Title:Sing me a Memory
Distribution: Just Ask
Disclaimer: I only own Joss Whedon
Cordelia Chase walked slowly down the suburban evening streets of Sunnydale California, taking in all the differences that had happened to it while she had been gone. She found herself heading to the Bronze and was happy to see the familiar neon sign greeting her at the door.
It seemed so small and sheltered, (as sheltered as a club over a hellmouth could be) after her years in LA. She found a table and ordered a drink, propping up her elbows on the table and resting her chin in her hands. Absentmindedly she traced the scar that ran down the left side of her face.
She had been a beauty queen once. Back when she lived in Sunnydale. Before she got a real taste of the world. (Something she thought she had when she admitted that things did roam the night and magic was real.) But years of fighting the darkness had taken its toll. Why she had come back she wasn't sure but she had woken up that morning determined to visit her hometown. Maybe it was to find closure or seek answers or just remember but she had to do it.
Up until that moment the loneliness that accompanied her in the city had been all to much of a companion but it faded for the time she was sitting at the table making her feel a little bit better. The last time she had a close relationship had ended in this town. Xander Harris. As the memories infiltrated her mind she found herself wanting to see him. When they dated he had seemed such a loser to her but looking back now she realized that he wasn't really a loser and it made the way it ended feel that much worse.
She ignored the aches in her heart and tried to concentrate on the band but seeing The Dingoes performing without Oz just caused her more pain. What had Angel told her and so many cheesy shows. "You can't go home again." Well you have to. Her phone rang and she pulled it out of her purse to talk to Angel briefly assuring him she was alright and she would be back the next day. She put the phone back in her purse rummaging through to find her wallet when she saw HIM coming through the door.
The same clothing that he had always worn adorned his grown body but it seemed more dignified now and less clownish. A slight stubble ran across his face matching his deep, dark brown eyes. Like hers she mused. Eyes that had seen to much too soon. Eyes that showed the wear of years.
For a fleeting moment she was frightened and looked to the back door. They hadn't spoken in so many years and what if he had nothing to say to her? She knew she wanted to talk to him but maybe he never forgave her for being so mean and cold after their breakup. How could she tell him how scared she had been that she would lose someone as good as him and never find someone else? Queen Cordy couldn't but this Cordelia could.
Before she could make up her mind he spotted her and slipped through the crowd. A look of resentment crossed his face before a soft wistful look replaced it. He took the seat across from her and for a moment they looked at each other uncomfortably.
"Hey Cordy. Haven't seen you in a long time." And no one had called her Cordy in a long time. She missed it.
"It's so nice to see you Xander. And Sunnydale. It's changed so much!"
"Just like you Cordy. First place you head is the Bronze." He laughed but it sliced her inside. Was that really old Cordelia coming through on that note? She hoped not.
"Well it has some memories. Good...and Bad." She shrugged stirring her drink and feeling the loneliness flow back a little.
"Well I'm glad you're surviving the city."
"Yep. That's me hanging in there. Big city girl." Suddenly sitting there looking at him she wanted to pour out all the unhappiness that had come to her. And how she had gotten the ugly scar from Angelus. How much she missed him and wanted him and how much her life was his fault. But it wasn't and it didn't seem right to tell him all of that. "What about you? You seem different."
"I am." He puffed a little. "I'm supernatural now too." He waved his hand in front of her face It rippled and shifted but it changed back quickly. "Shape shifter."Xander explained moving his hand back.
"I have visions." Cordelia offered.
"Everyone is out with careers now. You wouldn't believe it. Even me. I have my own construction company."
"Wow Xander. Good for you." She smiled genuinely happy for him.
"I suppose I have to tell you about Giles." He said quietly making her serious.
"What about Giles?" He was one of the people she really had missed without mixed feelings.
"He passed last year. But it was a proper death full of sacrifice and nobility." Thoughts of Doyle rang through her head and the close call that had been.
"Oh." Her hung her head.
"The fight for good will never end."
"There will always be good and Evil. If nothing you do matters, then all that matters is what you do."
"That's profound Cordy."
"Angel told me that."
"Dead boy? You still working for him?"
"On and off." She did work for him sometimes now but she had taken a second job because she was determined to get some money put away to leave LA and find her way in the world. All of it had become old and she was deeply afraid it would be the end of her someday.
And that she understood then was why she had come back. She was trying to tie up the loose ends so she could move on and get over her childhood. Because as long as she stayed in LA doing the same thing she had all along she wasn't going to change.
"Kiss me." Cordelia leaned in before Xander could stop her and kissed him hard on the lips. He pushed her away gently.
"Cordelia." The voice was achingly sad and it filled her with remorse. The hand that had stayed by the table the whole time moved to cover hers. The shiny gold ring gleamed back at her like a laser through her heart. But it wasn't a shattering that echoed in her heart it was a snap.
"Oh."
"You didn't know."
"Who's the lucky girl?"
"Anya."
"The ex demon?"
"There's my Cordelia." She held her head up a little.
"I hope you both are very happy." She shifted on her stool. Xander looked over her shoulder and waved to someone.
"The gang's here."
"No." She shook her head and dropped her money on the table. She stuck out her hand but he opted to squeeze her.
"Goodbye." She whispered.
"Don't be a stranger." She could feel tears welling in her eyes and bolted for the back door as he made his way to the front. But as much as her heart had broken in the past half and hour it had also been mended to a point where she could at last begin to find herself.
