Obviously, Evangelion and all related characters are copyrights of Gainax, etc. etc. etc. This is not written for profit. Feel free to distrubute, but please do not remove this disclaimer. Thanks, Kerristallax (kerristallax@yahoo.com)
The Kaworu Chronicles
Part 3: The AT Field
Rei was left standing in her doorway, still contemplating the Kaworu's words. 'Rei-chan'. Finally, she realized that she had been standing for a very long time, and went inside. Entering, Rei realized that she was beginning to... dislike... this apartment. Its small size and foul conditions were eroding her supposedly infinite patience.
I didn't know I could... lose patience... But... I didn't think someone would ever call me 'Rei-chan', either. Tabris...
Rei sat down on her bed, which happened to be the only place to sit on in her apartment.
How did he do that?
Rei's pale skin began to give off a white phosphorescence.
Was it something... like... this?
Rei disappeared.
Shinji had since then retired to bed, although he was yet unable to sleep. His mind was drifting, thinking about everything and nothing. He lay on his back; his eyes were closed, but not in sleep. No sounds reached him, due to the earbuds of his SDAT player. But even with his eyes shut, Shinji could sense the room become lighter. He figured that it was Misato, come to check on him, try to cheer him up, or just wandering around after one too many beers. This was not abnormal for Misato, so Shinji kept his eyes closed and feigned sleep.
Ayanami Rei stood in Shinji's room, surrounded by an almost tangible white glow and suspended a few inches above the ground. Her outward appearance was calm and peaceful. Rei's mind, however, was in a state of open and total warfare with her.
*BLINK*
Ikari Shinji, holding me in my hospital bed before Unit 01's monstrous visage. His father... trying to convince Shinji to pilot. Using me to convince him... to be a pilot... Ikari Shinji, trying to comfort me. He tries to take away the pain, and almost succeeds. Close enough. It made me feel... happy... inside...
*BLINK*
Ikari Shinji, prying open Unit 00's Entry Plug after I saved him. I... smiled... at him when he opened that hatch. He was concerned about me, and not just as a fellow pilot...
*BLINK*
I slapped Ikari Shinji-kun. He doubted the Commander, and I slapped him for it. I did not realize... there was no reason... no reason to trust the Commander...
*BLINK*
Ikari Gendou. The Sixteenth Angel. Commander Ikari Gendou had made sure that the self-destruct system was armed and ready for use. Ikari Gendou... made sure... there were explosives... explosives inside my Entry Plug. He wanted me dead...
*BLINK*
But here I stand.
The last image shook Rei out of her reverie.
What have they done to me? I am... the source of light in this room?
*BLINK*
I woke up in a tank of LCL. Akagi Ritsuko was watching intensely when I awoke.
*BLINK*
All the memories my third self had accumulated in her short time returned in an instant, appearing like images played on fast forward.
A tear? Am I crying? Why? Crying... I am... an Angel... Ikari Shinji-kun must find me... loathesome.
Rei floated over to Shinji. A tear was running down her cheek, soon to be joined by another one. They sparkled against the darkness, reflecting her light before falling onto Shinji's arm. This brought Shinji back to full awareness, although he did not get up just yet. He shuddered convulsively, seeming to shrink away from her. Shinji's eyes were pinched shut, afraid of what they might see. Rei reached out to touch his face...
Shinji's eyes shot open. He grabbed her wrist, which had been slowly moving toward him.
"Misato-san!" he shouted before registering who was standing over him. "What are you..."
Red eyes. Pale, glowing skin. Finally, short, blue hair which floated about as if it was underwater. She was glowing white and... was... suspended in mid-air.
Shinji screamed. Very loudly. To Rei, this was a confirmation of her worst fears. She continued to float there, her arm grasped tightly by Shinji's hand. Her tears fell freely, now. The glow around her was slowly fading, and she heard footsteps in the hall coming rapidly nearer. The door to Shinji's room flew open, knocking the sign "Shinji's Lonely Suite" to the floor. It made little sound, but it seemed loud in the silence of the night.
Soryu Asuka Langley stood in the doorway. She did not believe what her eyes were telling her. Ayanami Rei slowly set herself down on the floor, the dirty yellow light of the hall spilling into the room and reflecting brightly off her tear-filled red eyes. Abrubtly, the nimbus around Rei faded completely.
This isn't happening. Wonder-girl is in Shinji-kun's room. Crying. SHE never cries. I have never seen her cry.
Rei slowly turned towards the open door, gradually raising her head. She was still crying profusely. Asuka could only stare, her gaze moving back and forth from Shinji to Rei. Rei seemed to be looking for... forgiveness? Pity? Understanding? She did not appear to have found it.
"Ikari... Shinji... kun..." Rei's voice sounded odd; as if it had not been used in some time. "I'm... so... sorry..." A moment later, and Rei faded from view and disappeared completely.
After Rei had gone, Asuka's brain returned to its normal state. Rei had done nothing to her, it was just that the combination of events was too much for her to take in. Shinji looked at her before collapsing weakly on his bed. Asuka hesitated, but went over to Shinji's bedside. His last memory before sleep and blessed oblivion took him was of a tall, red-haired girl standing next to him, holding his hand.
Rei reappeared, not within her own apartment, but nearby in Kaworu's. At first, she was confused. Although she really did not understand how this worked, it seemed that you went where you concentrated on. It then occurred to her that what she really wanted was someone to understand her.
Something must be very wrong if I want someone to talk to. But... I am... an Angel... Is it possible for life to go any more wrong than that?
She stood, unmoving, in the middle of the floor for what felt like hours to her. Her white aura was absent, however. Kaworu lay on his back, making no motions save for a low, easy breathing. The pale moonlight shown in his alizarin eyes, revealing them to be open. Neither of them spoke immediately.
"It feels cold, doesn't it, Rei..." Kaworu said softly after inclining his head to face her.
"I have never known such cold..." Rei responded shakily.
"So now, you know that you are as I am. Is that so unusual? We are what we were made to be."
"Yes... But... I am Ayanami Rei. I am not one of... the Angels..."
"True."
"Kaworu-kun... What am I? I am not accepted by... Shinji-kun... I do not feel angry at him, but... I am sorry... I do not even know what I have lost... It seems that we will never be together, now. Who am I? I do not even know who Ayanami Rei is... Today... I remember what the true meaning of the Human Instrumentality Project is. It means... that Commander Ikari will use anyone, kill anyone, do anything to achieve his goals. He used me. He killed me. I think... that he uses me still. He would use Shinji-kun, if it suited his purposes!" Rei was startled at the vehemence in her voice, and stopped. She was becoming lost in her old self.
Tears, again? What is happening to me? Which one is me?
Kaworu stood up. "Rei-chan... I share your loss; I have felt as you do." Rei noticed that his skin was alight, giving off cool, white illumination. She also noticed that he wasn't walking. He was floating towards her. In response, Rei did the same. The darkness of the room was banished, making it appear as the day.
"What are you doing, Kaworu-kun?" Rei asked curiously.
Kaworu gave no response, he merely held out his hands to her. Palm upwards. Rei, for the first time, saw the palms of Tabris.
"It is said that he who will not show his palms has no soul," Kaworu explained.
There was nothing unusual about them. She looked down to her own hands. They were the same. Cautiously, Rei placed her hands in his. Doing so, she felt... strange. Rei became acutely aware of every detail in the room. She could hear his and her own heart beating, could feel the passage of the air they breathed. With her suddenly heightened awareness, she could feel an invisible barrier between them, between their minds, as if it had physical form. The AT Field. Had Kaworu raised his AT Field? Rei saw, again, that he was smiling to her. She blushed, without even knowing why she did so. The wall between them was becoming... stronger? The room had become almost intolerably bright. Rei wondered if she would go blind. She did the only thing she could. Ayanami Rei raised her own AT Field, in exactly the opposite pattern of the one in front of her. Kaworu's smile and his red eyes were the last impressions her mind registered before everything went black.
Rei was surrounded by darkness. She could see nothing, hear nothing.
Rei: Am I dead? Is this what it's like... to die?
Kaworu: No. You are alive. We are alive.
Rei: Where am I? Who are you?
Kaworu: I am Tabris. You are within my mind.
Rei: Within your mind? But... there is no stray thought-noise.
Kaworu: I am alone. You are alone. But, we are alone together. The AT Field is gone. The wall within your mind and my own has dissipated.
Rei: What do you mean? Have we caused the Impact?
Kaworu: No. This will not last forever. It is a temporal thing.
Rei: Why am I here?
Kaworu: Is not that the question which all the Lilim seek? You are within my mind because you wanted to know.
Rei: To know what?
Kaworu: Who is Ayanami Rei?
*BLINK*
I am Ayanami Rei. The Commander ordered me to go to Unit 01 because the Third Child had refused to pilot it. But the Third Child saw my pain and agreed. I was merely a stimulus to coerce the Third Child into piloting.
I shielded the Third Child with my body, with my Eva. How it burned. The Angel hit us with a cross-flare. I was merely a human shield for the Commander's son.
Who is my enemy? The Angels? No. I am an Angel.
Ikari Shinji loved me. No, he hates me for being an Angel. Does he? No, Ikari Shinji loved the Second Child. No, the Second Child hates him. Does she?
What is that? Is it... what might be? Is it what might have been?
The Fourth Child was crippled when I smashed his Entry Plug with Unit 01. No, that was the dummy plug system. I am the dummy plug system?
The Fourth Child struck Nagisa-kun after he had been healed. Nagisa-kun is an Angel. Why do we hate Angels? We wanted nothing so much as we wanted to create them. I am the product of this creation, as is Nagisa-kun.
