Chapter 1: O Great, Not Another Sucking Monster?!
"I'm late!
I'm late!" Placid Green shouted running towards school.
Another late and
she would get a detention, another detention and she would get a suspension and
another suspension and she would be screwed.
She sped through
the front lot of the school and headed straight for the front doors. She noticed that no one was around.
School must have
already started.
She ran into the
door, expecting to push it open but instead slammed into it, falling back on
the ground.
"Ow!" she cried,
lying on the floor in pain, her face red.
"Why didn't anyone
tell me it's Saturday?!" Placid shouted, storming into her house.
"You didn't ask,"
her younger sister, Rae-Ann said.
"Shut up, brat!"
she shouted, kicking at her and missing.
"Mom!" Rae-Ann
shouted.
"Placid, phone,"
her mother called from the kitchen.
"I got it," she
said, running into the kitchen after sticking her tongue out at her sister,
"Hello?"
"Hey, Placid, are
you still coming over to study?" her best friend, Jodi White asked.
"Study?!" Placid
whined, "But it's Saturday, Jodi, can't I have a day off?"
"Okay, if you
really don't want to," Jodi said, "Bye."
Placid hung up,
getting out of studying with Jodi seemed easier than usual. Maybe she was just getting smarter.
"Did it work?"
Charlotte Black asked once Jodi got off the phone.
Jodi nodded, "She
definitely won't be coming anywhere near us today."
"Good," Nina Brown
said with relief, "I don't think I can take anymore of her. We have to figure out a way to get rid of
her."
"But girls, Placid
is the leader," their imaginary black ram, Buck said to them, "You can't get
rid of her."
"There's no other
choice, Buck," Allison Gray argued, "She's incompetent."
"Irresponsible!"
"Idiotic!"
"Incontinent!"
They all looked at
Nina.
"I couldn't think
of any more bad 'I' words," she said shrugging, "So anyway, back to the topic,
what are we going to do about her?"
"There's only one
thing we can do," Charlotte said, standing up.
"What? Stand up?" Allison asked confused.
"Muwahahahaha!" a
sinister voice boomed in the dark office.
"Sir?" a young man
wearing glasses and a suit asked, turning on the lights, "Why is it so dark in
here? And why are you laughing
maniacally?"
"Sit down Egor,"
the man at the desk said, "I have devised yet another brilliant scheme to
destroy this city."
"That's great
sir," Egor said, "But why is it so funny?"
"Huh? No, I was reading this comic strip," he said
holding up the newspaper, "Anyway, once I'm done, this city and those pathetic
Zodiac Officers will be gone forever!" he pressed a button on his desk console,
"Vampyra, I summon thee!"
A buxom shapely
woman rose from the middle of the office floor. She was clothed in a skimpy black satin leotard and a flowing
black cape.
"Vampyra," the man
said, "Go and do my bidding!"
"Yes master," she
said bowing and then disappeared.
"Muwahahahahahaha,"
the man started laughing again, "Hahahahahaha-"
"Uh…sir," Egor
interrupted, "Did you tell her what exactly your bidding was?"
He stopped,
"Damn."
As the girls
argued about what to do over Placid, Jodi's compact started beeping.
"Oh no," she
exclaimed, "That's the Zodiac distress signal.
Another monster must have been unleashed on the city. We've got to get there!"
"Right, let's go
girls!" Charlotte said, running out of the room with the rest of the girls and
Buck behind her.
"Wait, what about
Placid," Allison said, "Should we call her?"
"No way,"
Charlotte answered, "We don't need her messing it up!"
"Come on Placid!"
Rae-Ann shouted, "Get out of the shower!"
"Give me a second
Rae-Ann!" she yelled from inside the bathroom.
As Placid ignored
her sister's insistent banging on the door, her blanket glowed softly as her
beeping compact lit up underneath.
Vampyra walked
down the streets of town, window-shopping.
She wasn't exactly sure what her master's bidding was so she decided to
get him a present.
Hmm, what would he
like? A tie, golf clubs?
As she was
thinking a young child bumped into her as she was running down the street.
"Help! Help!
He's going to kill me!" the young girl shouted.
"What's wrong,
little girl?" Vampyra asked, stopping to help.
"That man," she
said, pointing to the sinister looking man approaching, "He's going to kill
me!"
"Don't worry,"
Vampyra said, standing in front of the girl, "I'll protect you."
"Hold it right
there, you doom and gloom fashion victim!" a voice shouted from behind her
Vampyra turned
around. Oh great.
She sighed, "Not
that I'm eager to see you dorks, but at least you can help this little gi-"
"We're not going
to help you in any of your evil schemes to rob children of their innocence!"
the young woman in an incredibly short red police officer's uniform said, "I am
Officer Scorpio and I protect the innocent dreams of children!"
