(Disclaimer: This story was written by Myself, but I borrowed without asking some of the characters from J.K Rowling. I apologise, yet hope this does not undermine my standing as a fan)
Chapter One ~ Family Life.
Harry heard a strange sound. It was a slightly out of tune voice humming unpleasantly in the room next door. It came from Dudley's room. He rolled up his work, stuffing it under his bed, and left his room cautiously. If it was a trap set by Dudley to catch him, it was a decidedly cleverer one than last time. Dudley, having run out of things to kill, had tried to tempt Harry out of his magically locked room with promises of cake and friendship, promising fervently he "would not bash" him, believing no one would see through his cunning plan. Harry had. Therefore he proceeded nervously down the corridor to Dudley's room; not really believing Dudley could hum, let alone want to.
The door lay open, displaying where Dudley's latest fort was now camped, and how Uncle Vernon's stretched "Extra-Small" boxers were being used as a flag. The bloated baby whale that was supposedly Dudley (though there had been rumours to the contrary- no boy could grow that large) was stretching over the mirror, grinning inanely. He was so busy examining his greasy new quiff that was sharpened to a point slightly off centre, and snazzy multicoloured braces that he twanged enthusiastically, (with chin flab left wobbling afterwards for several minutes), that he never noticed Harry's aghast expression and self-revulsion. His Smeltings uniform lay carefully on the unmade bed, with its matching straw boater and delicate ribbons clutched in his hand.
Dudley hummed happily, double chins drooping, as he started to arrange the hat jauntily on his head, turning it so that the ribbons drooped perkily over his left eyebrow. Harry, caught between the desire to laugh and taunt loudly, or run away in fear of this horrendous spectacle, suddenly burst out laughing upon Dudley giving the mirror a manful wink. Dudley turned, taking a few moments to realise where the sound was coming from, and then subsequently identify who it was, blushed putrid red, and hid the hat up his jumper, its ribbons poking out the bottom. He started to mumble half hearted death threats, but tailed off when he realised Harry was not running away.
"Practising your skills for the boys back at Smeltings? You love machine Dudley!" gasped Harry collapsing on the floor in giggles. "I… was not… you don't know…she likes…." Dudley spluttered. "SHE?" said Harry in disbelief. Could this be the moment he had been waiting since Dudley first realised what a top shelf in a newsagent was for? A girl suited to Dudley? As big as Dudley? Vernon's heavy tread was heard in the corridor as he barged in. "Harry? What are you doing in here? We've got guests for lunch, and the dining room won't clean itself!" barked Vernon. Guests? Could this be ….. Harry gazed from Vernon to Dudley, who had gone puce at the sound of guests, and slightly misty eyed. "Who's coming?" said Harry nervously. "My best friend at Smeltings, Garth Smedley, and who is also on the board of directors there now" said Vernon proudly "I thought it would be good for Dudley to meet him, away form school and his record, which.. isn't too good really. But that was simply due to unfair rules. Using wet towels in locker rooms should not be punished, I mean, horseplay like that made me the man I am today".
He bustled Harry out of the door and down the stairs, shoving him into the dining room where duster and polish lay waiting, with a parting shot of "Oh.. yes, and his daughter Julia. Apparently Dudley met her while she was visiting, just like Dudders to charm a girl, takes after his father." He left briskly, bumping in Dudley trying to hide behind the door. He looked distinctly worried, and scurried away, stopping only for a quick preen in the mirror. Harry felt worried. A girl. And Dudley. A girl. With Dudley. The fear that perhaps Dudley would be the first one to have a girlfriend made Harry suddenly question his own right to exist. He followed in Dudley's wake to the mirror. He peered at his appearance, searching for a reason why he was less desirable than Dudley, whose vocabulary mainly involved four letter words, and had recently perfected his ability to burp the whole alphabet (the H had proved particularly tricky, requiring constant practice and an enthralled audience.) His appearance did not give him answers to these perplexing questions, but did flatter his ego somewhat. He had filled out slightly more over the summer, and suited his height more, which was shooting up at an alarming (and surely unnatural) speed. However, his hair remained as thick as ever, and as unruly, though he had grown to like it more, and did not wish to be bald as often in the mornings. Madam Hooch had taught him a useful trick of improving his eyesight for specified periods of time, meant for Quittitch games, but Harry had used it before the start of the holidays to avoid being without glasses all holidays after being welcomed back by Dudley. However, his small amount of vanity meant he had got rather fond of being without them, and subsequently was unwilling to end the charm.
