somewhere in between - 5
I can't be losing sleep over
this, no I can't
And now I can not stop pacing
Give me a few hours, I'll have
all this sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing
Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsteady
This cannot be happening
This is over my head but underneath
my feet
Cuz by tomorrow morning I'll
have this thing beat
And everything will be back to
the way that it was
I wish that it was just that
easy
Cuz I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
Would you catch me if I fall out
of what I fell in
Don't be surprised if I collapse
down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from
this
I know that I just don't need
this
Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsteady
This cannot be happening
Cuz I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
I hate hospitals, always have. I
mean, they have this scent to them that just drives me insane. Or maybe
it's the fact that I started going to hospitals periodically once I started
dating Essa... not going down that road right now. It's just that hospitals
give me this weird feeling, that at any moment something horrible is going
to happen. I hate not knowing what is going to happen in my life next and
that all started when Eddie Guerrero decided to take a painful gore by
Rhyno for me.
Ever since that day, things haven't
exactly been the same. Everything seems to be different, example me doubting
my relationship with Matt. I LOVE Matt, I really do... how can I
not? He's handsome, courageous, a great wrestler... we have chemistry together...
but Eddie, he has lately been plaguing my mind. On the way to the hospital
I realized something, lately I haven't been without Eddie Guerrero by my
side... we're always together. Like before his and Jeff's match we were
joking around with each other... when did I start joking around with Eddie
Guerrero?
This is the man that along with Dean
Malenko tortured me, taunted me backstage about Dean, he was ruthless and
now here I am waiting in a waiting room to hear the news on his condition.
Things are just moving so fast, it's like a painting that has just got
water poured on it... everything is a blur.
I don't know how I got here... I
mean how I got to this part of my life... One day I was hopelessly in love
with Matt Hardy and then the next I was holding Eddie Guerrero's hand in
the ambulance hoping to god that he would be okay.
Eddie is my friend, my FRIEND...
I keep telling myself that, but the more I say it, the more it sounds ridiculous.
Jeff is a friend, but Eddie... he's just different. He's not an enemy...
but not `just a friend'. He's more then my friend, I wouldn't be
doubting my relationship with Matt, if he was just my friend. I mean, Jeff
never made me doubt my relationship with Matt... well there was that one
time, but that was because Jeff made me think Matt was gay... god how funny
was that? Okay, there I go drifting away from the subject at hand... Jeff
says I have a short attention span... I don't think so; I just tend to
think of a few things at the same time.
Anyhow, Eddie makes me re-think everything
about my life, and he doesn't even have to say a word... all he has to
do is look at me and I feel as if I'm going down the wrong path. Why does
he have that sort of power?
"Excuse me, uh, I didn't catch your
name." A nurse about my age asks me.
"Lita." I state, standing up. "Is
Eddie okay?"
"He has suffered a mild concussion,
but besides that he will be fine. We checked for internal bleeding, which
there was none of. He just took a pretty bad hit to the head, he just needs
some rest and he will be fine. He is just waking up, so you can go in if
you like." Caroline, the name on nametag, smiles at me before leaving.
I walk to Eddie's hospital room slowly,
taking in a few deep breaths...
I feel as if I'm falling, falling
into a hole and I'm helpless to stop me from falling. I'm trying to grab
on to something that will save me but I can't grasp onto anything, I just
keep falling... but it never stops... it's an endless hole that I am falling
into. I feel like I'm also drowning, and I'm screaming for someone to help
me, to save me, but no one can hear me, and the water is invading my body,
and I can't function right.
"Eddie?" I ask, walking into the
hospital room, I scan the room and let my eyes stop at the hospital bed
where Eddie is currently in.
He looks so small, like a child who
has lost his way; the way he is lying in that hospital bed makes him look
like so confused and helpless against anything and everything. I take a
few more steps over to his bed, my black boots clanking against the floor
of the hospital room.
"Lita?" He looks up at me once I
make my way over to his bed; his head is bandaged up and there are a few
blood spots seeping through the white material of the bandage. He smiles
weakly at me, and for a second I can see his eyes brighten up... is he
happy to see me?
"Yeah it's me. How are you doing?"
I grab a chair and sit down next to him, instantly grabbing for his hand,
which he gives to me.
His hand is warm, and a bit clammy,
but nevertheless it still has that soft texture to it that it did in the
ambulance. Why does this feel so natural? Why did I instantly grab for
his hand when I sat down next to him?
"That con-chair-to hurt like hell."
He admits, flashing me a smile. "But it was worth it."
I look up at him, locking my eyes
into his. "It was worth it? Why Eddie? I mean why did you take the hit
for me? You're in a hospital with a mild concussion and for what?" My eyes
are now dancing with questions that he can only answer.
