A/N: I was going to update on this, but I had a technical difficulty. I couldnt find chapter 19 on my disk, so I thought I never saved it, so I went on the website that I write directly on, and I searched through 800 some posts looking for the damn chapter 19, only to find out that I mis-numbered when I was writing this, way back in the day. So all the headings are going to be one off, but I dont have the time/patience/enrgy to go through and change it all. Just smile and nod like a good little reader.
Chapter 20 - Starlight, Starbright
Max had sat on her bed, just staring out the picture window, watching the stars blink over the skyline of Seattle. Her thoughts were only on Logan, and only on what he meant to her. She hated to admit it, but whenever he even looked at her, she felt a little piece of the protective barrier she had built around herself chipping away. She couldn't resist his soulful looks anymore than she could five years ago.
And it was killing her, this internal war that she was going through. Every time she felt herself being pulled towards him, pulling towards forgiving him; she remembered the immense pain she had gone through at his hands. She remembered those two days she didn't remember because the grief had been so intense. She thought of how she'd cried after turning on Logan's computer's for the first time and finding out one of his passwords had been her birthday. She remembered going to the cemetery after she'd done her first project, just to sit at Logan's grave and tell him about it. She remembered how she'd stopped going to the cemetery shortly after that because it was like grieving all over again.
And when she found him in Delaney's office, that one second of sheer joy she felt when he'd said her name. Then that instant when she realized what he had done, and her heart broke again.
When Logan had died, she'd lost her heart. And she had always believed that it wasn't his fault, other than him driving to fast. She'd always kept the memories of their last morning together, their last kiss of pure innocent love; she kept these memories close at heart. But when he came back, all those memories, the one thing that had kept her from quitting each time she'd been to late or a hack didn't succeed, those memories she'd used were tainted by his deceit.
And in those late night hours where Max had remembered all the time she had spent with Logan, all the nights she's spent alone thinking of him. Then she thought of what it meant to her that he was back. His being alive had the potential to destroy everything that she'd built for herself in the past five years. But there was one simple fact that Max had realized in that moment that she'd stared into Logan's eyes as he'd stared into hers. She had never stopped loving him. And even after everything, she never would.
Chapter 20 - Starlight, Starbright
Max had sat on her bed, just staring out the picture window, watching the stars blink over the skyline of Seattle. Her thoughts were only on Logan, and only on what he meant to her. She hated to admit it, but whenever he even looked at her, she felt a little piece of the protective barrier she had built around herself chipping away. She couldn't resist his soulful looks anymore than she could five years ago.
And it was killing her, this internal war that she was going through. Every time she felt herself being pulled towards him, pulling towards forgiving him; she remembered the immense pain she had gone through at his hands. She remembered those two days she didn't remember because the grief had been so intense. She thought of how she'd cried after turning on Logan's computer's for the first time and finding out one of his passwords had been her birthday. She remembered going to the cemetery after she'd done her first project, just to sit at Logan's grave and tell him about it. She remembered how she'd stopped going to the cemetery shortly after that because it was like grieving all over again.
And when she found him in Delaney's office, that one second of sheer joy she felt when he'd said her name. Then that instant when she realized what he had done, and her heart broke again.
When Logan had died, she'd lost her heart. And she had always believed that it wasn't his fault, other than him driving to fast. She'd always kept the memories of their last morning together, their last kiss of pure innocent love; she kept these memories close at heart. But when he came back, all those memories, the one thing that had kept her from quitting each time she'd been to late or a hack didn't succeed, those memories she'd used were tainted by his deceit.
And in those late night hours where Max had remembered all the time she had spent with Logan, all the nights she's spent alone thinking of him. Then she thought of what it meant to her that he was back. His being alive had the potential to destroy everything that she'd built for herself in the past five years. But there was one simple fact that Max had realized in that moment that she'd stared into Logan's eyes as he'd stared into hers. She had never stopped loving him. And even after everything, she never would.