"What?" Vampyra
said confused, "That's great but-"
"I am Officer
Aquarius and I protect the free hearts of lovers everywhere!"
"Who cares?!"
Vampyra said throwing up her hands, "Listen, this girl-"
"You stay away
from that little girl," the one in green said, "I am Officer Taurus and I will
punish anyone who tries to take away the hopes of little girls like this one,"
she took the girl's hand, "Here you go, sweetie, back to your daddy," she
handed the girl over to the suspicious looking man.
"Wait!" she screamed
as the man dragged her off, "That's not my fa-"
"Don't thank us
little one," Officer Taurus said waving, "Just doing our job."
The girl in the
orange uniform waited impatiently, "Can I do mine now?"
"Oh yeah, sure,"
Taurus said, getting back in position.
"Right. I am Officer Virgo and I fight for true love
and evil fashion rejects like you who try to hurt the innocent really piss me
off!"
"What are you
talking about?! I wasn't doing any-"
"We are the Zodiac
Officers!" they said in unison, striking different poses, "And you are going
down!"
"Riiight," Vampyra
said, backing away, "Okay, I'm going to go now because you four are crazy."
She turned away
but was stopped by Officer Scorpio.
"Not so fast,"
Scorpio said, "Scorpio sting burn!"
Vampyra was hit
with a hot burning sensation as she fell backward on the ground.
"Hey!" she
shouted, getting up, "That hurt!"
"Taurus bull
charge!"
Then she was hit
with a blunt force that knocked her to the ground once again. The attacks weren't really that painful but
they were just annoying and a waste of her time. She rose angrily.
"Okay, fine," she
shouted, "If you bitches want to play rough…" she lifted her cape and shrouded
the whole area with darkness, blinding them to everything.
"It's completely dark!"
"I can't see a
thing!"
"Okay, can we stop
stating the obvious," Aquarius said, "Let's think of a rational way out of
this."
"Taurus bull
charge!"
"Ahh!" Virgo
screamed as the force of power hit her.
"Okay, Taurus,
shooting blindly into the dark probably isn't a good idea," Aquarius told her.
"I wish I could
use my light burst to get us out of this," Virgo said.
"Why can't you
Virgo?" Scorpio asked.
"Oh…I guess I
can."
The other three
girls face-faulted.
"My bad," she said
smiling, "Virgo light burst!"
The light
exploded, banishing the darkness and restoring their vision and clarity to them
again.
"Where'd she go?"
Officer Taurus asked, looking around.
"She must be on
her way to destroy the city," Scorpio said, "Let's get her!"
The girls raced
down the street on the hunt for Vampyra.
"There she is!"
Aquarius said, pointing towards the power plant, "She must be trying to destroy
the city using the nuclear power plant."
"Not if I can help
it!" Taurus shouted, "Taurus bull charge!"
Vampyra jumped out
of its path and the force hit the side of the building, crumbling a part of the
foundation.
"Do we have to go
over the whole shooting blindly thing again?" Aquarius asked.
"Stop right
there!" Virgo yelled.
"Okay, you
Officers are really getting on my nerves!" Vampyra shouted.
She flew into the
air, descending in the middle of them, knocking each of them down with sheer
force. The girls flew several feet
back, hitting the ground hard.
"She's too
strong," Scorpio said, trying to get up.
"We need help,"
Aquarius added weakly.
"Let's not even
try," Taurus said, "Let's just lie here until someone comes to save us!"
"Then lie no more,
my fellow Zodiac Officers!"
The girls looked
up, "Officer Aries!"
The pretty
long-haired blonde jumped down from the car hood, "That's right, I am Officer
Aries-"
"Oh brother,"
Vampyra said, leaning against a car in the parking lot, "Here we go again."
"I will right the
wrong of wrongdoers and protect the right of wrongdon'ters. I fight for truth, justice, love, healthy
eating habits and good self-esteem and you have just meant your worst
nightmare, you Buffy reject! Under the
auspice of the First House of the Zodiac, I will bring closure to your
villainous ways and deliver justice to those whom you have wronged!"
Vampyra flipped to
the next page of her magazine, checking out the new fall line. She looked up, realizing that she didn't
hear pretentious talking anymore.
"Oh, are you
done?" she asked, tossing the magazine aside.
"With you, yes,"
Officer Aries said, "I'm about to put the final nail in your coffin!"
"Yes, the vampire
insults, clever," Vampyra said dryly, "Well let's see if your bark is worse
than my bite!"
She lunged on
Officer Aries her teeth sharp for the sucking.
