THE SEARCH FOR JOEY'S THESAURUS
SUMMARY: Dumb little parody. All done in good fun, I assure you. Any offense towards the characters is intentional. The title says it all. Yes, I know - They're all hideously out of character. I don't care if you don't like it, I enjoyed poking fun at it and that's the main thing.
DISCLAIMER: Characters & Location courtesy of Kevin Williamson. Intro song by Paula Cole (re-written by me). Font by Microsoft Word 95. Storyline by deranged alternate personality.
"Dedicated to the makers of 'The Little Maquarie Thesaurus'....I couldn't have done it without you"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
INTRO: " I don't wanna wait, for this story to be over....
So I think that I'll just skip to Chapter Three!
I don't wanna read, this crappy little tale....
It's total crap, what a mess, sorry!
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo........"
:: Dawson Leery and Joey Potter are walking through yet another picturesque backdrop discussing last night's episode of Charmed ::
DAWSON: I don't know what you're talking about Joey. Piper clearly demonstrates in scene 18 that the verbal terminology of that equinox infrastructure has an adverse effect on the psychological foundations resident in the depths of Leo's inner thighs.
JOEY: That's where you're wrong Dawson. Piper is trying to portray the ideology that the feasibility of 15.5 republicans is equal to that of the emotional discipline of a drunken Irishman. Why do you have to be so idiographic all the time?
DAWSON: Blame it on my sedentary temperament imbalance.
:: Pacey arrives on the scene via the production assistant's golf buggy::
PACEY: I like cheese.
DAWSON: Urgh! None of that for me thanks! I find that it upsets my rhetorical development and gives me the runs.
PACEY: Cheese is yellow.
JOEY: Well actually Pacey, recent studies have found that the colour yellow is a result of a turbulent spectrum imprint on the upper retina nerve, therefore producing a stimulant which acts as a metamorphosis trigger for the brain.
PACEY: You're pretty.
JOEY: My facial qualities are quite aesthetic aren't they? See you later Pace.
:: Joey and Dawson leave Pacey to go poopies behind a lamp-post and continue on their way::
DAWSON: Do you think that the script-writers will rekindle our romance this season Joe?
JOEY: They always do, don't they? Only I hope I get more action than I did last season. I really need to get laid.
DAWSON: Laid??
JOEY: I mean, 'I hope I get to experience some protuberant sexual relations this year'. How about you Dawson?
DAWSON: No, none of that for old' Dawson. An experience like that at such a tender stage of my existence might have a disastrous effect on my analytical engraftment...Plus I could get cooties.
JOEY: Oh Dawson, you're just so, so........damnit! Where the hell is my thesaurus?
DAWSON: Ha ha ha! That was unsurpassed in it's comic affinity Joey! Ha ha ha!
JOEY: No, I mean it Dawson! I can't find it anywhere! I'm nothing without it! Without my thesaurus, even Jen is smarter than me! Without my thesaurus, I'm back to statements like "I'm about to puke up my boloney sandwich" or "I think Jack stole my eyeliner".
:: She frantically starts looking around for it. Andie hears her shrieks and comes over to investigate::
ANDIE: (Grinning stupidly and babbling in her usual way) HI GUYS!! I WAS OVER AT THE MARINA JUST A MINUTE AGO WHEN MY INVISIBLE FRIEND SERGEANT FITZGERALD WENT CRAZY AND STARTED THROWING RUTABAGAS AT THE GLITTERY LLAMAS THAT WERE TRYING TO HOST A GAME SHOW IN MY BRA!!! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!!!?!!!
JOEY: I've lost my thesaurus Andie!!
ANDIE: OH MAN!! THAT SUCKS JOEY!! ME AND SERGEANT FITZGERALD WILL HELP YOU FIND IT!!
DAWSON: I have a potentially helpful suggestion.
JOEY: I'm listening.
DAWSN: To locate the thesaurus, we may have to retrace our steps.
ANDIE: THAT'S A GREAT IDEA DAWSON!!
JOEY: We might need some help. Andie, you go and find Pacey and the cameo characters while Dawson and I find Jen, Jack and Grams. Meet back here in 17 minutes! Go!
:: Lead characters scurry off::
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JOEY: Ok, we're all here. Good. Now let's get to work.
