Quinn the Vampire slayer
Lies, half-truths and homework
(Morgendorffer Kitchen. Daria is at the sink, daubing disinfectant cream over her scratches, Tom is having his chest wrapped with bandages by Mr. O'Neill and Quinn is sitting at the kitchen table spinning a wooden stake.)
DARIA: I think it's time for some answers, Mr. O'Neill. What's going on?
O'NEILL: (sharply.) What do you mean?
DARIA: You know what I mean: vampires.
O'NEILL: Oh dear. (Calms down.) Nothing really. (Everyone stares at him.) Well, just a little. (Laughs nervously) I never actually saw one before tonight.
DARIA: How did you find out about them? (Quinn gets up and starts pacing.)
O'NEILL: I heard about them in college from a friend. (bt) There were some (sniffle.) disappearances.
(Quinn walks over to the microwave.)
DARIA: How do we find out more? (Quinn picks up the microwave. It moves easily, as if it weighed nothing.)
O'NEILL: I don't know. I lost touch with him after college. I believe Quinn is what he called a "Slayer"; someone whose calling is to kill vampires.
TOM: This is just incredible. I mean, vampires. (bt) How come this isn't on the news?
O'NEILL: People don't want to beleive in vampires. So they don't. It was the same way with the (sniffle.) disappeances. (Shudders.) (Quinn walks over to the refrigerator and lifts it up. Everyone looks at her. She puts it down.)
QUINN: What?
TOM: Wow.
DARIA: what he said.
QUINN: (Smiling) I'm like, really strong now. (she flexes a bicep.) I'm buff.
(Monique's apartment. Monique walks in.)
MONIQUE: Wakey, wakey, loverboy. Have I got some plans for you. (She walks over to the couch and sees that it's empty.) Damn it! Where did he go! (Looking into a mirror, we see the room being demolished as if by a poltergeist. Furniture is being flipped, papers are being flung, and a lamp is raised into the air and flung at the mirror, shattering it.) Aaarrrgghhh!
(Lane household. Trent walks out of his bedroom, wrapped only in a towel and walks into the bathroom. Inside the bathroom, he starts lathering his face up for shaving. he picks up the razor and finally looks into the mirror. He drops the razor.)
TRENT: Whoa. (He blinks several times and looks again in the mirror. Looking back is nothing. He picks up the razor and waves it across the mirror. In the reflection is just a floating razor.)
TRENT: Whoa. That was some bad stuff Monique must have given me. (Yawns.) I guess I'll just have to let it run it's course. (Thinks.) Course. Course.
We've had intercourse
but not enough discourse
I have no recourse
It 's time for a divorce.
TRENT: Cool. (Turns to smile at himself in the mirror then shudders at the nothing there.) Not cool.
(Morgendorffer Kitchen. Everyone is walking out towards the Living room.)
TOM: It may be better, to not speak up much about tonight. Wait for whatever the "official" explanation is and follow that. Is everyone agreed? (Nods.)
O'NEILL: Well, uh, you all should be safe here. I'll see you at school on Monday. (He leaves.)
DARIA: He's knows more than he's telling.
TOM: You think?
DARIA: Yeah.
QUINN: what are you talking about?
DARIA: Mr. O'Neill. He obviously knew more than he let on about what happened here. For instance, why does Mr. O'Neill have a crossbow? And wooden stakes?
QUINN: I don't know, but I got strong, I kicked butt and everything is ok.
DARIA: What about Jeffy? (Quinn turns away.)
QUINN: What about him? He died. (Starts walking up the stairs, her face not visible) Who am I gonna get to take me out tommorrow? I could ask Craig, but he just got that bad haircut. Peter would be ok except for that mole. James would work, but he works in fast food. Ewww. Michael will do it, and he hasn't taken me out in a while. That's it, Michael will take me out. (Looking down from the top of the stairs, we see Daria and Tom, both looking angry, while still facing away, Quinn's face is streaked by tears.)
TOM: How could she be so, so...
DARIA: Insensitive? Uncaring? Shallow? (sighs.) It's a gift.
TOM: Do you want me to stay? (Puts his arm around her).
DARIA: (Shakes her head.) No, We'll be ok. (She leans into his arms.) Drive carefully. (Tom leaves. Daria gets a determined look.) Let's find out about vampires and slayers. (She climbs the stairs, but stops when she gets to Quinn's room. She raises her hand to knock, but stops. She turns and enters her room and sits at her computer.)
(Mr. O'Neill's car. He's driving. He pulls out a cell phone and dials. His manner is completely different than the Timothy O'Neill we are used to. He has a look of confidence and his eyes are hard.)
O'NEILL: Everything is going according to plan. They know I haven't told them everything, but they believed what I told them. (Pause.) No, the hellmouth is not open yet. We'll have to be careful, the stars are not yet right. I will contact our inside person to get a status report. (Hangs up. dials.) It's me, report. (Pause.) You what! Didn't you listen to my instructions? The scrolls say a vampire born on the birth of a hellmouth will destroy us! (Pause.) No, it's not like you. It has a soul. It must be destroyed or all is for naught! (Pause. Harshly) What could you know of love? Destroy the abomination or I will be forced to take steps. (Hangs up.) I knew we shouldn't use her. (Bangs the steering wheel repeatedly.) Damn lovesick vampires!
(Quinn's room. Quinn is sitting on her bed, hugging her knees. She is surrounded by tissues and stuffed animals. Her face is streaked by tears.)
QUINN: (sniffle.) Did I love him? (pause.) I'm not even sure I liked him. God, am I shallow. (blows nose.) Why did I have to watch you die? What am I supposed to do! (She looks up and sees herself in the mirror.) What are you looking at? (Quinn picks up a stuffed animal and hurls it at the mirror. Normally, a stuffed animal will not break glass, but when thrown by a slayer, it will.) (Crash!)
DARIA: (Offscreen.) Quinn? (bt.) Quinn! Are you ok? (Daria bursts in, carrying one of her boots ready to throw as a weapon.) What's wrong?
QUINN: Nothing. (bt.) Everything. Why did this have to happen to me? (Quinn starts crying again.)