Harry picked up the duster and half-heartedly rubbed at a ketchup stain on the wood, left by Dudley a week ago, dropped in fright upon Uncle Vernon's gentle inquires over the disappearance of his boxers. Harry however amused himself for the rest of the afternoon over Julia, "The Girl who ate McDonalds out of business" or "The First Test Tube Pie that went horribly wrong".
* * *
When night dawned over the Dursley house, it found all members busily involved in separate yet intriguing tasks. Vernon was checking through his collection of drills, testing each one individually, and commenting on their performance to Aunt Petunia. She was sitting primly to one side, thinking about the meal she had prepared earlier, and moving another button on the ever expanding waistline of Dudley's trousers. Dudley himself, was dressed in his Smeltings uniform, for a reason known only to himself, and had primped in the bathroom for what felt like hours. Not that it had worked, his hair seemed only more excited, and his braces strangely clean from his lunch, now showing brightly nearly every colour of the rainbow.
Harry had been cleaning. And cleaning. He was dressed in what had to be the ugliest pair of jeans ever invented, (Dudley's), and his grey sweatshirt that had ever reminded Harry of his once painful (in every sense) future at Stonewall High. He was "on watch" for the visitors, who now drew up at the gate. He watched expectantly as one large person got out and started stretching their legs on the path. Unfortunately the person turned round, and caught Harry's eyes, whereupon Harry fell off his chair in shock. The person had a moustache and a receding hair line. However on closer inspection the person also turned out to be a man, and Harry breathed a sigh of mingled relief and disappointment and turned his attention back to the open car door. A girl got out next, slight and quite short. She had short dark hair tied back, and seemed intensely interested in the floor, as she scuffed the path with her shoe morosely.
Aunt Petunia bustled path, blowing hard on her nail polish and glared at Harry until he moved out of the immaculate living room. She continued to glare at him, till he went up a few stairs. She would not stop until went up to the next flight and crouched down behind the linen basket, hidden completely from view. She then opened the door with a flourish, saying composedly to the pair waiting "Welcome to my home, I am of course extremely pleased to meet you, Dudley has been beside himself with anticipation all afternoon". This was actually true, Dudley had been nipping to the toilet all evening, had run out of loo paper, and resorted to newspaper stolen from Uncle Vernon. The man laughed coarsely "I bet. Not often he gets the director of his school come to dinner huh? Just as well Vernon and I go way back or he would have been expelled in his first term". Aunt Petunia looked a little stumped and replied blandly "Ah . . . quite", however she swiftly recovered her composure and carried on hurriedly "Not that Dudley isn't a talented boy, Garth, he just is one of those people who do not need rules, as he has an inner sense of responsibility. His small problems are just his desire to explore his restrictive environment and understand his own personal limitations." Garth snorted contemptuously, and pushed past into the hall where he Vernon greeted him. Julia followed, with a disbelieving look at all the photos of Dudley on the wall (in every manner of pose, eating every type of food imaginable), and on closer inspection she seemed pleasant looking, if rather skinny.
Harry cautiously took his nose out of the dirty laundry, and crept downstairs. Garth caught his eye, and strode out of the living room, abandoning his delicate white and blue china cup precariously on the side of a chair, earning a look of pure hatred from Aunt Petunia. "You must be Harry, Dudley's only criminal relative. I heard about your exploits in Marks and Spencers, and I must say that you should know stealing the S- Bends from toilets is not big or clever. It is dangerous. Anyone could have slipped on the floor. Still, St Brutus' sounds like a good establishment, you should feel proud that you have relatives willing to support you through your juvenile delinquent years." Harry was painfully caught between indignation and the desire to laugh loudly. He decided to nod dumbly and say nothing. He did however earn some curious looks from Julia, whereupon he left the room for the sanctity of his bedroom.
