Collins.
"Mark, go downstairs and get Mimi," Roger commanded. While Mark was gone Roger hung up the phone and invited Joanne, Maureen and Benny over. He then called Collins back so that everyone could listen to his wonderful song. He put Collins on speakerphone - Mark's mom had bought them a new telephone with all sorts of features in the mistaken belief that Mark might actually phone her occasionally if she did. Of course, he still never returned her calls and since the new phone had caller ID he just didn't pick up the phone when she called.
Roger stood on the kitchen table, because that was the closest to a stage he could find.
"I invited you all over here so that you could listen to my new song. It's called... " He made a pause for dramatic effect, "... Cuckold!"
"I arrived home early, she thought that I'd be late
And my girly wasn't waiting at the gate
I climbed the stairs, the stairs that I had climbed a hundred times before
And there I heard a noise behind the bedroom door
A silent prayer escaped my lips as if I knew what was in store
I, I tore the bedsheet off and there she was with another man
I looked into her eyes and then I knew...
I am now a cuckold, she cuckolded me
When your lover's loving someone else, a cuckold will you be
This cuckoldation has cuckoldafied me
And cuckodentally I'm cuckoldised by her cuckoldity
Cuckoldish me, life has taken on a cuckoldastic twist
I should have seen when I looked at her she was a cuckoldist!
I am now a cuckold, she cuckolded me
When your lover's loving someone else, a cuckold will you be
Her cuckoldastic tendancies have brought me to my knees
Oh please, I reminisce on my pre-cuckisious period
And these cuckoldatory things that make me most cuckoldic...
Ah cuck.
I feel like suck a cuckhead.
Roger finished with a flourish. "What did you think?"
There was silence. Finally Collins spoke up. "I'm not quite sure if you can use the word in all those forms."
"Oh, shut up," Roger said, slamming the phone down. He smiled sweetly at everyone else. "What did you all think?"
Mark's bottom lip started to tremble. "You write a song about Mimi, who just cheated on you. I've been your best friend for years! I've done everything for you, but have you ever written me a song? No!"
"Oh, shut up," Roger said, shoving Mark in a closet. "Now, what did everyone else think?"
The rest looked at the phone, which Roger had almost broken, then at the closed closet-door. They all spoke at the same time.
"Wonderful!"
"Amazing!"
"Best I've heard all year!"
Roger smiled proudly. "Well thank you, that means a lot to me."
When the others had left Roger decided to go down to a club to celebrate. Pulling on his jacket he headed out, shutting the door behind him.
In the silence of the apartment a faint noise could be heard, coming from the closet. "Roger? Roger! I'm sorry; I think your song was great! Roger? Let me out... please let me out?"
The very, very, very end!
Roger arrived home early, planning to surprise Mimi, since he'd told her that morning his band practice was going to go over time. They had been fighting a lot lately, even more than usual, so he had bought her some roses, to make things better. He decided to wait in what passed for a lobby in their building, expecting that Mimi would walk through the door any second. He waited. And waited. And then waited some more. But she didn't show up. He frowned. He even did a tap dance routine. But still, there was no sign of Mimi. He chewed on his bottom lip for a while. Where on earth could she be? Then, as lightning, it struck him. Maybe she was at home. After all, she did have an apartment in the building. He nodded to himself - he'd go upstairs and surprise her. He climbed the stairs quickly - because, after all, he went up and down them every day and they weren't exactly interesting to look at.
When he stopped he realised that he was standing in front of his own door. Out of habit he had walked too far. Feeling a bit stupid he turned around, and walked down to the floor below. He went to knock on Mimi's door before he remembered he had a key. And wasn't surprising people all about breaking and entering anyway? As quietly as he could he opened the door and stepped inside. He didn't call Mimi's name, because that would ruin the surprise. He carefully took off his shoes, reasoning that her floor was wooden and she might hear him. He glanced around the tiny apartment while he was doing so, but couldn't see her. He couldn't really decide if he should start looking for her in the bathroom or in the bedroom. While he was thinking he glanced down at his feet and discovered that he had a hole in his sock, and that his toe was peeking out.
It was then that he heard a noise coming from the bedroom. His brow furrowed - it didn't exactly sound like Mimi was asleep in there. He hesitated a bit before walking the few steps to the bedroom door, but if you couldn't disturb the privacy of your girlfriend, then who's privacy could you disturb? Opening the door softly he saw a shape under the covers. Suspiciously he ran to the bed and pulled the covers off. What he saw confirmed his worst fears. Mimi, as in Roger's girlfriend Mimi, was lying in bed with someone who wasn't Roger. Roger made sure he understood this before he did what any normal boyfriend would do. He called Mimi a whore and turned to leave.
And Mimi said what any normal girlfriend would do in that situation. "Roger, this isn't what you think!"
"Forget it Mimi. It's over. WE'RE over!"
"But Roger! Roger! He's paying me $500 and YOU GET HALF!! ROGER COME BACK!"
Roger was walking up the stairs to his apartment by that stage. He briefly considered what he could do with $250, but realised that the fact was SOMEONE WAS SLEEPING WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND and that was wrong. He nodded firmly as he reached the door of the loft.
The loft wasn't empty. Mark was there, and he got a huge smile on his face when Roger came in. Roger was too busy fuming to notice, though.
"Mimi and I broke up because she was sleeping with someone who, surprisingly, wasn't Benny, I'm fine and don't need a hug, I'm not hungry, I'm going into my room now to write a song and I'll talk to you later," Roger said before Mark could get a word out. He then went into his bedroom and shut the door.
Mark was left in the kitchen, looking more than a little disappointed that Roger didn't need a hug. Mark wouldn't have minded giving him one.
