Sonny ran his hands through his hair. "Carly, what I'm trying to say is
that it's all my fault."
Carly shook her head and laughed bitterly. "Forget it, Sonny. This time it
was all me. I'm the poison. I'm the reason our baby died."
"Carly," He began but she held up her hand cutting him off.
"No, *I* married A.J. and had a *plan*. *I* changed my mind and decided to
stick it out and then I changed my mind *again*. I thought that I could get
out and get away with it. I thought I could get away with it all." She
shivered and hugged herself. "But I couldn't."
"If I hadn't been so cocky about A.J. the accident would have never
happened." Sonny murmured. "I should have known he was up to something."
"Hey, guess what, the world doesn't revolve around you." Carly shot off.
"You can't control everything Sonny, no matter how hard you try. So quit
the martyr act. It's old."
"Try telling yourself the same thing." He snapped back. "Who's the bigger
martyr around here? You or me, Carly?"
Carly shook her head. "You don't understand."
"That's right, I don't understand. That's why we're here. So we can
understand each other so we can help each other. But you're not making it
easy for either of us."
"What I'm trying to do is—"
"Avoid the topic." Sonny glared at her.
"What you want to do is get through this as fast as you can so you can go
back to your penthouse and forget that me or the baby ever existed. Right?"
Carly snapped.
"That is not what I want. But you obviously are going to come up with every
excuse in the book so *you* won't have to deal with this."
"I'll deal with it, in my own way. I can't do it if you're yelling at me
and pushing me all the time."
"Who's yelling?" He shouted.
Carly silently lifted an eyebrow then turned and marched back towards the
house. Sonny let her go. He groaned and squatted down in the sand.
It was a start but not much of a start. At least they were talking and
getting things out in the open. But at this rate it was going take months
before they broke down and had a real conversation. One without either one
storming off.
Sonny dragged his hand through the sand, making mindless designs. He
replayed the conversation in his mind. Maybe she had been right about him
believing he was in control of everything. Maybe he did take too much
responsibility too often. The idea that maybe he couldn't have changed
things terrified him. It was easier to believe that it was his fault that
he hadn't been ready for anything than to believe that he had no control
over his life.
But when he really thought about it certain questions haunted him.
Was there any possible way I could have predicted what A.J. was planning?
No, he admitted to himself. In truth no one could have known. Who would
have thought that A.J. would get drunk and run into them?
But could I have really changed things that night? He continued to question
himself.
Instead of taking Carly out to the Grille, should I have just taken her
right back to the Penthouse?
No, A.J. was obviously following them. He would have struck at any time.
If I hadn't gotten out to check the damage could I have spotted the
bleeding? He remembered the way she called his name and he ignored her. She
was trying to tell him and he *ignored* her.
***He started to get out of the limo but Carly's soft whimper stopped him.
"Sonny…"
"I'll be right back." He promised her...***
If I had listened to her would our baby have had a chance? If I had gotten
Carly to the hospital faster would our baby had lived? If I hadn't held
onto her for so long and put her down when Bobbie told me to…
Sonny thrust his hands into his hair, forgetting the sand covering them.
All these questions were driving him crazy. They were making him think that
maybe there was a possibility that the death of the baby was an accident
that no one could have done a thing about. That it was just one of those
things and some how he and Carly were going to have to gather the strength
to move on. But how could they when Carly refused to talk about it other
than to accept responsibility for it?
~*~*~
Damn Sonny, Carly thought to herself as she marched back and forth across
her room. If anyone here was acting like a martyr it was him. She had a
legitimate reason for believing it was all her fault. At least in her eyes
it was. Screw what everyone else thinks. *She* knew the truth.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. She thought being on island
and not cooped up with Sonny is his penthouse would be better but she was
beginning to feel confined even here. It was only one day and already she
was ready to leave. She couldn't stand it!
Carly sighed. She knew what was really bothering her. The one thing she
hadn't faced yet. She slowly made her way out of her room and down the
hall, after making sure that Sonny was not around. She hesitated in front
of the closed door. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and turned the
knob.
When she opened her eyes again she stared at the halfway finished nursery
room. She choked on a sob and covered her mouth with her hand. She took
small steps inside and turned around. There were the yellow curtains she
put up.
