Chapter 23 – Clear Desperation
It had been a long since Max had been able to make time to visit the space needle. Lately, she'd barely had enough time to do everything she had to do for Eyes-Only, but Max considered this her day off. Staring at the overcast sky, Max figured she'd deserved it. In just under three days, she found the man she had been working to honor hadn't been dead at all, passed out for several hours, almost lost the opportunity to nail Rodney Delaney, got it back again, broke up a fistfight in her dining room, only to find that she still didn't have enough information to get Delaney, fell back in love with a man she thought had been dead for five years, slept with him, and then ran like hell out of her apartment. All in that order.
Max spent hours, just sitting alone, her legs pulled up to her chest, head resting on her knees. Finally, after hours of silence, she became sick of the solitude, and climbed back down to the ground, having the urge to talk to someone. She pulled out her cell phone as she approached her car and dialed Cindy's number. "Hey, it's me, can you meet me at Crash in fifteen."
Cindy found Max sitting at a table in a back corner of Crash, a beer at her elbow, her face on her chin. "'Sup, boo?"
"God Cindy, I think I've screwed everything up."
Max spilled out the whole story, including Logan's annoying attempts at conversation, his and Zack's fistfight, up to the fight they'd had this morning.
"I just can't believe I slept with him. I didn't even sleep with him when I didn't hate him." Max said, sighing.
"Is that what you feel, hate?"
Max paused, opening her mouth and closing it again. Finally finding the words, "I don't know, I just don't know anything for sure anymore. It was so much easier to blame him, to hate him. I guess a piece of me still does blame him, even if I know it wasn't really his fault."
After a moment, Cindy spoke. "Do you want to know what I think, what I see between you too?"
Max nodded. "He gave up everything, his life, his job, his family, his friends, everything he owned, and he gave it all up for you. Maybe it is time you both stopped running."
Max sat silent, absorbing what Cindy had just said. Her point have being made, Cindy rose to make a phone call.
"Max?" Logan's frantic voice echoed over the line as he picked up on the first ring.
"Cindy." She corrected. "Max's with me."
"Is she okay?" Logan asked running a hand over his face with relief.
"She's fine, you might want to take this opportunity to talk to her, I've pretty much--"
The line went dead as Logan bolted out the door.
Logan walked into the bar a half hour later, his hair and jacket damp from rain after jogging his way from Max's apartment to Crash. He'd realized when he'd gotten into the parking garage that Cindy still had his rental car. So he'd take off running. He had to see Max, just to see she was ok. Even if she didn't want to see him, he just needed to be sure she was ok.
He instantly picked her out of the crowd, sitting by herself at a table, managing to look completely alone even in the crowded room.
Cindy walked up behind him, laying a hand reassuringly on his shoulder. "Just go to her, she'll listen."
Logan nodded mutely. He walked slowly over to Max's table, who either hadn't yet seen him, or hadn't acknowledged it yet. He slid fluidly into the chair across from her, neither of them looking at each other, just sitting in silence.
After several minutes of silence, Max finally spoke, her voice wrought with emotion. "You can't just expect me to let all of this go, just like that."
Logan's chest constricted at her words. He had no words, could barely think. Then Max's voice broke through to him once again.
"But I am working on it." She said with a small smile, finally looking up from the table she had been fixating on. Logan sat for a moment in relieved silence.
"Where does that leave us now?" He questioned softly. Max didn't answer with words, she simply reached across the table to take Logan's hand and link it with hers. They sat there like that for a moment, simply staring at their joined hands. Max stood and pulled Logan to his feet with her. "Come on, let's go home. You can cook for me and tell me about the past five years."
They walked out into the parking lot together, still hand in hand. "Did you drive?" Max asked as they approached her car. "Nah, Cindy still has my rental. Nice car." He commented as Max unlocked the doors to the BMW and disabled the alarm. "Well, I am glad you like it, because I used the money you left me to buy it."
Logan laughed as he slid into the passenger seat with a laugh. "What ever happened to your baby?"
"Rode it through a eighth story window." Max said nonchalantly as she turned in her seat to back out of the parking space. "Shortly after, I bought myself this, and it became my new baby."
"Has anyone but you driven it?"
"I almost gave up my distaste for guns up when I caught Zack sitting in it." Max said changing gears as she sped up onto the street, weaving by a pokey mini-van at a high speed. "No one drives my car." Max said turning to smile at Logan.
"Uh, Max, watch the road please, your making me nervous." He said pulling on his seatbelt as he gripped the armrest.
"What? I am a good driver!" Max said, muttering under her breath as she swerved around another car, that unlike her, was following the speed limit.
They made it home in one piece, luckily, and made there way upstairs. Max sat on the counter as Logan cooked up some pasta creation, they talked all the while.
They spent all night talking, the uncomfortable silence of the past five days melting away in simple companionship as they caught up on everything that had happened in there lives in the time that they were apart. Logan talked about the year he spent in Japan, relearning how to walk. Max talked about the extensive campaign they had waged against Manticore, and the instantaneous relief she had felt when they had found that Lydecker had left the country.
And in the early morning hours, when they sat drowsy together on the couch, they both knew that they would never be able to leave each other again.