* * *
Later he was disturbed by a knock. Julia's head appeared around the door. She looked very harassed and tired from her exposure to Dudley's wondrous burping abilities, which Harry could still hear even with the door closed and his head under the pillow. "Just wanted to know where you had found sanctuary" she said hopefully. "Sure, come in, but close the door and be willing to hide under the bed if you hear any sign of life" said Harry lightly. She spotted the huge musty textbooks immediately, and the large quill, and looked undecided for a moment than said firmly "You don't really go to St Brutus' Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys do you? Because although you don't look criminal, you have what could be a dangerous weapon-" indicating quill "-and my friend Wayne has never heard of such a place, and he would know having been in every detention centre ever created. So what is going on? Do you go to some private school, and you haven't told anyone due to overshadowing Dudley's um… popularity? ". Harry hesitated, then nodded; it was close enough to the truth if you just ignored the whole magic and death part. "But what are you doing here? I always pretend as if Dudley never existed, as Nature intended I am sure, and you come here willingly. Tell me, was it his charming conversational skills that first attracted you, or his flair with clothing and hair?" said Harry questioningly. "Well, not exactly, I just sort of know Dudley, as he is in the same form as Sam…" here she stopped and blushed, "Sam is my friend, yet I sometimes think … Well, I sort of got dragged into coming".
There were sounds of footsteps on the stairs, "Julia have you fallen down the toilet, Dudley has been looking for you for ages in there. Though why, one glance would really do it…. But anyway, it's dinner. Get the other boy to come down to.
* * *
(Some time later seated round a large table)
"So Harry, do you like St Brutus' then?" said Garth.
"Very much so, and if I continue to smuggle stuff in I could end up very wealthy, although the constant strip searches are a drag" remarked Harry happily. Julia snorted into her soup.
"Do you have your own room there?" said Garth unperturbed.
"Yes, less chance of injury especially after what happened last year to little Jimmy. But we are confident that he will walk again soon." Said Harry confidently.
"Ah … well it must be nice not to have to share I suppose. Have all your own things private" said Garth confused.
"Not really, we are not allowed anything not nailed down. But I always think, that if you believe a table lamp is an offensive object you're the one with a problem" replied Harry fiercely.
"Do you have any pets?" Julia inquired sweetly with a sly grin at Uncle Vernon who was looking murderously at the nearest table lamp, then back to Harry.
"No, we are not allowed to have pets anymore. Not after what happened to the goldfish, but we don't talk about that anymore. I did have a dog. I don't talk about that anymore either" said Harry sadly, digging at his stew.
Dudley looked angry at not being centre of attention, and remarked dumbly "They won't let me have any pets either." Julia now openly giggled.
"Not, that we don't have fun" said Harry defensively "They do allow us to still hurt each other, just when they aren't looking. They are really nice about some things".
"I have a stick as well" said Dudley proudly "I can use mine all the time really, except there is a points system. Getting them in the kneecaps is the type I go for most, as it is not only worth more marks, it puts them out of action for days.
Harry looked a little stumped at this, but was grabbed roughly by the arm by Uncle Vernon and hauled outside.
"Are you trying to make a mockery out of us boy" he spluttered. "What a charmer he is" said Harry pleasantly. "You are leaving here TONIGHT. I don't care where, just GO!" Uncle Vernon shouted. Harry looked slightly irritated for a second, then realised that Uncle Vernon regularly through him out , and that to argue would only aggravate the situation further. Harry therefore simply nodded happily and left the room, leaving a very offended Vernon, keen for some more shouting and bellowing. Harry raced upstairs and started packing his trunk quickly, throwing in his clothes and books. He tucked his Map into his pocket, (having been given it back at the end of last year by Professor McGonagall who had not known what it was) and was just about to heave his trunk downstairs when he was met by Julia still red in the face and giggling. "Strip searches, and table lamps?" she spluttered.
"Goodbye Julia, good luck with Sam" said Harry ignoring her sudden blush. He hauled his trunk downstairs and out the front door. The house was strangely quiet. He stuck out his wand hand, keeping back towards the hedge. The Knight bus suddenly burst into view, roaring to a stop. The doors slid open, and a cheery voice declared "Well, Harry whatcher doin' here? Come on board, I thought we would see you again, I bet 'im 5 sickles we would!"
Harry groaned as he followed Ernie onto the bus and sank down on a bed wearily. "The Burrow" he declared, as he peered out of the window, catching Julia's stunned and disbelieving look from the window. He wondered if Ron would mind him arriving unannounced, and if Ginny and Hermoine would be pleased to see him……
Quick Sneaky Peek of Next Episode: Harry arrives unexpectedly. Ron gets a highly unusual present. Harry and Ron get a talk on what women want. Harry gets a few pangs of love. All very exciting stuff (with a bit of luck). Should not take me long- please R/R! Suggestions and stuff like that. You can email me however on paynej413@thegrid.org.uk . Don't be afraid to flame, as long as you say why, you scummy gits.