Roger, meanwhile was playing his guitar, deciding that the best way to release his anger would be to turn it into a song. "Hmm... 'I got home earlier than expected..' No. 'I wasn't late.' No. 'I arrived home early.' That has possibilities!" It was time to mention the evil cheating so-called girlfriend. "She didn't expect me... nah. She thought that I'd be late. Yeah, that's good. Now, what rhymes with early?"
Mark hammered on the door. "Roger, tell me the truth! Do you think I'm too girly?"
"Girly! Of course!" Roger exclaimed, hurriedly scribbling it down.
A muffled sob came from the other side of the door, but Roger was too excited to notice.
He quietly sang the few lines he had come up with so far. "I arrived home early. She thought that I'd be late, so my girly wasn't waiting at the gate." He smiled proudly. This was good. This was really good.
"Hmm, then what happened? I walked upstairs, heard a noise in her bedroom and got suspicious."
He bit his lip and stared up at the ceiling, softly playing his guitar. "I climbed the stairs, the stairs that I had climbed a hundred times before and there, I heard a noise behind the bedroom door." He stopped, and realised that he was a poet.
"A silent prayer escaped my lips as if I knew what was in store." Roger looked at his guitar in amazement. "Wow. That sounds pretty good!"
He continued, his voice rising in anger. "I, I tore the bed sheet off and there she was with another man, I looked into her eyes and then I knew.." He sniffed. Oh, no, he wasn't crying. Men don't cry. Especially not manly men, like Roger.
He sniffed again and tried to concentrate on the song. "I knew.. I knew.. what did I know? I knew I was alone... I knew I'd been cheated on... dammit, nothing sounds right!"
The phone rang and he raced out to answer it, knocking Mark over in the process, desperate for a distraction.
"Hello?" he shouted into the phone, ignoring Mark's whimpers for help.
"Roger?" Collins's voice said, sounding a bit surprised. "Are you ok?"
"Not really," Roger said, shaking Mark off who was desperately clinging on to Roger and trying to stand back up. "Mimi just cheated on me with some other guy and Mark's being a baby."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Roger," Collins said while Mark began to bawl. "Seems like you're a cuckold."
"What did you call me?" Roger screamed. "Great! First my girlfriend cheats on me, and then one of my best friends insults me! This is turning out to be a wonderful day!"
"No, no, no!" Collins said hastily. "I've been studying Shakespeare at this night class and we spent last night learning about words he invented. The word 'cuckold' means 'to be someone who has been cheated on.' I think it's a beautiful word, I'm so lucky you gave me a change to use it!"
"Oh ok," Roger said. "You're welcome I guess." He absentmindedly looked at Mark who was lying down, banging his fists on the floor, and tried the word out. "Cuckold. It is a pretty good word." He remembered his song. "Cuckold... It's exactly what I need! Thanks Collins!"
"You're welcome, too!"
"Hey, do you want to talk to Mark? I have to go write a song now."
Roger dropped the receiver onto Mark's hand and walked back into his bedroom.
Three hours later he came out again. Mark was just about to hang up the phone after spending these three hours describing the colour of Roger's eyes to a very bored Collins.
"Mark, go downstairs and get Mimi," Roger commanded. While Mark was gone Roger hung up the phone and invited Joanne, Maureen and Benny over. He then called Collins back so that everyone could listen to his wonderful song. He put Collins on speakerphone - Mark's mom had bought them a new telephone with all sorts of features in the mistaken belief that Mark might actually phone her occasionally if she did. Of course, he still never returned her calls and since the new phone had caller ID he just didn't pick up the phone when she called.
Roger stood on the kitchen table, because that was the closest to a stage he could find.
"I invited you all over here so that you could listen to my new song. It's called... " He made a pause for dramatic effect, "... Cuckold!"
"I arrived home early, she thought that I'd be late
And my girly wasn't waiting at the gate
I climbed the stairs, the stairs that I had climbed a hundred times before
And there I heard a noise behind the bedroom door
A silent prayer escaped my lips as if I knew what was in store
I, I tore the bedsheet off and there she was with another man
I looked into her eyes and then I knew...
I am now a cuckold, she cuckolded me
When your lover's loving someone else, a cuckold will you be
This cuckoldation has cuckoldafied me
And cuckodentally I'm cuckoldised by her cuckoldity
Cuckoldish me, life has taken on a cuckoldastic twist
I should have seen when I looked at her she was a cuckoldist!
I am now a cuckold, she cuckolded me
When your lover's loving someone else, a cuckold will you be
Her cuckoldastic tendancies have brought me to my knees
Oh please, I reminisce on my pre-cuckisious period
And these cuckoldatory things that make me most cuckoldic...
Ah cuck.
I feel like suck a cuckhead.
Roger finished with a flourish. "What did you think?"
There was silence. Finally Collins spoke up. "I'm not quite sure if you can use the word in all those forms."
"Oh, shut up," Roger said, slamming the phone down. He smiled sweetly at everyone else. "What did you all think?"
Mark's bottom lip started to tremble. "You write a song about Mimi, who just cheated on you. I've been your best friend for years! I've done everything for you, but have you ever written me a song? No!"
"Oh, shut up," Roger said, shoving Mark in a closet. "Now, what did everyone else think?"
The rest looked at the phone, which Roger had almost broken, then at the closed closet-door. They all spoke at the same time.
"Wonderful!"
"Amazing!"
"Best I've heard all year!"
Roger smiled proudly. "Well thank you, that means a lot to me."
When the others had left Roger decided to go down to a club to celebrate. Pulling on his jacket he headed out, shutting the door behind him.
In the silence of the apartment a faint noise could be heard, coming from the closet. "Roger? Roger! I'm sorry; I think your song was great! Roger? Let me out... please let me out?"
The very, very, very end!