DARIA: I don't know. (bt.) (Daria sits on the bed and awkwardly puts her arm around Quinn's shoulder.) It'll be all right.
QUINN: It will?
DARIA: I don't know, but it sounded good. (bt.) I don't know what to do any more than you do. I do know that you are in a unique position.
QUINN: What kind of position?
DARIA: You have a choice. You can do something about this. And, I'll be there for you if you need me.
QUINN: (Quinn brightens.) I can, can't I. (She turns and hugs Daria. Daria's eyes get big and her face turns red.)
DARIA: (Gasp.) Quinn. (gasp.) Quinn! I can't breathe.
QUINN: (Lets go of Daria, who falls back on the bed gasping.) Oops. Guess I don't know my own strength. (giggle.) Sorry.
DARIA: It's (gasp.) ok. I didn't need those ribs anyway.
QUINN: what are we gonna tell Mom and Dad?
DARIA: Nothing but the truth.
QUINN: What! We can't do that.
DARIA: I didn't say the whole truth. We leave out vampires and use whatever explanation the newspaper gives for the attack. I'm guessing drug-crazed biker gang.
QUINN: If we tell the truth, we won't mess up?
DARIA: Exactly. you learn fast, grasshopper.
QUINN: Huh?
DARIA: Never mind.
(Under the Strawberry. The Master is pacing. Monique is sitting and fidgeting, looking nervously at him.)
MASTER: It is good that you came to me with this.
MONIQUE: It is?
MASTER: Of course. I knew I was not being resurrected because of my keen fashion sense. I knew there had to be an ulterior motive. Those who supplied the spell have plans of their own for the hellmouth. however, they must remove me first. (He touches the wall and it glows around his hand with a sickly, green light.) Even now, I grow stronger just by its proximity. Soon, I will be nearly invincible. They must strike soon. And the new slayer is to be their spear. (Turns to face Monique.) But not if we deflect it. (Pause.) Here is what you must do...
(A sparsely furnished living room. The phone rings. It is answered by a man.)
MAN: Hello? (Pause.) Rupert? Yes, it has been a very long time. (Pause.) Yes, I am still teaching here, if that is what you want to call it. (Pause.) Yes, intelligent company is always welcome. It will be refreshing to reminisce over a few beers. I look forward to seeing you. (Hangs up.) Hmm, Ripper is coming. Must be the vampires.
(The Master's chamber. He is sitting on his throne, hands steepled in front of him.)
MASTER: It is time I introduced myself to the new slayer. (He closes his eyes.)
(Quinn's room. She is asleep.)
(Quinn is standing in darkness. She is lit by a spotlight from above.)
QUINN: Hello? Is anyone there?
MASTER: (From behind Quinn.) Yes. (Quinn whirls around to see the master. He is sitting on his throne, his hands steepled in front of him.)
QUINN: Who are you?
MASTER: I am the Master.
QUINN: The master of what? (bt.) Vampires.
MASTER: Exactly. (He stands.) I have come to make you a proposal.
QUINN: Why would I want to do that? I'm supposed to like, kill vampires or something.
MASTER: Not if I'm not your biggest threat.
QUINN: Huh?
MASTER: (sighs.) I am not the one trying to destroy the world.
QUINN: The world? Why would anyone want to do that? There'd be nowhere to shop or be seen. (Shudders.) That's awful.
MASTER: Yes, well. I wanted to point you towards your real enemy.
QUINN: Sandi? why would she want the end of the world?
MASTER: No, not this 'Sandi' person. There is a group that wants the end of everything. And they can't get that while I'm still alive.
QUINN: But you're a vampire. You're already dead.
MASTER: Yes, but I got better. (bt.) Twice. (chuckles.) I don't want to try for three. Which is why I want your help.
QUINN: (Looking confused.) I don't understand. I wish Daria was here. She understands people like you. (Daria appears. She doesn't appear to notice the surroundings. The Master looks impressed.)
DARIA: Ooh, Trent! Ohh, Tom!
QUINN: Ewww. Daria. (bt.) Daria!
DARIA: What? Ohmygodyoudidntseethat. Where am I?
QUINN: In my dream. I need your help with talking to him, he's confusing. (Points at the Master, who nods at Daria.)
DARIA: Hello. What do you want?
MASTER: Greetings. I want to live. I don't want the world to end.
DARIA: So that means you're not a goth. (bt.) Who does want the world to end?
MASTER: The cultists who provided the spell to my vampires to bring me back. A side effect of the spell was to create a hellmouth.
DARIA: And a hellmouth is...
MASTER: What do you think.
DARIA: Oh. What does your death have to do with the end of the world?
MASTER: I am now an integral part of the hellmouth. The lock, if you will. While I am here, it cannot be opened. They want to open it.
DARIA: So you want Quinn to become the guard dog.
QUINN: Hey!
DARIA: It's a metaphor. (bt.) Very ironic.
MASTER: (Smiles.) I think so.
DARIA: How do we know you're not lying?
MASTER: You don't. But since it's in my best interests to gain your trust, I am willing to swear I will not lie to you.
DARIA: There's still that whole trust issue. If we don't believe you now...
QUINN: What about a contract of some kind. We each say what we will do and stuff.
DARIA: That works. With the right punishments for defaulting.
MASTER: Very well. (A table appears with a pen and parchment.) I agree to not tell you falsehoods.
DARIA: Of any kinds, including by omission.
MASTER: That is too broad.
DARIA: You're the one who needs protection.
MASTER: Anything you specifically ask about, I will tell you.
DARIA: Fair enough.
MASTER: And you agree to defend me and the hellmouth against all threats.
DARIA: Uh uh. This threat only, assuming it is real. Additional threats, on a case by case basis.
MASTER: Very well. (Time passes. The contract gets longer and longer, filled with exceptions and clarifications. The Master looks exasperated. Daria looks thoughtful.)
DARIA: All disputes go to binding arbitration?
MASTER: As you wish.
DARIA: Penalties for either party attacking or lying to the other?
MASTER: Death. You would accept no less and neither would I.
DARIA: (Gulp.) Ok.
MASTER: Let us sign it then. (A knife appears in his hand and he pricks his thumb with it. He presses it to the parchment, which now glows. the knife appears in Quinn's hands.)