No! I am a human.
No! I am an Angel.
I will never be accepted. I am both, but I am neither.
Do I really have the best of both worlds, Nagisa-kun?
*BLINK*
Once again, all is darkness.
"You have my sympathies..."
"I mean that... I love you..."
"Rei...chan"
What is happiness?
"Happiness is..."
Knowing...
"That other people care..."
Even if they aren't human
*BLINK*
"You are the First Child, Ayanami Rei, and you are the same as I in that we have both chosen the Lilim's form..."
Did we choose, Kaworu-kun? Why is it necessary that this be so difficult? Shinji-kun cannot love us, either of us. We are not even of the same species. We're so... alone...
"No... We are humans, Rei..."
Are we? Then why don't they treat us as if we are?
"They don't understand..."
Are you sure it isn't we who don't understand?
"No..."
Ikari... Gendou... You are... responsible... for this...
Rei's mind was becoming increasingly fragmented, unconsciously knowing that time was running out.
How I hate you... for what you have done... to me... and to Shinji-kun... You killed me! You'd kill any of us...
*BLINK*
That was Rei's last thought before the AT Field reformed.
Misato, amazingly, was not drunk that night. In fact, she was so completely sober that she decided to have another beer before trying to get back to sleep. Walking from her room to the kitchen, so noticed the light in the hall was turned on. A closer inspection revealed that Shinji's door was open, and the sign had been knocked off. Suddenly alarmed, Misato ran over to the room.
"Shinji-kun!" Misato was worried, although she had no idea what to expect. She was more than a mildly shocked when she saw Asuka standing next to a sleeping Shinji. Shinji did not awaken, and fortunately so, but Asuka turned and walked slowly out of the room.
She doesn't look guilty... If it was been anyone else, I'd say... She looks concerned. Maybe I need a beer more than I thought I did.
Misato moved back to the kitchen to quench her thirst, when she noticed that Asuka had not returned to her room. In fact, Asuka was right behind her. Misato grabbed a cold Yebisu from the refrigerator and sat down at the table. Asuka took the chair next to her.
"Well?" Misato prompted her.
"Ayanami... was... in Shinji-kun's room. Somehow, she was."
"What?!" Misato asked in total surprise.
"I can only guess how she got in, but it was probably the same way that she left," Asuka replied.
"How's that?"
"She just... appeared..." Asuka continued. "This afternoon, when I was sitting in the car talking about Touji, I looked back at Shinji and those two." Asuka intentionally avoided naming them. "I knew then that... Wonder-girl is an Angel, too. And tonight... I haven't seen any person who could disappear, or who were surrounded in a white glow. Except for... Nagisa Kaworu."
Misato was at a loss for words.
"I don't know what she did to Shinji-kun, but... I went in to his room after I heard him scream. It was very loud. And I saw... Ayanami Rei. She was floating in the air at first, but slowly fell down. Then I noticed that she was crying..." Asuka spoke with a strange detachment which was completely new to her. She was always ready to provide her usually strong opinions on anything, but tonight had made her feel... empty.
"I suppose... we should let Shinji-kun get some sleep, tonight. There will be time enough to ask him tomorrow," Misato said, still unsure of what to make of these developements. Any other time, she might have questioned the truth of Asuka's words. But with circumstances as they are, the explanation made almost perfect sense. As much sense as could be expected, at least... Misato drained the last of her beer and returned to her room.
Asuka sat at the table for some time longer, reviewing what she had seen over and over in her mind.
How does Wonder-girl, no... Ayanami, feel about Shinji-kun? Why exactly was she crying? I know some things have changed about her since I saw her last, but... I don't understand... I don't like... seeing other people... hurt him... What am I saying?
Asuka shook her head, just to make sure she was still thinking clearly. Deciding that she was not, she, too, retired to bed for the night. Now that it was almost half-over...
Shinji awoke early, feeling a powerful desire for answers. The sun was starting to peek over the horizon, staining Tokyo-3 a fabulous shade of blood red. He pulled on some clothes, left a note to Misato or whoever was up first, and went outside. The weather was still cool this early in the morning, and it was almost pleasant. Sighing, Shinji started the short trek over to Ayanami Rei's apartment. Walking with an energy he did not truly feel, he arrived quickly at Rei's door.
The morning was still quiet, few people being about this early. Shinji's knocking on Rei's door seemed exceptionally loud to him, so he imagined it would have aroused her. Then again, did she even need to sleep? Shinji was still considering this several minutes later, when no answer came. Cautiously, he turned the doorknob. It opened; Rei rarely locked her apartment. Entering brought some less-than-enjoyable memories to Shinji's mind. He had been entrusted with giving Rei her new key-card. Rei had been in the shower at the time. Sigh. Now, there was no water running, nothing. Surprisingly, the bed was made. Rei never made her bed, or cleaned up.
But... This girl isn't really Rei, is she...
Not far away, Rei was beginning to stir. A cursory, half-awake look around the room revealed that it was her own, or similar enough to pass as her own. She felt tired, something she did not expect. Equally surprising was that she was lying in the middle of the floor. Rei sat up, wondering how she had gotten in this position. Deciding that such matters could be better debated by someone else at a much later time, and still suffering from exhaustion, Rei felt that a little more sleep was in order. She sighed, yawned, and slowly lay down again. Seconds later, she realized that her head was resting on something soft, warm, and breathing. Rei gave a startled gasp and got up quickly. She had laid on... someone's chest. He was tall, lanky, pale-skinned, gray-haired, and apparently quite deeply asleep.
At that moment, Rei recalled everything. In remembering, she was united as one person. No longer three bodies joined by a collective soul, Ayanami Rei was a single being with a single soul. Despite what felt like a defeat to her last night, the knowledge of herself comforted Rei.
I can go on... Even if I am an Angel. Thank you, Kaworu-kun. ...... I'll deal with Ikari Shinji-kun later. Right now, it is not of consequence.
Rei leaned back, her head coming to rest lightly on Tabris-kun's chest. She was starting to drift back into the nether realm of sleep when a knock sounded at the door. A sharp, angry knock. Rei ignored it, reasoning that the person at the door could be Shinji, Misato, Asuka, or possibly some nosy NERV agent. She really didn't care if any of those people saw her, now. Ikari Shinji turned the handle and walked in. As he expected, the door was not locked.
"Ayanami! I... ah... I'm sorry!" Shinji stammered, blushing in embarrassment. There was Ayanami Rei and Nagisa Kaworu, lying on the middle of the floor. The two were fully clothed, and did not look as if they had been otherwise, but Shinji still felt as if he had interrupted something intimate. It took him a while to realize that Kaworu was asleep.
"It's all right, Shinji-kun," Rei assured him. She made no move to get up from where she was laying. The sound of someone running at full tilt drew Shinji's attention outside the door. He saw Soryu Asuka Langley running towards him as fast as she could. Asuka being athletic as she was, this was quite an impressive speed.
"Shinji-kun!" Asuka shouted as she flew through the door. "I..." Asuka stopped as her mind took in the scene before her. Other than Rei and Shinji lying together like that, Rei and Kaworu were the very last two... people... she would have expected. She said nothing, and just stood inside the doorway, breathing hard from her run here.
"Good morning, Soryu-san," Kaworu said to her, good-naturedly. This attracted everyone's attention, as they had all assumed that he was asleep. Kaworu was still on the floor, but his eyes were wide open and focused.
Why's he so damned respectful?
"What are you two doing?! That's indecent! And in front of Shinji-kun!" Asuka admonished them. Shinji's face turned bright red.
"Sleeping is indecent?" Rei asked innocently.
"You know what I mean!"
What's going on? Did Rei just make... a joke?
Rei arose from the floor, followed almost immediately by Kaworu.
"Good to see you've decided to behave decently..." Asuka laughed nervously, considering the hilarity of the statement. If the morning was anything to judge by, this was going to be the strangest day of her life. "We had might as well go wake up Misato-san..." Rei and Kaworu quickly walked outside before she had finished speaking.
Asuka was the last one to leave the apartment. She had allowed the others to go ahead because she wanted to keep a close eye on Rei and Kaworu. Those two seemed to act weirder as time went on, not the other way around. Shinji stayed closer to Asuka than to the others.
This world really has gone insane, hasn't it...
Shinji considered this proposition for most of the walk to the complex. So far, he had been given no reason to think otherwise. When they arrived at Misato's door, he knocked politely before entering. Misato and Pen Pen were sitting at the table, calmly eating toast. Surprisingly, Misato was dressed in her work attire already. Generally, she did not even get up until at least 10:00.
That must mean... that she has to go to NERV early. Let's hope there are no more tests today. Somehow, I doubt that, though.
"Good morning, Misato-san," Kaworu greeted her.
Misato looked up from her toast at her four pilots. Rei was still wearing her school uniform, the same as she always did. So were Shinji and Kaworu. Asuka was wearing whatever she felt like.
"Asuka! We have to go soon! Get ready!" Misato yelled.
"What?! Just me? Why not the others?!" Asuka demanded to know.
"I don't know. Doctor Akagi has some special test or something for you."
"Lucky me..." Asuka moaned.
Minutes later, Asuka was being hauled out to Misato's car. It was not that she minded the tests so much; they were a chance to show her worth in numerical values which could be easily compared to the others. What worried Asuka was that Shinji would be alone with Rei and Kaworu for most of the morning.
When they met Akagi Ritsuko, she gave Asuka one additional instruction.
