Two hours, quite a few drinks, and a lot of bad singers later, everyone was pretty plastered. They were all kind of slurring their words and getting delusions of grandeur.
"You guysh, we could do that!" Ron said, actually tossing his arm over Draco's shoulder, their feud seemingly forgotten. "We could shing karaeoke!"
"Do it!" the girls shouted. After a small debate, Harry went up to the DJ and put in their request. Twenty minutes later, it was their turn. Dean, Seamus, Ron, Harry, and Draco stumbled up to the stage. For a couple of drunk guys, they had amazing composure once on stage. Draco took the mike and stood in front of the other four as he began his solo.
"Baby, baby, we can do all that we want, we gettin' nasty, nasty, we gettin' freaky deaky, uh uh uh. Baby, baby, we can do more than just talk, 'cause I can hear ya, hear ya, and I can see ya, see ya, uh uh uh. Baby, baby, we can do all that we want, we gettin' nasty, nasty, we gettin' freaky deaky…"
The rest of the guys came in on their part.
"Digital, digital get down, just what we need. You may be twenty thousand miles away, but I can see ya, and baby, baby, you can see me. Digital, digital get down, just what we need. If we can't get together naturally then we can get together on the digital screen."
"Well damn, it's a sex song," Ginny remarked. Hermione wasn't really paying attention though. She was staring at Ron, who was now singing a verse.
"…Bouncin' me from satellite to satellite, I love the things you do for me so late at night, you turn me on. It's like I'm right there next to you, yeah." Ron was staring right back at Hermione as he was singing. Harry was the next up for a verse part, and he looked down at Ginny as he sang.
"Can we get connected? I need some love and affection baby. I'll call you on the phone, and hope that I get through…"
"Yeah, if dad hasn't screwed up our phone yet…" Ginny muttered.
It was Ron's turn again. "…I get so excited when I'm watching girl, I can't wait to see you touch your body, girl, it's just me and you, so we can do what we got to do, yeah!"
Ginny turned to her left. "Hermione! I had no idea you two…you know…"
"No!" Hermione cried. "It's not like that, I swear!" she protested, turning a brilliant shade of magenta. It was time for another one of Draco's solos.
"Baby, baby, we can do all that we want, we gettin' nasty, nasty, we gettin' freaky deaky… baby, baby, we can do more than just talk 'cause I can hear ya, hear ya, and I can see ya, see ya…"
This time, though, Dean and Seamus had moved off to the side of the stage, where Dean was laying the Smackdown on Seamus. The crowd seemed to love it. A loud burst of cheers filled the air just as Draco finished. Two choruses later, the song was over. The crowd screamed their approval as the boys clamored down to their seats. Ron and Hermione were looking at each other with misty-eyed attention. Dean and Seamus announced they were going to the restroom ("To share a stall, no doubt," Draco mumbled), and Ginny went to order the next round of drinks. After a few sips from his martini, Ron managed to get up enough courage (or maybe that was just the booze talking) to sing alone. He told the DJ and returned to the stage, glancing at his friends as the intro began.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, give it to me now, give it to me now…" he held the microphone down to Hermione, motioning for her to repeat him. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, give it to me now, give it to me now…" she responded, rather embarrassed. Ron stood back up and launched into his song.
"I wanna li li li lick you from yo' head to yo' toes and I wanna move from the bed, down to the, down to the, to the floor. And I wanna, ah, ah, you make it so good I don't wanna leave, but I gotta kn kn know what's yo' fan-ta-see?!" Harry, Draco, and Ginny all looked from Ron back to Hermione in utter shock. Hermione was beyond scarlet. Like the others, she had had no idea what song Ron picked out. Above them, Ron had begun rapping, so they turned their attention back to him.
"…And if you like it in the club we can do it in the DJ booth, or in the back of the VIP. Whipped cream with cherries and strawberries on top, lick it, don't stop…" Hermione was looking positively mortified.
"…In a public bathroom or in back of a classroom, however you want it…" Draco seemed highly amused. Harry was looking up at Ron, amazed that he could even rap. By this time, he'd gone through the chorus again and was starting on the second verse.