QUINN: What do you want me to do with this?
MASTER: Prick your thumb and press it to the parchment. This is a blood oath, after all.
QUINN: Ewww. (Quinn closes her eyes and pricks her thumb.) Ow. (Presses her thumb to the parchment.)
MASTER: (To Daria.) Now it is your turn. (The knife appears in her hands.)
DARIA: Ok. (She pricks her thumb and presses it to the parchment. The parchment glows brighter. Each person now has a rolled up copy of the contract, tied with a black ribbon.)
MASTER: The deal is now binding. (The master's chamber. He opens his eyes. He is holding the rolled up parchment. He smiles.) Perfect.
(Splitscreen: Daria's and Quinn's bedrooms. They both sit up suddenly. Each is holding a rolled up parchment.)
BOTH: Eap! (They both get up and run out of their room. They run into each other in the hall.)
QUINN: That was real?
BOTH: (They both look at the parchment in their hands and the fresh prick on their thumbs.) Eap!
DARIA: I am officially weirded out. Dreams, blood oaths. What next?
QUINN: How did you know what to put in the contract?
DARIA: Look at it. (Quinn open it up, and starts to read.)
QUINN: I know I've read this before. Where, (bt.) You didn't?
DARIA: I did.
QUINN: This is almost exactly the family constitution.
DARIA: Exactly. We know the ins and outs. He doesn't. Also, there aren't many loopholes left.
(Sunday morning. Lane residence. Trent's room. The sun is slowly creeping along the floor towards Trent's hand that is hanging off the bed. The light touches Trent's hand and starts to smoke. Trent jerks back his arm and sits bolt upright.)
TRENT: Yeoowwtch! (He takes his finger and looks at it. A small trail of smoke is coming off of his finger. He stares, wide eyed at it for a few moments.)
JANE: (v.o.) Trent? Did you fall out of bed again?
TRENT: Uh, (bt.) Yeah. Whoa. What did she do to me? (He gets up, carefully avoiding the sunbeam, and reaches out to close the blinds. The cord is in sun. He darts his hand out and grabs the cord, closing the blinds.)
TRENT: This is not cool. (Trent gets up and walks into the bathroom. He looks in the mirror tentatively, still not seeing his reflection.) Damn. (He washes his hand and puts a band-aid on it.) What did you do to me?
(Sunday morning. Morgendorffer Residence. Daria is reading the paper. On the front page, in 72 point type is the words 'Drug-Crazed Bikers Roar through Lawndale!'.)
DARIA: It was worse than I thought. 17 dead and 50 wounded. We were damned lucky.
QUINN: (v.o.) Talking to yourself?
DARIA: Better conversation than most. Look at this? (She hands the paper to Quinn. Quinn's jaw drops.)
QUINN: 'Drug-Crazed Bikers'?
DARIA: Mr. O'Neill was right for once. If we stick with this story, we should be ok.
(Tom's house. Tom is walking down the stairs slowly, obviously in pain. Tom's mother walks by.)
KAY: Tom? what's wrong?
TOM: You should see the other guy. (bt.) I was hit by the one of the bikers who roared through town last night.
KAY: You could have been killed! (she runs over and hugs him. his face contorts in agony.)
TOM: Aaah! (bt.) Ribs.
KAY: Oh dear! You're going to the doctor's, now.
TOM: It could have been worse. It could have been vampires.
KAY: Be serious! Was anyone else hurt?
TOM: Daria got thrown into a rosebush. She's all scratched up but otherwise is fine.
KAY: Well, that's good. How did her parents react?
TOM: I don't know. They weren't back yet when I dropped her off.
(Outside Casa Lane. Daria knocks on the door. Jane opens the door.)
JANE: Mmmmrrpph?
DARIA: Haven't had your coffee yet? Make it a double. You're going to need it. We're doing research today. (They walk into the kitchen.)
JANE: (Drinks.) Nectar of the gods. Research? What's up? What happened to you? (Jane points at the scratches on Daria's face, arms and legs)
DARIA: You should see the rosebush. I got tossed into it by a vampire.
(Outside the Kitchen, Trent walks up, about to enter, but he pauses.)
JANE: Very funny. (Daria just stares at her.) You're not kidding, are you. (Daria shakes her head.) Uh huh. (bt.) Daria, why don't you wait here, while I, uh, (bt.) go make a phone call...
DARIA: Ask Tom. Or Quinn. Or Mr. O'Neill. We all saw them. They killed, drank blood. I'm not sure how many. (Trent looks at his burned hand and gets a thoughtful look on his face.)
JANE: How?
DARIA: I don't know. Mr. O'Neill heard about them in college, but said he never saw them before last night. I think he knows more than he let on. Let me start at the beginning...
(Time passes.)
JANE: (Jane shakes her head in amazement) She lifted the refrigerator like it was nothing? So, other than being able to beat up refrigerators, what does being a slayer mean?
DARIA: I'm not sure, but we're going to find out. Come on. I'll show you the contract.
(Quinn and Stacy are on the phone.)
QUINN: You won't believe what happened last night!
STACY: What?
QUINN: I, (bt.) was nearby when the bikers roared through town.
STACY: The drug-crazed bikers? (Quinn nods.) Wasn't it dangerous?
QUINN: Well, Daria got tossed into a rosebush and her boyfriend broke some ribs, but nothing (bt.) happened to me. (Quinn looks towards her broken mirror and a single tear runs down her cheek.)
STACY: Weren't you and Jeffy going to Chez Pierre last night?
QUINN: Yeah. He, (bt.) he, (bt.) he died! (Quinn starts crying.) I saw them kill him. They pulled him from the car and killed him!
STACY: Oh my god! Quinn, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
QUINN: (sniffle.) Yeah. Could you come with me?
STACY: Sure. Where?
QUINN: To Jeffy's parents. I need to tell them what happened.
STACY: Sure.
QUINN: You're a good friend, Stacy.
STACY: I am? (bt.) Yeah, I guess I am.
QUINN: I'll be over in a while.
(Daria's room. Jane is looking at the unrolled scroll. The three thumbprints are glowing softly.)
JANE: Whoa. you weren't kidding. This is weird. So what are we searching for?
