Chapter 13: The Resurrection
"Buffy," Willow's voice was barely above a whisper.
Angel let go of the demon and turned towards the shaking form of the slayer
standing in the doorway of the living-room. "How much have you heard?," he
asked, his voice sounding strained.
"Everything," she answered, her eyes never leaving Angel. "I was bored, because
patrol wasn't very exciting so I decided to come back. I was so happy when I saw
your car in front of the house. I wanted to surprise you so I used the
back-door." She shrugged and let out an unhappy laugh, "My luck."
"Buffy I...," Angel made a step towards her but she hold up a hand.
"No. Don't come near me. Don't touch me and never look at me that way. Better
you start now forgetting the whole thing."
"W-What?," Willow asked confused.
"You heard me. I refuse to live that way." Her eyes seemed to pierce into
Whistler's form. "Change it back. I served them for damned 25 years. They owe me. Change me back," she demanded. "There still has to be a lot of Anne inside here. I have all her memories, well, most of them. She isn't gone," her voice was urgent.
"Sorry, kiddo," Whistler sadly shook his head. "But that's just the
transformation stage. Anne's soul is gone already and settled. There's no way to
turn it back. Besides they wouldn't do it."
"Then I'll just refuse to work for them. Let the Armageddon come. I will meet
the first demon approaching me and do nothing to prevent him from the kill," she
said stubbornly and raised her chin. "Do you hear me?!"
"I did," the demon nodded. "But it won't change a thing. The soul of your
grand-daughter can't come back," he repeated.
"But you brought me back," she yelled desperately. "I'm here."
"Yes," Whistler confirmed, "but only because it was meant that way from the
start. Your soul was never at peace, never finally settled. It was kept in a
waiting state. That's why. Ask your friend over there," he pointed at Tara,
"she'll tell you."
Buffy's eyes flew to the old Wicca pleading to tell her the demon was wrong,
but she simply nodded. "It's true, Buffy. We already summoned Anne's spirit, it's settled. When Angel suspected...," she trailed off.
"You knew," the slayer whirled around towards her ex-lover. "You knew the moment
we kissed and didn't tell me. Oh," she threw her hands in the air, "that sounds
so familiar. Keep Buffy in the dark, don't tell her, make the decisions without
her, because she's too stupid to make them herself."
Angel, now back in his human form, shook his head, "That's not the way it
was...," he tried to explain, but was interrupted by Buffy's angry voice.
"Then tell me," she demanded, clenching her hands into fists and taking a
threatening step towards him. "Tell me why you didn't say a word. Why you made me miserable? Again!"
"What the hell should I've said," he shouted desperately, "What? Hi Anne, sorry
to disturb you, but you aren't Anne anymore, your soul has been exchanged for
Buffy's. What would you've said?", he took a deep breath and then continued
calmer, "Buffy, you were confused. Your soul had just returned. You weren't even
aware of the fact. I didn't understand it at first too. My body reacted
instantly, but I was too confused to understand. I desperately tried to suppress
the desire I suddenly felt for what I thought was Anne."
Buffy was too confused, too hurt, to listen to his pleading. Crossing her arms
she asked mockingly, "Oh, and I'm sure now you think it's not too bad, because
you've got me back, right?"
Willow stared at her friend with wide eyes, "That's not true," she said quietly.
"I thought you heard what we were talking. Didn't you hear Angel shouting at
Whistler."
"Keep out of this, Will," Buffy snapped. "This is not about you. Now Angel," she
fixed his eyes with her's, "can you tell me honestly that you aren't glad I'm
back." When he didn't respond, she shouted, "Answer me!"
He averted his eyes in shame and whispered, "I can't."
"That's what I thought," she snorted and then her eyes narrowed, "maybe you
already knew. I mean, maybe you could've been a little bit quicker the night Anne was attacked and stopped breathing. Maybe you could've saved her, but you
didn't."
"Buffy," Willow shouted in horror.
"No I didn't," Angel whispered, guilt almost eating him up. "I'm sorry," his
voice was barely audible now. "I couldn't save her and I'm sorry. So, so sorry,"
his voice broke. Then he looked up, his eyes searching Willow. The witch gasped
at the pained expression in them, "I'd better go now. She won't have me here."
"Angel, you don't have to..."
"No, let him go," Buffy interrupted angrily, her eyes cold as ice. "Nobody needs
him here, and I sure as hell don't want him. Once, only once I asked a favour
from you and you failed. Doesn't that tell you something about your miserable
existence," she shouted.