"Don't put on your plugsuit. There's not to be any interference between you and Unit 02."
Asuka sighed. She hoped they had outgrown the naked tests long ago. Oh well. At least Shinji wasn't here to peek. Minutes later, she was sitting in Unit 02's Entry Plug, waiting for some mysterious test to begin. No-one had explained to her just what was going to happen. Asuka closed her eyes, just as she did for an ordinary synchronization test. Therefore, she did not notice immediately when a dissolved blue solid was placed into the LCL with her. When Asuka realized that the liquid had suddenly become even more foul-tasting than usual, she opened her eyes in shock. Doing so, Asuka saw that the LCL had turned a dark blue. She passed out soon afterwards.
Ritsuko looked on from her usual monitoring area. She was mildly surprised that the Commander had asked for this to be performed at all, especially on the Second Child and so soon after her release from imprisonment. Perhaps this was the real use he had planned for her. The procedure was not very risky, but it would probably be painful if Asuka had not had the good fortune to pass out. It would be even more painful when and if her body eventually decided to rebel. This never had been done properly, permanently before. But Commander Ikari evidently didn't give a damn about the long-term health of his pilots.
Akagi Ritsuko then recalled the circumstances leading up to her release. The Commander, may he be damned, had gotten her out of that dark cell on the condition that she perform a new procedure on the Second Child. Apparently, although the other three were still viable Eva pilots, none of them could be used to cause the Third Impact. If this failed... Well, the Fourth Child had been miraculously healed. He was still a candidate. His synchronization rates weren't bad... But, the Second had far more experience, and was not under any great obligation to the Fifth. Ritsuko suspected the Fifth had something to do with Asuka's sudden recovery, but if he did, it was nothing like what he did to the Fourth. The case for the new Rei was almost hopeless, to the Commander. A massive blue pattern, which Ritsuko knew to be, in reality, two patterns, had been detected in the general area of Rei and Kaworu's living quarters last night. Ikari Gendou had almost given up on using her as the 'catalyst' to cause the Impact. Now... He was running out of options.
The only question is... Why am I assisting him? Do I want to be re-united with the ones I love? Of course. But... The cost... I don't believe I am willing to lose myself... Even as pathetic as I am, there are still people who look up to me. Maya...
Three hours later, the blue residue had just been washed off Asuka's still-unconscious body. It looked as if this stage of the procedure had been successful, although there would be no way to tell until Asuka was awake. Wondering if she had just made a serious mistake, Ritsuko covered Asuka with a blanket and left the room. Shortly thereafter, Misato threw open the door.
"Asuka! Are you all right?" she shouted.
At this, Asuka stirred beneath the bedclothes. She struggled to open her eyelids, which seemed to be heavily weighted down.
"M...Misato-san..." Asuka croaked. "What happened..."
"I don't know, Asuka. Ritsuko said that something had gone wrong. She says you're safe now, though. You're not hurt," Misato answered with concern. She had known of no faults with Unit 02.
"I don't feel well..." Asuka then realized that she was wearing nothing. Even though she was in a bed now, someone had certainly taken the opportunity to be a pervert and peek. "What did they do with my clothes?!" Asuka was getting angry. "I have to come down here on a weekend, while the others get to stay at home. Then, I can't even wear a plugsuit for some test. Unit 02 is a piece of fine German engineering. There's no problems with it. And of course, there's no problems with me. The problem is that 'Doctor Akagi' put something blue in the LCL. I don't know what it was..." Asuka continued giving her account of what had been done to her.
"I'll... get your clothes back, Asuka..." Saying this, Misato ran off. Asuka waited impatiently for her to return, a distinctively sour expression staining her face. Misato did not take long to come back. She deposited Asuka's clothes on a chair, and then left to give her some privacy. Finally alone, Asuka stood up. Her body appeared to be in one piece.
At least someone has a sense of decency... But I can't believe I'm saying that about Misato, of all people. What a day...
It was after 12:30 P.M. when they returned at last to Misato's apartment.
Earlier, Shinji had been watching television to pass the time. He sat on one end of the couch, while Rei and Kaworu sat on the opposite end. No-one spoke much, but they simply enjoyed each other's company and being together, without the burden of combat or Eva. At least for now...
After some time, Rei turned to him. "Shinji-kun... Do you know... what I am?" she inquired softly.
Shinji gestured to Kaworu, who smiled in return. "...Yes. I do..."
"Shinji-kun... You must... hate me... for what I am. For deceiving you..." Rei's voice was uneven as she said this. This was her greatest fear, now that her memories had been recovered.
"I don't hate you, Ayanami," Shinji responded.
"Can't you call me 'Rei'?" she pleaded.
"Who are you, Rei? Which... one are you?" Shinji replied.
"I am... Ayanami Rei. There is only one Ayanami, and I am that one. I... I can remember, now... I remember all the awful things the Commander has done to us... I can remember you... I'm sorry... Shinji-kun..." Rei was on the verge of tears again.
"I think... I understand, Rei..." She had surprised him again. He did not know how Rei had recovered her memories, but the shy smile she had bestowed on Kaworu gave him an idea. Still, she had been killed in Unit 00's self destruct during the battle with the Sixteenth Angel.
Rei seemed to be comforted by this. "Thank you, Shinji-kun..." Shinji smiled to her.
Noticing the time, he decided to make some lunch for Misato and Asuka before they returned. Shinji, Rei, and Kaworu were sitting down at the table to eat when Misato, followed by a somehow less-than-pleased Asuka, entered the kitchen.
Misato grabbed a cold can of Yebisu before coming to the table. She drained most of it in one long swallow, but did not let out with her characteristic whoop. Asuka stood near the table, eliciting a very curious look from Kaworu. After standing still for a moment, she realized that she reeked of LCL.
"I must have forgotten to shower after the tests today, Misato-san... I'm going to go bathe..." Asuka was conscious of the strange stares she was getting, particularly the one from Kaworu. Rei looked mildly interested, Shinji was concerned, and Misato was concentrating on her beer.
"Don't you want anything to eat?" Misato asked her.
"Not right now... I don't really feel hungry..." Asuka seemed to be evading something, and the lack of her normally confident manner was setting off alarms with Shinji. He stood up and walked over to her.
"Are you all-right, Asuka?" She was touched by the care in his voice.
"I'll... tell you later, Shinji-kun..." Without further ado, Asuka headed for the bathroom. She quickly turned on the water and stepped into the comforting warmth of the shower. Despite the day's heat, she had felt cold since coming out of NERV headquarters. Asuka glanced down at the floor, and was shocked to see blue liquid running down her legs out of her wet red hair. She sighed.
They must not have washed all that blue LCL off of me... Someone's got some answering to do... Again... Just when you think you have things figured out, someone comes along to kindly pull the rug out from under you...
After running up the water bill magnificently, Asuka got out of the shower and dried herself off. She was pleased to see no more blue residue on the towel. It was necessary to insure that there were no stains on Misato's linens and nothing on the floor of the shower. Asuka had no idea why someone, almost certainly 'Doctor Akagi', had put something in the LCL with her. NERV security, for all its flaws, was adequate enough that not just anyone could get at the test-plug area.
I'm alive, though. I suppose it could be worse. Speaking of 'worse'... I wonder how Ayanami is handling being an Angel, now that everyone knows.
Asuka dressed and walked out of the bathroom, noticing that the others had saved her some food. How considerate of Shinji...
"Thanks, Shinji-kun..." The words died on her lips as Asuka realized she was alone in the kitchen. "I said, 'Thanks, Shinji-kun'!" she repeated loudly. Apparently, the others were in the living room, probably engaged in some sort of mindless entertainment. Misato, however, was waiting for her.
"Asuka! Shinji-kun and I are going to help get Touji home from the Infirmary. You want to come?" Misato asked. "There's not enough room for everyone to come in my car. Kaworu and Rei volunteered to hold down the fort until we get back."
"I'll bet they did..." Asuka muttered darkly. She was seriously weighing being with only the two Angels for comany against having to put up with the etchi, Touji. Eventually, Touji won out. Asuka just didn't trust Kaworu and Rei. Especially after this morning's 'incident'. By the time she had finished deliberating on the matter, Misato and Shinji were already at the door leaving. Asuka hurried to catch up to them.
"I'll go with you..."
As Asuka closed the door behind her, Kaworu and Rei shared a conspiratorial glance.
"Do you suppose she knows?"
The two then returned to what they were both discovering to be one of the Lilim's main activities: killing time.
Asuka was pleased that there were no difficulties regarding seating arrangements. Shinji sat in the front and Asuka in the back. She did not manage to ask him the questions on her mind, most of which involved Ayanami. Asuka was trying to come up with a good way to breach the topic, but failed to do so. She was so deep in thought that it came as a surprise when they suddenly arrived at NERV. Misato left them to go 'Retrieve something from Ritsuko', as she had put it. Shinji and Asuka walked on silently towards Touji's room. He was standing outside of the room, his bag in hand, when they arrived.
"Where's Kaworu?" were his first words. This was a bit of a surprise for Shinji, who had been under the impression that Touji was not overly fond of his healer.
"There wasn't enough room in Misato's car" Shinji responded.
"Yeah. There would have been, but he never goes anywhere without Rei, now," Asuka finished for him. Shinji had not considered this before. Oddly enough, it was true. He hadn't seen Kaworu without Rei for... several days. Actually, since the original incident that started this whole mess. Even to Shinji, it seemed natural for those two to be together. Birds of a feather, or some such English phrase.