DARIA: Information about vampires, slayers, magic.
JANE: Magic?
DARIA: Why not? The contract and the dreams and the vampires...
JANE: It's just weird to be living a Sick, Sad, World episode.
DARIA: Tell me about it.
(Outside Jeffy's house. Quinn and Stacy walk up.)
QUINN: Thanks again for coming.
STACY: It's no problem Quinn. You're my friend.
QUINN: Let's go. (She knocks on the door.)
(Daria's room. the only light is the light spilling from the computer monitor. Daria and Jane are leaning in close to the screen. The title of the web page she is looking at is 'Welcome to Sick, Sad Search'.)
DARIA: Search for 'Vampire'. (bt) 100,000 hits. Hmm. Search for 'Vampire Slayer'. Hmm. 250 hits. That's more like it. (She clicks on a link.) Welcome to watchers-council.co.uk. (Daria starts printing out web pages.)
(Mr. O'Neill's apartment. Incense is burning. A cup of tea is steaming. Nr. O'Neill is on the phone.)
O'NEILL: Send someone to watch her. I'm not sure she can be trusted. Things are going to rapidly spin out of control if we don't keep a tight handle on them. (The door knocks.) I have to go. (He answers the door. Mrs. Barch is there.)
BARCH: Hey skinny.
O'NEILL: Hello. Come in, come in. Would you like some echinacia?
BARCH: You know what I want. (As she walks in, his face shows a moment of pure hatred.)
O'NEILL: Oh, dear. (The door shuts.)
(Outside Morgendorffer residence. Helen's SUV pulls up. Inside, Daria and Quinn are waiting in the living room.)
DARIA: Remember, we're ok and nothing else unusual happened.
QUINN: Like the vampires, dreams or blood oaths.
DARIA: Exactly. (The door opens.)
HELEN: Daria? What happened? (she drops her bag and runs over to hug Daria.)
DARIA: I got tossed into a rosebush, but I'm ok.
JAKE: My God! What happened to you? I should have been here. It's all my fault. (shakes fist at the ceiling.) Do you hear that old man! I want to protect my little girls, unlike you, "Mr. Send the boy to military school" you...
HELEN: Jake! It's not your fault.
JAKE: But honey, I just...
HELEN: But Nothing. Daria?
DARIA: (Hands Helen the newspaper.) Bikers hit Lawndale. Tom and I got caught in it. He bruised some ribs, but is otherwise ok.
HELEN: Where are they? I want blood. (Daria's and Quinn's eyes go wide.) Figuratively speaking, of course.
DARIA: No one knows. They disappeared as fast as they appeared.
(Evening. Outside Monique's apartment. Trent walks up and bangs on the door.)
TRENT: Monique! We need to talk! (The door opens. Monique is standing there.)
MONIQUE: Come in. We don't have much time before they come back. (she turns and walks inside, Trent follows.)
TRENT: Before who comes back?
MONIQUE: The ones who want to kill you.
TRENT: Oh, ok. Whoa! What's going on?
MONIQUE: I need your help.
TRENT: With what?
MONIQUE: Saving the world. There are those who want to change it into a nightmare. I don't want that to happen. I like the world as it is. (bt.) I need your help. I need to fool them into thinking I'm following their plans.
TRENT: Who are they?
MONIQUE: A group of millenial cultists that were upset when the world didn't end in 2000.
TRENT: Not cool. What do you want me to do?
MONIQUE: When they come back, they need to see...
(Outside Monique's apartment a gray car pulls up. The driver pulls out binoculars and points them towards her apartment. Her apartment door bursts open, ripped from it's hinges. Trent storms out.)
TRENT: I won't do it.
MONIQUE: You have to. They'll kill me otherwise.
TRENT: I'm sorry, but I won't help you hurt others.
MONIQUE: But we could rule the world!
TRENT: I'm a troubadour not a tyrant.
MONIQUE: You and your high morals. People are meant to be trod upon and their blood devoured by us.
TRENT: Blood? Not cool. I'm outta here. (Trent turns and starts walking away.)
MONIQUE: Maybe we need to make it a family affair. I bet if I turned your little sister... (In a blur of motion, Trent goes into full vamp and picks her up by her neck and slams her into the wall, thrusting her halfway into the wall. His eyes blaze with anger. Monique shrinks back in fear and scratches at her throat, her feet inches off of the ground. He speaks in a deadly earnest whisper.)
TRENT: If you ever think about touching her, I, I (bt.) Just stay the hell away from her and me. Not cool. (He drops her and walks out, leaving Monique in a heap on the floor. She begins to sob, uncontrollably. The gray car drives off.)
MONIQUE: (Her crying slowly changes tone to become laughter.) I love him, but he can be such a drama queen. (Her face darkens.) They'll all be so busy watching Trent that I can do what I need to.
(Trent is walking alone out on Dega Street. It is late night and there are few people out. He hears a scuffle in an alley and a cry. He turns and runs into the alley and finds a vampire advancing on a girl. Trent vamps out and tackles the vampire. The vampire spins and we see it's Jeffy.)
JEFFY: Back off, man. This is my happy meal.
TRENT: Not cool. (He steps up and headbutts Jeffy, knocking him back into some garbage cans. Trent shakes his head.) Whoa. Gotta remember to not do that again. (Turns to the girl.) It's ok. I'll help you get home. (She looks terrified and runs away from him.) What? (He brings his hand to his face and feels his strange new look.) Not cool. (Jeffy comes up from behind and tackles Trent. Trent spins and twists them so that he lands on top of Jeffy. Trent starts pummeling Jeffy.) What have I become? What have I become! (Jeffy pushes Trent off of him and runs off. Trent sits on his knees staring at his hands.)
(Daria's room. She is laying on her stomach on her bed, reading the pages she printed. She is taking notes and absently chewing on the eraser.)
DARIA: These statistics are fascinating. (bt.) Average tenure of slayer (pause.) Oh no. (She shuffles some pages and cross references some passages.) God no. This can't be. Oh God, Quinn. (bt.) How do I tell her? (Daria holds a very stoic expression, but a single tear runs down her cheek.)
