-Nikira
Hihi all, chika894
here. Forget everything Nikira said,
this is hilarious (at least, I think so). It's not tasteless at all…okay, maybe a little but it's all in good fun
and that's what parodies are all about, right? There are some sexual connotations that might not be suitable for
younger kids and there is a same-sex relationship in here so if you can't
handle it, then you should bail out now…No one? Okay…I hope you like it!! J
"Aquarius water
deluge!"
"Virgo light
burst!"
"Scorpio sting
burn!"
"Taurus bull
charge!"
"Capricorn
boomerang bind!"
The combined force
of the four Officers knocked Katalina down to the ground, and Capricorn's
boomerang kept her down, but the feline femme fatale would not be beaten.
"Now Officer
Aries!" the five shouted.
"Yeah I know," she
sighed, "I've been doing this like everyday for about a year now," she twirled
her magic baton, "Aries diamond,
crystal, heart, love, happiness, good stuff, honey, flowers, long walks on the
beach, redemption or destruction, depending on the intent of the target,
magic!"
The beam of energy
hit Katalina and she screamed in pain but was not destroyed.
"What?"
"But-but that's
impossible," Officer Aries stammered, "My Magic Gemstone Baton always works,"
she said, "Maybe it's defective!"
"Maybe you're
defective, Officer Airhead!" Katalina spat, standing up.
"Maybe your mom's
defective!" Officer Capricorn shot back.
"Girls what are we
going to do?" Scorpio asked, "If the Gemstone Baton can't beat her…"
"We're screwed,"
Taurus finished.
"Wait!" Aquarius
said, "I have an idea!"
Officer Scorpio
looked back at Katalina who was still in close pursuit of them.
"Running wasn't
the idea I thought you had in mind, Aquarius," Scorpio said as they dodged
another Kitty litter bomb.
"Do you have any
better ones?" Aquarius asked as they turned the corner.
"Pick up the pace,
Officer Molasses," Officer Capricorn shouted, on the back of Aries, "Move it,
Placid!"
"Shut up before I
accidentally fall on my back, Rae-Ann!" her sister shouted back as they dodged
another bomb blast.
They turned
another corner and hid behind a dumpster.
"I think we lost
her," Aquarius whispered as all went quiet.
"We've got to
think of something," Taurus said, "This is the first time Officer Aries' final
attack didn't work."
"Could it be?"
Virgo asked, "Have the Zodiac Officers finally found an opponent that
is…unbeatable?"
"No way," Aries
said, standing up, "I won't believe that. We've got to talk to Dolly and Buck."
"Right," Virgo
said, "Oh wait…I have badminton practice."
"I think you'd
better recognize, girlfriend," Officer Capricorn said, "Badminton practice is
the least of your worries right about now. We've got a crazed cat on the loose who wants to tear us all a new one."
"Capricorn's
right, Virgo," Scorpio said, "What's more important? Saving the world, not to mention our lives or playing some dumb
game?"
"Great shot,
Allison!" her fellow teammate said.
"Thanks guys," she
said, preparing to serve the shuttlecock again.
She served and hit
it over to the other side where it was immediately returned after a few minutes
of play, she hit the shuttlecock and it flew out of the gym into the street.
"You hit Ali, you
get it," the other player said.
She sighed and ran
out to retrieve it. She saw a tall man
standing next to it.
"Uh…excuse me
sir," she called out.
The man turned
around and she realized it was actually a woman with a moustache.
"Oh, I'm sorry,"
she said apologetically, "I thought…"
"Don't worry I get
that a lot," the woman said smiling.
"Um…could you get
that for me," she said, pointing to the shuttlecock near her feet, "I hit it
out when I was playing badminton."
"Sorry, but I
don't touch cocks," the woman said, stepping aside.
Allison picked it
up, "I haven't seen you around here."
"I just moved
here, I'm an exchange student from a school nearby."
"An exchange
student? Ooh, from where? Italy?"
"Nooo," the woman
said slowly, "My name's Terry."
Allison shook her
hand and smiled, "Allison, nice to meet you."
"What are we going
to do, Dolly?" Placid complained, "Katalina's running amuck on the city and we
can't do anything about it."
"She's like way
stronger than us," Charlotte added.
"She must have
graduated from the LAPD," Rae-Ann said, "'Cuz she beat our asses down."
"I knew something
like this would happen soon," Dolly said solemnly, "Your opponents are getting
more powerful."
"That means you
girls will have to come into stronger powers to defeat your new enemies," Buck
said.
"Well how do we
get these new powers?" Nina asked.
"Reach into my
wool, Placid," Dolly said.
Placid reached in
and pulled out a shining jeweled pink billy club.
