From the Brain of CAP: Alright, here's the next incarnation of Link's Bad Day -or- In Search of Tylenol. It may not be obscene, but I thought it made up for obscenity in cleverness. Of course, you may not think so, but I do. It's only the first part of the adventures in the market, so stay tuned for more. Eventually. Anyway, enjoy. Wait, one last thing: I'm going to need a fic for the next part, preferably bad, so if you'd be so kind as to submit one, I'd be much obliged. It's going to be severely made fun of, I hope, so just an advance warning.
It was most definitely not a good day.
Link and company had managed to escape Ingo's fury, but had still come up empty handed in the Tylenol department. They had made it to the Market, but due to a sudden, rapid growth in the economy, they had no freaking clue where they were, much less the bazaar.
"I have no freaking clue where we are, much less the bazaar." stated Link.
"Well that's just great, isn't it, Mr. Hero of Time?" said Saria.
"It's not my fault. Mido had the map, and he ran off with that guy who's always slapping his knees. Last I saw they were headed towards the back alley."
"Will you two stop arguing?" asked Malon. "We have to find the shop, and this is getting us nowhere."
"Alright, alright. Why don't we try that asking in that place over there?" he pointed in the direction of a door across the way.
"Wait a minute, how did we go from arguing to going in that door and asking for directions so quickly?" asked Saria.
"The author is completely devoid of creativity, that's how. Now let's go."
The three on foot trooped off toward the aforementioned door, Navi flew rather strangely in its general direction, and the censor sort of wafted, since he has no physical body. Link opened it, and they walked inside. They found themselves in a large, dark room, facing a very large crowd. Off to the side a bit was a desk, and behind it sat a man in a suit holding some sort of card.
"Alright, this game's for all four of you," said the man in the suit. "We're going to play a game called hoe-down, with the help of Richard Vronch on the paino."
"Excuse me," asked Link, "but just what are we doing here?" His question was ignored, however, as the man turned to the audience.
"Alright, we're going to need an audience suggestion for some sort of occupation."
"Plumber!"
"Alright, plumber, we're going to do the plumber hoe-down. Start whenever you're ready."
Piano music began to play, the audience began to clap, and Link and company were quite confused. Everyone looked at Link, who was standing on the far left. Malon, on his right, nudged him.
"I think you're supposed to sing," she whispered.
"About what?"
"A plumber."
"What's a plumber?"
"How should I know, just sing!"
Link began cautiously:
"I don't know what I'm doing here,
I really have no clue,
I don't what a plumber is,
Is it some sort of stew?
I have this bad hangover,
I need some Tylenol,
But every place I've been so far,
Didn't have any at all."
The music continued to play, and it was quite obviously Malon's turn. She began to sing rather halfheartedly:
"My dad got all messed up on milk,
This gay guy screwed my cow,
I'd like to say some words right now,
They really don't allow,
Ummm, Ooooooo,
Oooooooooooooo,
Oooooooooooooo,
Oooooooooooooo!"
Link leaned over to her.
"Is that the best you could do?"
"Hey, shut up! Navi's next!"
"Oh my."
Navi began to sing, in a drunken slur, her part of the song:
"These guys here, They's the best guys,
They gives me sour milk,
I drinks it all, and then some more,
Da da da da da da dilk!
I gots some crushed up Advil,
But Link hates it whens I say,
'hey man, this shit really messes you up,'
I's gonna get some more today!"
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" asked Malon.
"No, but next up is Saria."
Saria began to sing, and the others cringed.
"These mother BEEPing stupid BEEPs,
Have BEEPing dragged me here,
They brought this BEEPing Mido guy,
He's really BEEPing queer,
I have this BEEPing PMS,
I need some Tylenol,
So you mother BEEPing BEEP BEEP BEEP,
BEEP BEEPing BEEPs BEEP BEEP!"
The rest joined in to repeat the last line again, though they didn't much like it, and it was all bleeped out by the censors.
"Errr…" began the man in the suit. "That was… good. I don't think there'll be any points for that one. That's all the time we have for today, thanks to Collin Mochry,-"
He was cut off as a bald Canadian and a tall American stormed into the studio, followed by an American with glasses and a shorter British man looking very, very strange.
"I'm Collin Mochry!" yelled the bald man. What do think you're doing, Clive? Did you get high off that cleaning stuff again?"
"Did someone say high?" asked Navi, who promptly shut up when they all turned on her.
"Who are these guys, Clive?" asked the tall man.
"You mean… they… aren't supposed to be here?"
"No!" yelled the Brit. "Start over, but with us this time."
"Ummm… I'm afraid we can't do that. It's already been taped, we can't restart now."
The four outraged actors turned to the four dumbfounded residents of Hyrule, who departed as swiftly as possible.