Next Episode: Eat Drink Vampire Slayer
Lies, half-truths and homework
(Morgendorffer Kitchen. Daria is at the sink, daubing disinfectant cream over her scratches, Tom is having his chest wrapped with bandages by Mr. O'Neill and Quinn is sitting at the kitchen table spinning a wooden stake.)
DARIA: I think it's time for some answers, Mr. O'Neill. What's going on?
O'NEILL: (sharply.) What do you mean?
DARIA: You know what I mean: vampires.
O'NEILL: Oh dear. (Calms down.) Nothing really. (Everyone stares at him.) Well, just a little. (Laughs nervously) I never actually saw one before tonight.
DARIA: How did you find out about them? (Quinn gets up and starts pacing.)
O'NEILL: I heard about them in college from a friend. (bt) There were some (sniffle.) disappearances.
(Quinn walks over to the microwave.)
DARIA: How do we find out more? (Quinn picks up the microwave. It moves easily, as if it weighed nothing.)
O'NEILL: I don't know. I lost touch with him after college. I believe Quinn is what he called a "Slayer"; someone whose calling is to kill vampires.
TOM: This is just incredible. I mean, vampires. (bt) How come this isn't on the news?
O'NEILL: People don't want to beleive in vampires. So they don't. It was the same way with the (sniffle.) disappeances. (Shudders.) (Quinn walks over to the refrigerator and lifts it up. Everyone looks at her. She puts it down.)
QUINN: What?
TOM: Wow.
DARIA: what he said.
QUINN: (Smiling) I'm like, really strong now. (she flexes a bicep.) I'm buff.
(Monique's apartment. Monique walks in.)
MONIQUE: Wakey, wakey, loverboy. Have I got some plans for you. (She walks over to the couch and sees that it's empty.) Damn it! Where did he go! (Looking into a mirror, we see the room being demolished as if by a poltergeist. Furniture is being flipped, papers are being flung, and a lamp is raised into the air and flung at the mirror, shattering it.) Aaarrrgghhh!
(Lane household. Trent walks out of his bedroom, wrapped only in a towel and walks into the bathroom. Inside the bathroom, he starts lathering his face up for shaving. he picks up the razor and finally looks into the mirror. He drops the razor.)
TRENT: Whoa. (He blinks several times and looks again in the mirror. Looking back is nothing. He picks up the razor and waves it across the mirror. In the reflection is just a floating razor.)
TRENT: Whoa. That was some bad stuff Monique must have given me. (Yawns.) I guess I'll just have to let it run it's course. (Thinks.) Course. Course.
We've had intercourse
but not enough discourse
I have no recourse
It 's time for a divorce.
TRENT: Cool. (Turns to smile at himself in the mirror then shudders at the nothing there.) Not cool.
(Morgendorffer Kitchen. Everyone is walking out towards the Living room.)
TOM: It may be better, to not speak up much about tonight. Wait for whatever the "official" explanation is and follow that. Is everyone agreed? (Nods.)
O'NEILL: Well, uh, you all should be safe here. I'll see you at school on Monday. (He leaves.)
DARIA: He's knows more than he's telling.
TOM: You think?
DARIA: Yeah.
QUINN: what are you talking about?
DARIA: Mr. O'Neill. He obviously knew more than he let on about what happened here. For instance, why does Mr. O'Neill have a crossbow? And wooden stakes?
QUINN: I don't know, but I got strong, I kicked butt and everything is ok.
DARIA: What about Jeffy? (Quinn turns away.)
QUINN: What about him? He died. (Starts walking up the stairs, her face not visible) Who am I gonna get to take me out tommorrow? I could ask Craig, but he just got that bad haircut. Peter would be ok except for that mole. James would work, but he works in fast food. Ewww. Michael will do it, and he hasn't taken me out in a while. That's it, Michael will take me out. (Looking down from the top of the stairs, we see Daria and Tom, both looking angry, while still facing away, Quinn's face is streaked by tears.)
TOM: How could she be so, so...
DARIA: Insensitive? Uncaring? Shallow? (sighs.) It's a gift.
TOM: Do you want me to stay? (Puts his arm around her).
DARIA: (Shakes her head.) No, We'll be ok. (She leans into his arms.) Drive carefully. (Tom leaves. Daria gets a determined look.) Let's find out about vampires and slayers. (She climbs the stairs, but stops when she gets to Quinn's room. She raises her hand to knock, but stops. She turns and enters her room and sits at her computer.)
(Mr. O'Neill's car. He's driving. He pulls out a cell phone and dials. His manner is completely different than the Timothy O'Neill we are used to. He has a look of confidence and his eyes are hard.)
O'NEILL: Everything is going according to plan. They know I haven't told them everything, but they believed what I told them. (Pause.) No, the hellmouth is not open yet. We'll have to be careful, the stars are not yet right. I will contact our inside person to get a status report. (Hangs up. dials.) It's me, report. (Pause.) You what! Didn't you listen to my instructions? The scrolls say a vampire born on the birth of a hellmouth will destroy us! (Pause.) No, it's not like you. It has a soul. It must be destroyed or all is for naught! (Pause. Harshly) What could you know of love? Destroy the abomination or I will be forced to take steps. (Hangs up.) I knew we shouldn't use her. (Bangs the steering wheel repeatedly.) Damn lovesick vampires!
(Quinn's room. Quinn is sitting on her bed, hugging her knees. She is surrounded by tissues and stuffed animals. Her face is streaked by tears.)
QUINN: (sniffle.) Did I love him? (pause.) I'm not even sure I liked him. God, am I shallow. (blows nose.) Why did I have to watch you die? What am I supposed to do! (She looks up and sees herself in the mirror.) What are you looking at? (Quinn picks up a stuffed animal and hurls it at the mirror. Normally, a stuffed animal will not break glass, but when thrown by a slayer, it will.) (Crash!)
DARIA: (Offscreen.) Quinn? (bt.) Quinn! Are you ok? (Daria bursts in, carrying one of her boots ready to throw as a weapon.) What's wrong?
QUINN: Nothing. (bt.) Everything. Why did this have to happen to me? (Quinn starts crying again.)