"This is the
Diamond Heartstone," Dolly said, "We wanted to give it to you when you were
ready. There's no time like the
present. You'll need this if you want
to defeat Katalina."
"What about the
rest of us?" Charlotte asked.
"Oh, the rest of
you will have to prove something in order for you to get your new powers," Buck
said.
"What?!"
"That's wack!"
Rae-Ann exclaimed, "We have to earn ours while Placid gets hers handed to
her?!"
"Just another perk
of being the leader," Placid said smugly, "Suckers!"
"Suck this!"
Rae-Ann said leaping on her.
"Rae-Dog!"
"Placid!"
"No you can't use
the Diamond Heartstone on your sister, Placid!" Buck shouted.
Dolly shook her
head. I hope these girls are ready
for the fight to come. They'll need all
the help they can get.
"Yeah, that'd be
really cool!" Allison said excitedly, "I'd love to hang out with you guys."
"Great," Sam said,
"Just-"
"Oh," Allison
looked down at her backpack as it beeped, "Um…that's my beeping thingie…gotta
go. Bye!"
Terry and Sam
watched her go, "That was odd," Terry said.
"Well that girl is
a little odd anyway," Sam said smoothing out her shoulder-length lavender hair,
"You know you can take that moustache off now, Terry."
"I kind of like
it," she said, "What do you think, lover?" she winked at Sam.
Sam's face
suddenly turned serious as she looked towards the shopping district, "I think
we have to go."
"Back for another
beating, kitties?" Katalina taunted.
"The only one
who's going to get beat is you, Katalina!" Officer Aries shouted, "I am Officer
Aries and will right your transgressions and conquer whatever evil plot you
throw my way. Under the auspice of the
First House of the Zodiac, I will bring closure to your villainous ways and
deliver justice to those whom you have wronged!"
"Oh perfect,"
Katalina purred rolling her eyes, "Just what I need. Another speech."
"Enough talking,"
Officer Scorpio shouted, "Let's take this cat back to the pound!"
Before the Zodiac
Officers could act, Katalina swiftly kicked them all back. They fell to the ground, landing on top of
each other.
"Whose foot is in
my eye?"
"Get your hand out
of my nose!"
"My head is in a
really uncomfortable position!"
"Hey girls!"
Officer Virgo called, walking up next to Katalina, "So where's that
milk-drinking monster we have to-"
Katalina punched
her in the face and she landed on the pile of the other Zodiac Officers.
"Nice going there,
Virgo," Scorpio spat sarcastically.
"Ow," Virgo
groaned, "My butt."
"Everyone get up!"
Officer Taurus shouted.
"Don't bother,"
Katalina said, throwing a litter bomb at them.
The girls screamed
as they flew in different directions, the bomb taking a severe blow on them.
Officer Aries
struggled to get up, "That's it," she said weakly, pulling out her Diamond
Heartstone club.
"Ooh, the Diamond
Heartstone," Katalina cooed, "My Master would love this." She pounced on Officer Aries, kicking her
and taking the club away. "I wonder how
you ended up with it."
"Hey!" Aries
shouted, "Give that back!"
"Yeah, that's going
to work," Officer Capricorn said, rolling her eyes, "Ask and ye shall receive."
"With the Diamond
Heartstone club in my possession, you girls are done for," Katalina said.
"All you had to do
was hold it and say a few words," Scorpio said to Aries, shaking her head, "You
didn't even have to earn it and yet you still screw it up!"
"And now to finish
you Zodiac brats off!"
"Leo lion's
glare!"
An intense beam of
light struck Katalina in the back, causing the Hearstone club to fall out of
her hands. Officer Aries snatched it
up.
Katalina fell to
her knees, "Ahh, what was that?!"
"Sagittarius love
pierce!"
The arrow went
through Katalina and she fell down, lying motionless.
"What was that?"
"Yeah, someone
just gave Katalina the tore up from the floor up," Officer Capricorn commented.
Two girls, one in
a gold Zodiac uniform and the other in light blue jumped down from the tree
they were on.
"We can handle it
from here," the one in gold said, "We're going to eat that pussy up and spit
her out!"
"Who are you two?"
Officer Aries asked.
"I am Officer
Leo," the one in gold said, "And this is Officer Sagittarius, my lover."
"Oh, okay," Aries
said, "Well-"
"Do you have a
problem with the fact that we're lovers?!" Leo shouted, "Are you uncomfortable
because we're lesbians?!"
"No, I just didn't
know who you were that's all."
"Sure, I bet," Leo
said angrily, "Well you six just stay out of our way, Katalina is way too
strong for you."
"Hey, we were
doing just fine on our own!" Officer Scorpio shot back.
"We could tell by
the way you were all on the floor with the Diamond Heartstone club in
Katalina's hands," Officer Sagittarius said.