"Buffy, stop it," Willow shouted, "Stop it now! Angel didn't do anything to
deserve this." She turned towards the vampire, "Angel you...," her voice trailed
off. The spot were he'd been just standing was empty. The vampire had already
left.
*
Angel ran into the night. The pain piercing through him was worse than anything
he'd ever experienced. He'd thought nothing could hurt more than Buffy's death. But to face the disgust and hate in her eyes was so much worse.
There was nothing to defend himself. He had been meant to take care of Anne and
he'd failed. Only the fact that he was meant to fight beside Buffy in the final
battle prevented him ending his miserable existence here and now. An unhappy
laugh escaped his throat. He truly was disgusting. He hadn't saved a girl and
lusted after the soul of another in the same body.
He hadn't felt like this since the day his soul had been returned to him the
first time. Self-hatred was almost eating him up. Maybe this was his true
punishment for all the horrible things Angelus had done. Well whoever had cooked
up this for him had truly done a good job. It felt as if his soul was ripped into shreds. Obviously there was a lot Angelus could've learned from the Powers That Be.
*
Angrily the witch turned at the slayer, "Are you happy now? I know you're
confused and you hurt, but did you really have to do it? Didn't he have to take
enough already?"
"Oh, now you're protecting him?," Buffy mocked. "Yeah, well, he's really damned
attractive."
"Buffy," Tara shook her head in horror. "Do you listen to yourself? T-this is
d-disgusting."
"He was meant to protect Anne, wasn't he," the slayer demanded, "and he
failed."
"So did you when Jenny Calender was killed all these years ago, but none of us
ever blamed you for this." Seeing tears in Buffy's eyes Willow knew that for
the first time she'd broken through her angry shield, "It wasn't your fault
Angelus killed Jenny and it wasn't Angel's fault the demon killed Anne. You share the memories you said. So, try to remember. I'm sure he did everything to help, and tried everything to revive her, right?"
The slayer didn't say anything for a long time and then a sob escaped her
throat, "You're right," her voice sounded like the one of a little child. "Oh
God, Willow," her trembling hand flew to her mouth. "Oh God, what have I done?"
The witch stood up and embraced the slayer in her arms. "It's okay, Buffy.
Everything will be okay.
But the slayer pulled back, "No," she shook her head, "Did you hear what I said
to him. I practically accused him that he let her die deliberately. Oh God," she
whispered.
"You sure know how to press the right buttons," Whistler said after a moment.
"God, why do you two kids have to torture yourself like this. Can't you be happy
that you finally have a chance together?"
"Happy?," Buffy's anger was back in an instant. "You think I want to be happy
to live in my own grand-daughter's body? You think I will live happily ever after with my vampire ex-lover like this. Try again," she snorted. "I feel dirty. I feel like I'm going to vomit. Besides did you forget about the tiny little bit called happiness clause?"
"That's gone," Willow said quietly.
The slayer whirled around, her eyes wide, "What? What do you mean gone?"
"Angel told me. Only some weeks before you died he found a gypsy who altered
his curse."
"Oh, that's great," Buffy said sarcastically. "And so you thought, well, it's
sad and all but finally Buffy will be happy because she can now screw around with Angel. Newsflash Willow, it will never be that way. I will never, do you hear me, never use Anne's body for my own wishes. I refuse to buy my own happiness with her life. Apologising for my cruel words is one thing, but don't expect me to be happy."
Dermot cleared his throat, "Maybe we should all go and sleep now. We're all
tired and exhausted."
"Fine," Buffy sighed. "Let's go to bed, but I won't change my mind. Whistler,
tell your Powers that I will fight the Armageddon. It's against my nature not to
and after all I don't want Anne to have died for nothing, but that's it.
Afterwards I quit. And then it's my decision to live the way I want. Is that
understood?" With this she turned and left the room.
The remaining persons looked at each other, their faces more than only
concerned. After minutes of silence Willow said, "Whistler, what about Angel?"
"He'll be okay," the demon replied.
"How can you know," the witch wanted to know, "the way he looked I wouldn't be
surprised to find his ashes somewhere."
"He won't kill himself. He knows he's needed in the final battle and the one
thing that was always sure about the bugger was when it came to the little
slayer. He will do anything to keep her safe. Don't worry."
