chapter 9 - how am i supposed to live without you
I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leavin'
Someone's swept your heart away
From the look upon your face I see it's true
So tell me all about it , tell 'bout the plans you're makin'
Then tell me one thing more before I go

Chorus :
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Now that I've been lovin' you so long.
How am I supposed to live without you
How am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been livin' for is gone

I didn't come here for cryin '
Didn't come here to breakdown.
It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end.
And how can I blame you
When I build my world around
The hope that one day we'd be so much more than friends.
And I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming
When even now it's more than I can take.

Chorus

And I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming
Now that your dream has come true

Chorus





Matt watched the time on the clock tick away slowly, it had been two hours since he had mentioned "Essa" to Lita, it had been two hours since Lita walked out the door pissed off, it had been two hours since Matt Hardy came upon the realization that he was losing his girlfriend.

Jeff was gone. Jeff left. Jeff knew what was coming, and told Matt that he needed to be alone, Jeff was being understanding, but Matt couldn't help but feel that everybody in his life was abadoning him. Matt thought that he would always and forever have Lita, they were in love... and Matt thought nothing could change that.

Eddie Guerrero changed that. Eddie had walked into their lives and had managed to create a distance between him and Lita, Eddie Guerrero managed to sweep Lita away with his selfless sacrifices, Eddie Guerrero managed to take away the girl of his dreams in a matter of weeks.

Matt didn't want to believe that soon him and Lita were going to be finished, but Matt could feel the feeling that things were going to be over soon, Matt could have gone searching for Lita, but he wouldn't allow himself to do that, instead he would wait for Lita to come to him, to tell him the news. Of course Matt would probably try to stop Lita from leaving him, what decent boyfriend wouldn't? But Matt knew that things were ending, maybe if he had seen the clues earlier he could have stopped this from happening, but things were going too far... Lita was already in love, and the more Matt held on to her for dear life, the more he was losing her... he may lose her as a girlfriend but she was still his friend, but if he didn't stop saying things he didn't mean, he would lose her friendship as well.

"Matt." Lita said, walking into the locker-room. Her face had a sad look on it.

Matt looked up once he heard Lita's voice, Matt looked back down not able to look at her too long because looking into her eyes only for a few seconds he knew what Lita was going to tell him. "Lita." Matt said dully.

Lita shut the door behind her and walked over to a chair and sat down on it, she pulled her red hair out of her eyes, Lita took in a deep breath. She wasn't sure if she could do this, she would hate seeing Matt in pain, but the truth would have to be told even if Eddie didn't want it to be told. Lita lowered her eyes when she thought of Eddie, she knew he was in love with her, she could see it in his eyes but he continued to say she deserved better, he had even asked her to leave. Lita shook her head, right now wasn't about Eddie, right now was about Matt, Matt Hardy, the man that had saved her from the depths on despair and lonliness, the man that for a long time she loved with all her heart, a man that she was going to hurt no matter what she did.

"It wasn't planned you know?" Lita started, she took in one more breath. "I didn't wake up one day and plan to fall in love with another person, because I was already in love with one, you. It had came so unexpected, and it happened so fast, I can try to explain where it happened, what made look at Eddie in a different light but you already know. That gore changed everything, unwillingly I had fallen in love, and if I could take it all back I would, just to be able to know that no one was going to get hurt, but I can't take it back. I can't make everything go away, I can't stop myself for loving Eddie Guerrero, even if he doesn't want me to love him."

Matt stared at Lita, his eyes drilling into hers. "I don't know what to say. What should I say? Because right now Lita, me and you, we're on two different planes, heading two different directions. One day I knew you more then anyone else and now it's like I'm seeing you for the first time." Matt pushed himself up. "But if you do love Eddie I can't make you change your mind, I can't make you stay with me, but right now I can't be supportive of anything that has to do with you and Eddie, it just hurts too much."

Lita pushed herself up as well, nodding, she had expected yelling, but a part of her was glad that Matt was taking this well but another part of her was irked that he was taking this so well, a part of her felt that inside he was hurting. "I'm sorry Matt. I really am, I would never want to hurt you..."

Matt shook his head. "But you did."

Lita opened her mouth to say something but couldn't find the words to soften the blow that Matt was recieving instead she walked out of the locker-room, leaving Matt behind.

Matt watched the door to his locker-room slam shut, his eyes still staring at the spot where he last saw Lita, was she really gone? Was it really over? There had been no yelling, there had been no desperation in his voice begging for her to stay with him, it had been her telling him that it was over and him just excepting, or pretending to. He had wanted to say more, he wanted to say how he knew Eddie Guerrero was all wrong for her, how he knew that no one could love Lita more then him, how she would regret leaving him. But those words had never left his mouth, he had just stared at Lita, taking in her beauty, knowing that it would be the last time that beauty would be for him and only him. There had been a time when Lita only wanted him and no one else, but in the past weeks her beauty and smiles and her jokes had been directed at Eddie Guerrero.

*She loves him, oh god she loves Eddie Guerrero. When did this happen? How did you lose her?* Matt's inner voice chimed in his ears.

"I don't know." Matt hissed out in a hushed voice. Matt knew that no one was there but him, and he knew if anybody was there, that they would think he was crazy for actually answering his inner voice.

Matt sat back down on the couch, covering his face with his hands, oh god what he wouldn't do to be able to hide under the biggest rock in the world. Right now Matt didn't want to deal with the outside world, he just wanted to be alone, alone to think how he was going to deal with this. He would deal with this, he would!

"Hey Matt me and ---" Molly Holly stopped in the middle of her sentence when she saw how Matt was hunched over, his hands covered by his hands. "Hey are you okay?"

Matt shook his head. "Go away Molly." Matt said, mumbling through his hands.

Molly planted her hands on her hips. "Not until you tell me why you look so blue."

Matt groaned loudly. "You wouldn't understand."