It was not a good day.
Saria and Navi had finally woken up, and neither was looking good.
"If that stupid son-of-a-bitch censor does that again, I'll kill him!"
They all stood in silence waiting for the censor to react to that comment.
"What's going on? Where is he?" asked Link.
"Here I am," came the booming voice. "I was on my coffee break, what'd I miss?"
"Well, I said-"
"She said keep up the good work," interrupted Link. He had an idea. It hurt his head to think, but he had it anyway. "Hey, censor guy, do you know where we could find some Tylenol?"
"Tylenol? Hmm…" A long period of silence followed.
"WAKE UP!" shouted Link.
"What? Huh? I mean… uh… I wasn't sleeping! I just had to think hard, but now I've got it!"
"Okay, then tell us where the Tylenol is."
"Ummm… Lon Lon Ranch?"
Link sighed deeply.
"Alright, let's try Lon Lon Ranch." Link looked around. "Navi? Navi? What the… Navi, get away from that Advil, dammit!"
"Wooohooo! Hey, Link, man-"
"I know, I know, this shit really messes you up. Come on Navi, We're going to Lon Lon Ranch."
And so, the merry crew headed for Lon Lon Ranch. The censor joined their party, although he doesn't know what he's talking about half the time.
"Is that your rupee?" Mido asked on the way. Link looked down. A red rupee lay on the ground. He looked at Mido suspiciously, and then bent to pick it up. He didn't notice Saria, and Mido as well, checking out his ass. He stood back up quickly, and Saria and Mido were looking around innocently. Link sighed.
"Let's get moving."
Upon reaching the ranch, they heard an eerie OOO sound. Malon singing, of course. Link ran over to her.
"Umm… Malon? Your dad's laying in the house. He's messed up on sour milk, and he's muttering about Super Cuckoos. I think Navi got into it, too."
"What? Again? I told him to throw that stuff out!"
Inside the house, Talon and Navi were singing "100 bottles of milk on the wall".
"Daddy, I told you not to drink that anymore."
"Whatdaya mean, sweetie?" He belched loudly. Navi belched even louder. "It's purfectly *hic* fine."
Malon turned the jug of milk upside down. Thick white chunks began plopping out.
"Malon, do you have any Tylenol? I'm not having a good day. My fairy has become a druggie, I have a horrible hangover, Mido's gay, and Saria has PMS."
"Mido's a fag?"
"Yeah, he has lots of strange problems. But do you have any Tylenol?"
"Sorry, fresh out. I used the rest on Daddy last time he got into the milk. Looks like I'm going to need more now. I'm sure we can get some at the market. But Mido-"
"Is a fag. What is your obsession with him?"
"I just saw him walking into the barn."
Link's eyes went wide. The two began running for the barn as fast as they possibly could. They could here annoyed mooing sounds coming from inside. Link arrived first and through the door open. He screamed and jumped back, shielding his eyes.
"MIDO!" he yelled. "GET OFF THAT DAMN COW YOU SICK PERVERT!"
Malon came up behind him, and saw what Mido was doing to the cow.
"Sweet merciful crap! Get off Bessie!"
Malon and Link waited outside, turning their faces away.
"What were you doing?" Link asked, when Mido came out.
"I was curious. Turns out cows are better than men. How much for her?"
"She's not for sale!" Malon told him.
"What's with all the swearing over here?" came an ominous voice.
"Mido had sex with a cow." Link replied.
"Holy shit! I mean… umm…"
"Not much of a censor are you?" Saria asked, coming up behind him.
"What? Well… well…" A faint sobbing was heard. "All my life, people always made fun of me… *sniffle* That's why I became a censor. But now, *sob* you're just making fun of me again! Why? I can't win! I'm just a sensitive guy on the inside… nobody likes me! I have no friends." He then began loudly crying.
"Jeez, I'm sorry…" Saria said. "I didn't mean to make you cry, wuss."
He cried louder.
"Saria, it might best if you would shut up now." He turned to the others. "We need to get Mido as far away from cows as we can. We're going to the market to look for Tylenol."
"Fine with me. Let's get moving."
They went back to the house to fetch Navi. She and talon had gotten down to 53 bottles, and then lost count. They were about to begin anew when Link stopped them.
"Navi, we're going to the market."
Navi tried to pick up the sour milk, but couldn't get it off the ground.
"Navi, you can't take the milk."
"Then I'm not going."
"You'll go or I'll clip your wings."
"Yes sir." She began to fly over to him, swaying in the air.
"Daddy?" Malon said. "We'll be back in a few hours. Try not to kill yourself while we're gone."
They left the house and began heading for the stables to pick up Epona.. They stopped when a disgruntled figure jumped from the barn and began screaming.
"You! You're the reason I'm working at this dump instead of running it! I'll kill you! I'll kill you all! Die, you sons of bitches!"
"Run, Ingo's gotten into the horse drugs again again!"
They ran for the gate as Ingo chased them. He was foaming at the mouth and waving a pitchfork above his head.
It was definitely not a good day.