Touji was disappointed at this. He started to walk in the direction of his sister's room, which was just down the hall. He opened the door, but did not enter. A small girl lay unmoving on a large, cold-looking hospital bed. She had been in a coma for many months. According to the doctors, there was nothing mentally or physically wrong with her, anymore. Her injuries had since healed, but she wouldn't get up.
"What I really wanted... Was for him to... Well... help... her..." Touji choked out. "I... didn't need to be healed... Why couldn't it have been her instead of me?" Shinji tried to put his arm on his friend's shoulder, but he was waved off.
"I'm all-right..." Touji claimed. After leaning against the wall for a few seconds longer, he walked away, in the general direction of the exit. The three of them reached the elevator on this floor and waited for it to come to them. When the doors opened, there was Misato, carrying a large brown-paper envelope.
No-one thought to ask her in regard to the contents of the envelope. Asuka and Shinji were still unsure what to do about Touji. Neither of them wanted to disturb him, so they simply said nothing. Silence hung over the four like a pall until after they had gotten into Misato's car and started towards the railway station. The only agreement that could be made involved Touji sitting in the front seat, and that was how they ended up. Shinji and Asuka were talking in hushed tones in the back seat, hoping that the engine noise, usually acceleration, and the radio would cover up what they were saying. It was Asuka who spoke first.
"Shinji-kun... Can you tell me about... Ayanami?..." Hearing this, Shinji sighed and hung his head.
"I don't know, Asuka. She's... the same as Kaworu-kun. An... Angel..."
"I..." Asuka could not think of what to say. She already knew that Wonder-Girl was an Angel, but it wouldn't do to cut down Shinji further. "I... I'm sorry, Shinji-kun... I'm sorry that... you always get hurt..." Asuka even managed to be sincere about it. She was proud of herself.
Shinji was more than a little surprised to find Asuka trying to comfort him, or at least empathize. It was more than she usually would do. The
"Hey! Sounds pretty emotional back there," Touji cut in. "You two are at it again?"
"Shut up, Suzuhara," Asuka snarled.
"Way to go, Shinji! She's... defending you!" Touji laughed. Shinji made no response other than turning a terrific shade of red. Seeing Asuka blushing as well only made him laugh harder. The playful mood died when they reached the station, however. Touji was going to Osaka-2, the same place most of their other classmates had taken up temporary residence.
"Shinji-kun... You will... talk to Kaworu, won't you? If I'm not here... no-one will ever go visit my sister..."
"Of course, Touji," Shinji assured him.
"Thanks, Ikari. I knew I could count on you..." Without another word, Touji stepped onto the train. Misato, Shinji, and Asuka waited for it to leave before driving away.
"The old men never give up, do they? Their dream is... for all to be one. They want to take away the very thing for which the Lilim keeps on living... Individuality. How many more will they sacrifice for this cause?" Kaworu and Rei were having a philosophical discussion while they were alone in the apartment. "They... created us... so that they might further their own ends, no matter the cost to us or humanity."
"Commander Ikari is the same as they are," Rei said. "He wants... to be reunited with his lost loved ones. Yui. I do not know who she was, except that she is the mother of Shinji-kun. I was told... Her soul resides within the armored shell of Unit 01."
"Originally designed to protect humanity from us, the Angels, the Eva series now exists... For what?" Kaworu asked. "It is one more means an end: the Impact. Why do we pilot Eva? I cannot even answer that question for myself. I want... to be... human..." Kaworu paused. "I suppose. Eva is... a link... between what I am and what the others are. I would like... if I did not need to rely on the power of the Angels. Eva allows me to... be as humans are... As Ikari Shinji is... But even in this, I know that we will never be alike. We will never be the same. We will never be together. I am alone. I pilot Eva because... I am... a failure..."
"Are you?" Rei asked.
"I suppose not... I am the Angel of Free Will, and I have made my choice. The only means that I, Tabris, have to be no longer alone is that which must not be done. The Impact. I accept the punishment of being alone so that Shinji-kun... and all of the Lilims... may have their individuality. You are a child of Lilith yourself, Rei-chan. What is it like?"
"I... don't know, Kaworu-kun. I cannot describe what it is to be alive. But... you are not a failure. You have free will; you make your own decisions, just as we do every day. I have seen you long enough to know this is true. You will always make the decision to do what you feel is good for others. That is the only difference. Humans make choices which may be contradictory to the good of humanity as a whole, envisioning their own goals and those of no-one else. If you want to know the best example of what it is to be a human... Ikari Gendou typifies all of the traits which we do not have."
"Thank you, Rei. It is good to hear words of encouragement, words meant to please. I do feel pleased that you take an interest in the well-being of Adam's child. Thank you, Rei-chan."
"No... Thank you, Kaworu-kun. You have given back to me that which was taken away. Because of you, I am not a doll. I, too, have free will. Thank you."
Kaworu smiled to her, and for the first time, Rei smiled back. The two of them shared being together, without any spoken words, for the remainder of the short time before Misato returned. When Misato did return, she was somewhat surprised to see the two of them sitting on the couch, staring at nothing, with the TV turned off. Shinji was still trying not to 'expect' them to do anything, because they usually did the exact opposite of what he might have expected. Actually, Shinji reflected, was there anything that WOULDN'T surprise him from these two? If they were completely ignoring each other and concentrating intently on some mindless TV program, it would have been just as shocking. There was no such thing as 'normal' when dealing with Rei and Kaworu. Asuka had long since given up on the possibility of normalcy. Even so, her life seemed to get more strange as time went on instead of becoming more regular. Asuka sighed again and went to her room.
"Hello, Misato-san," Kaworu called out.
Misato gave no response as she tossed the envelope on the kitchen counter and opened the refrigerator. Reasoning that one can is as good as another, she grabbed the closest Yebisu and downed most of it. "Who has an idea for dinner tonight?" she asked loudly. No response from Asuka's room. Nothing but silence from the couch. Nothing at all from Shinji in the bathroom. Misato gave a long sigh and put her head down on the kitchen table. It was nice when some people at least pretended to be interested in you. She then spotted movement out of the corner of her eye. It was Kaworu, followed closely by Rei. Oh well. If the people don't care, at least the Angels do.
"Hello... Kaworu-kun... Rei..." Misato's voice was muffled, probably due to the fact that she had not bothered to raise her head.
"Do you want to eat out tonight, Misato-san? SEELE gave me some money before I came here in case it was needed, but I haven't spent it. I would be more than willing to pay for a meal," Kaworu offered.
"How much... did they give you..." Misato inquired, still not bothering to pick herself up.
"I'm not sure." Kaworu dug out a large wad of yen from his pocket. "Quite a lot, by the look of it. I didn't think I'd need it for anything." Misato did look up when she saw the temptingly large amount of cash set on the table next to her. A pile of several 10,000-yen notes were enough to persuade her to get up. More than sufficient to eat at any of her favorite restaurants.
"Thanks, Kaworu-kun. Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know of any good restaurants." It would be more accurate to say I don't know any restaurants at all. "Why don't you decide?"
"Rei?"
"Go somewhere that you want to go, Misato-san," Rei responded encouragingly.
"Asuka! Shinji! We're going out for dinner tonight!" Misato called. Asuka opened her door to see if this was true.
"Where at?" Asuka asked.
"We don't know yet. Got any suggestions? Kaworu-kun's buying," Misato responded.
"I would recommend the German restaurant, except for the small fact that it was destroyed in the Unit 00 'incident'," Asuka replied helpfully, glancing at Rei. Rei, however, either missed the gesture or ignored it completely.
To no-one's surprise, Shinji had no suggestions, either. Misato, not feeling particulary imaginative at the moment, decided to go for a sushi bar, albeit one of the better ones still standing. Misato chuckled at herself, ushering her 'family' out to the car for dinner. She made Kaworu put on one of Shinji's clean shirts, since the one he had been wearing appeared to have been used for several days.
Feels almost like I'm a mother... And what a family I have. Four teens, including two Angels. Kaji would laugh if he saw me now. Kaji...
Since the word 'privacy' was apparently foreign to Kaworu, Asuka had observed while he changed his shirt. You could almost forget what he is, just looking at him. It seems odd that he cares more about us than the rest of humanity does. Why does he feel that way? We haven't done anything good for him...
Even though Asuka had not regained her appetite, she went along and ate with the others. "I don't know why I'm not hungry... Maybe I need some good German food for a change..." she speculated. Shinji groaned inwardly. Asuka had a habit of extolling the many virtues of German food when given the opportunity. Fortunately, she left her comment at that and did not launch into a detailed explanation of why her home country's food was the best in the world.
While eating, or pretending to, Asuka noticed something strange. Kaworu and Rei both kept stealing glances at her. She couldn't quite place the look on Kaworu's face, but something was up.
After they were finished eating, Misato dropped Kaworu and Rei off at their respective apartments. She must not know that they shared Kaworu's floor last night... Interesting. You would think that someone would keep better tabs on the pilots, especially those two.
When they returned home, it was already dark. Asuka decided that she'd had enough of the day and went to her room. After a few hours of sitting about, she came to the conclusion that she was not even remotely tired. Nothing could occupy her attention for more than a few seconds before her mind moved on to a different, but equally random, thought. Asuka wandered into the kitchen to see if Misato was still about. She was not. The large brown envelope, however, was lying on the counter. Taking a closer look, Asuka noticed it bore her name.
Well, since it's for me, Misato won't mind if I take a look.
The envelope was not sealed. Opening it, she pulled out a large X-Ray transparency print. The print had her name and today's date on it in the corner, but it was too dark to see clearly at the moment. She held the transparency to the light.