"That was a minor
setback!" Taurus shouted.
"Come on, gang,
chill out," Aries said, "Thanks for your help Leo and Sagittarius, but we can all
work together. You guys-"
"Oh so we're guys
now, why? Because we're lesbians," Leo
shouted.
"No, I-"
"I've met your
type before Aries, you're a bigot!" Leo accused.
"What?!" Aries
said in shock.
"Oh Aries, why?"
Sagittarius said sadly.
"Really Aries, it's
the 21st century, times have changed," Aquarius said.
"Free your mind,
girlfriend," Capricorn added, "We can't all live in your cookie-cutter
lifestyle. Ya heard?"
"I am not a
bigot!" Aries shouted angrily, "You're just being dramatic, Officer Leo!"
"Right, because
all us 'lesbos' are drama queens," Leo asked, "Is that the stereotype you carry
around? While you call us dykes behind
our backs."
"What?! I don't even know you, I would never say
that!"
"Maybe if you got
to know us, Officer Aries," Sagittarius said, "We're all the same on the
inside, no matter how we live our lives."
"Don't waste your
breath on her, lover," Leo said testily, "People like her never change!"
"But-" Aries
attempted to protest.
"Hey, ladies, come
on," Virgo said, getting in between them, "Sure we have our differences. We say dick, you say dyke, let's call the
whole thing off, you know?"
"Testify sister!"
Capricorn shouted, throwing her hands in the air.
"So Officer Aries
is a gay bashing bigot, we shouldn't love her any less, just give her time to
change her narrow-minded views."
"I am not a gay
bashing bigot!" Aries yelled.
"Hey, you don't
have to be ashamed, Aries," Virgo said, patting her shoulder, "It's how you
were raised."
"So that's why you
never watch 'Will & Grace'!" Officer Capricorn said.
"It's on the same
time as 'Charmed'!"
"As much as we
would all like to work out your issues of hatred and tolerance," Virgo
continued, "I'd like to all call your attention to Katalina who is getting
away."
"Hold it right
there, Katalina!" Aquarius shouted as the cat woman tried to escape, "Taurus,
back me up. Aquarius water deluge!"
"Taurus bull
charge!"
The double assault
weakened Katalina, "I hate being wet!" she shouted.
"Hold her,
Capricorn!"
"On it," the
little girl shouted, "Capricorn boomerang bind!"
The boomerang
elongated until it surrounded Katalina, holding her tight.
"Sagittarius arrow
pierce!"
"Now Officer
Aries!" Sagittarius said, "Put aside your hatred for us and help defeat this
evil."
"I am not-Oh
whatever," she whipped out her club, "Diamond heart, power, light, goodness,
sugar, spice, everything nice, pink, roses, sunshine, perfect weather, music,
dream, crystal stone action!"
The powerful light
shone from the Diamond Heartstone club and eradicated Katalina.
"Nice," Aries
said, twirling the club around before putting it back on her belt at her hip.
"We work really
well together," Officer Scorpio said, "You two will make a great addition to
the team."
"Sorry kid," Leo
said, "But Sagittarius and I work alone."
"But-"
Leo and
Sagittarius walked away, disappearing into the city sky line.
"For the record, I
am a very tolerant person!" Aries screamed after them.
"Shut up, Officer
Loudmouth!" Scorpio yelled.
"Those idiots have
the famous Diamond Heartstone!" Mayor Logy shouted.
"Yes, sir," Egor
said, "What should we do?"
"Oh, I'll tell you
what we'll do," the Mayor said, leaning on his fingers, "We'll put an end to
the Zodiac pack for good."
"And they're
really cool, they go to college and they drive cars and-"
"Whoa, calm down,
Allison," Charlotte said, "These new friends of yours sound too good to be
true."
"They are, they're
awesome!" she gushed, "I can't wait for you to meet them…Oh, here they are!"
The girls turned
to see the woman wearing the moustache and the shorter one with lavender hair
walking towards their table.
Allison waved them
over, "Terry, Sam! Over here!"
"Hey…" Placid said
slowly, looking at the two girls, "Wait a minute…Don't Terry and Sam look a lot
like Officers Leo and Sagittarius?"
"But Officers Leo
and Sagittarius are girls," Nina pointed out, "Terry's a guy."
"What? No she's not, she's just a girl wearing a
moustache," Placid said.
"What are you
crazy?!" Jodi said, "He's obviously a guy."
"She is! And she's Officer Leo too!" Placid insisted.
"Right Placid,"
Charlotte said, "Because all gay people look alike right? Get over it."
"But-but-but-?"
she sighed and leaned back in her chair. Some days it was just better to keep her mouth shut. Maybe she'd go home and hang out with her
mom and Rae-Ann and watch some "Will & Grace".