It had been a long since Max had been able to make time to visit the space needle. Lately, she'd barely had enough time to do everything she had to do for Eyes-Only, but Max considered this her day off. Staring at the overcast sky, Max figured she'd deserved it. In just under three days, she found the man she had been working to honor hadn't been dead at all, passed out for several hours, almost lost the opportunity to nail Rodney Delaney, got it back again, broke up a fistfight in her dining room, only to find that she still didn't have enough information to get Delaney, fell back in love with a man she thought had been dead for five years, slept with him, and then ran like hell out of her apartment. All in that order.
Max spent hours, just sitting alone, her legs pulled up to her chest, head resting on her knees. Finally, after hours of silence, she became sick of the solitude, and climbed back down to the ground, having the urge to talk to someone. She pulled out her cell phone as she approached her car and dialed Cindy's number. "Hey, it's me, can you meet me at Crash in fifteen."
Cindy found Max sitting at a table in a back corner of Crash, a beer at her elbow, her face on her chin. "'Sup, boo?"
"God Cindy, I think I've screwed everything up."
Max spilled out the whole story, including Logan's annoying attempts at conversation, his and Zack's fistfight, up to the fight they'd had this morning.
"I just can't believe I slept with him. I didn't even sleep with him when I didn't hate him." Max said, sighing.
"Is that what you feel, hate?"
Max paused, opening her mouth and closing it again. Finally finding the words, "I don't know, I just don't know anything for sure anymore. It was so much easier to blame him, to hate him. I guess a piece of me still does blame him, even if I know it wasn't really his fault."
After a moment, Cindy spoke. "Do you want to know what I think, what I see between you too?"
Max nodded. "He gave up everything, his life, his job, his family, his friends, everything he owned, and he gave it all up for you. Maybe it is time you both stopped running."
Max sat silent, absorbing what Cindy had just said. Her point have being made, Cindy rose to make a phone call.
"Max?" Logan's frantic voice echoed over the line as he picked up on the first ring.
"Cindy." She corrected. "Max's with me."
"Is she okay?" Logan asked running a hand over his face with relief.
"She's fine, you might want to take this opportunity to talk to her, I've pretty much--"
The line went dead as Logan bolted out the door.
Logan walked into the bar a half hour later, his hair and jacket damp from rain after jogging his way from Max's apartment to Crash. He'd realized when he'd gotten into the parking garage that Cindy still had his rental car. So he'd take off running. He had to see Max, just to see she was ok. Even if she didn't want to see him, he just needed to be sure she was ok.
He instantly picked her out of the crowd, sitting by herself at a table, managing to look completely alone even in the crowded room.
Cindy walked up behind him, laying a hand reassuringly on his shoulder. "Just go to her, she'll listen."
Logan nodded mutely. He walked slowly over to Max's table, who either hadn't yet seen him, or hadn't acknowledged it yet. He slid fluidly into the chair across from her, neither of them looking at each other, just sitting in silence.
After several minutes of silence, Max finally spoke, her voice wrought with emotion. "You can't just expect me to let all of this go, just like that."
Logan's chest constricted at her words. He had no words, could barely think. Then Max's voice broke through to him once again.
"But I am working on it." She said with a small smile, finally looking up from the table she had been fixating on. Logan sat for a moment in relieved silence.
"Where does that leave us now?" He questioned softly. Max didn't answer with words, she simply reached across the table to take Logan's hand and link it with hers. They sat there like that for a moment, simply staring at their joined hands. Max stood and pulled Logan to his feet with her. "Come on, let's go home. You can cook for me and tell me about the past five years."
They walked out into the parking lot together, still hand in hand. "Did you drive?" Max asked as they approached her car. "Nah, Cindy still has my rental. Nice car." He commented as Max unlocked the doors to the BMW and disabled the alarm. "Well, I am glad you like it, because I used the money you left me to buy it."
Logan laughed as he slid into the passenger seat with a laugh. "What ever happened to your baby?"
"Rode it through a eighth story window." Max said nonchalantly as she turned in her seat to back out of the parking space. "Shortly after, I bought myself this, and it became my new baby."
"Has anyone but you driven it?"
"I almost gave up my distaste for guns up when I caught Zack sitting in it." Max said changing gears as she sped up onto the street, weaving by a pokey mini-van at a high speed. "No one drives my car." Max said turning to smile at Logan.
"Uh, Max, watch the road please, your making me nervous." He said pulling on his seatbelt as he gripped the armrest.
"What? I am a good driver!" Max said, muttering under her breath as she swerved around another car, that unlike her, was following the speed limit.
They made it home in one piece, luckily, and made there way upstairs. Max sat on the counter as Logan cooked up some pasta creation, they talked all the while.
They spent all night talking, the uncomfortable silence of the past five days melting away in simple companionship as they caught up on everything that had happened in there lives in the time that they were apart. Logan talked about the year he spent in Japan, relearning how to walk. Max talked about the extensive campaign they had waged against Manticore, and the instantaneous relief she had felt when they had found that Lydecker had left the country.
And in the early morning hours, when they sat drowsy together on the couch, they both knew that they would never be able to leave each other again.