They were the first things she bought when she got to the island. She
wanted to put her own stamp on the room something that said this is where
my baby will sleep and she will be happy here. Carly lightly touched the
curtain with one finger.
Next she moved onto a white bassinet. She remembered when she and Johnny
first stumbled across it in the market. It was old and ugly and Johnny
thought it couldn't be saved but Carly knew, Carly could see beneath the
mess to the beautiful bassinet waiting for her child. Johnny didn't want
her to buy the old thing, told her they could get a brand new one from a
store but Carly put her foot down. She had to have it. Johnny relented and
spent several days sanding it down and painting it for her. Carly trailed
her finger along it the railing. How many times did she dream of watching
her baby sleep in this bed?
Carly bit her lip to try and stop her tears. She glanced up at the shelf
one of the guards had built for her. On it were four teddy bears, one from
each of the guards. Carly allowed herself to smile at the memory of the day
the big burly men came in carrying teddy bears for the baby. Carly knew it
had to be Johnny's idea but she didn't let on. She didn't even ask where
they got them. She just accepted them with a smile and told them the baby
said thank you.
She took one from off the shelf and sat down cross-legged on the floor. She
stroked the glossy black fur and stared into the glassy eyes. She murmured.
"My baby will never play with you…"
She looked around the room. She had so many dreams and hopes. And now they
were gone. They were all gone. And nothing could hurt more than that. She
closed her eyes, cuddled the bear close to her heart and lay down on the
floor. Soon she'd fallen asleep.
~*~*~
Loud noises woke Sonny up that night. After their encounter on the beach he
didn't see Carly again. He figured she was doing the same thing as he was,
which was avoiding her. It was successful. He went into town, had dinner,
came back to the house and didn't see her once.
He had spent most of the night tossing and turning thinking about the
epiphany he had on the beach. Just when he finally started to drift off to
sleep strange noises drifted into his room. What the hell was that?
He groaned and got out of bed. He grabbed his robe and threw it on over his
tank top and pajama bottoms. He went out into the hallway and looked
around. He glanced in the direction of Carly's room but it was clear that
the noises weren't coming from that way. He looked in the other direction.
"Carly?"
There was no answer. He tightened his robe around him and went in search of
the noise. He came to one of the empty rooms that no one used. "Carly?"
He pressed his ear to the door and the first thing he heard was crying and
then a loud crash. He quickly opened the door. "Carly!"
He was shocked at what he saw. It was a partially decorated nursery. In the
middle of it tearing down what few decorations there were, was Carly. She
was sobbing loudly, "I killed her, I killed her."
She tore down the cheerful yellow curtains. She overturned the white
bassinet. She turned around in a circle, her eyes wild as she looked at her
destruction. Finally she collapsed in the middle of the floor, crying.
"Carly, come on. Stop this. What are you doing?" Sonny knelt beside her and
touched her gently on the shoulder. He turned her to him and gathered her
close. She buried her face in his chest.
"I killed our baby girl." She sobbed.
"Shush." He murmured and softly stroked her hair. "Come on. It wasn't your
fault and it wasn't mine. I realize that now. It was A.J.'s."
"No, I don't want to hear that." She pushed away from him and shook her
head. "A.J. attacked us because of me and what I did to him."
"A.J. is responsible for his actions, not you or me. He knew what he was
doing and he did it anyway."
Carly got to her feet. "His actions were in response to what I did. Can't
you see Sonny? It's my fault we lost the baby. *I* killed Angel."
She ran from the room crying. Sonny started to follow but she dashed into
her room and slammed the door behind her. He heard the click of the lock
just as he got to the door. He slammed his hand on the door.
"Damn it, Carly, open this door. Carly! Who is Angel?"
~*~*~
"Come on, Michael, Mommy will be home from her trip soon." Bobbie said
soothingly to the toddler who was crying his head off for his mother. She
hadn't realized how attached the child had become to Carly. Bobbie gritted
her teeth and muttered under her breath. "I hope she comes back *real*
soon."