:: Pacey raises his hand::
JOEY: Yes Pacey?
PACEY: Does this count as community service?
JOEY: Errr, sure why not!!
DAWSON: Joey, don't you agree that it would be in our best interests if we were to sub-divide into separate groups, therefore enhancing our chances of detecting the desired reading material?
JOEY: Alright then, Team Zaphod will be Pacey and the cameos, Team Managerial Furnishings will be Grams, Jen and Andie and finally Team Rocket......
ALL: Copyright infringement! Copyright infringement!
JOEY: Fine, Team Angst will be myself, Jack and Dawson. Got it? Now go and find my thesaurus!! (pause) Please?
GRAMS: Wooo! Go team Managerial Furnishings!!
JEN: This isn't a football game Grams.
PACEY: It isn't??
JOEY: Just go would you?
:: They do so ::
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:: Team Zaphod ::
PACEY: I just know I'll find that thesaurus somewhere!! I just have to think like Joey.
:: Clears his throat ::
PACEY/JOEY: I'm such a whiny little bitch! All I ever do is sit around and moan about Dawson. Bla bla bla. I'm so upset! Bla bla bla. I love Dawson! No, wait, no I don't! Bla bla bla.
PACEY: Hmmm. This isn't working.
:: Pacey and the cameos walk past an 'adult bookshop' ::
PACEY: Oooooh. (thinks) Maybe she left it in there! I'll just take a quick peek inside........
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:: Team Managerial Furnishings ::
GRAMS: Ok, enough tacos. We need to get going if we're going to crush the enemy.
JEN: Since when are you this competitive Grams?
GRAMS: Hey, there isn't alot for an old lady to do in an armpit like Capeside!
JEN: Fair enough. Will you excuse me while I go and seduce that hot guy at the salsa machine?
GRAMS: Oh Jen, when will you let go of your bad-girl ways?
JEN: When Hell freezes over and Dawson lightens up.
GRAMS: You're throwing away your entire life!!
JEN: I'm not planning to live past 24 anyway.
GRAMS: Fair enough.
ANDIE: HEY LOOK! THERE'S ELVIS!! MAYBE HE KNOWS WHERE THE LEFT-OVER GLAD WRAP IS!! C'MON YOU GUYS!!!
JEN: Wait Andie!! Come back here! We're not looking for glad wrap!!
:: Ignoring Jen, Andie runs out into oncoming traffic in her underwear and gets hit by a mini bus ::
JEN: (to hot guy) Hey gorgeous, you can slip your beef in my taco anyday!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:: Team Angst ::
DAWSON: Now, if I was a thesaurus...where would I be?
JOEY: You practically are a thesaurus already Dawson.
DAWSON: You're ineffectual, commonplace remarks are not helping Joe.
JOEY: Sorry.
:: The pair keep walking in silence ::
JOEY: This is hopeless Dawson! Let's just face it, I'll have to spend the rest of my career playing as the comic relief!!!
DAWSON: Joey! You said the 'c' word!
JOEY: Career?
DAWSON: Comic relief!
JOEY: Yeah? Well that's where I'm headed Dawson!
DAWSON: Never! The worst you'll get is 'suicidal heroin addict'.
:: Joey starts crying. Team Zaphod runs up ::
PACEY: Joey! I found your thesaurus!!
JOEY: Really! Where?
PACEY: In the adult bookshop!
:: Joey turns an interesting shade of crimson ::
PACEY: Yep yep yep everybody! I went in and there it was, in the 'lesbian thriller' section!
:: Everybody stares at Joey, who is slowly regaining her composure ::
PACEY: So what did I win?
:: He waves the book around excitedly and suddenly loses his grip. The thesaurus flies onto the pavement, where it is promptly eaten by a suicidal heroin addict ::
PACEY: Ooopsies!
JOEY: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
:: Deep breath ::
JOEY: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!
NEXT WEEK ON DAWSON'S CREEK (Hey! That rhymes!): Jen is diagnosed with Multiple Breast Syndrome! Jack sniffs glue! Dawson talks about himself! Tune in for another wacky episode next Tuesday!!
END NOTE THINGY: So what did you think? Did you even read it? If so are you telling the truth? You hated it right? It sucks more than a 2 ton vacuum cleaner doesn't it? Am I crazy? Tell me what you really thought.
