Max looked at her dumbfounded.
"Pregnant? You got to be kidding." She backed up from Tanga looking for any sign it was a joke. Tanga stood up.
"Look at this." She said as she cocked her head toward the computer. Max walked back to the computer and looked at the screen. Tanga explained to Max how the system was sensitive enough to detect the growing embryo, but that she wasn't sure the first time because she was just looking for tracers.
What am I going to do? I can't be pregnant. I just can't. Max thought. She never even thought of the possibility that she could get pregnant. She was sure that the "Miracle Workers" at Manticore did something to her to prevent it. Guess I was wrong.
"Max," Tanga called her from her thoughts, "Max, What were thinking about?"
"I was thinking about what Zack is going to say." Max went through everything she thought Zack would say to her, all of them negative.
"You know, Zack doesn't have find out."
"What are you talking about?" Max gave her sister a questioning look
Max watch her straightened up, obviously nervous about what she was about to say.
"You could get an abortion." Max's first instinct was to jump down Tanga's throat. How dare she even think that, let alone say it out loud. She's only trying to help. The rational part of her brain tried to calm down her boiling emotions. Slowly she calmed down enough to actually think about it. Logically, she knew it was the right thing to do but…
"You need to think about this," Tanga said and put her arm around Max's shoulders, "Take a walk or something."
Max nodded. Then she hugged her sister and left the barn. She walked around and climbed the highest tree she could find. She sat down on the top branch and just stared out on the landscape. It was a poor substitute for the Space Needle, but right now, it didn't matter. Max sighed, What am I going do? The fact that she was carrying a baby was a miracle in itself, but sharing it with someone she loved was a touch from God, whom she rarely thought of or believed in. Being raised with steel walls and struggling people doesn't have a profound effect on your faith. Even with Herbal spitting scriptures and philosophies left and right. She laughed at thought. Memories of her friends and life in Seattle came rushing back. Original Cindy would flip if she found out Max was pregnant.
"That's the only double-edged sword about bein' a lesbian," Original Cindy had told her once. She explained how although she couldn't have a child with her girlfriend, she didn't run the risk of having a baby by someone she didn't know or care for. When Max brought up anyone could be raped, she replied,
"Let's keep it positive, Aiight."
When Max thought about it she assumed she was one
of the lucky ones. She knew Logan loved her. As she thought about him she
unconsciously put her hand on her womb. This baby was half his. What right did
she have to decide if the baby survived or not? They made it together, they
should…What? Raise it together? She couldn't stay in Seattle a full
year, let alone enough time to raise a child. If she kept it they would always
be on the run from Lydecker, The Red Series or anyone else who would her…or
my baby. The baby was a mix of Manticore technology and old-fashioned human
DNA. Is it going to be as strong as I am? Will it have seizure? Wou…
Suddenly she heard someone in the forest. She looked down at the forest floor, then turned around and saw Zack leaning on the trunk of the tree. The look on his face told her that he already knew everything. She turned her head back toward the landscape.
* * *
Zack was a very light sleeper, always ready for danger, so he heard Tanga go up the ladder from her first step. He was surprised when Tanga walked over to Max's bed instead of her own. At first he thought she was just saying good night, but Tanga's voice sounded too urgent for that. He waited until they climbed down the stairs and then sat up and listened to them. Since the barn wasn't made of solid steel it was easy for Zack to pick up Max and Tanga's conversation.
"So what do you think?" Max asked.
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, Zack. What you think matters a lot to me," she replied. Ha. Zack thought.
"Alright. I think you should abort it. So you realize how much of a danger that baby is? To itself and you. If Lydecker got his hand on it…"
"I know that, Zack!" she shouted angrily. Through the anger in her voice Zack heard her stifle. He wanted to apologize, but couldn't find the words. Instead he walked over to Max and put his arm around her.
"Do you know who the father is?" he asked in a softer tone. He thought it was better to focus on the father than the baby. Then he heard Max laugh.
"Yes."
He was hesitant to ask his next question, thinking the answer might be…him.
"Yes, it's Logan's," she replied as if she could read his mind.
Zack tensed up at the sound of his name. The man that was Max's reason for staying in Seattle was also her reason for leaving. It's amazing how much power he has over you, Max.
"Were you in heat?" he inquired hoping for some reason they had sex besides…besides love. Max snickered.
"No. even if I was, he would never take advantage of me like that," she responded. Zack hated the sound of conviction in her voice. So confident, so sure "he" would never hurt her. He doesn't even know her and she trust him so completely. Blindly.
"You love him," Zack stated. The words tasted bitter in his mouth, just the thought made him cringe.
"I don't know."
Zack got angry. "How can you make love with someone and not know if you're in love?"
"Zack, I…I feel things for him I never felt before, I don't know if it's love or not. I… I, care for him that's all I can say."
"I can't believe you would give yourself to him like that. You're worth so much more than he can imagine and you sell yourself short. Like an average prostitute." Zack got up and walked away. He knew he hurt her, but he was too angry to care.
"Are you really mad at me, or are you just mad that the baby isn't yours?"
Zack froze in his tracks.
"What?!" She didn't just say
that.
She got up and turned around to face him.
"You heard me. Are you mad that my child isn't yours?" she challenged, looking at him directly in the eye.
Max had just crossed an invisible line between them. They had never even talked about the possibility of Zack have any feelings for her besides brotherly love. Now she was accusing him of wanting to have sex with her. His powerful emotions of anger and pain almost exploded, it took all his strength to clam down on them and put a wall around them.
"You're out of line solider," he said with a mask of indifference.
"Cut to crap and answer the question!"
"I don't…"
"Answer the damn question!"
Zack walked closer to Max until they were about two feet apart.
"You really want to know?… Yes. Yes, I'm mad that you never listen to me. I'm mad that it took this to get you out of Seattle. But mostly… I'm mad that you can have sex with someone you don't know you love and I can't with someone I do." Zack turned and left.
* * *
Max couldn't move, it was like she was frozen in time. Zack had just admitted he loved her, that way. She had always known on some level, but denied it. Hearing it aloud turned her body into a block of ice. When he got to the trunk of the tree she finally found her voice.
"Zack, Zack wait." He stopped, but did look at her.
"Zack, Listen. I…I don't need you… to be angry or…or jealous. I need you to love me… for who I am. To be my big brother and protect…us. Please." She was emotionally tired. It was hard admitted she need anyone, even Zack. But she was pregnant and she didn't want to go through it alone. He had looked after her ever since they were kids and she wanted him with her when she going to have a kid.
Zack didn't respond to her, he started climbing down the tree. Although Max didn't expect anything more it still hurt to see him go. She knew that he wasn't saying "no", it was just a tactical retreat. His emotional walls were probably about to break and he was too "controlling" to let that happen.
She walked over to the truck of the tree, sat down and wrapped her arms around her knees. I'm having a baby. She thought to herself again. It still didn't seem real to her yet. Me and Logan in one neat, little package. She smiled, but her smile soon faded away. Logan had no clue where she was or that she was pregnant. He deserved to know that he was a father. She doubted he would be angry with the baby since it was…as cheesy as it sounded… a creation of love. Max could almost see raising the baby with him. Almost. It was hard for her to ever she herself…happy, settled down and content. She had heard that before the pulse most people wanted the "perfect" family. Dad, mom and about 3.2 kids, she never thought that could even possibility be her. Although she couldn't promise that her baby would ever have that life she did promise one thing.
"You won't have my life." She was going to keep that promise to the day she died.