"Thanks to Collin Mochry, Ryan Styles, Greg Proops, Tony Slattery, Richard Vronch on the piano, and me, Clive Anderson, saying goodnight, goodnight!"
It was most definitely not a good day.
It was most definitely not a good day.
Link and company had managed to escape Ingo's fury, but had still come up empty handed in the Tylenol department. They had made it to the Market, but due to a sudden, rapid growth in the economy, they had no freaking clue where they were, much less the bazaar.
"I have no freaking clue where we are, much less the bazaar." stated Link.
"Well that's just great, isn't it, Mr. Hero of Time?" said Saria.
"It's not my fault. Mido had the map, and he ran off with that guy who's always slapping his knees. Last I saw they were headed towards the back alley."
"Will you two stop arguing?" asked Malon. "We have to find the shop, and this is getting us nowhere."
"Alright, alright. Why don't we try that asking in that place over there?" he pointed in the direction of a door across the way.
"Wait a minute, how did we go from arguing to going in that door and asking for directions so quickly?" asked Saria.
"The author is completely devoid of creativity, that's how. Now let's go."
The three on foot trooped off toward the aforementioned door, Navi flew rather strangely in its general direction, and the censor sort of wafted, since he has no physical body. Link opened it, and they walked inside. They found themselves in a large, dark room, facing a very large crowd. Off to the side a bit was a desk, and behind it sat a man in a suit holding some sort of card.
"Alright, this game's for all four of you," said the man in the suit. "We're going to play a game called hoe-down, with the help of Richard Vronch on the paino."
"Excuse me," asked Link, "but just what are we doing here?" His question was ignored, however, as the man turned to the audience.
"Alright, we're going to need an audience suggestion for some sort of occupation."
"Plumber!"
"Alright, plumber, we're going to do the plumber hoe-down. Start whenever you're ready."
Piano music began to play, the audience began to clap, and Link and company were quite confused. Everyone looked at Link, who was standing on the far left. Malon, on his right, nudged him.
"I think you're supposed to sing," she whispered.
"About what?"
"A plumber."
"What's a plumber?"
"How should I know, just sing!"
Link began cautiously:
"I don't know what I'm doing here,
I really have no clue,
I don't what a plumber is,
Is it some sort of stew?
I have this bad hangover,
I need some Tylenol,
But every place I've been so far,
Didn't have any at all."
The music continued to play, and it was quite obviously Malon's turn. She began to sing rather halfheartedly:
"My dad got all messed up on milk,
This gay guy screwed my cow,
I'd like to say some words right now,
They really don't allow,
Ummm, Ooooooo,
Oooooooooooooo,
Oooooooooooooo,
Oooooooooooooo!"
Link leaned over to her.
"Is that the best you could do?"
"Hey, shut up! Navi's next!"
"Oh my."
Navi began to sing, in a drunken slur, her part of the song:
"These guys here, They's the best guys,
They gives me sour milk,
I drinks it all, and then some more,
Da da da da da da dilk!
I gots some crushed up Advil,
But Link hates it whens I say,
'hey man, this shit really messes you up,'
I's gonna get some more today!"
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" asked Malon.
"No, but next up is Saria."
Saria began to sing, and the others cringed.
"These mother BEEPing stupid BEEPs,
Have BEEPing dragged me here,
They brought this BEEPing Mido guy,
He's really BEEPing queer,
I have this BEEPing PMS,
I need some Tylenol,
So you mother BEEPing BEEP BEEP BEEP,
BEEP BEEPing BEEPs BEEP BEEP!"
The rest joined in to repeat the last line again, though they didn't much like it, and it was all bleeped out by the censors.
"Errr…" began the man in the suit. "That was… good. I don't think there'll be any points for that one. That's all the time we have for today, thanks to Collin Mochry,-"
He was cut off as a bald Canadian and a tall American stormed into the studio, followed by an American with glasses and a shorter British man looking very, very strange.
"I'm Collin Mochry!" yelled the bald man. What do think you're doing, Clive? Did you get high off that cleaning stuff again?"
"Did someone say high?" asked Navi, who promptly shut up when they all turned on her.
"Who are these guys, Clive?" asked the tall man.
"You mean… they… aren't supposed to be here?"
"No!" yelled the Brit. "Start over, but with us this time."
"Ummm… I'm afraid we can't do that. It's already been taped, we can't restart now."
The four outraged actors turned to the four dumbfounded residents of Hyrule, who departed as swiftly as possible.
"Thanks to Collin Mochry, Ryan Styles, Greg Proops, Tony Slattery, Richard Vronch on the piano, and me, Clive Anderson, saying goodnight, goodnight!"
It was most definitely not a good day.