End Chapter 13.
"Buffy," Willow's voice was barely above a whisper.
Angel let go of the demon and turned towards the shaking form of the slayer
standing in the doorway of the living-room. "How much have you heard?," he
asked, his voice sounding strained.
"Everything," she answered, her eyes never leaving Angel. "I was bored, because
patrol wasn't very exciting so I decided to come back. I was so happy when I saw
your car in front of the house. I wanted to surprise you so I used the
back-door." She shrugged and let out an unhappy laugh, "My luck."
"Buffy I...," Angel made a step towards her but she hold up a hand.
"No. Don't come near me. Don't touch me and never look at me that way. Better
you start now forgetting the whole thing."
"W-What?," Willow asked confused.
"You heard me. I refuse to live that way." Her eyes seemed to pierce into
Whistler's form. "Change it back. I served them for damned 25 years. They owe me. Change me back," she demanded. "There still has to be a lot of Anne inside here. I have all her memories, well, most of them. She isn't gone," her voice was urgent.
"Sorry, kiddo," Whistler sadly shook his head. "But that's just the
transformation stage. Anne's soul is gone already and settled. There's no way to
turn it back. Besides they wouldn't do it."
"Then I'll just refuse to work for them. Let the Armageddon come. I will meet
the first demon approaching me and do nothing to prevent him from the kill," she
said stubbornly and raised her chin. "Do you hear me?!"
"I did," the demon nodded. "But it won't change a thing. The soul of your
grand-daughter can't come back," he repeated.
"But you brought me back," she yelled desperately. "I'm here."
"Yes," Whistler confirmed, "but only because it was meant that way from the
start. Your soul was never at peace, never finally settled. It was kept in a
waiting state. That's why. Ask your friend over there," he pointed at Tara,
"she'll tell you."
Buffy's eyes flew to the old Wicca pleading to tell her the demon was wrong,
but she simply nodded. "It's true, Buffy. We already summoned Anne's spirit, it's settled. When Angel suspected...," she trailed off.
"You knew," the slayer whirled around towards her ex-lover. "You knew the moment
we kissed and didn't tell me. Oh," she threw her hands in the air, "that sounds
so familiar. Keep Buffy in the dark, don't tell her, make the decisions without
her, because she's too stupid to make them herself."
Angel, now back in his human form, shook his head, "That's not the way it
was...," he tried to explain, but was interrupted by Buffy's angry voice.
"Then tell me," she demanded, clenching her hands into fists and taking a
threatening step towards him. "Tell me why you didn't say a word. Why you made me miserable? Again!"
"What the hell should I've said," he shouted desperately, "What? Hi Anne, sorry
to disturb you, but you aren't Anne anymore, your soul has been exchanged for
Buffy's. What would you've said?", he took a deep breath and then continued
calmer, "Buffy, you were confused. Your soul had just returned. You weren't even
aware of the fact. I didn't understand it at first too. My body reacted
instantly, but I was too confused to understand. I desperately tried to suppress
the desire I suddenly felt for what I thought was Anne."
Buffy was too confused, too hurt, to listen to his pleading. Crossing her arms
she asked mockingly, "Oh, and I'm sure now you think it's not too bad, because
you've got me back, right?"
Willow stared at her friend with wide eyes, "That's not true," she said quietly.
"I thought you heard what we were talking. Didn't you hear Angel shouting at
Whistler."
"Keep out of this, Will," Buffy snapped. "This is not about you. Now Angel," she
fixed his eyes with her's, "can you tell me honestly that you aren't glad I'm
back." When he didn't respond, she shouted, "Answer me!"
He averted his eyes in shame and whispered, "I can't."
"That's what I thought," she snorted and then her eyes narrowed, "maybe you
already knew. I mean, maybe you could've been a little bit quicker the night Anne was attacked and stopped breathing. Maybe you could've saved her, but you
didn't."
"Buffy," Willow shouted in horror.
"No I didn't," Angel whispered, guilt almost eating him up. "I'm sorry," his
voice was barely audible now. "I couldn't save her and I'm sorry. So, so sorry,"
his voice broke. Then he looked up, his eyes searching Willow. The witch gasped
at the pained expression in them, "I'd better go now. She won't have me here."
"Angel, you don't have to..."
"No, let him go," Buffy interrupted angrily, her eyes cold as ice. "Nobody needs
him here, and I sure as hell don't want him. Once, only once I asked a favour
from you and you failed. Doesn't that tell you something about your miserable
existence," she shouted.