Bobbie checked her watch. She had to leave soon or she'd be late for her
shift at the hospital. She was waiting for Leticia to get there. She'd
already sent one of the guards to pick up Leticia but it was taking
forever. Bobbie carried Michael over to the door with her. She stuck her
head out to ask Johnny if Leticia was there yet.
Standing on the steps fighting with Johnny was an angry Monica. "I demand
that you step aside and let me into this house at once. My grandson is in
there and no one, much less you is going to keep me from getting inside."
Before she left Carly carefully explained her rules to him in case Bobbie
decided to change her mind. Johnny growled at her. "I don't think so."
"You aren't paid to think." She snapped back.
"Monica, what are you doing here?" Bobbie frowned.
"Finally." Monica said with relief. "Will you tell this idiot to move and
let me in?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that." She shook her head. "You can't come in."
"Bobbie, really, this is ridiculous." Monica said frustrated. "It isn't
necessary."
"It's Carly's wishes." Bobbie shrugged.
Just then Leticia came rushing up the stairs. "I'm so sorry, I'm late. I
didn't keep you waiting that long did I?" She took the crying child in her
arms. He settled down quickly and Bobbie frowned at him. Leticia carried
Michael into the house.
Monica narrowed her eyes. "I can't believe you're actually doing what that
tramp wants. All I want to do is see my grandson."
"And *my* daughter doesn't want you to." Bobbie propped his hands on her
hips.
"That little slut has ruined my son, I won't let her destroy Michael also."
Monica swore.
Bobbie stared at her with wide eyes. "I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Have you taken a good look at A.J. lately?"
"Actually I can't because he's gone. He's disappeared and it's all that
woman's fault."
"The only person's fault it is, is A.J.'s." Bobbie told her. "He tried to
kill my daughter and Sonny for goodness sake."
"Carly pushed him to do that. She made him drink, she took away his son,
and his self-respect." Monica ticked off Carly's list of sins. "She has
been a destructive force in his life from day one."
Bobbie gaped at her. Her mouth opened and closed several times before she
was able to say what she needed to say.
"You are unbelievable Monica. A.J…anything that happened to him, he brought
upon himself. Did Carly force the alcohol down his throat? No. She didn't
make him into an alcoholic. You know who did? You, you and your twisted
family. Is there any wonder why one of your sons is a brain damaged
mobster, the other a whining alcoholic, and your daughter is a former drug
addict? Don't ever say another word about my daughter again because none of
your kids are any real prizes."
"Monica, take a step back and look at what your family really is. It's
poison and I'm thankful that my daughter got her son and herself out of its
clutches. I don't care what she had to do to get out of it, I'm just glad
she did. From the little that Carly told me, A.J. probably thought your
sick marriage with Alan was what love was should be."
"Alan and I are not sick." Monica managed to stammer out.
"You cheat on each other and didn't Alan once try to kill you? There's no
doubt in my mind that A.J. tried to use the same tactics on Carly. Only
they weren't in love with each other." Bobbie took a deep breath and tried
to calm down. "Look, I'm…I'm on edge because Michael's been really cranky
lately."
"That's because he misses his family, the Quartermaines." Monica couldn't
resist saying.
Bobbie shook her head. "He misses his mother. Monica, I don't care how long
we've been friends but don't come back here again. Not until Carly says
it's okay for you to see him."
~*~*~
The morning after, Carly tried her best to slink out of the house and into
town. She felt foolish for letting her guard down in front of Sonny. She
can't believe she mentioned Angel to him! Carly was halfway out of the door
when Sonny caught her. He grabbed her by the arm and jerked her back
inside.
"You and I are going to talk and finish this." Sonny ordered her as he
marched them into the living room. He sat her down on the couch and sat
across from her. He stared in to her eyes. "A.J., as much as it pains me to
say this, is a grown man."
"I really don't see why we need to even bother—" Carly started to stand up
but Sonny barked out. "Sit down!"
"You know, how are we supposed to talk things out when you keep yelling at
me?" She muttered as she sat back down.
"We can't if you keep running from me and avoiding the subject." He told
her. "Like I said, A.J. is a grown man. Yeah, you did horrible things to
him but you didn't do it on purpose. You didn't try to hurt him."
"Laundry cart." She muttered.
