TITLE: Leaving
AUTHOR: player
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Premiere
SUMMARY: A letter from Jack.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters, but...I wish I did.
ARCHIVING: If you want it, ask me first.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The idea for this just popped into my head one morning while I was trying to work on another fic in the "Grant Series". It started gnawing at me and I couldn't work on the fic that I was trying to work on so I had to get it down on paper. When you read this, just remember that I wrote this in about ten minutes.
WARNING: This fic deals with suicide, and may not be suitable for young readers.
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Dear DK,
I've never written one of these before, so I don't really know where to begin. I guess I could start when a part of me died. When John died.
I know that I might not have been the best father in the world, but I did love him and I would've done anything for him. But now he's gone.
After he died, things between the girls and me got pretty bad. They blamed me for his death. They thought that because I was an American hero, John was living in my shadow and had something to prove. They were right, you know. And, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about that sooner, DK, but I knew how hard John's death was on you and you didn't need all that happened between the girls and me.
Then the girls were killed. They died because I got into a fight with them. You don't know this, but before the girls were killed in that accident I got into a fight with them. I wanted to talk to them about all that happened after John was taken from us, but they still blamed me and they wouldn't listen. After that, they left and as they drove home, well, you know the rest. I'm sorry that didn't tell you about this, either, but like I said, you were already taking John's death pretty hard and you didn't need anything like this at the time.
I'm sorry, DK. I knew how hard you were taking it and I should've been there for you and the girls, but I was too wrapped up in my own grief. I wish I could go back in time and change that, but I can't. I wish I could go back in time to change things so that the girls wouldn't die. I wish I could go back in time so that John never got on that shuttle. But I can't.
At least, I know that John and the girls are together now. I hope they're happy wherever they are.
You know, no father should have to live longer than his children. No father should have to see his children die before they can find love, get married, have children, and live out the so-called American dream. But, I can't see that happen. That was stolen from John, Dana, and Kristin. It was stolen from me.
I can't go on like this, DK. I wish I had the strength that you do, but I don't. I can't go on thinking about what I could've done to keep them from dying. I can't go on without them. They were everything to me, and I don't know how to go on living without them. Maybe I'll see John and the girls, maybe I won't, but I just can't go on. I wish I could.
I just can't go on.
And, DK, what happened to John wasn't your fault. You never could have predicted that radiation wave that hit John's module. By the time Meteorology could get the word to us, it was already too late. So don't blame yourself for his death. And don't blame yourself for what I'm about to do.
It's funny. I didn't know what I would be feeling when I would get to this point, but I didn't expect to be feeling what I am now.
Goodbye, DK.
Love,
Jack
AUTHOR: player
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Premiere
SUMMARY: A letter from Jack.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters, but...I wish I did.
ARCHIVING: If you want it, ask me first.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The idea for this just popped into my head one morning while I was trying to work on another fic in the "Grant Series". It started gnawing at me and I couldn't work on the fic that I was trying to work on so I had to get it down on paper. When you read this, just remember that I wrote this in about ten minutes.
WARNING: This fic deals with suicide, and may not be suitable for young readers.
=================================
Dear DK,
I've never written one of these before, so I don't really know where to begin. I guess I could start when a part of me died. When John died.
I know that I might not have been the best father in the world, but I did love him and I would've done anything for him. But now he's gone.
After he died, things between the girls and me got pretty bad. They blamed me for his death. They thought that because I was an American hero, John was living in my shadow and had something to prove. They were right, you know. And, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about that sooner, DK, but I knew how hard John's death was on you and you didn't need all that happened between the girls and me.
Then the girls were killed. They died because I got into a fight with them. You don't know this, but before the girls were killed in that accident I got into a fight with them. I wanted to talk to them about all that happened after John was taken from us, but they still blamed me and they wouldn't listen. After that, they left and as they drove home, well, you know the rest. I'm sorry that didn't tell you about this, either, but like I said, you were already taking John's death pretty hard and you didn't need anything like this at the time.
I'm sorry, DK. I knew how hard you were taking it and I should've been there for you and the girls, but I was too wrapped up in my own grief. I wish I could go back in time and change that, but I can't. I wish I could go back in time to change things so that the girls wouldn't die. I wish I could go back in time so that John never got on that shuttle. But I can't.
At least, I know that John and the girls are together now. I hope they're happy wherever they are.
You know, no father should have to live longer than his children. No father should have to see his children die before they can find love, get married, have children, and live out the so-called American dream. But, I can't see that happen. That was stolen from John, Dana, and Kristin. It was stolen from me.
I can't go on like this, DK. I wish I had the strength that you do, but I don't. I can't go on thinking about what I could've done to keep them from dying. I can't go on without them. They were everything to me, and I don't know how to go on living without them. Maybe I'll see John and the girls, maybe I won't, but I just can't go on. I wish I could.
I just can't go on.
And, DK, what happened to John wasn't your fault. You never could have predicted that radiation wave that hit John's module. By the time Meteorology could get the word to us, it was already too late. So don't blame yourself for his death. And don't blame yourself for what I'm about to do.
It's funny. I didn't know what I would be feeling when I would get to this point, but I didn't expect to be feeling what I am now.
Goodbye, DK.
Love,
Jack