SUMMARY: Dumb little parody. All done in good fun, I assure you. Any offense towards the characters is intentional. The title says it all. Yes, I know - They're all hideously out of character. I don't care if you don't like it, I enjoyed poking fun at it and that's the main thing.
DISCLAIMER: Characters & Location courtesy of Kevin Williamson. Intro song by Paula Cole (re-written by me). Font by Microsoft Word 95. Storyline by deranged alternate personality.
"Dedicated to the makers of 'The Little Maquarie Thesaurus'....I couldn't have done it without you"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
INTRO: " I don't wanna wait, for this story to be over....
So I think that I'll just skip to Chapter Three!
I don't wanna read, this crappy little tale....
It's total crap, what a mess, sorry!
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo........"
:: Dawson Leery and Joey Potter are walking through yet another picturesque backdrop discussing last night's episode of Charmed ::
DAWSON: I don't know what you're talking about Joey. Piper clearly demonstrates in scene 18 that the verbal terminology of that equinox infrastructure has an adverse effect on the psychological foundations resident in the depths of Leo's inner thighs.
JOEY: That's where you're wrong Dawson. Piper is trying to portray the ideology that the feasibility of 15.5 republicans is equal to that of the emotional discipline of a drunken Irishman. Why do you have to be so idiographic all the time?
DAWSON: Blame it on my sedentary temperament imbalance.
:: Pacey arrives on the scene via the production assistant's golf buggy::
PACEY: I like cheese.
DAWSON: Urgh! None of that for me thanks! I find that it upsets my rhetorical development and gives me the runs.
PACEY: Cheese is yellow.
JOEY: Well actually Pacey, recent studies have found that the colour yellow is a result of a turbulent spectrum imprint on the upper retina nerve, therefore producing a stimulant which acts as a metamorphosis trigger for the brain.
PACEY: You're pretty.
JOEY: My facial qualities are quite aesthetic aren't they? See you later Pace.
:: Joey and Dawson leave Pacey to go poopies behind a lamp-post and continue on their way::
DAWSON: Do you think that the script-writers will rekindle our romance this season Joe?
JOEY: They always do, don't they? Only I hope I get more action than I did last season. I really need to get laid.
DAWSON: Laid??
JOEY: I mean, 'I hope I get to experience some protuberant sexual relations this year'. How about you Dawson?
DAWSON: No, none of that for old' Dawson. An experience like that at such a tender stage of my existence might have a disastrous effect on my analytical engraftment...Plus I could get cooties.
JOEY: Oh Dawson, you're just so, so........damnit! Where the hell is my thesaurus?
DAWSON: Ha ha ha! That was unsurpassed in it's comic affinity Joey! Ha ha ha!
JOEY: No, I mean it Dawson! I can't find it anywhere! I'm nothing without it! Without my thesaurus, even Jen is smarter than me! Without my thesaurus, I'm back to statements like "I'm about to puke up my boloney sandwich" or "I think Jack stole my eyeliner".
:: She frantically starts looking around for it. Andie hears her shrieks and comes over to investigate::
ANDIE: (Grinning stupidly and babbling in her usual way) HI GUYS!! I WAS OVER AT THE MARINA JUST A MINUTE AGO WHEN MY INVISIBLE FRIEND SERGEANT FITZGERALD WENT CRAZY AND STARTED THROWING RUTABAGAS AT THE GLITTERY LLAMAS THAT WERE TRYING TO HOST A GAME SHOW IN MY BRA!!! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!!!?!!!
JOEY: I've lost my thesaurus Andie!!
ANDIE: OH MAN!! THAT SUCKS JOEY!! ME AND SERGEANT FITZGERALD WILL HELP YOU FIND IT!!
DAWSON: I have a potentially helpful suggestion.
JOEY: I'm listening.
DAWSN: To locate the thesaurus, we may have to retrace our steps.
ANDIE: THAT'S A GREAT IDEA DAWSON!!
JOEY: We might need some help. Andie, you go and find Pacey and the cameo characters while Dawson and I find Jen, Jack and Grams. Meet back here in 17 minutes! Go!
:: Lead characters scurry off::
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JOEY: Ok, we're all here. Good. Now let's get to work.
:: Pacey raises his hand::
JOEY: Yes Pacey?
