AN: ** ... ** marks the letter

Chapter 2: The Request


"I what?," the vampire couldn't anything but stare at her incredulously. Then
he suddenly jumped up and began to pace the room. "You can't be serious about
this. Besides that I have no idea how to take care of a teenager, the girl
doesn't even know me." He stopped and stared at the witch again.

"I'm sorry I blurted it out like that," she replied a bit sheepishly. "It
wasn't meant to come out that way."

"Oh, that's a relief," he shot back, rolling his eyes and throwing his hands
into the air. "And it changes everything of course." He had to laugh, but it
didn't sound happy. Nice trap, Willow, really nice trap, he thought.

"Angel," she looked at him pleadingly, "I wanted to wait until ... until after
the memorial service tomorrow night. Anne will be there too, her name is Anne
by the way."

He ran a hand over his face and then gazed at her through narrowed eyes: "But
you knew it from the start."

"Yes," she admitted. "Buffy, well, she left a letter." Seeing his eyes, she
raised a hand. "No, it's not what you think. She wrote it six years ago in case
anything should ever happen to her or Anne's parents." She took a deep breath,
"She wrote it the moment she heard that Anne will become a slayer."

"What?," his voice was barely a whisper. "She's a slayer? Buffy's
grand-daughter is a slayer?"

"Not yet," Willow shook her head. "She hasn't been called yet, but," she
sighed, sure that he wouldn't like her next words. "She'll be called soon."

"How do you know?," his eyes narrowed even more.

"I, well," she gazed down at her folded hands and then back at him, "let's just
say I've developed some skills in the witch-department since your last visit."

"So you decided to take a quick view into the future?" He shook his head in
disbelief.

"I did," she admitted. "I know, I know it's not a good idea, but now it's done.
I did it for Buffy. When we knew Anne would be the slayer she wanted to
know. And so I ... tried to help her. After that she wrote the letter. It's
addressed to you, but I know the basic contents. At least everything that's
about Anne."

Suddenly feeling very weak Angel sat down again. Leaning his head back, his
eyes closed he said, "Where is it?"

"What?"

"The letter?"

"Oh," Willow stood up with almost youthful grace. "I've taken care of it. Do
you want to read it now?"

"Yes," he nodded opening his eyes again. "I really would like to."

"Okay."

As soon as she'd left the room, Angel's thought began to race. This was
madness, sheer madness. And he'd thought falling in love with a slayer was bad,
but this was so much worse. Now he was meant to take care of another slayer and
it was Buffy's grand-child by all means. He couldn't do it. He simply couldn't
and yet knew that he would because Buffy wanted him to do it. He'd never been
able to not give in to her wishes. For her he'd even been able to pretend being
Angelus again.

He didn't want to do this. How would the girl look? Would she have Buffy's
mouth, her eyes? Or would she have no resemblance at all? That would be the
best he decided. Just to think he would have to live with a daily reminder of his love. The thought was pure agony. But maybe it was another plot the PTB had
cooked up for him. Making amends, he snorted inwardly, to be an ensouled
vampire really sucked.

He looked up when he saw Willow coming back into the room, holding the letter
in her hand. "I'm leaving you alone with it. It's late anyway." She smiled. "I've made you a bed in the basement. Just go down the stairs. There's little fridge down there with blood stored." Seeing his puzzled gaze she grinned, "Spike's staying here from time to time."

"Spike," he echoed baffled. "How is he?," he asked almost against his will.

"Well." She shrugged. "He's Spike. He can take care of himself. He even found
Dru and kicked her ass." She had to laugh, "Their love wasn't that eternal after all."

"Yeah," Angel replied but his eyes were focused on the letter.

"Oh," she handed it over. "Sleep tight, Angel. See you in the morning. This
house is vampire proof, I will keep the blinds shut. I'm used to it, Spike and
all." She shrugged again and then left the room.

Angel sat for a while, staring at the folded paper in his hands. Words from
Buffy, he thought. Words she had for him. Blinking rapidly to prevent the tears
from falling he unfolded the letter and began to read.


**
My beloved Angel,

when you read this letter I will be gone. And now I'm stuck. I don't know how
to continue. How does a 74 year old ex-slayer write a last letter to her vampiric ex-lover. No you aren't my ex-lover although you technically are. You were and are the true love of my life. Fate was against us, but we had some wonderful moments and I've cherished those memories my whole life.