He ran his hand through his hair. "You know what I mean. I don't agree with
your tactics but everything you did, you did out of love for Michael and to
protect him and yourself. A.J. attacked us because he's petty and he wanted
revenge. He's at fault here, not you and not me."
Carly stared silently at the floor. Deep inside of her she wanted to
believe it. She knew believing it would make the hurt go away but… She
dropped her hand to her stomach. It was an unconscious move. Something she
did often to soothe herself and the baby. But now there was no baby. A lone
tear trickled down her cheek.
Sonny sucked in a breath. "Carly…"
She shook her head and wiped away the tear. "No, don't. I know she's gone
but I still forget sometimes. I used to like to rub my stomach, you know?
It made me feel better."
"Last night, in the nursery…"
"I'm sorry for that." She hurried to say. "I shouldn't have done that. I
fell asleep and when I woke up it all just came rushing back to me. I
couldn't stand it. I'll clean up the mess."
"Don't worry about it. I did it last night." He assured her. He took a deep
breath. "Carly, who's Angel?"
This time it was Carly's turn to suck in a breath. "I was hoping you'd
forget I said that."
"Who was she?"
"The doctor down here told me the baby was a girl. When I heard I began
decorating the room for a girl. I wasn't sure how long I'd be down here but
I figured our little girl needed her own room." She hesitated.
"Angel, Carly…" He urged her on.
"I thought about naming her Angel." She said softly. "It was an idea that I
kicked around for awhile. I started referring to her as Angel a lot. Mostly
in my head and not out loud."
"You never mentioned it to Johnny?" He said harshly, unaware of the way he
sounded.
Carly narrowed her eyes, slightly confused by his meaning. "No."
Sonny sat back and slowly smiled. "Angel Corinthos has a nice ring to it."
"You think so? That's what I thought also." She admitted. She curled her
legs up under her. "I thought Angel would be good. I wanted her to be
everything I wasn't, everything I couldn't be. Perfect and beautiful and
stuff."
"It would have been ironic though." He murmured.
"Why?"
"We have to be two of the biggest sinners in Port Charles…an angel being
born from two sinners?" He lifted an eyebrow.
She shrugged. "I never thought about that but you make a good point. But in
my mind it fit, you know what I mean?" He nodded silently. "Did you…did you
ever think what she would look like?"
"Actually, I didn't give it much thought. All I wanted was a healthy baby."
"I was thinking maybe a mini version of me." She said. "Michael looks so
much like Bobbie, I was hoping Angel would resemble me, at least a little."
Sonny smiled at the thought of a little Carly. "Just what the world needs.
A miniature you running around."
"Hey." Carly frowned. "Like the world needs a tiny version of you either."
"Hey, hey, hey." He said softly and took her hand. "I was kidding. Maybe
she would been a combo of us. The best traits and characteristics?"
"The best?" Carly snorted. "I don't think she would have had much to go on
then."
"Carly…"
"Angel…Angel was going to be my new start. I was going to start everything
over. Be someone new, I don't know. I think I pinned too much hope on one
little girl but…" Carly swallowed hard.
Sonny reached out to touch her cheek and Carly closed her eyes. She pressed
her hand to her stomach. This time on purpose.
"I said I used to touch my stomach to calm myself down but it was also to
remind myself that there was life there, to bond with her, and to dream
about what she would be like and how proud I would be of her. It's not like
I'm not proud of Michael but I made too many mistakes with him and with
Angel…everything was going to be perfect. Right from the start, I wasn't
going to make one mistake."
Sonny cupped her face between his hands and used his thumbs to wipe away
her tears. He whispered. "I know it hurts."
Carly sobbed. "It's never going to stop, is it?" She pulled away from him
and ran out of the house. Sonny knew she was heading to town and figured it
was a good thing. They needed some time apart. He headed out to the beach.
He needed to think.
~*~*~
Once again Sonny was woken from his sleep late that night. This time he
could hear the sounds of Carly sobbing loudly. He got up and walked out
without bothering with his robe. He padded towards the nursery hoping he
wouldn't see her destroying the room yet again. Only when he opened the
door the room was empty and still in the pristine state he'd left it in. He
frowned in confusion. If she wasn't here, then where was she?
that it's all my fault."