DARIA: I don't know. (bt.) (Daria sits on the bed and awkwardly puts her arm around Quinn's shoulder.) It'll be all right.
QUINN: It will?
DARIA: I don't know, but it sounded good. (bt.) I don't know what to do any more than you do. I do know that you are in a unique position.
QUINN: What kind of position?
DARIA: You have a choice. You can do something about this. And, I'll be there for you if you need me.
QUINN: (Quinn brightens.) I can, can't I. (She turns and hugs Daria. Daria's eyes get big and her face turns red.)
DARIA: (Gasp.) Quinn. (gasp.) Quinn! I can't breathe.
QUINN: (Lets go of Daria, who falls back on the bed gasping.) Oops. Guess I don't know my own strength. (giggle.) Sorry.
DARIA: It's (gasp.) ok. I didn't need those ribs anyway.
QUINN: what are we gonna tell Mom and Dad?
DARIA: Nothing but the truth.
QUINN: What! We can't do that.
DARIA: I didn't say the whole truth. We leave out vampires and use whatever explanation the newspaper gives for the attack. I'm guessing drug-crazed biker gang.
QUINN: If we tell the truth, we won't mess up?
DARIA: Exactly. you learn fast, grasshopper.
QUINN: Huh?
DARIA: Never mind.
(Under the Strawberry. The Master is pacing. Monique is sitting and fidgeting, looking nervously at him.)
MASTER: It is good that you came to me with this.
MONIQUE: It is?
MASTER: Of course. I knew I was not being resurrected because of my keen fashion sense. I knew there had to be an ulterior motive. Those who supplied the spell have plans of their own for the hellmouth. however, they must remove me first. (He touches the wall and it glows around his hand with a sickly, green light.) Even now, I grow stronger just by its proximity. Soon, I will be nearly invincible. They must strike soon. And the new slayer is to be their spear. (Turns to face Monique.) But not if we deflect it. (Pause.) Here is what you must do...
(A sparsely furnished living room. The phone rings. It is answered by a man.)
MAN: Hello? (Pause.) Rupert? Yes, it has been a very long time. (Pause.) Yes, I am still teaching here, if that is what you want to call it. (Pause.) Yes, intelligent company is always welcome. It will be refreshing to reminisce over a few beers. I look forward to seeing you. (Hangs up.) Hmm, Ripper is coming. Must be the vampires.
(The Master's chamber. He is sitting on his throne, hands steepled in front of him.)
MASTER: It is time I introduced myself to the new slayer. (He closes his eyes.)
(Quinn's room. She is asleep.)
(Quinn is standing in darkness. She is lit by a spotlight from above.)
QUINN: Hello? Is anyone there?
MASTER: (From behind Quinn.) Yes. (Quinn whirls around to see the master. He is sitting on his throne, his hands steepled in front of him.)
QUINN: Who are you?
MASTER: I am the Master.
QUINN: The master of what? (bt.) Vampires.
MASTER: Exactly. (He stands.) I have come to make you a proposal.
QUINN: Why would I want to do that? I'm supposed to like, kill vampires or something.
MASTER: Not if I'm not your biggest threat.
QUINN: Huh?
MASTER: (sighs.) I am not the one trying to destroy the world.
QUINN: The world? Why would anyone want to do that? There'd be nowhere to shop or be seen. (Shudders.) That's awful.
MASTER: Yes, well. I wanted to point you towards your real enemy.
QUINN: Sandi? why would she want the end of the world?
MASTER: No, not this 'Sandi' person. There is a group that wants the end of everything. And they can't get that while I'm still alive.
QUINN: But you're a vampire. You're already dead.
MASTER: Yes, but I got better. (bt.) Twice. (chuckles.) I don't want to try for three. Which is why I want your help.
QUINN: (Looking confused.) I don't understand. I wish Daria was here. She understands people like you. (Daria appears. She doesn't appear to notice the surroundings. The Master looks impressed.)
DARIA: Ooh, Trent! Ohh, Tom!
QUINN: Ewww. Daria. (bt.) Daria!
DARIA: What? Ohmygodyoudidntseethat. Where am I?
QUINN: In my dream. I need your help with talking to him, he's confusing. (Points at the Master, who nods at Daria.)
DARIA: Hello. What do you want?
MASTER: Greetings. I want to live. I don't want the world to end.
DARIA: So that means you're not a goth. (bt.) Who does want the world to end?
MASTER: The cultists who provided the spell to my vampires to bring me back. A side effect of the spell was to create a hellmouth.
DARIA: And a hellmouth is...
MASTER: What do you think.
DARIA: Oh. What does your death have to do with the end of the world?
MASTER: I am now an integral part of the hellmouth. The lock, if you will. While I am here, it cannot be opened. They want to open it.
DARIA: So you want Quinn to become the guard dog.
QUINN: Hey!
DARIA: It's a metaphor. (bt.) Very ironic.
MASTER: (Smiles.) I think so.
DARIA: How do we know you're not lying?
MASTER: You don't. But since it's in my best interests to gain your trust, I am willing to swear I will not lie to you.
DARIA: There's still that whole trust issue. If we don't believe you now...
QUINN: What about a contract of some kind. We each say what we will do and stuff.
DARIA: That works. With the right punishments for defaulting.
MASTER: Very well. (A table appears with a pen and parchment.) I agree to not tell you falsehoods.
DARIA: Of any kinds, including by omission.
MASTER: That is too broad.
DARIA: You're the one who needs protection.
MASTER: Anything you specifically ask about, I will tell you.
DARIA: Fair enough.
MASTER: And you agree to defend me and the hellmouth against all threats.
DARIA: Uh uh. This threat only, assuming it is real. Additional threats, on a case by case basis.
MASTER: Very well. (Time passes. The contract gets longer and longer, filled with exceptions and clarifications. The Master looks exasperated. Daria looks thoughtful.)
DARIA: All disputes go to binding arbitration?
MASTER: As you wish.
DARIA: Penalties for either party attacking or lying to the other?
MASTER: Death. You would accept no less and neither would I.
DARIA: (Gulp.) Ok.
MASTER: Let us sign it then. (A knife appears in his hand and he pricks his thumb with it. He presses it to the parchment, which now glows. the knife appears in Quinn's hands.)
