Max stirred in the bed, moving closer to the warmth behind her. Wait, what's next to me? She thought. She snapped her eyes open and spin around to face the sleeping man beside her. Logan. Memories of the past night came crushing back to her like an avalanche. At first she started to loathe in the warmth of those memories although she had few. Everything was a blur of images and sounds, but mostly feelings. Feelings of desire, hope, love…Love!! She started to panic. What would Logan expect from her after this? They obviously couldn't go back to just being friends or simply a working relationship. She needed to take it all back. Tell Logan it was a mistake and that there was nothing between them, nothing besides…besides… She could bring herself to even think it.
"Never let a situation comprise your judgment!" Lydecker's voice boomed in her brain.
"You're reckless and you definitely won't go with us; not with Miracle Boy over there" Zack invaded her mind with the lecture her gave her last time he was here.
A flash of Max looking at herself in the mirror during one of her seizures blast through her mind.
"You must have no weakness!"
An image of Max lying down on Logan's couch when her seizures were the worst came into her head. Logan was staying by her and taking care of her.
"You must show no weakness!"
Suddenly she heard Logan snore. And he snores. Logan snored again. He Snores. I'm outta here. Max slowly came out of the bed so she didn't wake Logan. She quietly gathered her clothes and put them on. She walked to the window and opened it. Max was about step out the window, when she turned her head to look at Logan and stopped. I can't just leave him. She removed her foot from the window sill. He's too important to me. Max walked to the side of the bed and just stared at him for a minute. It was like she was studying him so that she would never forget …anything.
All times they had been together were not just important memories anymore. They were treasures locked in the deepest part of her heart. The image of Logan, lying on the hospital bed, barely alive, invaded her memory until it was all she could see. She was running to the window until she saw a piece of paper. She scribbled on it and left. Seattle's going to have one less mouth to feed, she thought and then stepped outside.
* * * * * *
Bling carefully opened the door afraid something had happened. The usual sound of Logan working wasn't filling the apartment.
"Logan? Logan! Are you here?" He searched through out the apartment and then stopped at the bedroom. He never sleeps this late, he thought as he opened the door. He found Logan lying with the front of his body on bed, without a blanket covering his back.
"You know, your butt is not exactly a nice thing to see in the morning," Bling said smugly, leaning on doorway.
"Apparently, you're not the only one who thinks so," Logan muttered under his breath.
"What?" Bling questioned.
"I said," Logan started, turning over.
"Hey!" Bling interrupted, hold his hands up, " I don't want to see that."
Logan rolled back over with no argument. He was too tired.
"If you sick of looking at me than just leave."
Bling straightened up and looked at Logan. What's with him? He thought. Bling didn't have to deal with Logan's pessimistic, "leave me alone" attitude that much since he got out of the wheelchair. Now it looked like it was back in full force. Why? He wondered. Then he remembered the two dinners that were left on the table and the CD player was still on. Max. He looked at Logan, who was lying on the bed again. Max and Logan, dinner… CD… bed, Uh-oh! Then he understood what happened. He wondered how he could have missed it. He knew Logan had to deal with this on his own. I hope you can work this out, man. Bling quietly walked out the door and closed it.
* * *
With the comforting sound of a door click, Logan continued his train of thought. Questions plagued his mind ever since he woke up at 2 a.m., right after he felt a draft in the room. Why did she leave? What did I do wrong? Where is she? Why was it me? He thought, although he already had the answers. She could have any man she wanted and she chooses him. Logan assumed afterward Max realized she made a big mistake.
He felt like a failure. No. I'm not a failure. He had felt like a failure before, but now he felt like the lowest, most revolting creature on earth. All because one girl doesn't like me, he laughed. Isn't this ironic. His family doesn't like him, and he could care less. His wife uses him, he divorces her and moves on. He gets shot, confined to a wheelchair, and keeps on going. Logan has the most wonderful night of his life with the girl of his dreams, she leaves, and now he can't bare to move from his bed. It was almost funny.
