The Admiral finally told me what has happened in her timeline. So much for the temporal prime directive! But she says she is hoping to change that time line by telling me, so that Voyager and I do not face the same fate as she has.
I don't know what upsets me most. What she has told me about the future or what her plan is for changing that future? I certainly think that getting technology from a Borg cube is a crazy idea and a long shot at best, but I still think it might just work.
As for the marriage of Chakotay to Seven, that surprised me. Those two have never been particularly close. I also know Chakotay has a strong distrust of the Borg in general. He's not alone, we all feel like that, but he has gone through more with them than us. Than me. He was linked to the collective once. I think it still haunts him. Seven might not be a drone any longer but he still only sees her as a member of this crew, rather than a friend.
And, okay, I'll admit it. I'm wondering what the hell happened between us. Did I have something to do with him marrying Seven? I might not be in love with him but I certainly care for him. But I've also realised lately that I've been distancing myself from him. Did I distance myself so much that he sought out the company of others? And okay, I'll admit also that I am acting like a jealous person, which I have absolutely no right to do.
The Admiral has also gone so far as to tell me that because we don't get back to Federation Space at a certain time that Seven is killed in an away mission. And that is all she will tell me. I know she is keeping something back, something emotional. But I happen to know myself and I know that I have a hard time sharing my emotions with anyone. Why should anyone else have to feel the way I do?
Seven gets killed on an away mission. How does that change everything? One might think I was being callous here but I have unfortunately lost other crew members, the most recent being Joe Carey. A man who is sadly missed in engineering. Telling his wife was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Probably because I had to actually tell her face to face over the communication channel.
But this would be my best friend's wife who gets killed. And there's a voice inside of me that says, what if it was you, or what if it was him? Is this the reason I have kept certain people at arms length? Both Seven and Chakotay do mean a lot to me. But is that alone worth the risk that the Admiral is making?