Oh my God...
That was Asuka's last thought before she fainted dead away.
{More to come!}
The Kaworu Chronicles
Part 3: The AT Field
Rei was left standing in her doorway, still contemplating the Kaworu's words. 'Rei-chan'. Finally, she realized that she had been standing for a very long time, and went inside. Entering, Rei realized that she was beginning to... dislike... this apartment. Its small size and foul conditions were eroding her supposedly infinite patience.
I didn't know I could... lose patience... But... I didn't think someone would ever call me 'Rei-chan', either. Tabris...
Rei sat down on her bed, which happened to be the only place to sit on in her apartment.
How did he do that?
Rei's pale skin began to give off a white phosphorescence.
Was it something... like... this?
Rei disappeared.
Shinji had since then retired to bed, although he was yet unable to sleep. His mind was drifting, thinking about everything and nothing. He lay on his back; his eyes were closed, but not in sleep. No sounds reached him, due to the earbuds of his SDAT player. But even with his eyes shut, Shinji could sense the room become lighter. He figured that it was Misato, come to check on him, try to cheer him up, or just wandering around after one too many beers. This was not abnormal for Misato, so Shinji kept his eyes closed and feigned sleep.
Ayanami Rei stood in Shinji's room, surrounded by an almost tangible white glow and suspended a few inches above the ground. Her outward appearance was calm and peaceful. Rei's mind, however, was in a state of open and total warfare with her.
*BLINK*
Ikari Shinji, holding me in my hospital bed before Unit 01's monstrous visage. His father... trying to convince Shinji to pilot. Using me to convince him... to be a pilot... Ikari Shinji, trying to comfort me. He tries to take away the pain, and almost succeeds. Close enough. It made me feel... happy... inside...
*BLINK*
Ikari Shinji, prying open Unit 00's Entry Plug after I saved him. I... smiled... at him when he opened that hatch. He was concerned about me, and not just as a fellow pilot...
*BLINK*
I slapped Ikari Shinji-kun. He doubted the Commander, and I slapped him for it. I did not realize... there was no reason... no reason to trust the Commander...
*BLINK*
Ikari Gendou. The Sixteenth Angel. Commander Ikari Gendou had made sure that the self-destruct system was armed and ready for use. Ikari Gendou... made sure... there were explosives... explosives inside my Entry Plug. He wanted me dead...
*BLINK*
But here I stand.
The last image shook Rei out of her reverie.
What have they done to me? I am... the source of light in this room?
*BLINK*
I woke up in a tank of LCL. Akagi Ritsuko was watching intensely when I awoke.
*BLINK*
All the memories my third self had accumulated in her short time returned in an instant, appearing like images played on fast forward.
A tear? Am I crying? Why? Crying... I am... an Angel... Ikari Shinji-kun must find me... loathesome.
Rei floated over to Shinji. A tear was running down her cheek, soon to be joined by another one. They sparkled against the darkness, reflecting her light before falling onto Shinji's arm. This brought Shinji back to full awareness, although he did not get up just yet. He shuddered convulsively, seeming to shrink away from her. Shinji's eyes were pinched shut, afraid of what they might see. Rei reached out to touch his face...
Shinji's eyes shot open. He grabbed her wrist, which had been slowly moving toward him.
"Misato-san!" he shouted before registering who was standing over him. "What are you..."
Red eyes. Pale, glowing skin. Finally, short, blue hair which floated about as if it was underwater. She was glowing white and... was... suspended in mid-air.
Shinji screamed. Very loudly. To Rei, this was a confirmation of her worst fears. She continued to float there, her arm grasped tightly by Shinji's hand. Her tears fell freely, now. The glow around her was slowly fading, and she heard footsteps in the hall coming rapidly nearer. The door to Shinji's room flew open, knocking the sign "Shinji's Lonely Suite" to the floor. It made little sound, but it seemed loud in the silence of the night.
Soryu Asuka Langley stood in the doorway. She did not believe what her eyes were telling her. Ayanami Rei slowly set herself down on the floor, the dirty yellow light of the hall spilling into the room and reflecting brightly off her tear-filled red eyes. Abrubtly, the nimbus around Rei faded completely.
This isn't happening. Wonder-girl is in Shinji-kun's room. Crying. SHE never cries. I have never seen her cry.
Rei slowly turned towards the open door, gradually raising her head. She was still crying profusely. Asuka could only stare, her gaze moving back and forth from Shinji to Rei. Rei seemed to be looking for... forgiveness? Pity? Understanding? She did not appear to have found it.
"Ikari... Shinji... kun..." Rei's voice sounded odd; as if it had not been used in some time. "I'm... so... sorry..." A moment later, and Rei faded from view and disappeared completely.
After Rei had gone, Asuka's brain returned to its normal state. Rei had done nothing to her, it was just that the combination of events was too much for her to take in. Shinji looked at her before collapsing weakly on his bed. Asuka hesitated, but went over to Shinji's bedside. His last memory before sleep and blessed oblivion took him was of a tall, red-haired girl standing next to him, holding his hand.
Rei reappeared, not within her own apartment, but nearby in Kaworu's. At first, she was confused. Although she really did not understand how this worked, it seemed that you went where you concentrated on. It then occurred to her that what she really wanted was someone to understand her.
Something must be very wrong if I want someone to talk to. But... I am... an Angel... Is it possible for life to go any more wrong than that?
She stood, unmoving, in the middle of the floor for what felt like hours to her. Her white aura was absent, however. Kaworu lay on his back, making no motions save for a low, easy breathing. The pale moonlight shown in his alizarin eyes, revealing them to be open. Neither of them spoke immediately.
"It feels cold, doesn't it, Rei..." Kaworu said softly after inclining his head to face her.
"I have never known such cold..." Rei responded shakily.
"So now, you know that you are as I am. Is that so unusual? We are what we were made to be."
"Yes... But... I am Ayanami Rei. I am not one of... the Angels..."
"True."
"Kaworu-kun... What am I? I am not accepted by... Shinji-kun... I do not feel angry at him, but... I am sorry... I do not even know what I have lost... It seems that we will never be together, now. Who am I? I do not even know who Ayanami Rei is... Today... I remember what the true meaning of the Human Instrumentality Project is. It means... that Commander Ikari will use anyone, kill anyone, do anything to achieve his goals. He used me. He killed me. I think... that he uses me still. He would use Shinji-kun, if it suited his purposes!" Rei was startled at the vehemence in her voice, and stopped. She was becoming lost in her old self.
Tears, again? What is happening to me? Which one is me?
Kaworu stood up. "Rei-chan... I share your loss; I have felt as you do." Rei noticed that his skin was alight, giving off cool, white illumination. She also noticed that he wasn't walking. He was floating towards her. In response, Rei did the same. The darkness of the room was banished, making it appear as the day.
"What are you doing, Kaworu-kun?" Rei asked curiously.
Kaworu gave no response, he merely held out his hands to her. Palm upwards. Rei, for the first time, saw the palms of Tabris.
"It is said that he who will not show his palms has no soul," Kaworu explained.
There was nothing unusual about them. She looked down to her own hands. They were the same. Cautiously, Rei placed her hands in his. Doing so, she felt... strange. Rei became acutely aware of every detail in the room. She could hear his and her own heart beating, could feel the passage of the air they breathed. With her suddenly heightened awareness, she could feel an invisible barrier between them, between their minds, as if it had physical form. The AT Field. Had Kaworu raised his AT Field? Rei saw, again, that he was smiling to her. She blushed, without even knowing why she did so. The wall between them was becoming... stronger? The room had become almost intolerably bright. Rei wondered if she would go blind. She did the only thing she could. Ayanami Rei raised her own AT Field, in exactly the opposite pattern of the one in front of her. Kaworu's smile and his red eyes were the last impressions her mind registered before everything went black.
Rei was surrounded by darkness. She could see nothing, hear nothing.
Rei: Am I dead? Is this what it's like... to die?
Kaworu: No. You are alive. We are alive.
Rei: Where am I? Who are you?
Kaworu: I am Tabris. You are within my mind.
Rei: Within your mind? But... there is no stray thought-noise.
Kaworu: I am alone. You are alone. But, we are alone together. The AT Field is gone. The wall within your mind and my own has dissipated.
Rei: What do you mean? Have we caused the Impact?
Kaworu: No. This will not last forever. It is a temporal thing.
Rei: Why am I here?
Kaworu: Is not that the question which all the Lilim seek? You are within my mind because you wanted to know.
Rei: To know what?
Kaworu: Who is Ayanami Rei?
*BLINK*
I am Ayanami Rei. The Commander ordered me to go to Unit 01 because the Third Child had refused to pilot it. But the Third Child saw my pain and agreed. I was merely a stimulus to coerce the Third Child into piloting.
I shielded the Third Child with my body, with my Eva. How it burned. The Angel hit us with a cross-flare. I was merely a human shield for the Commander's son.
Who is my enemy? The Angels? No. I am an Angel.
Ikari Shinji loved me. No, he hates me for being an Angel. Does he? No, Ikari Shinji loved the Second Child. No, the Second Child hates him. Does she?
What is that? Is it... what might be? Is it what might have been?
The Fourth Child was crippled when I smashed his Entry Plug with Unit 01. No, that was the dummy plug system. I am the dummy plug system?
The Fourth Child struck Nagisa-kun after he had been healed. Nagisa-kun is an Angel. Why do we hate Angels? We wanted nothing so much as we wanted to create them. I am the product of this creation, as is Nagisa-kun.
No! I am a human.