QUINN: What do you want me to do with this?
MASTER: Prick your thumb and press it to the parchment. This is a blood oath, after all.
QUINN: Ewww. (Quinn closes her eyes and pricks her thumb.) Ow. (Presses her thumb to the parchment.)
MASTER: (To Daria.) Now it is your turn. (The knife appears in her hands.)
DARIA: Ok. (She pricks her thumb and presses it to the parchment. The parchment glows brighter. Each person now has a rolled up copy of the contract, tied with a black ribbon.)
MASTER: The deal is now binding. (The master's chamber. He opens his eyes. He is holding the rolled up parchment. He smiles.) Perfect.
(Splitscreen: Daria's and Quinn's bedrooms. They both sit up suddenly. Each is holding a rolled up parchment.)
BOTH: Eap! (They both get up and run out of their room. They run into each other in the hall.)
QUINN: That was real?
BOTH: (They both look at the parchment in their hands and the fresh prick on their thumbs.) Eap!
DARIA: I am officially weirded out. Dreams, blood oaths. What next?
QUINN: How did you know what to put in the contract?
DARIA: Look at it. (Quinn open it up, and starts to read.)
QUINN: I know I've read this before. Where, (bt.) You didn't?
DARIA: I did.
QUINN: This is almost exactly the family constitution.
DARIA: Exactly. We know the ins and outs. He doesn't. Also, there aren't many loopholes left.
(Sunday morning. Lane residence. Trent's room. The sun is slowly creeping along the floor towards Trent's hand that is hanging off the bed. The light touches Trent's hand and starts to smoke. Trent jerks back his arm and sits bolt upright.)
TRENT: Yeoowwtch! (He takes his finger and looks at it. A small trail of smoke is coming off of his finger. He stares, wide eyed at it for a few moments.)
JANE: (v.o.) Trent? Did you fall out of bed again?
TRENT: Uh, (bt.) Yeah. Whoa. What did she do to me? (He gets up, carefully avoiding the sunbeam, and reaches out to close the blinds. The cord is in sun. He darts his hand out and grabs the cord, closing the blinds.)
TRENT: This is not cool. (Trent gets up and walks into the bathroom. He looks in the mirror tentatively, still not seeing his reflection.) Damn. (He washes his hand and puts a band-aid on it.) What did you do to me?
(Sunday morning. Morgendorffer Residence. Daria is reading the paper. On the front page, in 72 point type is the words 'Drug-Crazed Bikers Roar through Lawndale!'.)
DARIA: It was worse than I thought. 17 dead and 50 wounded. We were damned lucky.
QUINN: (v.o.) Talking to yourself?
DARIA: Better conversation than most. Look at this? (She hands the paper to Quinn. Quinn's jaw drops.)
QUINN: 'Drug-Crazed Bikers'?
DARIA: Mr. O'Neill was right for once. If we stick with this story, we should be ok.
(Tom's house. Tom is walking down the stairs slowly, obviously in pain. Tom's mother walks by.)
KAY: Tom? what's wrong?
TOM: You should see the other guy. (bt.) I was hit by the one of the bikers who roared through town last night.
KAY: You could have been killed! (she runs over and hugs him. his face contorts in agony.)
TOM: Aaah! (bt.) Ribs.
KAY: Oh dear! You're going to the doctor's, now.
TOM: It could have been worse. It could have been vampires.
KAY: Be serious! Was anyone else hurt?
TOM: Daria got thrown into a rosebush. She's all scratched up but otherwise is fine.
KAY: Well, that's good. How did her parents react?
TOM: I don't know. They weren't back yet when I dropped her off.
(Outside Casa Lane. Daria knocks on the door. Jane opens the door.)
JANE: Mmmmrrpph?
DARIA: Haven't had your coffee yet? Make it a double. You're going to need it. We're doing research today. (They walk into the kitchen.)
JANE: (Drinks.) Nectar of the gods. Research? What's up? What happened to you? (Jane points at the scratches on Daria's face, arms and legs)
DARIA: You should see the rosebush. I got tossed into it by a vampire.
(Outside the Kitchen, Trent walks up, about to enter, but he pauses.)
JANE: Very funny. (Daria just stares at her.) You're not kidding, are you. (Daria shakes her head.) Uh huh. (bt.) Daria, why don't you wait here, while I, uh, (bt.) go make a phone call...
DARIA: Ask Tom. Or Quinn. Or Mr. O'Neill. We all saw them. They killed, drank blood. I'm not sure how many. (Trent looks at his burned hand and gets a thoughtful look on his face.)
JANE: How?
DARIA: I don't know. Mr. O'Neill heard about them in college, but said he never saw them before last night. I think he knows more than he let on. Let me start at the beginning...
(Time passes.)
JANE: (Jane shakes her head in amazement) She lifted the refrigerator like it was nothing? So, other than being able to beat up refrigerators, what does being a slayer mean?
DARIA: I'm not sure, but we're going to find out. Come on. I'll show you the contract.
(Quinn and Stacy are on the phone.)
QUINN: You won't believe what happened last night!
STACY: What?
QUINN: I, (bt.) was nearby when the bikers roared through town.
STACY: The drug-crazed bikers? (Quinn nods.) Wasn't it dangerous?
QUINN: Well, Daria got tossed into a rosebush and her boyfriend broke some ribs, but nothing (bt.) happened to me. (Quinn looks towards her broken mirror and a single tear runs down her cheek.)
STACY: Weren't you and Jeffy going to Chez Pierre last night?
QUINN: Yeah. He, (bt.) he, (bt.) he died! (Quinn starts crying.) I saw them kill him. They pulled him from the car and killed him!
STACY: Oh my god! Quinn, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
QUINN: (sniffle.) Yeah. Could you come with me?
STACY: Sure. Where?
QUINN: To Jeffy's parents. I need to tell them what happened.
STACY: Sure.
QUINN: You're a good friend, Stacy.
STACY: I am? (bt.) Yeah, I guess I am.
QUINN: I'll be over in a while.
(Daria's room. Jane is looking at the unrolled scroll. The three thumbprints are glowing softly.)
JANE: Whoa. you weren't kidding. This is weird. So what are we searching for?