Carly shook her head and laughed bitterly. "Forget it, Sonny. This time it
was all me. I'm the poison. I'm the reason our baby died."
"Carly," He began but she held up her hand cutting him off.
"No, *I* married A.J. and had a *plan*. *I* changed my mind and decided to
stick it out and then I changed my mind *again*. I thought that I could get
out and get away with it. I thought I could get away with it all." She
shivered and hugged herself. "But I couldn't."
"If I hadn't been so cocky about A.J. the accident would have never
happened." Sonny murmured. "I should have known he was up to something."
"Hey, guess what, the world doesn't revolve around you." Carly shot off.
"You can't control everything Sonny, no matter how hard you try. So quit
the martyr act. It's old."
"Try telling yourself the same thing." He snapped back. "Who's the bigger
martyr around here? You or me, Carly?"
Carly shook her head. "You don't understand."
"That's right, I don't understand. That's why we're here. So we can
understand each other so we can help each other. But you're not making it
easy for either of us."
"What I'm trying to do is—"
"Avoid the topic." Sonny glared at her.
"What you want to do is get through this as fast as you can so you can go
back to your penthouse and forget that me or the baby ever existed. Right?"
Carly snapped.
"That is not what I want. But you obviously are going to come up with every
excuse in the book so *you* won't have to deal with this."
"I'll deal with it, in my own way. I can't do it if you're yelling at me
and pushing me all the time."
"Who's yelling?" He shouted.
Carly silently lifted an eyebrow then turned and marched back towards the
house. Sonny let her go. He groaned and squatted down in the sand.
It was a start but not much of a start. At least they were talking and
getting things out in the open. But at this rate it was going take months
before they broke down and had a real conversation. One without either one
storming off.
Sonny dragged his hand through the sand, making mindless designs. He
replayed the conversation in his mind. Maybe she had been right about him
believing he was in control of everything. Maybe he did take too much
responsibility too often. The idea that maybe he couldn't have changed
things terrified him. It was easier to believe that it was his fault that
he hadn't been ready for anything than to believe that he had no control
over his life.
But when he really thought about it certain questions haunted him.
Was there any possible way I could have predicted what A.J. was planning?
No, he admitted to himself. In truth no one could have known. Who would
have thought that A.J. would get drunk and run into them?
But could I have really changed things that night? He continued to question
himself.
Instead of taking Carly out to the Grille, should I have just taken her
right back to the Penthouse?
No, A.J. was obviously following them. He would have struck at any time.
If I hadn't gotten out to check the damage could I have spotted the
bleeding? He remembered the way she called his name and he ignored her. She
was trying to tell him and he *ignored* her.
***He started to get out of the limo but Carly's soft whimper stopped him.
"Sonny…"
"I'll be right back." He promised her...***
If I had listened to her would our baby have had a chance? If I had gotten
Carly to the hospital faster would our baby had lived? If I hadn't held
onto her for so long and put her down when Bobbie told me to…
Sonny thrust his hands into his hair, forgetting the sand covering them.
All these questions were driving him crazy. They were making him think that
maybe there was a possibility that the death of the baby was an accident
that no one could have done a thing about. That it was just one of those
things and some how he and Carly were going to have to gather the strength
to move on. But how could they when Carly refused to talk about it other
than to accept responsibility for it?
~*~*~
Damn Sonny, Carly thought to herself as she marched back and forth across
her room. If anyone here was acting like a martyr it was him. She had a
legitimate reason for believing it was all her fault. At least in her eyes
it was. Screw what everyone else thinks. *She* knew the truth.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. She thought being on island
and not cooped up with Sonny is his penthouse would be better but she was
beginning to feel confined even here. It was only one day and already she
was ready to leave. She couldn't stand it!
Carly sighed. She knew what was really bothering her. The one thing she
hadn't faced yet. She slowly made her way out of her room and down the
hall, after making sure that Sonny was not around. She hesitated in front
of the closed door. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and turned the
knob.
When she opened her eyes again she stared at the halfway finished nursery
room. She choked on a sob and covered her mouth with her hand. She took
small steps inside and turned around. There were the yellow curtains she
put up.