Aries leaped out of the way towards her fellow officers.
"Are you guys
okay?" she asked them.
"Fine," Scorpio
said as they got up, "Now let's dust this witch!"
"I'm a vampire,"
she reminded them annoyed.
"Whatever," Aries
said, "Aquarius, I need a distraction!"
"Okay, well, we
could make her think that Yoko Kanno is signing autographs at the store over-"
she stopped, "Oh, right, me. Yeah.
Aquarius water deluge!"
Suddenly the fire
hydrants burst and water rushed out at Vampyra at a great speed, throwing her
back. Officer Aries leaped in the air
with a Zodiac kick aimed at Vampyra.
Somewhere between Aries' foot and Vampyra's face, an obstruction
appeared and knocked Aries to the floor.
As the water
calmed down she looked up to see a distinguished young man in a suit standing
between her and Vampyra, leaning casually on his cane.
"What the hell?!"
she exclaimed.
"Three-Piece
Suit!" the other Officers exclaimed.
The young man
turned around, "Are you alright, Officer Aries?" he asked.
"Yeah fine," she
said, getting up rubbing her sore thy, "No thanks to y-"
"That's great," he
said, pushing her aside and turning back to Vampyra, "Only a cowardly villain
would exploit the radioactive treasure of a nuclear power plant to serve in her
deadly plot. How dare you abuse the use
of fission, the scientific hopes and dreams of lovers everywhere?!"
"What?" Vampyra
said confused.
"Yeah, even I'm
not getting that one, Three-Piece Suit," Officer Aries agreed.
"Well, it ends
here!" he threw a dandelion at Vampyra, which she easily swiped away and lunged
for them. Officer Aries dodged it and
Three-Piece Suit grabbed her and pushed her out of the way, causing her to slam
into the ground.
"Ow!" she shouted
slid against the floor, "Dude, chill out!
I was fine."
"I've had enough
of you!" Vampyra said, raising her cape.
"The feeling's
mutual," Officer Aries said, bringing out her magic baton, "Aries diamond,
crystal-"
"Officer Aries,
now!" Three-Piece Suit prompted.
"Yeah, that's what
I was doing," she said annoyed, before starting again, "Aries diamond, crystal,
heart, love, happiness, good stuff, honey-"
"Aries! Do it now!" the Zodiac Officers shouted.
"What do you think
I'm doing?!" she yelled back.
"What the hell is
going on?" Vampyra asked, "You kids really need to get your act together!"
Aries sighed and
started over again, "Aries diamond, crystal, heart, love, happiness, good
stuff, honey, flowers, long walks on the beach, redemption or destruction,
depending on the intent of the target, magic!" she shouted, aiming the baton at
Vampyra.
The beam of energy
from the baton hit Vampyra disintegrating her into nothing.
"Good job ladies,"
Three-Piece Suit said, "But never forget that nuclear power doesn't pose a
threat unless dumped into our rivers and lakes."
"Uh…ooookay,"
Scorpio said slowly.
"Thanks
Three-Piece Suit…I guess," Aquarius said with uncertainty.
They watched as he
left, "I'm not alone in assuming that Three-Piece Suit is gay, right?" Officer
Aries asked.
"Definitely not."
"He has to be
gay."
"He's such a nice
dresser."
"What took you so
long?" Scorpio asked Aries.
"I was in the
shower," she said, "Sorry guys."
"You're so
irresponsible!" Officer Scorpio shouted.
"What's your
problem, I'm sorry if I adhere to good hygiene rules," Aries shot back.
"Saving the city
is a lot more important that washing your ass!"
"Speaking off
asses, how would you like my baton up yours?!"
Officers Aquarius,
Taurus and Virgo all sweatdropped in embarrassment.
"They what?!"
"They defeated
Vampyra," Egor said timidly.
"Yes, I heard you
the first time idiot, it's just a thing we villains do."
"Oh, right," Egor
said sitting down, "So what should we do now?"
He leaned over,
resting his elbows on his desk, "I have a plan that will not only destroy the
world but those miserable Zodiac Officers as well."
"If you do, why
didn't you use it before?" Egor asked.
"Do you want to do
this?" he asked annoyed, "It's not easy, you know! You think you could do a better job, is that it?!"
Egor looked down
in fear, "No Mr. Mayor, you are the best!"
"That's right," he
said, rising from his chair, "Those Officers will learn not to screw with Mayor
Logy! Muwahahahahahahahaha!!"
"Can I laugh too,
sir?" Egor asked.
"Fine," he said
reluctantly, "But at a lower decibel than my laugh."
"Thank you
sir. Muwahahahahahaha!"
"And without the
'muwa'!"
"Sorry. Hahahahahaha!"