Distribution: Just Ask
Disclaimer: I only own Joss Whedon
Cordelia Chase walked slowly down the suburban evening streets of Sunnydale California, taking in all the differences that had happened to it while she had been gone. She found herself heading to the Bronze and was happy to see the familiar neon sign greeting her at the door.
It seemed so small and sheltered, (as sheltered as a club over a hellmouth could be) after her years in LA. She found a table and ordered a drink, propping up her elbows on the table and resting her chin in her hands. Absentmindedly she traced the scar that ran down the left side of her face.
She had been a beauty queen once. Back when she lived in Sunnydale. Before she got a real taste of the world. (Something she thought she had when she admitted that things did roam the night and magic was real.) But years of fighting the darkness had taken its toll. Why she had come back she wasn't sure but she had woken up that morning determined to visit her hometown. Maybe it was to find closure or seek answers or just remember but she had to do it.
Up until that moment the loneliness that accompanied her in the city had been all to much of a companion but it faded for the time she was sitting at the table making her feel a little bit better. The last time she had a close relationship had ended in this town. Xander Harris. As the memories infiltrated her mind she found herself wanting to see him. When they dated he had seemed such a loser to her but looking back now she realized that he wasn't really a loser and it made the way it ended feel that much worse.
She ignored the aches in her heart and tried to concentrate on the band but seeing The Dingoes performing without Oz just caused her more pain. What had Angel told her and so many cheesy shows. "You can't go home again." Well you have to. Her phone rang and she pulled it out of her purse to talk to Angel briefly assuring him she was alright and she would be back the next day. She put the phone back in her purse rummaging through to find her wallet when she saw HIM coming through the door.
The same clothing that he had always worn adorned his grown body but it seemed more dignified now and less clownish. A slight stubble ran across his face matching his deep, dark brown eyes. Like hers she mused. Eyes that had seen to much too soon. Eyes that showed the wear of years.
For a fleeting moment she was frightened and looked to the back door. They hadn't spoken in so many years and what if he had nothing to say to her? She knew she wanted to talk to him but maybe he never forgave her for being so mean and cold after their breakup. How could she tell him how scared she had been that she would lose someone as good as him and never find someone else? Queen Cordy couldn't but this Cordelia could.
Before she could make up her mind he spotted her and slipped through the crowd. A look of resentment crossed his face before a soft wistful look replaced it. He took the seat across from her and for a moment they looked at each other uncomfortably.
"Hey Cordy. Haven't seen you in a long time." And no one had called her Cordy in a long time. She missed it.
"It's so nice to see you Xander. And Sunnydale. It's changed so much!"
"Just like you Cordy. First place you head is the Bronze." He laughed but it sliced her inside. Was that really old Cordelia coming through on that note? She hoped not.
"Well it has some memories. Good...and Bad." She shrugged stirring her drink and feeling the loneliness flow back a little.
"Well I'm glad you're surviving the city."
"Yep. That's me hanging in there. Big city girl." Suddenly sitting there looking at him she wanted to pour out all the unhappiness that had come to her. And how she had gotten the ugly scar from Angelus. How much she missed him and wanted him and how much her life was his fault. But it wasn't and it didn't seem right to tell him all of that. "What about you? You seem different."
"I am." He puffed a little. "I'm supernatural now too." He waved his hand in front of her face It rippled and shifted but it changed back quickly. "Shape shifter."Xander explained moving his hand back.
"I have visions." Cordelia offered.
"Everyone is out with careers now. You wouldn't believe it. Even me. I have my own construction company."
"Wow Xander. Good for you." She smiled genuinely happy for him.
"I suppose I have to tell you about Giles." He said quietly making her serious.
"What about Giles?" He was one of the people she really had missed without mixed feelings.
"He passed last year. But it was a proper death full of sacrifice and nobility." Thoughts of Doyle rang through her head and the close call that had been.
"Oh." Her hung her head.
"The fight for good will never end."
"There will always be good and Evil. If nothing you do matters, then all that matters is what you do."
"That's profound Cordy."
"Angel told me that."
"Dead boy? You still working for him?"
"On and off." She did work for him sometimes now but she had taken a second job because she was determined to get some money put away to leave LA and find her way in the world. All of it had become old and she was deeply afraid it would be the end of her someday.
And that she understood then was why she had come back. She was trying to tie up the loose ends so she could move on and get over her childhood. Because as long as she stayed in LA doing the same thing she had all along she wasn't going to change.
"Kiss me." Cordelia leaned in before Xander could stop her and kissed him hard on the lips. He pushed her away gently.
"Cordelia." The voice was achingly sad and it filled her with remorse. The hand that had stayed by the table the whole time moved to cover hers. The shiny gold ring gleamed back at her like a laser through her heart. But it wasn't a shattering that echoed in her heart it was a snap.
"Oh."
"You didn't know."
"Who's the lucky girl?"
"Anya."
"The ex demon?"
"There's my Cordelia." She held her head up a little.
"I hope you both are very happy." She shifted on her stool. Xander looked over her shoulder and waved to someone.
"The gang's here."
"No." She shook her head and dropped her money on the table. She stuck out her hand but he opted to squeeze her.
"Goodbye." She whispered.
"Don't be a stranger." She could feel tears welling in her eyes and bolted for the back door as he made his way to the front. But as much as her heart had broken in the past half and hour it had also been mended to a point where she could at last begin to find herself.