No! I am an Angel.
I will never be accepted. I am both, but I am neither.
Do I really have the best of both worlds, Nagisa-kun?
*BLINK*
Once again, all is darkness.
"You have my sympathies..."
"I mean that... I love you..."
"Rei...chan"
What is happiness?
"Happiness is..."
Knowing...
"That other people care..."
Even if they aren't human
*BLINK*
"You are the First Child, Ayanami Rei, and you are the same as I in that we have both chosen the Lilim's form..."
Did we choose, Kaworu-kun? Why is it necessary that this be so difficult? Shinji-kun cannot love us, either of us. We are not even of the same species. We're so... alone...
"No... We are humans, Rei..."
Are we? Then why don't they treat us as if we are?
"They don't understand..."
Are you sure it isn't we who don't understand?
"No..."
Ikari... Gendou... You are... responsible... for this...
Rei's mind was becoming increasingly fragmented, unconsciously knowing that time was running out.
How I hate you... for what you have done... to me... and to Shinji-kun... You killed me! You'd kill any of us...
*BLINK*
That was Rei's last thought before the AT Field reformed.
Misato, amazingly, was not drunk that night. In fact, she was so completely sober that she decided to have another beer before trying to get back to sleep. Walking from her room to the kitchen, so noticed the light in the hall was turned on. A closer inspection revealed that Shinji's door was open, and the sign had been knocked off. Suddenly alarmed, Misato ran over to the room.
"Shinji-kun!" Misato was worried, although she had no idea what to expect. She was more than a mildly shocked when she saw Asuka standing next to a sleeping Shinji. Shinji did not awaken, and fortunately so, but Asuka turned and walked slowly out of the room.
She doesn't look guilty... If it was been anyone else, I'd say... She looks concerned. Maybe I need a beer more than I thought I did.
Misato moved back to the kitchen to quench her thirst, when she noticed that Asuka had not returned to her room. In fact, Asuka was right behind her. Misato grabbed a cold Yebisu from the refrigerator and sat down at the table. Asuka took the chair next to her.
"Well?" Misato prompted her.
"Ayanami... was... in Shinji-kun's room. Somehow, she was."
"What?!" Misato asked in total surprise.
"I can only guess how she got in, but it was probably the same way that she left," Asuka replied.
"How's that?"
"She just... appeared..." Asuka continued. "This afternoon, when I was sitting in the car talking about Touji, I looked back at Shinji and those two." Asuka intentionally avoided naming them. "I knew then that... Wonder-girl is an Angel, too. And tonight... I haven't seen any person who could disappear, or who were surrounded in a white glow. Except for... Nagisa Kaworu."
Misato was at a loss for words.
"I don't know what she did to Shinji-kun, but... I went in to his room after I heard him scream. It was very loud. And I saw... Ayanami Rei. She was floating in the air at first, but slowly fell down. Then I noticed that she was crying..." Asuka spoke with a strange detachment which was completely new to her. She was always ready to provide her usually strong opinions on anything, but tonight had made her feel... empty.
"I suppose... we should let Shinji-kun get some sleep, tonight. There will be time enough to ask him tomorrow," Misato said, still unsure of what to make of these developements. Any other time, she might have questioned the truth of Asuka's words. But with circumstances as they are, the explanation made almost perfect sense. As much sense as could be expected, at least... Misato drained the last of her beer and returned to her room.
Asuka sat at the table for some time longer, reviewing what she had seen over and over in her mind.
How does Wonder-girl, no... Ayanami, feel about Shinji-kun? Why exactly was she crying? I know some things have changed about her since I saw her last, but... I don't understand... I don't like... seeing other people... hurt him... What am I saying?
Asuka shook her head, just to make sure she was still thinking clearly. Deciding that she was not, she, too, retired to bed for the night. Now that it was almost half-over...
Shinji awoke early, feeling a powerful desire for answers. The sun was starting to peek over the horizon, staining Tokyo-3 a fabulous shade of blood red. He pulled on some clothes, left a note to Misato or whoever was up first, and went outside. The weather was still cool this early in the morning, and it was almost pleasant. Sighing, Shinji started the short trek over to Ayanami Rei's apartment. Walking with an energy he did not truly feel, he arrived quickly at Rei's door.
The morning was still quiet, few people being about this early. Shinji's knocking on Rei's door seemed exceptionally loud to him, so he imagined it would have aroused her. Then again, did she even need to sleep? Shinji was still considering this several minutes later, when no answer came. Cautiously, he turned the doorknob. It opened; Rei rarely locked her apartment. Entering brought some less-than-enjoyable memories to Shinji's mind. He had been entrusted with giving Rei her new key-card. Rei had been in the shower at the time. Sigh. Now, there was no water running, nothing. Surprisingly, the bed was made. Rei never made her bed, or cleaned up.
But... This girl isn't really Rei, is she...
Not far away, Rei was beginning to stir. A cursory, half-awake look around the room revealed that it was her own, or similar enough to pass as her own. She felt tired, something she did not expect. Equally surprising was that she was lying in the middle of the floor. Rei sat up, wondering how she had gotten in this position. Deciding that such matters could be better debated by someone else at a much later time, and still suffering from exhaustion, Rei felt that a little more sleep was in order. She sighed, yawned, and slowly lay down again. Seconds later, she realized that her head was resting on something soft, warm, and breathing. Rei gave a startled gasp and got up quickly. She had laid on... someone's chest. He was tall, lanky, pale-skinned, gray-haired, and apparently quite deeply asleep.
At that moment, Rei recalled everything. In remembering, she was united as one person. No longer three bodies joined by a collective soul, Ayanami Rei was a single being with a single soul. Despite what felt like a defeat to her last night, the knowledge of herself comforted Rei.
I can go on... Even if I am an Angel. Thank you, Kaworu-kun. ...... I'll deal with Ikari Shinji-kun later. Right now, it is not of consequence.
Rei leaned back, her head coming to rest lightly on Tabris-kun's chest. She was starting to drift back into the nether realm of sleep when a knock sounded at the door. A sharp, angry knock. Rei ignored it, reasoning that the person at the door could be Shinji, Misato, Asuka, or possibly some nosy NERV agent. She really didn't care if any of those people saw her, now. Ikari Shinji turned the handle and walked in. As he expected, the door was not locked.
"Ayanami! I... ah... I'm sorry!" Shinji stammered, blushing in embarrassment. There was Ayanami Rei and Nagisa Kaworu, lying on the middle of the floor. The two were fully clothed, and did not look as if they had been otherwise, but Shinji still felt as if he had interrupted something intimate. It took him a while to realize that Kaworu was asleep.
"It's all right, Shinji-kun," Rei assured him. She made no move to get up from where she was laying. The sound of someone running at full tilt drew Shinji's attention outside the door. He saw Soryu Asuka Langley running towards him as fast as she could. Asuka being athletic as she was, this was quite an impressive speed.
"Shinji-kun!" Asuka shouted as she flew through the door. "I..." Asuka stopped as her mind took in the scene before her. Other than Rei and Shinji lying together like that, Rei and Kaworu were the very last two... people... she would have expected. She said nothing, and just stood inside the doorway, breathing hard from her run here.
"Good morning, Soryu-san," Kaworu said to her, good-naturedly. This attracted everyone's attention, as they had all assumed that he was asleep. Kaworu was still on the floor, but his eyes were wide open and focused.
Why's he so damned respectful?
"What are you two doing?! That's indecent! And in front of Shinji-kun!" Asuka admonished them. Shinji's face turned bright red.
"Sleeping is indecent?" Rei asked innocently.
"You know what I mean!"
What's going on? Did Rei just make... a joke?
Rei arose from the floor, followed almost immediately by Kaworu.
"Good to see you've decided to behave decently..." Asuka laughed nervously, considering the hilarity of the statement. If the morning was anything to judge by, this was going to be the strangest day of her life. "We had might as well go wake up Misato-san..." Rei and Kaworu quickly walked outside before she had finished speaking.
Asuka was the last one to leave the apartment. She had allowed the others to go ahead because she wanted to keep a close eye on Rei and Kaworu. Those two seemed to act weirder as time went on, not the other way around. Shinji stayed closer to Asuka than to the others.
This world really has gone insane, hasn't it...
Shinji considered this proposition for most of the walk to the complex. So far, he had been given no reason to think otherwise. When they arrived at Misato's door, he knocked politely before entering. Misato and Pen Pen were sitting at the table, calmly eating toast. Surprisingly, Misato was dressed in her work attire already. Generally, she did not even get up until at least 10:00.
That must mean... that she has to go to NERV early. Let's hope there are no more tests today. Somehow, I doubt that, though.
"Good morning, Misato-san," Kaworu greeted her.
Misato looked up from her toast at her four pilots. Rei was still wearing her school uniform, the same as she always did. So were Shinji and Kaworu. Asuka was wearing whatever she felt like.
"Asuka! We have to go soon! Get ready!" Misato yelled.
"What?! Just me? Why not the others?!" Asuka demanded to know.
"I don't know. Doctor Akagi has some special test or something for you."
"Lucky me..." Asuka moaned.
Minutes later, Asuka was being hauled out to Misato's car. It was not that she minded the tests so much; they were a chance to show her worth in numerical values which could be easily compared to the others. What worried Asuka was that Shinji would be alone with Rei and Kaworu for most of the morning.
When they met Akagi Ritsuko, she gave Asuka one additional instruction.
"Don't put on your plugsuit. There's not to be any interference between you and Unit 02."