Shortly before he died Giles told me that he always admired you for the
strength to let me go and live. I've never thanked you for it, but I do now. When you left I was so hurt and angry, that I couldn't understand, but I can now. I knew what you gave up, because there was nothing to fill the gap I left in your life. I had a life before me. Granted, it wasn't the average life of the average American woman, but still there was one.

It was a fault to marry Riley. But you already know that, you were there. I
can't even begin to imagine what it cost you to stay near me, see me marrying
other men, dating other men, making love to them or carrying their children.
At the beginning I didn't even care. I thought it was your own fault and maybe
to hurt you I married Riley. It was a complete disaster, but I'm glad he gave
me two children. Two children I loved, two children who are dead now. I don't
even know if you heard about it. They died in a car accident - together. They
were on their way to see their dying father. When it happened I understood for
the first time what it meant for you to always stay behind the ones you love.

No mother should have to bury her children. It's the most horrible thing one
can imagine. For that I'm glad now that my mother died so early. With my job as
the slayer she might have gone through the same. She must have been scared to
death night after night when I went out hunting demons.

Brian wasn't a fault. I loved him. I really did. As far as it was possible for
the fact that he wasn't you. There's a place deep inside of me that has only
been touched once. Sometimes I think you weren't the only one to lose his soul
that night. Maybe we lost them in each other. I like to think that way, because
it comforts me. I don't know if you understand it, but I hope you do. **

Angel put the letter down for a moment and closed his eyes. He had given up to
keep the tears from falling. 40 years away from her and he still loved her like
he did the first moment he saw her. She was dead now and yet alive in every
cell of his body. He had to take some deep breaths to steady himself, to prevent
himself from cracking with all the emotions rushing onto him. Slowly he lowered
his head again to continue reading.

**
But enough with all this. There's something I have to ask of you. Maybe it's
too much, but there isn't anyone else. Willow's getting old and Faith, well,
she's a wonderful daughter, but has inherited a bit too much from her Granny.
She's too much like my mom to be of any help. And I SO do not trust Spike. He
never got his chip removed do you know and he even tried to tell me he loved me.
Imagine me laughing right now. He's certainly the most fucked up vampire I've
ever met. Sorry, for the language, my daughter would have a fit at that.

But there's Anne. She's Faith's daughter, my grand-child. I really have a
grand-child. It's so amazing. It's real miracle. She's wonderful and smart and
sometimes a real pain in the ass, just a teenager. She isn't even 12 yet. I
wish for her always to be happy, but it won't be that way. The thing I've always
feared for my daughters has now happened to my beloved grand-daughter. No, not
yet, but she's going to be a slayer. On her 18th birthday she's to be called.
Willow helped me to find it out. Don't ask, just accept it. We know it.

And here's my request. I'm old and though I'm healthy and in good shape for my
age I won't last forever. I'm human after all. If anything should happen to me,
anything. Take care of her. She'll need someone to look out for her. I know you
will say now, that she'll have her watcher and that is true, but do we know
what he'll be like. Giles was pure luck, he was a wonderful man and I could trust him with my life, but we both know that most of them aren't like this. Imagine he's some stiff Brit who only knows the slayer -handbook. Some type like Wesley in the beginning. She wouldn't obey. She's too much like her Granny and as a result she would be killed, because she'd be the slayer nevertheless and all the demons will go after her.

You were the reason I outlived my slayer-duties. We both know it. Because I had
your backup and your love. She will need you. Maybe she won't be nice to you at
the beginning. I never told her about you, because I wanted her to keep her
youth as long as possible. I didn't tell Faith either. She was too small to
remember you and so we never talked about it. After I was retired I didn't see
a reason to scare her, although I took care my children always wore crosses
around their necks.

Willow promised - if she should outlive me - to help you with Anne. She'll do
her best to make her understand. Don't be afraid, Angel. You will like her. Who
couldn't. She's just lovely. And when she grows up she'll be beautiful. Well,
you will see her soon and know yourself. Please keep her safe for me.

One last thing. When I look or looked at my children there was only one regret.
That they weren't yours as well. I would have given the world to have a child
with you. But I will never regret that I love you. This love is something most
people never find. At least I don't know any. I know, Willow loves Oz, but it's
different. Maybe because it wasn't forbidden, but maybe - and I prefer that
version - because we had something very special.

I love you, my Angel.

Buffy

**

The letter slipped from the vampire's fingers, while the tears kept on falling.
And he had thought there weren't any left.

After a while they stopped. Too exhausted to move Angel closed his eyes. A part
of his mind realised that the blind's were closed and so he didn't fight when
sleep finally overwhelmed him.

End Chapter 2.