"Buffy, stop it," Willow shouted, "Stop it now! Angel didn't do anything to
deserve this." She turned towards the vampire, "Angel you...," her voice trailed
off. The spot were he'd been just standing was empty. The vampire had already
left.
*
Angel ran into the night. The pain piercing through him was worse than anything
he'd ever experienced. He'd thought nothing could hurt more than Buffy's death. But to face the disgust and hate in her eyes was so much worse.
There was nothing to defend himself. He had been meant to take care of Anne and
he'd failed. Only the fact that he was meant to fight beside Buffy in the final
battle prevented him ending his miserable existence here and now. An unhappy
laugh escaped his throat. He truly was disgusting. He hadn't saved a girl and
lusted after the soul of another in the same body.
He hadn't felt like this since the day his soul had been returned to him the
first time. Self-hatred was almost eating him up. Maybe this was his true
punishment for all the horrible things Angelus had done. Well whoever had cooked
up this for him had truly done a good job. It felt as if his soul was ripped into shreds. Obviously there was a lot Angelus could've learned from the Powers That Be.
*
Angrily the witch turned at the slayer, "Are you happy now? I know you're
confused and you hurt, but did you really have to do it? Didn't he have to take
enough already?"
"Oh, now you're protecting him?," Buffy mocked. "Yeah, well, he's really damned
attractive."
"Buffy," Tara shook her head in horror. "Do you listen to yourself? T-this is
d-disgusting."
"He was meant to protect Anne, wasn't he," the slayer demanded, "and he
failed."
"So did you when Jenny Calender was killed all these years ago, but none of us
ever blamed you for this." Seeing tears in Buffy's eyes Willow knew that for
the first time she'd broken through her angry shield, "It wasn't your fault
Angelus killed Jenny and it wasn't Angel's fault the demon killed Anne. You share the memories you said. So, try to remember. I'm sure he did everything to help, and tried everything to revive her, right?"
The slayer didn't say anything for a long time and then a sob escaped her
throat, "You're right," her voice sounded like the one of a little child. "Oh
God, Willow," her trembling hand flew to her mouth. "Oh God, what have I done?"
The witch stood up and embraced the slayer in her arms. "It's okay, Buffy.
Everything will be okay.
But the slayer pulled back, "No," she shook her head, "Did you hear what I said
to him. I practically accused him that he let her die deliberately. Oh God," she
whispered.
"You sure know how to press the right buttons," Whistler said after a moment.
"God, why do you two kids have to torture yourself like this. Can't you be happy
that you finally have a chance together?"
"Happy?," Buffy's anger was back in an instant. "You think I want to be happy
to live in my own grand-daughter's body? You think I will live happily ever after with my vampire ex-lover like this. Try again," she snorted. "I feel dirty. I feel like I'm going to vomit. Besides did you forget about the tiny little bit called happiness clause?"
"That's gone," Willow said quietly.
The slayer whirled around, her eyes wide, "What? What do you mean gone?"
"Angel told me. Only some weeks before you died he found a gypsy who altered
his curse."
"Oh, that's great," Buffy said sarcastically. "And so you thought, well, it's
sad and all but finally Buffy will be happy because she can now screw around with Angel. Newsflash Willow, it will never be that way. I will never, do you hear me, never use Anne's body for my own wishes. I refuse to buy my own happiness with her life. Apologising for my cruel words is one thing, but don't expect me to be happy."
Dermot cleared his throat, "Maybe we should all go and sleep now. We're all
tired and exhausted."
"Fine," Buffy sighed. "Let's go to bed, but I won't change my mind. Whistler,
tell your Powers that I will fight the Armageddon. It's against my nature not to
and after all I don't want Anne to have died for nothing, but that's it.
Afterwards I quit. And then it's my decision to live the way I want. Is that
understood?" With this she turned and left the room.
The remaining persons looked at each other, their faces more than only
concerned. After minutes of silence Willow said, "Whistler, what about Angel?"
"He'll be okay," the demon replied.
"How can you know," the witch wanted to know, "the way he looked I wouldn't be
surprised to find his ashes somewhere."
"He won't kill himself. He knows he's needed in the final battle and the one
thing that was always sure about the bugger was when it came to the little
slayer. He will do anything to keep her safe. Don't worry."
End Chapter 13.