"I wanna get you in a bathtub, with the candles lit, you give it up 'til they go out…"
"Oh, there was this really cool bathtub in the prefects restroom back at Hogwarts," Harry recalled.
"…How 'bout in the library on top of books, but ya can't be too loud…"
"Madam Pince would kick your ass if she caught you," Draco said. Hermione didn't look any more cheerful.
"Aw, c'mon," Ginny pleaded. "We know it's just a song, right?"
"Except for that time in the back of a classroom," Hermione thought. Meanwhile, Ron was really getting into it.
"…I wanna get you in the back seat, windows up, that's the way you like to fuck. Clogged up, fog alert, rip the pants and rip the shirt, rough sex, make it hurt!…"
The crowd, getting into it too, began chanting. "Go white boy! Go white boy! Go white boy!"
"Hermione, I had no idea you liked it rough!" Draco exclaimed. She looked sheepish.
"…What 'bout up in the candy store, that chocolate, chocolate, make it melt…"
"Well, okay, there was that one time we sneaked off to Honeydukes using Harry's Map," Hermione conceded. Ginny and Draco laughed. Harry looked a bit indignant that they had taken his map without asking.
"…Whips and chains, handcuffs, smack a little bootie up with my belt…"
"Lemme guess," Draco began. "You two broke into Filch's office to get the whips and chains hanging from his ceiling, right?"
"Of course not!" Hermione cried. "I conjured those up with my wand!" The others just stared at her. Finally, to her immense relief, the song ended and Ron came back down to them.
Ginny was looking a bit miffed upon learning of her brother and Hermione's deviant behavior. Hermione, meanwhile, was still pink. Ron was sitting very close to her, whispering something that made her giggle. Harry was flipping through a book of karaeoke songs, and Draco was saying something about Dean and Seamus still being gone. Suddenly, the bar was plunged into darkness, and a single spotlight focused on the stage. A tall girl was in the center of the light with her back to the audience. From what everyone could see, she was wearing a red leather catsuit and had her blond hair in two high pigtails. The song began, and with her back still to the audience, she sang.
"Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah." She turned and faced the audience then, and many people recoiled.
"Bloody hell!" Ron yelled.
"That's the ugliest girl I've ever seen!" Harry exclaimed.
"Damn, she looks worse than Pansy Parkinson!" Draco agreed. The girl had continued singing though.
"I think I did it again. I made you believe we're more than just friends. Ooh, baby, it might seem like a crush, but it doesn't mean that I'm serious."
"Is it just me, or are her boobs off center?" Harry asked. Ginny rolled her eyes. Of course, of all the places he could've been looking, Harry was looking at her chest. She had to admit, though, he had a point.
"Oops, I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game. Ooh, baby, baby, oops, you think I'm in love, that I'm sent from above, I'm not that innocent."
"Eurgh!" Hermione groaned. "I don't even want to think of that…*thing* being less than innocent." Ginny nodded in agreement.
"Um…I think her hair's falling off," Ron remarked. It was true. It seemed the pigtails were just a wig. The girl appeared to actually have black hair underneath, as a few strands were poking out.
"You guys, I hate to ask," Draco began, "but, does it look like that girl is…er…*bulging* where she shouldn't be?"
"Oh my god!" Ron exclaimed.
"She's a man, baby!" Hermione finished for him.
"Not only that," Harry said with a shudder. "I'd recognize that hooked nose anywhere…"
"Holy monkey!" Ginny shrieked. "It's Snape!" But Snape didn't seem to hear her.
"It's a wonder that wig didn't just slip off his greasy head," Hermione remarked. "I'll bet you McGonagall was the one who helped him into that catsuit."
"Eeeeew!" everyone yelled. By now, Snape was on the last chorus.
"Oops, you think I'm in love, that I'm sent from abo-o-o-ove, I'm not that…"
"TALENTED!" the students finished for him. Snape noticed that his wig was falling off, and that he'd been found out. Upon this realization, he bolted from the stage yet again, leaving the audience to laugh uncontrollably. Dean and Seamus returned to the table, sweaty and breathless, wondering what was so funny.
"Once again, I think Snape's performance merits a good, strong drink," Ron said. Harry went up to the bar and bought this round.