Logan rolled over to the pillow on the other side of him. The smell of Max's hair was still on it. He inhaled deeply, loving the memories that flooded his mind. Every moment they shared, every time they talked, came to him easy and smooth, like small waves washing up along the beach.
One time, when Max was lost a fight with the Reds and she was about to die, he was the only one who could help her. At that moment he first stood up, because if he haven't, if he would have given up, Max would have been murdered right in front of his face. He stood up for her, literally, and she thanks him by leaving. The least she owes me is an explanation, he thought, The very least.
He finally got up out his bed, anger fueling his actions. He got into the shower and got dressed although he really didn't see the point. He sat down at his computer focusing on the mission before him. The mission of finding Max, to do that he assumed his "Eyes Only" persona. As he started the search he heard his answering machine go off.
"Logan. I know you there so listen up. Where the hell is my girl? If you did anything to her or screwed her over for some more cheddar, I'll kick your ass. And make sure it lands right back in that chair," Said an angry Cindy.
Logan picked up the phone.
"Where do you get off saying shit
like that? I would never do anything to Max" he yelled.
"Sup
Logan." Original Cindy replied in a her average tone, "Max told me to check up
on you, and now I think I know why."
"What?"
Logan's head went foggy. First, Original Cindy accuses him of using Max
for money and then says she's checking up on him. What's going on?
"Sorry 'bout the intro, but it's da only way I could make sure you'd
pick up the phone," She explained.
"Oh. Wait a minute… You talked to Max?"
"Yeah. She was worried 'bout you."
"Yeah?" he said, relieved to hear Max still had at least some feelings for him.
"Do you know where she is?" he asked.
"No. I know where she's goin'…to her family."
I should have known that. Where
else would she go?
"So what happened last night?" Original Cindy asked, bring Logan back to the land of the living.
" I really don't…"
"Don't start that crap. This ain't 20 questions. What happened wit my girl?"
Logan thought about that night in its entirety before he started speaking. They were together for hours, but in his mind it was all to short.
"… Then we started dancing. Just like a dream. And…"
"You didn't know she was a virgin did you, boo?"
"What?"
"Sorry, to interrupt the story, but Max already gave me the 411. Spare me the heterosexual crap."
"Then why…Max is a virgin??!!"
"She's not anymore."
On top of all the feelings he was going though, guilt was added to the list. So I was her first, he thought, not sure if he should be proud of that fact…cause he was. It was almost like she had saved herself for him. Then why did she leave?
"Hey! I'm still here," stated Cindy irritated.
"Oh, Sorry."
"Look. Max wanted Original Cindy to see if you're okay. Are you?"
"Yeah." Logan said in an annoyed tone.
"Look, don't get an attitude. At least Max cared enough 'bout you not to leave you totally hangin'."
"If she cares so much, then why did she leave?" He was talking more to himself than Cindy.
"Cause she's scared."
"Huh?" Logan had started daydreaming again.
"I said, she's scared"
"Of what?"
"You. She trusted you, completely. Mind, body, heart and soul. I don't even trust anyone dat much."
Logan's mind went for a spin. He was amazed that he didn't pick up on it. It all started to make sense.
"First love is bitch. Especially for her. Girl, probably don't even know she's in love. Look, besides her brothers and sisters, no one knew her inside and out. Until you came along. Boo, Who wouldn't be scared."
I should have seen that, he thought.
"Thanks, Original Cindy, I needed that."
"Don't thank me, Thank Max," she replied and hung up the phone.
Logan hung up the phone and went back to his room. He was still trying to sort through what had happened and what Cindy had told him. It all made sense, but it didn't help the hurt he felt. All the feelings of guilt, pain, and love weighted down on him like the rushing water that sank the Titanic, but yet he was still standing. He looked around his room and noticed the only evidence left of what happened last night were the ruffled sheets scattered across his bed and floor… and small bloodstain on the bed that he hadn't noticed before. Seeing a piece of paper on the end of his desk and picked it up. Then whatever force was holding him up was gone and he crumbled to the floor.
"I am too," he said fighting back the tears that treated his eyes. Lying next to him was a note in Max's handwriting that simply said:
I'm Sorry