They were the first things she bought when she got to the island. She
wanted to put her own stamp on the room something that said this is where
my baby will sleep and she will be happy here. Carly lightly touched the
curtain with one finger.
Next she moved onto a white bassinet. She remembered when she and Johnny
first stumbled across it in the market. It was old and ugly and Johnny
thought it couldn't be saved but Carly knew, Carly could see beneath the
mess to the beautiful bassinet waiting for her child. Johnny didn't want
her to buy the old thing, told her they could get a brand new one from a
store but Carly put her foot down. She had to have it. Johnny relented and
spent several days sanding it down and painting it for her. Carly trailed
her finger along it the railing. How many times did she dream of watching
her baby sleep in this bed?
Carly bit her lip to try and stop her tears. She glanced up at the shelf
one of the guards had built for her. On it were four teddy bears, one from
each of the guards. Carly allowed herself to smile at the memory of the day
the big burly men came in carrying teddy bears for the baby. Carly knew it
had to be Johnny's idea but she didn't let on. She didn't even ask where
they got them. She just accepted them with a smile and told them the baby
said thank you.
She took one from off the shelf and sat down cross-legged on the floor. She
stroked the glossy black fur and stared into the glassy eyes. She murmured.
"My baby will never play with you…"
She looked around the room. She had so many dreams and hopes. And now they
were gone. They were all gone. And nothing could hurt more than that. She
closed her eyes, cuddled the bear close to her heart and lay down on the
floor. Soon she'd fallen asleep.
~*~*~
Loud noises woke Sonny up that night. After their encounter on the beach he
didn't see Carly again. He figured she was doing the same thing as he was,
which was avoiding her. It was successful. He went into town, had dinner,
came back to the house and didn't see her once.
He had spent most of the night tossing and turning thinking about the
epiphany he had on the beach. Just when he finally started to drift off to
sleep strange noises drifted into his room. What the hell was that?
He groaned and got out of bed. He grabbed his robe and threw it on over his
tank top and pajama bottoms. He went out into the hallway and looked
around. He glanced in the direction of Carly's room but it was clear that
the noises weren't coming from that way. He looked in the other direction.
"Carly?"
There was no answer. He tightened his robe around him and went in search of
the noise. He came to one of the empty rooms that no one used. "Carly?"
He pressed his ear to the door and the first thing he heard was crying and
then a loud crash. He quickly opened the door. "Carly!"
He was shocked at what he saw. It was a partially decorated nursery. In the
middle of it tearing down what few decorations there were, was Carly. She
was sobbing loudly, "I killed her, I killed her."
She tore down the cheerful yellow curtains. She overturned the white
bassinet. She turned around in a circle, her eyes wild as she looked at her
destruction. Finally she collapsed in the middle of the floor, crying.
"Carly, come on. Stop this. What are you doing?" Sonny knelt beside her and
touched her gently on the shoulder. He turned her to him and gathered her
close. She buried her face in his chest.
"I killed our baby girl." She sobbed.
"Shush." He murmured and softly stroked her hair. "Come on. It wasn't your
fault and it wasn't mine. I realize that now. It was A.J.'s."
"No, I don't want to hear that." She pushed away from him and shook her
head. "A.J. attacked us because of me and what I did to him."
"A.J. is responsible for his actions, not you or me. He knew what he was
doing and he did it anyway."
Carly got to her feet. "His actions were in response to what I did. Can't
you see Sonny? It's my fault we lost the baby. *I* killed Angel."
She ran from the room crying. Sonny started to follow but she dashed into
her room and slammed the door behind her. He heard the click of the lock
just as he got to the door. He slammed his hand on the door.
"Damn it, Carly, open this door. Carly! Who is Angel?"
~*~*~
"Come on, Michael, Mommy will be home from her trip soon." Bobbie said
soothingly to the toddler who was crying his head off for his mother. She
hadn't realized how attached the child had become to Carly. Bobbie gritted
her teeth and muttered under her breath. "I hope she comes back *real*
soon."