"For you. It's better that I was
the one that got hurt, then you. The reason Christian and Edge were trying
to give you the con-chair-to was because of me anyways, you saved me and
in return I did the same." His voice sounds so sad and lonely.
"You could have gotten yourself killed..."
I stop short, not knowing what to say.
"But it would have been because of
you! Don't you get it mommy? You're more important then me." His voice
wavers.
His last statement felt like a slap
to the face, I'm just not sure whose face it was directed at. I'm more
important then him? Why does Eddie think that? Why would he think that
anybody was more important then him? I sigh silently as I finally realize
who Eddie reminds me of...
Me. When I was with Essa, I had been
always hard on myself, always thinking that Essa and everybody else were
more important then me. Oh god, Eddie.... Poor Eddie. I remember what kind
of a person I was back then, so lonely and desperate for someone to reach
out to me... why hadn't I seen it before? How Eddie had more then happily
jumped in front of Rhyno, how Eddie hadn't even thought twice about taking
the con-chair-to for me. I give Eddie's hand a little squeeze.
"No one is more important then you."
I say quietly, but loud enough for him to hear me, the only response I
get is a little squeeze on my hand.
He fell asleep after a few minutes
of us just sitting in the silence, not knowing what to really say. I watched
him sleep, it was weird... I never watched anybody sleep before but I watched
him, and he was so peaceful. He still had his hand locked in mine, his
other hand was draped over the side of the hospital bed, and every few
minutes he would mummer something in his sleep.
"Lita." I looked away from Eddie,
when I heard Chyna's voice slip past my thoughts and dance it's way into
my ears.
What is she doing here? I doubt she's
here to see if Eddie's okay, considering the fact that she hates Eddie.
Chyna isn't in her usual flashy clothes, she's just wearing a pair of pants
and a sweater, she smiles softly at me.
"Hey Chyna, what's up?" I slip my
hand out of Eddie's, and get up.
She shrugs. "I really need to talk
to you, how about outside, so we don't wake mister Latino heat up."
The sarcasm in Chyna's voice is thick.
"Sure." I follow her outside; we go over to the coffee machine.
I make myself a cup of coffee and
turn to her, raising my eyebrow up
in questioning. "So what's up?"
"Look I'm going to make this fast...
Eddie Guerrero is bad news. I should know out of everybody, he wiggled
his way in my life and then ruined it. You can't trust him Lita, I have
tried to tell you before, but you kept telling me that nothing was going
on between the two of you. But there is, he's been hanging around you guys
a lot, has he not?" Chyna stopped briefly.
"Yeah... he's our friend." I take
a sip of my coffee.
"He's a leech. You think he's been
hanging around because he likes Jeff and Matt? Or because he wants to be
a part of Team Extreme? That's not why he's hanging around, he's hanging
around because of you... you're his next mission. You thought Dean Malenko
was bad, Eddie is worse. Eddie is scum, he doesn't care about anybody but
himself, and you are falling right
into his little trap. You're letting yourself get fooled by him, you are
beginning to think that he is your friend, and then soon you are going
to think that he likes you in that way, and soon you will be crying over
a lost love. Eddie is going to try to make you betray everybody you love
and then he is going to try to make you leave with him... Lita, honey...
he is the worst kind of news." Chyna shakes her head.
How dare she! Who the hell does Chyna
think she is? Eddie isn't scum, if he is anything, he's a decent man. He
took the con-chair-to for me, and a few weeks before that he took the gore
for me... all this man has ever done recently has been taking a lot of
pain for me, and she dares to say that he is scum? EVERYBODY changes,
sure he was an asshole before, but Eddie... he's different now, I believe
that... I truly do... and tonight Chyna will learn not to trash my friends.
"Who the hell do you think you are?
You have no right to come here and then presume that you know what I or
Eddie or doing. He is my friend, and I thought you were my friend too,
but I was mistaken." I feel my anger rising up in my body.
"Lita-" She starts, but I cut her
off.
"No! Just shut the hell up! He has
been through a lot today, he took the con-chair-to for me today and then
you want me to believe that his intentions are bad? I'm sorry but I just
can't believe that, and right now you are declared my enemy." I glare at
Chyna.
"Lita wait—" She tries to speak again,
but I cut her off once more.
"And tonight on Smackdown, me and
you are going to fight in a non-title single match, so be ready." I turn
to leave, but she grabs my arm.
"Now you just wait a second, I didn't
come here to fight with you..." She trails off.
"Well lucky you, you just happened
to find a fight along the way when you decided to trash one of my friends.
Everybody changes you know? He may have been a horrible man back in the
day, but he's different now... I believe in him, and tonight I'm fighting
for his honor."