Asuka sighed. She hoped they had outgrown the naked tests long ago. Oh well. At least Shinji wasn't here to peek. Minutes later, she was sitting in Unit 02's Entry Plug, waiting for some mysterious test to begin. No-one had explained to her just what was going to happen. Asuka closed her eyes, just as she did for an ordinary synchronization test. Therefore, she did not notice immediately when a dissolved blue solid was placed into the LCL with her. When Asuka realized that the liquid had suddenly become even more foul-tasting than usual, she opened her eyes in shock. Doing so, Asuka saw that the LCL had turned a dark blue. She passed out soon afterwards.
Ritsuko looked on from her usual monitoring area. She was mildly surprised that the Commander had asked for this to be performed at all, especially on the Second Child and so soon after her release from imprisonment. Perhaps this was the real use he had planned for her. The procedure was not very risky, but it would probably be painful if Asuka had not had the good fortune to pass out. It would be even more painful when and if her body eventually decided to rebel. This never had been done properly, permanently before. But Commander Ikari evidently didn't give a damn about the long-term health of his pilots.
Akagi Ritsuko then recalled the circumstances leading up to her release. The Commander, may he be damned, had gotten her out of that dark cell on the condition that she perform a new procedure on the Second Child. Apparently, although the other three were still viable Eva pilots, none of them could be used to cause the Third Impact. If this failed... Well, the Fourth Child had been miraculously healed. He was still a candidate. His synchronization rates weren't bad... But, the Second had far more experience, and was not under any great obligation to the Fifth. Ritsuko suspected the Fifth had something to do with Asuka's sudden recovery, but if he did, it was nothing like what he did to the Fourth. The case for the new Rei was almost hopeless, to the Commander. A massive blue pattern, which Ritsuko knew to be, in reality, two patterns, had been detected in the general area of Rei and Kaworu's living quarters last night. Ikari Gendou had almost given up on using her as the 'catalyst' to cause the Impact. Now... He was running out of options.
The only question is... Why am I assisting him? Do I want to be re-united with the ones I love? Of course. But... The cost... I don't believe I am willing to lose myself... Even as pathetic as I am, there are still people who look up to me. Maya...
Three hours later, the blue residue had just been washed off Asuka's still-unconscious body. It looked as if this stage of the procedure had been successful, although there would be no way to tell until Asuka was awake. Wondering if she had just made a serious mistake, Ritsuko covered Asuka with a blanket and left the room. Shortly thereafter, Misato threw open the door.
"Asuka! Are you all right?" she shouted.
At this, Asuka stirred beneath the bedclothes. She struggled to open her eyelids, which seemed to be heavily weighted down.
"M...Misato-san..." Asuka croaked. "What happened..."
"I don't know, Asuka. Ritsuko said that something had gone wrong. She says you're safe now, though. You're not hurt," Misato answered with concern. She had known of no faults with Unit 02.
"I don't feel well..." Asuka then realized that she was wearing nothing. Even though she was in a bed now, someone had certainly taken the opportunity to be a pervert and peek. "What did they do with my clothes?!" Asuka was getting angry. "I have to come down here on a weekend, while the others get to stay at home. Then, I can't even wear a plugsuit for some test. Unit 02 is a piece of fine German engineering. There's no problems with it. And of course, there's no problems with me. The problem is that 'Doctor Akagi' put something blue in the LCL. I don't know what it was..." Asuka continued giving her account of what had been done to her.
"I'll... get your clothes back, Asuka..." Saying this, Misato ran off. Asuka waited impatiently for her to return, a distinctively sour expression staining her face. Misato did not take long to come back. She deposited Asuka's clothes on a chair, and then left to give her some privacy. Finally alone, Asuka stood up. Her body appeared to be in one piece.
At least someone has a sense of decency... But I can't believe I'm saying that about Misato, of all people. What a day...
It was after 12:30 P.M. when they returned at last to Misato's apartment.
Earlier, Shinji had been watching television to pass the time. He sat on one end of the couch, while Rei and Kaworu sat on the opposite end. No-one spoke much, but they simply enjoyed each other's company and being together, without the burden of combat or Eva. At least for now...
After some time, Rei turned to him. "Shinji-kun... Do you know... what I am?" she inquired softly.
Shinji gestured to Kaworu, who smiled in return. "...Yes. I do..."
"Shinji-kun... You must... hate me... for what I am. For deceiving you..." Rei's voice was uneven as she said this. This was her greatest fear, now that her memories had been recovered.
"I don't hate you, Ayanami," Shinji responded.
"Can't you call me 'Rei'?" she pleaded.
"Who are you, Rei? Which... one are you?" Shinji replied.
"I am... Ayanami Rei. There is only one Ayanami, and I am that one. I... I can remember, now... I remember all the awful things the Commander has done to us... I can remember you... I'm sorry... Shinji-kun..." Rei was on the verge of tears again.
"I think... I understand, Rei..." She had surprised him again. He did not know how Rei had recovered her memories, but the shy smile she had bestowed on Kaworu gave him an idea. Still, she had been killed in Unit 00's self destruct during the battle with the Sixteenth Angel.
Rei seemed to be comforted by this. "Thank you, Shinji-kun..." Shinji smiled to her.
Noticing the time, he decided to make some lunch for Misato and Asuka before they returned. Shinji, Rei, and Kaworu were sitting down at the table to eat when Misato, followed by a somehow less-than-pleased Asuka, entered the kitchen.
Misato grabbed a cold can of Yebisu before coming to the table. She drained most of it in one long swallow, but did not let out with her characteristic whoop. Asuka stood near the table, eliciting a very curious look from Kaworu. After standing still for a moment, she realized that she reeked of LCL.
"I must have forgotten to shower after the tests today, Misato-san... I'm going to go bathe..." Asuka was conscious of the strange stares she was getting, particularly the one from Kaworu. Rei looked mildly interested, Shinji was concerned, and Misato was concentrating on her beer.
"Don't you want anything to eat?" Misato asked her.
"Not right now... I don't really feel hungry..." Asuka seemed to be evading something, and the lack of her normally confident manner was setting off alarms with Shinji. He stood up and walked over to her.
"Are you all-right, Asuka?" She was touched by the care in his voice.
"I'll... tell you later, Shinji-kun..." Without further ado, Asuka headed for the bathroom. She quickly turned on the water and stepped into the comforting warmth of the shower. Despite the day's heat, she had felt cold since coming out of NERV headquarters. Asuka glanced down at the floor, and was shocked to see blue liquid running down her legs out of her wet red hair. She sighed.
They must not have washed all that blue LCL off of me... Someone's got some answering to do... Again... Just when you think you have things figured out, someone comes along to kindly pull the rug out from under you...
After running up the water bill magnificently, Asuka got out of the shower and dried herself off. She was pleased to see no more blue residue on the towel. It was necessary to insure that there were no stains on Misato's linens and nothing on the floor of the shower. Asuka had no idea why someone, almost certainly 'Doctor Akagi', had put something in the LCL with her. NERV security, for all its flaws, was adequate enough that not just anyone could get at the test-plug area.
I'm alive, though. I suppose it could be worse. Speaking of 'worse'... I wonder how Ayanami is handling being an Angel, now that everyone knows.
Asuka dressed and walked out of the bathroom, noticing that the others had saved her some food. How considerate of Shinji...
"Thanks, Shinji-kun..." The words died on her lips as Asuka realized she was alone in the kitchen. "I said, 'Thanks, Shinji-kun'!" she repeated loudly. Apparently, the others were in the living room, probably engaged in some sort of mindless entertainment. Misato, however, was waiting for her.
"Asuka! Shinji-kun and I are going to help get Touji home from the Infirmary. You want to come?" Misato asked. "There's not enough room for everyone to come in my car. Kaworu and Rei volunteered to hold down the fort until we get back."
"I'll bet they did..." Asuka muttered darkly. She was seriously weighing being with only the two Angels for comany against having to put up with the etchi, Touji. Eventually, Touji won out. Asuka just didn't trust Kaworu and Rei. Especially after this morning's 'incident'. By the time she had finished deliberating on the matter, Misato and Shinji were already at the door leaving. Asuka hurried to catch up to them.
"I'll go with you..."
As Asuka closed the door behind her, Kaworu and Rei shared a conspiratorial glance.
"Do you suppose she knows?"
The two then returned to what they were both discovering to be one of the Lilim's main activities: killing time.
Asuka was pleased that there were no difficulties regarding seating arrangements. Shinji sat in the front and Asuka in the back. She did not manage to ask him the questions on her mind, most of which involved Ayanami. Asuka was trying to come up with a good way to breach the topic, but failed to do so. She was so deep in thought that it came as a surprise when they suddenly arrived at NERV. Misato left them to go 'Retrieve something from Ritsuko', as she had put it. Shinji and Asuka walked on silently towards Touji's room. He was standing outside of the room, his bag in hand, when they arrived.
"Where's Kaworu?" were his first words. This was a bit of a surprise for Shinji, who had been under the impression that Touji was not overly fond of his healer.
"There wasn't enough room in Misato's car" Shinji responded.
"Yeah. There would have been, but he never goes anywhere without Rei, now," Asuka finished for him. Shinji had not considered this before. Oddly enough, it was true. He hadn't seen Kaworu without Rei for... several days. Actually, since the original incident that started this whole mess. Even to Shinji, it seemed natural for those two to be together. Birds of a feather, or some such English phrase.
Touji was disappointed at this. He started to walk in the direction of his sister's room, which was just down the hall. He opened the door, but did not enter. A small girl lay unmoving on a large, cold-looking hospital bed. She had been in a coma for many months. According to the doctors, there was nothing mentally or physically wrong with her, anymore. Her injuries had since healed, but she wouldn't get up.
