Half and Half 
Two for One
By Danii
Summary: Sequel to "Half and Half", the strange piece
of insanity that escaped my brain the other day. May
God have mercy on my soul. (And if He doesn't, I will
have a bone to pick with a certain NYAngel… ;-) )
Disclaimer: I own no one. 
Distribution: If you are crazy enough to want this,
take it as a pity gift. As a pity thank you gift, I'd
appreciate the URL of the story…
And if you didn't figure it out from the answer at the
bottom of the last one, this is a crossover with Ranma
½…
 
And now:
 
"You're lucky you were wearing a belt today, Xan…"
 
"Shut up…"
 
"I mean, your pants would have been around your ankles
now that you're-"
 
"Don't say it, Wil…"
 
"A girl…"
 
GROWL
 
"You didn't say I couldn't say it…"
 
"Shut up, Buffy…"
 
"NO need to be rude…"
 
"I'm a girl, Buffy. There is a need. There is a
positive necessity…"
 
SIGH
 
"What's so bad about being a girl? I mean, I've been
pretty happy with it for years…"
 
PAUSE
 
"Gah…"
 
"What do you mean, 'gah'?"
 
"I mean 'gah… There is nothing else that quite fits
the situation. And so I repeat. 'Gah'."
 
"It's not that bad, Xander…"
 
"Hmmmph…"
 
"Or should I call you Alexandra?"
 
GROWL
 
"Sorry…"
 
"S'kay…"
 
"Really?"
 
"No, but I don't want to get the reputation of being a
bitch, do I?"
 
SIGH
 
"You know, it's not so bad for you, Xan. Sure, you're
a girl. But at least you're a pretty girl…"
 
"Ha…"
 
"Xan…"
 
"Ha…Ha…"
 
"Xander?"
 
"You think I'm pretty…you wanna kiss me…wait till I
tell Tara!"
 
"No way, Xander! Shut up! Don't you dare!"
 
"Yup…I'll tell Tara that her girlfriend has the hots
for a her recently womanified best friend!"
 
"You wouldn't dare!"
 
SIGH
 
"No, I wouldn't. But stop trying to cheer me up."
 
PAUSE
 
"Well, look at the bright side Xan…"
 
"Which bright side?"
 
"The…really important bright side…"
 
"Which is?"
 
"Uh…"
 
PAUSE
 
"You know, it's not so bad…"
 
"Ha…"
 
"What?"
 
"You do realize, Buffy, that me being a woman means
that you can't get any-"
 
"Any what?"
 
"Any-"
 
"ACK!"
 
"Ha…"
 
"Willow, do you think you could help me and Xander
look for a cure?"
 
"Why…OH!"
 
"Yeah…"
 
"Ha!"
 
"Shut up!"
 
"I don't have to, Mrs. Two-for-one!"
 
"But the two can't-"
 
"Exactly. And thus you understand the loss in the
only way you can."
 
"WILLOW!!!"
 
"Buffy! Calm do-"
 
"No, I can't!"
 
"Of course she can't! I'm a woman!"
 
"Shut up, Xander…"
 
"But-"
 
"QUIET!!!!"
 
SILENCE
 
"All right folks. We need to calm down. Relax."
 
"Okay."
 
"Okay."
 
SIGH
 
"Let's just go down to the Bronze, get some down time,
and then we can start trying to figure out how to
reverse Xander's little…dilemma…"
 
"Damn straight."
 
"Hell yeah.."
 
"Jeez, you're worse than Anya…"
 
"Well, have you ever-"
 
"Don't want to know…"
 
"He's a real-"
 
"Please don't…"
 
PAUSE
 
"Let's just say that all would be better with Xander
as a male…"
 
"Thank you…"
 
"Thank you…"
 
"What do you mean, thank-"
 
"Let's just go…"
 
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP
 
CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK
 
SQUISH, SQUISH, SQUISH, SQUISH, SQUISH
 
THUMP
 
"I'll go get the drinks. What do you girls-"
 
GROWL
 
"-People want?"
 
"Soda, thanks…"
 
"And you, Xan?"
 
"Tea…"
 
"Tea?"
 
"It works for Giles…"
 
"Yeah…"
 
"And if I got anything with sugar, my nerves would
probably start a fireworks show…"
 
"Point taken…"
 
"All right then. Be back in a minute…"
 
SHUFFLE, SHUFFLE, "Excuse me!, SHUFFLE
 
MUMBLE
 
"Thank you…"
 
SHUFFLE, SHUFFLE
 
"Here you g-"
 
CLANG, BASH, SPLASH
 
"Oh Xander, your tea! I'm so…"
 
"XANDER!!!"
 
"Xander?"
 
"'lp mmm…"
 
XANDER!!! It's back, I'm sure…"
 
"mmm…'lp mmm…"
 
SQUEEZE
 
"What?"
 
"uuhf…'lp mmm…"
 
PAUSE
 
"Oh my God, the belt!"
 
 
The End…