Bobbie checked her watch. She had to leave soon or she'd be late for her
shift at the hospital. She was waiting for Leticia to get there. She'd
already sent one of the guards to pick up Leticia but it was taking
forever. Bobbie carried Michael over to the door with her. She stuck her
head out to ask Johnny if Leticia was there yet.
Standing on the steps fighting with Johnny was an angry Monica. "I demand
that you step aside and let me into this house at once. My grandson is in
there and no one, much less you is going to keep me from getting inside."
Before she left Carly carefully explained her rules to him in case Bobbie
decided to change her mind. Johnny growled at her. "I don't think so."
"You aren't paid to think." She snapped back.
"Monica, what are you doing here?" Bobbie frowned.
"Finally." Monica said with relief. "Will you tell this idiot to move and
let me in?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that." She shook her head. "You can't come in."
"Bobbie, really, this is ridiculous." Monica said frustrated. "It isn't
necessary."
"It's Carly's wishes." Bobbie shrugged.
Just then Leticia came rushing up the stairs. "I'm so sorry, I'm late. I
didn't keep you waiting that long did I?" She took the crying child in her
arms. He settled down quickly and Bobbie frowned at him. Leticia carried
Michael into the house.
Monica narrowed her eyes. "I can't believe you're actually doing what that
tramp wants. All I want to do is see my grandson."
"And *my* daughter doesn't want you to." Bobbie propped his hands on her
hips.
"That little slut has ruined my son, I won't let her destroy Michael also."
Monica swore.
Bobbie stared at her with wide eyes. "I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Have you taken a good look at A.J. lately?"
"Actually I can't because he's gone. He's disappeared and it's all that
woman's fault."
"The only person's fault it is, is A.J.'s." Bobbie told her. "He tried to
kill my daughter and Sonny for goodness sake."
"Carly pushed him to do that. She made him drink, she took away his son,
and his self-respect." Monica ticked off Carly's list of sins. "She has
been a destructive force in his life from day one."
Bobbie gaped at her. Her mouth opened and closed several times before she
was able to say what she needed to say.
"You are unbelievable Monica. A.J…anything that happened to him, he brought
upon himself. Did Carly force the alcohol down his throat? No. She didn't
make him into an alcoholic. You know who did? You, you and your twisted
family. Is there any wonder why one of your sons is a brain damaged
mobster, the other a whining alcoholic, and your daughter is a former drug
addict? Don't ever say another word about my daughter again because none of
your kids are any real prizes."
"Monica, take a step back and look at what your family really is. It's
poison and I'm thankful that my daughter got her son and herself out of its
clutches. I don't care what she had to do to get out of it, I'm just glad
she did. From the little that Carly told me, A.J. probably thought your
sick marriage with Alan was what love was should be."
"Alan and I are not sick." Monica managed to stammer out.
"You cheat on each other and didn't Alan once try to kill you? There's no
doubt in my mind that A.J. tried to use the same tactics on Carly. Only
they weren't in love with each other." Bobbie took a deep breath and tried
to calm down. "Look, I'm…I'm on edge because Michael's been really cranky
lately."
"That's because he misses his family, the Quartermaines." Monica couldn't
resist saying.
Bobbie shook her head. "He misses his mother. Monica, I don't care how long
we've been friends but don't come back here again. Not until Carly says
it's okay for you to see him."
~*~*~
The morning after, Carly tried her best to slink out of the house and into
town. She felt foolish for letting her guard down in front of Sonny. She
can't believe she mentioned Angel to him! Carly was halfway out of the door
when Sonny caught her. He grabbed her by the arm and jerked her back
inside.
"You and I are going to talk and finish this." Sonny ordered her as he
marched them into the living room. He sat her down on the couch and sat
across from her. He stared in to her eyes. "A.J., as much as it pains me to
say this, is a grown man."
"I really don't see why we need to even bother—" Carly started to stand up
but Sonny barked out. "Sit down!"
"You know, how are we supposed to talk things out when you keep yelling at
me?" She muttered as she sat back down.
"We can't if you keep running from me and avoiding the subject." He told
her. "Like I said, A.J. is a grown man. Yeah, you did horrible things to
him but you didn't do it on purpose. You didn't try to hurt him."
"Laundry cart." She muttered.