"What I really wanted... Was for him to... Well... help... her..." Touji choked out. "I... didn't need to be healed... Why couldn't it have been her instead of me?" Shinji tried to put his arm on his friend's shoulder, but he was waved off.
"I'm all-right..." Touji claimed. After leaning against the wall for a few seconds longer, he walked away, in the general direction of the exit. The three of them reached the elevator on this floor and waited for it to come to them. When the doors opened, there was Misato, carrying a large brown-paper envelope.
No-one thought to ask her in regard to the contents of the envelope. Asuka and Shinji were still unsure what to do about Touji. Neither of them wanted to disturb him, so they simply said nothing. Silence hung over the four like a pall until after they had gotten into Misato's car and started towards the railway station. The only agreement that could be made involved Touji sitting in the front seat, and that was how they ended up. Shinji and Asuka were talking in hushed tones in the back seat, hoping that the engine noise, usually acceleration, and the radio would cover up what they were saying. It was Asuka who spoke first.
"Shinji-kun... Can you tell me about... Ayanami?..." Hearing this, Shinji sighed and hung his head.
"I don't know, Asuka. She's... the same as Kaworu-kun. An... Angel..."
"I..." Asuka could not think of what to say. She already knew that Wonder-Girl was an Angel, but it wouldn't do to cut down Shinji further. "I... I'm sorry, Shinji-kun... I'm sorry that... you always get hurt..." Asuka even managed to be sincere about it. She was proud of herself.
Shinji was more than a little surprised to find Asuka trying to comfort him, or at least empathize. It was more than she usually would do. The
"Hey! Sounds pretty emotional back there," Touji cut in. "You two are at it again?"
"Shut up, Suzuhara," Asuka snarled.
"Way to go, Shinji! She's... defending you!" Touji laughed. Shinji made no response other than turning a terrific shade of red. Seeing Asuka blushing as well only made him laugh harder. The playful mood died when they reached the station, however. Touji was going to Osaka-2, the same place most of their other classmates had taken up temporary residence.
"Shinji-kun... You will... talk to Kaworu, won't you? If I'm not here... no-one will ever go visit my sister..."
"Of course, Touji," Shinji assured him.
"Thanks, Ikari. I knew I could count on you..." Without another word, Touji stepped onto the train. Misato, Shinji, and Asuka waited for it to leave before driving away.
"The old men never give up, do they? Their dream is... for all to be one. They want to take away the very thing for which the Lilim keeps on living... Individuality. How many more will they sacrifice for this cause?" Kaworu and Rei were having a philosophical discussion while they were alone in the apartment. "They... created us... so that they might further their own ends, no matter the cost to us or humanity."
"Commander Ikari is the same as they are," Rei said. "He wants... to be reunited with his lost loved ones. Yui. I do not know who she was, except that she is the mother of Shinji-kun. I was told... Her soul resides within the armored shell of Unit 01."
"Originally designed to protect humanity from us, the Angels, the Eva series now exists... For what?" Kaworu asked. "It is one more means an end: the Impact. Why do we pilot Eva? I cannot even answer that question for myself. I want... to be... human..." Kaworu paused. "I suppose. Eva is... a link... between what I am and what the others are. I would like... if I did not need to rely on the power of the Angels. Eva allows me to... be as humans are... As Ikari Shinji is... But even in this, I know that we will never be alike. We will never be the same. We will never be together. I am alone. I pilot Eva because... I am... a failure..."
"Are you?" Rei asked.
"I suppose not... I am the Angel of Free Will, and I have made my choice. The only means that I, Tabris, have to be no longer alone is that which must not be done. The Impact. I accept the punishment of being alone so that Shinji-kun... and all of the Lilims... may have their individuality. You are a child of Lilith yourself, Rei-chan. What is it like?"
"I... don't know, Kaworu-kun. I cannot describe what it is to be alive. But... you are not a failure. You have free will; you make your own decisions, just as we do every day. I have seen you long enough to know this is true. You will always make the decision to do what you feel is good for others. That is the only difference. Humans make choices which may be contradictory to the good of humanity as a whole, envisioning their own goals and those of no-one else. If you want to know the best example of what it is to be a human... Ikari Gendou typifies all of the traits which we do not have."
"Thank you, Rei. It is good to hear words of encouragement, words meant to please. I do feel pleased that you take an interest in the well-being of Adam's child. Thank you, Rei-chan."
"No... Thank you, Kaworu-kun. You have given back to me that which was taken away. Because of you, I am not a doll. I, too, have free will. Thank you."
Kaworu smiled to her, and for the first time, Rei smiled back. The two of them shared being together, without any spoken words, for the remainder of the short time before Misato returned. When Misato did return, she was somewhat surprised to see the two of them sitting on the couch, staring at nothing, with the TV turned off. Shinji was still trying not to 'expect' them to do anything, because they usually did the exact opposite of what he might have expected. Actually, Shinji reflected, was there anything that WOULDN'T surprise him from these two? If they were completely ignoring each other and concentrating intently on some mindless TV program, it would have been just as shocking. There was no such thing as 'normal' when dealing with Rei and Kaworu. Asuka had long since given up on the possibility of normalcy. Even so, her life seemed to get more strange as time went on instead of becoming more regular. Asuka sighed again and went to her room.
"Hello, Misato-san," Kaworu called out.
Misato gave no response as she tossed the envelope on the kitchen counter and opened the refrigerator. Reasoning that one can is as good as another, she grabbed the closest Yebisu and downed most of it. "Who has an idea for dinner tonight?" she asked loudly. No response from Asuka's room. Nothing but silence from the couch. Nothing at all from Shinji in the bathroom. Misato gave a long sigh and put her head down on the kitchen table. It was nice when some people at least pretended to be interested in you. She then spotted movement out of the corner of her eye. It was Kaworu, followed closely by Rei. Oh well. If the people don't care, at least the Angels do.
"Hello... Kaworu-kun... Rei..." Misato's voice was muffled, probably due to the fact that she had not bothered to raise her head.
"Do you want to eat out tonight, Misato-san? SEELE gave me some money before I came here in case it was needed, but I haven't spent it. I would be more than willing to pay for a meal," Kaworu offered.
"How much... did they give you..." Misato inquired, still not bothering to pick herself up.
"I'm not sure." Kaworu dug out a large wad of yen from his pocket. "Quite a lot, by the look of it. I didn't think I'd need it for anything." Misato did look up when she saw the temptingly large amount of cash set on the table next to her. A pile of several 10,000-yen notes were enough to persuade her to get up. More than sufficient to eat at any of her favorite restaurants.
"Thanks, Kaworu-kun. Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know of any good restaurants." It would be more accurate to say I don't know any restaurants at all. "Why don't you decide?"
"Rei?"
"Go somewhere that you want to go, Misato-san," Rei responded encouragingly.
"Asuka! Shinji! We're going out for dinner tonight!" Misato called. Asuka opened her door to see if this was true.
"Where at?" Asuka asked.
"We don't know yet. Got any suggestions? Kaworu-kun's buying," Misato responded.
"I would recommend the German restaurant, except for the small fact that it was destroyed in the Unit 00 'incident'," Asuka replied helpfully, glancing at Rei. Rei, however, either missed the gesture or ignored it completely.
To no-one's surprise, Shinji had no suggestions, either. Misato, not feeling particulary imaginative at the moment, decided to go for a sushi bar, albeit one of the better ones still standing. Misato chuckled at herself, ushering her 'family' out to the car for dinner. She made Kaworu put on one of Shinji's clean shirts, since the one he had been wearing appeared to have been used for several days.
Feels almost like I'm a mother... And what a family I have. Four teens, including two Angels. Kaji would laugh if he saw me now. Kaji...
Since the word 'privacy' was apparently foreign to Kaworu, Asuka had observed while he changed his shirt. You could almost forget what he is, just looking at him. It seems odd that he cares more about us than the rest of humanity does. Why does he feel that way? We haven't done anything good for him...
Even though Asuka had not regained her appetite, she went along and ate with the others. "I don't know why I'm not hungry... Maybe I need some good German food for a change..." she speculated. Shinji groaned inwardly. Asuka had a habit of extolling the many virtues of German food when given the opportunity. Fortunately, she left her comment at that and did not launch into a detailed explanation of why her home country's food was the best in the world.
While eating, or pretending to, Asuka noticed something strange. Kaworu and Rei both kept stealing glances at her. She couldn't quite place the look on Kaworu's face, but something was up.
After they were finished eating, Misato dropped Kaworu and Rei off at their respective apartments. She must not know that they shared Kaworu's floor last night... Interesting. You would think that someone would keep better tabs on the pilots, especially those two.
When they returned home, it was already dark. Asuka decided that she'd had enough of the day and went to her room. After a few hours of sitting about, she came to the conclusion that she was not even remotely tired. Nothing could occupy her attention for more than a few seconds before her mind moved on to a different, but equally random, thought. Asuka wandered into the kitchen to see if Misato was still about. She was not. The large brown envelope, however, was lying on the counter. Taking a closer look, Asuka noticed it bore her name.
Well, since it's for me, Misato won't mind if I take a look.
The envelope was not sealed. Opening it, she pulled out a large X-Ray transparency print. The print had her name and today's date on it in the corner, but it was too dark to see clearly at the moment. She held the transparency to the light.
Oh my God...
That was Asuka's last thought before she fainted dead away.
{More to come!}