I wanted to get as far away from New York as I could without having to steer around any fish. I wanted warmth year round. I seldom thought of the fact that I couldn't wear shorts or a bikini. I just... had to get away.
The one time that I did stop, I stopped at a run-down motel like the ones I can remember that Logan used to stay at. He's what hurt the most. He didn't want me there, he didn't want to protect me... he didn't love me. I'm not even saying that I wanted for him to love me. I think that I needed for someone to love me. Take note in the passed tense way that I said that. Needed. I don't even care anymore. My parents, the x-men, Logan, Remy. Screw them. SCREW THEM. (Just not as literally this time in Remy's case). It's their loss, not mine.
I had made a pact with myself that when I got to California I would never get attached to anyone. I always ended up hurt. I just wasn't someone that could be loved. I'll admit that did hurt, but at least I'm not one of those girls who played in there rooms with a pillow case clipped to the top of their head pretending to marry Ken, the perfect husband. I never really wanted to get married.
You always hear people who think that life is all about getting married and having children. I never saw what was so great about going through labor for God knows how long in order to raise these little brats who always want candy or toys or whatever. I always thought that life was about living for yourself not someone else. Which is a good thing for me to think considering I could never have kids. Who would want to marry me anyways??
When I saw the "Welcome to California" sign I stopped at the next motel. I was so tired that now, I can't even remember checking in to the damn place. I just remember waking up ready to start over. Marie was dead. She had been for awhile, I just didn't know it. Logan didn't know it either. He probably figured it out now, just like me. We're a lot alike. In more ways than either of us would like to admit. I don't know if he doesn't want to be like me or if he doesn't want me to be like him. I just know that for the first time in that hotel room, I didn't care.
I paid for the room (twelve dollars if that tells you anything about the place) and decided to start looking for a place to take more permanent residence and maybe even get a job. But first I needed a little pick-me-up. I found a bar that suited my tastes about two hours later when I found myself in a less-than-perky part of Las Angeles. The bar tender was, thank god, a girl. I was at this point a little sick of guys. Not so sick to write them off completely, hell no. I am not a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that). She looked at me and asked, "You been travelin'?" while drying out a beer mug with what I'm guessing was a pretty unsanitary dishcloth. Heck, maybe this would be my lucky day and I'd die from food poisoning or something. I was a little annoyed that she would ask me that without even say anything to me as if it was that obvious. It was that obvious though I know because that Twelve-Dollar Motel actually had a mirror in it. Not a whole one, mind you, but I'm not picky.
"Yup."
"Where from? Mississippi? You got a accent. I lived there once."
"Nah, I lived in Mississippi a while ago but I just came from New York."
"That's an even longer drive. Not much, but some. You stayin' long?"
I wasn't really used to bar tenders actually wanting to talk in places like this so I was a little suspicious at first, but then I remembered that my name was Rogue not Incognito Mosquito and decided that I didn't really give a fuck so I answered her question.
"Dunno. Probably." Yeah I know; I'm a big talker.
"If you're int'rested you can take a job here. We're sorta low on help."
I looked at her and then looked around and decided, "Sure, why not."
"Great. When d'ya wanna start?"
"Whenever you need me," I answered not really expecting her to need my right then.
About five minutes later I was behind the counter serving drinks and ignoring invitations to tuck me in when he walked in. Remy. I was on the opposite side of the country and somehow I managed to walk into the same bar as him. If I were suspicious type I would probably care that this were so coincidental. But I'm not, never was, and I just wanted to get out of there.
To my annoyance and his health hazard he followed me out. I guess it isn't coincidental is probably the thought that popped through my mind right then, considering the fact that I didn't run or even want to. I turned around and asked him what he wanted.
"I need to talk to you." was the best reply that he could think up on short notice. I decided to listen and stood there waiting for him to speak but he didn't seem as talkative as he claimed to be so I told him to:
"Go on."
"About the other day..." I really didn't need this shit right then so I just rolled my eyes and started to walk to my bike.
"Wait!" he said and he ran up behind me grabbing my wrist, "I have a reason for leaving. And I wanted to at least pay you back." Huh. That was interesting.
I turned around to look at him and found that he was a lot closer than I thought he would be. A lot.
We both just stood there like that, and what the hell was wrong with my stomach? Finally I woke back up and stepped back. "What do you want? And how did you even find me."
"I told you I want to give you an explanation and your money. You don't even have to say anything. Just listen to me."
I stayed put and he took that as his invitation to talk. " It's kind of hard to explain," he said, "but seeing as how I've been thinking about what to tell you non-stop for the past sixty hours I think that I can manage."
...To Be Continued...
I have always wanted to say that. Now it's out of my system and you'll never hear...er... see me say...er... write it again. HaHa I'm a weirdo. Whoopdy-doo for You Know Who (me). Holy. Shit. The other day I watched Poltergeist. The scariest movie I have ever seen. That God Damned Clown. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. For the love of God!!!!!!!::weep::!!!!!!!!! Alrighty, so... back to business. The whole editing thing is coming soon. It would be out already but my room was taken over by a hairy mutant (no offense, Gramma) and I had no access to my computer for like 2 weeks. Okay TTFN. Tigger...hehe. Buh Bye