DARIA: Information about vampires, slayers, magic.
JANE: Magic?
DARIA: Why not? The contract and the dreams and the vampires...
JANE: It's just weird to be living a Sick, Sad, World episode.
DARIA: Tell me about it.
(Outside Jeffy's house. Quinn and Stacy walk up.)
QUINN: Thanks again for coming.
STACY: It's no problem Quinn. You're my friend.
QUINN: Let's go. (She knocks on the door.)
(Daria's room. the only light is the light spilling from the computer monitor. Daria and Jane are leaning in close to the screen. The title of the web page she is looking at is 'Welcome to Sick, Sad Search'.)
DARIA: Search for 'Vampire'. (bt) 100,000 hits. Hmm. Search for 'Vampire Slayer'. Hmm. 250 hits. That's more like it. (She clicks on a link.) Welcome to watchers-council.co.uk. (Daria starts printing out web pages.)
(Mr. O'Neill's apartment. Incense is burning. A cup of tea is steaming. Nr. O'Neill is on the phone.)
O'NEILL: Send someone to watch her. I'm not sure she can be trusted. Things are going to rapidly spin out of control if we don't keep a tight handle on them. (The door knocks.) I have to go. (He answers the door. Mrs. Barch is there.)
BARCH: Hey skinny.
O'NEILL: Hello. Come in, come in. Would you like some echinacia?
BARCH: You know what I want. (As she walks in, his face shows a moment of pure hatred.)
O'NEILL: Oh, dear. (The door shuts.)
(Outside Morgendorffer residence. Helen's SUV pulls up. Inside, Daria and Quinn are waiting in the living room.)
DARIA: Remember, we're ok and nothing else unusual happened.
QUINN: Like the vampires, dreams or blood oaths.
DARIA: Exactly. (The door opens.)
HELEN: Daria? What happened? (she drops her bag and runs over to hug Daria.)
DARIA: I got tossed into a rosebush, but I'm ok.
JAKE: My God! What happened to you? I should have been here. It's all my fault. (shakes fist at the ceiling.) Do you hear that old man! I want to protect my little girls, unlike you, "Mr. Send the boy to military school" you...
HELEN: Jake! It's not your fault.
JAKE: But honey, I just...
HELEN: But Nothing. Daria?
DARIA: (Hands Helen the newspaper.) Bikers hit Lawndale. Tom and I got caught in it. He bruised some ribs, but is otherwise ok.
HELEN: Where are they? I want blood. (Daria's and Quinn's eyes go wide.) Figuratively speaking, of course.
DARIA: No one knows. They disappeared as fast as they appeared.
(Evening. Outside Monique's apartment. Trent walks up and bangs on the door.)
TRENT: Monique! We need to talk! (The door opens. Monique is standing there.)
MONIQUE: Come in. We don't have much time before they come back. (she turns and walks inside, Trent follows.)
TRENT: Before who comes back?
MONIQUE: The ones who want to kill you.
TRENT: Oh, ok. Whoa! What's going on?
MONIQUE: I need your help.
TRENT: With what?
MONIQUE: Saving the world. There are those who want to change it into a nightmare. I don't want that to happen. I like the world as it is. (bt.) I need your help. I need to fool them into thinking I'm following their plans.
TRENT: Who are they?
MONIQUE: A group of millenial cultists that were upset when the world didn't end in 2000.
TRENT: Not cool. What do you want me to do?
MONIQUE: When they come back, they need to see...
(Outside Monique's apartment a gray car pulls up. The driver pulls out binoculars and points them towards her apartment. Her apartment door bursts open, ripped from it's hinges. Trent storms out.)
TRENT: I won't do it.
MONIQUE: You have to. They'll kill me otherwise.
TRENT: I'm sorry, but I won't help you hurt others.
MONIQUE: But we could rule the world!
TRENT: I'm a troubadour not a tyrant.
MONIQUE: You and your high morals. People are meant to be trod upon and their blood devoured by us.
TRENT: Blood? Not cool. I'm outta here. (Trent turns and starts walking away.)
MONIQUE: Maybe we need to make it a family affair. I bet if I turned your little sister... (In a blur of motion, Trent goes into full vamp and picks her up by her neck and slams her into the wall, thrusting her halfway into the wall. His eyes blaze with anger. Monique shrinks back in fear and scratches at her throat, her feet inches off of the ground. He speaks in a deadly earnest whisper.)
TRENT: If you ever think about touching her, I, I (bt.) Just stay the hell away from her and me. Not cool. (He drops her and walks out, leaving Monique in a heap on the floor. She begins to sob, uncontrollably. The gray car drives off.)
MONIQUE: (Her crying slowly changes tone to become laughter.) I love him, but he can be such a drama queen. (Her face darkens.) They'll all be so busy watching Trent that I can do what I need to.
(Trent is walking alone out on Dega Street. It is late night and there are few people out. He hears a scuffle in an alley and a cry. He turns and runs into the alley and finds a vampire advancing on a girl. Trent vamps out and tackles the vampire. The vampire spins and we see it's Jeffy.)
JEFFY: Back off, man. This is my happy meal.
TRENT: Not cool. (He steps up and headbutts Jeffy, knocking him back into some garbage cans. Trent shakes his head.) Whoa. Gotta remember to not do that again. (Turns to the girl.) It's ok. I'll help you get home. (She looks terrified and runs away from him.) What? (He brings his hand to his face and feels his strange new look.) Not cool. (Jeffy comes up from behind and tackles Trent. Trent spins and twists them so that he lands on top of Jeffy. Trent starts pummeling Jeffy.) What have I become? What have I become! (Jeffy pushes Trent off of him and runs off. Trent sits on his knees staring at his hands.)
(Daria's room. She is laying on her stomach on her bed, reading the pages she printed. She is taking notes and absently chewing on the eraser.)
DARIA: These statistics are fascinating. (bt.) Average tenure of slayer (pause.) Oh no. (She shuffles some pages and cross references some passages.) God no. This can't be. Oh God, Quinn. (bt.) How do I tell her? (Daria holds a very stoic expression, but a single tear runs down her cheek.)
Next Episode: Eat Drink Vampire Slayer