He ran his hand through his hair. "You know what I mean. I don't agree with
your tactics but everything you did, you did out of love for Michael and to
protect him and yourself. A.J. attacked us because he's petty and he wanted
revenge. He's at fault here, not you and not me."
Carly stared silently at the floor. Deep inside of her she wanted to
believe it. She knew believing it would make the hurt go away but… She
dropped her hand to her stomach. It was an unconscious move. Something she
did often to soothe herself and the baby. But now there was no baby. A lone
tear trickled down her cheek.
Sonny sucked in a breath. "Carly…"
She shook her head and wiped away the tear. "No, don't. I know she's gone
but I still forget sometimes. I used to like to rub my stomach, you know?
It made me feel better."
"Last night, in the nursery…"
"I'm sorry for that." She hurried to say. "I shouldn't have done that. I
fell asleep and when I woke up it all just came rushing back to me. I
couldn't stand it. I'll clean up the mess."
"Don't worry about it. I did it last night." He assured her. He took a deep
breath. "Carly, who's Angel?"
This time it was Carly's turn to suck in a breath. "I was hoping you'd
forget I said that."
"Who was she?"
"The doctor down here told me the baby was a girl. When I heard I began
decorating the room for a girl. I wasn't sure how long I'd be down here but
I figured our little girl needed her own room." She hesitated.
"Angel, Carly…" He urged her on.
"I thought about naming her Angel." She said softly. "It was an idea that I
kicked around for awhile. I started referring to her as Angel a lot. Mostly
in my head and not out loud."
"You never mentioned it to Johnny?" He said harshly, unaware of the way he
sounded.
Carly narrowed her eyes, slightly confused by his meaning. "No."
Sonny sat back and slowly smiled. "Angel Corinthos has a nice ring to it."
"You think so? That's what I thought also." She admitted. She curled her
legs up under her. "I thought Angel would be good. I wanted her to be
everything I wasn't, everything I couldn't be. Perfect and beautiful and
stuff."
"It would have been ironic though." He murmured.
"Why?"
"We have to be two of the biggest sinners in Port Charles…an angel being
born from two sinners?" He lifted an eyebrow.
She shrugged. "I never thought about that but you make a good point. But in
my mind it fit, you know what I mean?" He nodded silently. "Did you…did you
ever think what she would look like?"
"Actually, I didn't give it much thought. All I wanted was a healthy baby."
"I was thinking maybe a mini version of me." She said. "Michael looks so
much like Bobbie, I was hoping Angel would resemble me, at least a little."
Sonny smiled at the thought of a little Carly. "Just what the world needs.
A miniature you running around."
"Hey." Carly frowned. "Like the world needs a tiny version of you either."
"Hey, hey, hey." He said softly and took her hand. "I was kidding. Maybe
she would been a combo of us. The best traits and characteristics?"
"The best?" Carly snorted. "I don't think she would have had much to go on
then."
"Carly…"
"Angel…Angel was going to be my new start. I was going to start everything
over. Be someone new, I don't know. I think I pinned too much hope on one
little girl but…" Carly swallowed hard.
Sonny reached out to touch her cheek and Carly closed her eyes. She pressed
her hand to her stomach. This time on purpose.
"I said I used to touch my stomach to calm myself down but it was also to
remind myself that there was life there, to bond with her, and to dream
about what she would be like and how proud I would be of her. It's not like
I'm not proud of Michael but I made too many mistakes with him and with
Angel…everything was going to be perfect. Right from the start, I wasn't
going to make one mistake."
Sonny cupped her face between his hands and used his thumbs to wipe away
her tears. He whispered. "I know it hurts."
Carly sobbed. "It's never going to stop, is it?" She pulled away from him
and ran out of the house. Sonny knew she was heading to town and figured it
was a good thing. They needed some time apart. He headed out to the beach.
He needed to think.
~*~*~
Once again Sonny was woken from his sleep late that night. This time he
could hear the sounds of Carly sobbing loudly. He got up and walked out
without bothering with his robe. He padded towards the nursery hoping he
wouldn't see her destroying the room yet again. Only when he opened the
door the room was empty and still in the pristine state he'd left it in. He
frowned in confusion. If she wasn't here, then where was she?