Saria and Navi had finally woken up, and neither was looking good.
"If that stupid son-of-a-bitch censor does that again, I'll kill him!"
They all stood in silence waiting for the censor to react to that comment.
"What's going on? Where is he?" asked Link.
"Here I am," came the booming voice. "I was on my coffee break, what'd I miss?"
"Well, I said-"
"She said keep up the good work," interrupted Link. He had an idea. It hurt his head to think, but he had it anyway. "Hey, censor guy, do you know where we could find some Tylenol?"
"Tylenol? Hmm…" A long period of silence followed.
"WAKE UP!" shouted Link.
"What? Huh? I mean… uh… I wasn't sleeping! I just had to think hard, but now I've got it!"
"Okay, then tell us where the Tylenol is."
"Ummm… Lon Lon Ranch?"
Link sighed deeply.
"Alright, let's try Lon Lon Ranch." Link looked around. "Navi? Navi? What the… Navi, get away from that Advil, dammit!"
"Wooohooo! Hey, Link, man-"
"I know, I know, this shit really messes you up. Come on Navi, We're going to Lon Lon Ranch."
And so, the merry crew headed for Lon Lon Ranch. The censor joined their party, although he doesn't know what he's talking about half the time.
"Is that your rupee?" Mido asked on the way. Link looked down. A red rupee lay on the ground. He looked at Mido suspiciously, and then bent to pick it up. He didn't notice Saria, and Mido as well, checking out his ass. He stood back up quickly, and Saria and Mido were looking around innocently. Link sighed.
"Let's get moving."
Upon reaching the ranch, they heard an eerie OOO sound. Malon singing, of course. Link ran over to her.
"Umm… Malon? Your dad's laying in the house. He's messed up on sour milk, and he's muttering about Super Cuckoos. I think Navi got into it, too."
"What? Again? I told him to throw that stuff out!"
Inside the house, Talon and Navi were singing "100 bottles of milk on the wall".
"Daddy, I told you not to drink that anymore."
"Whatdaya mean, sweetie?" He belched loudly. Navi belched even louder. "It's purfectly *hic* fine."
Malon turned the jug of milk upside down. Thick white chunks began plopping out.
"Malon, do you have any Tylenol? I'm not having a good day. My fairy has become a druggie, I have a horrible hangover, Mido's gay, and Saria has PMS."
"Mido's a fag?"
"Yeah, he has lots of strange problems. But do you have any Tylenol?"
"Sorry, fresh out. I used the rest on Daddy last time he got into the milk. Looks like I'm going to need more now. I'm sure we can get some at the market. But Mido-"
"Is a fag. What is your obsession with him?"
"I just saw him walking into the barn."
Link's eyes went wide. The two began running for the barn as fast as they possibly could. They could here annoyed mooing sounds coming from inside. Link arrived first and through the door open. He screamed and jumped back, shielding his eyes.
"MIDO!" he yelled. "GET OFF THAT DAMN COW YOU SICK PERVERT!"
Malon came up behind him, and saw what Mido was doing to the cow.
"Sweet merciful crap! Get off Bessie!"
Malon and Link waited outside, turning their faces away.
"What were you doing?" Link asked, when Mido came out.
"I was curious. Turns out cows are better than men. How much for her?"
"She's not for sale!" Malon told him.
"What's with all the swearing over here?" came an ominous voice.
"Mido had sex with a cow." Link replied.
"Holy shit! I mean… umm…"
"Not much of a censor are you?" Saria asked, coming up behind him.
"What? Well… well…" A faint sobbing was heard. "All my life, people always made fun of me… *sniffle* That's why I became a censor. But now, *sob* you're just making fun of me again! Why? I can't win! I'm just a sensitive guy on the inside… nobody likes me! I have no friends." He then began loudly crying.
"Jeez, I'm sorry…" Saria said. "I didn't mean to make you cry, wuss."
He cried louder.
"Saria, it might best if you would shut up now." He turned to the others. "We need to get Mido as far away from cows as we can. We're going to the market to look for Tylenol."
"Fine with me. Let's get moving."
They went back to the house to fetch Navi. She and talon had gotten down to 53 bottles, and then lost count. They were about to begin anew when Link stopped them.
"Navi, we're going to the market."
Navi tried to pick up the sour milk, but couldn't get it off the ground.
"Navi, you can't take the milk."
"Then I'm not going."
"You'll go or I'll clip your wings."
"Yes sir." She began to fly over to him, swaying in the air.
"Daddy?" Malon said. "We'll be back in a few hours. Try not to kill yourself while we're gone."
They left the house and began heading for the stables to pick up Epona.. They stopped when a disgruntled figure jumped from the barn and began screaming.
"You! You're the reason I'm working at this dump instead of running it! I'll kill you! I'll kill you all! Die, you sons of bitches!"
"Run, Ingo's gotten into the horse drugs again again!"
They ran for the gate as Ingo chased them. He was foaming at the mouth and waving a pitchfork above his head.
It was definitely not a good day.