PACEY: Does this count as community service?
JOEY: Errr, sure why not!!
DAWSON: Joey, don't you agree that it would be in our best interests if we were to sub-divide into separate groups, therefore enhancing our chances of detecting the desired reading material?
JOEY: Alright then, Team Zaphod will be Pacey and the cameos, Team Managerial Furnishings will be Grams, Jen and Andie and finally Team Rocket......
ALL: Copyright infringement! Copyright infringement!
JOEY: Fine, Team Angst will be myself, Jack and Dawson. Got it? Now go and find my thesaurus!! (pause) Please?
GRAMS: Wooo! Go team Managerial Furnishings!!
JEN: This isn't a football game Grams.
PACEY: It isn't??
JOEY: Just go would you?
:: They do so ::
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:: Team Zaphod ::
PACEY: I just know I'll find that thesaurus somewhere!! I just have to think like Joey.
:: Clears his throat ::
PACEY/JOEY: I'm such a whiny little bitch! All I ever do is sit around and moan about Dawson. Bla bla bla. I'm so upset! Bla bla bla. I love Dawson! No, wait, no I don't! Bla bla bla.
PACEY: Hmmm. This isn't working.
:: Pacey and the cameos walk past an 'adult bookshop' ::
PACEY: Oooooh. (thinks) Maybe she left it in there! I'll just take a quick peek inside........
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:: Team Managerial Furnishings ::
GRAMS: Ok, enough tacos. We need to get going if we're going to crush the enemy.
JEN: Since when are you this competitive Grams?
GRAMS: Hey, there isn't alot for an old lady to do in an armpit like Capeside!
JEN: Fair enough. Will you excuse me while I go and seduce that hot guy at the salsa machine?
GRAMS: Oh Jen, when will you let go of your bad-girl ways?
JEN: When Hell freezes over and Dawson lightens up.
GRAMS: You're throwing away your entire life!!
JEN: I'm not planning to live past 24 anyway.
GRAMS: Fair enough.
ANDIE: HEY LOOK! THERE'S ELVIS!! MAYBE HE KNOWS WHERE THE LEFT-OVER GLAD WRAP IS!! C'MON YOU GUYS!!!
JEN: Wait Andie!! Come back here! We're not looking for glad wrap!!
:: Ignoring Jen, Andie runs out into oncoming traffic in her underwear and gets hit by a mini bus ::
JEN: (to hot guy) Hey gorgeous, you can slip your beef in my taco anyday!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:: Team Angst ::
DAWSON: Now, if I was a thesaurus...where would I be?
JOEY: You practically are a thesaurus already Dawson.
DAWSON: You're ineffectual, commonplace remarks are not helping Joe.
JOEY: Sorry.
:: The pair keep walking in silence ::
JOEY: This is hopeless Dawson! Let's just face it, I'll have to spend the rest of my career playing as the comic relief!!!
DAWSON: Joey! You said the 'c' word!
JOEY: Career?
DAWSON: Comic relief!
JOEY: Yeah? Well that's where I'm headed Dawson!
DAWSON: Never! The worst you'll get is 'suicidal heroin addict'.
:: Joey starts crying. Team Zaphod runs up ::
PACEY: Joey! I found your thesaurus!!
JOEY: Really! Where?
PACEY: In the adult bookshop!
:: Joey turns an interesting shade of crimson ::
PACEY: Yep yep yep everybody! I went in and there it was, in the 'lesbian thriller' section!
:: Everybody stares at Joey, who is slowly regaining her composure ::
PACEY: So what did I win?
:: He waves the book around excitedly and suddenly loses his grip. The thesaurus flies onto the pavement, where it is promptly eaten by a suicidal heroin addict ::
PACEY: Ooopsies!
JOEY: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
:: Deep breath ::
JOEY: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!
NEXT WEEK ON DAWSON'S CREEK (Hey! That rhymes!): Jen is diagnosed with Multiple Breast Syndrome! Jack sniffs glue! Dawson talks about himself! Tune in for another wacky episode next Tuesday!!
END NOTE THINGY: So what did you think? Did you even read it? If so are you telling the truth? You hated it right? It sucks more than a 2 ton vacuum cleaner doesn't it? Am I crazy? Tell me what you really thought.