A few words of warning before you read this. This part of the " When Noin Goes Bad" fan fics contains more umm...perversion then normal ( not extreme, but never the less a lot more then the other ones) and one more warning -this contains SEVER immature humor. OH! And I didn't check for grammar/spelling in this one, takes too damn long, got a prob with that? FUCK YOU!



::wufei ran down the street with the bird poop dripping off his face and clothes, ten minutes later he realized running on foot was not going to get him anywhere fast, then again he didn't know where to go. Wufei then started to look around frantically for some sort of quick transportation::

Wufei- ARG! I don't know how to hot wire a car...maybe I can tell someone that I'm the evil bird poop monster and if they don't give me their car I will eat them alive...yeah that might work...wait!

::Wufei stops running and stared at a lady pushing a baby carriage down the road.::

Wufei- hehehehe...perfect...

::Wufei runs up to the lady ,pushsher a side, jumps in the baby carriage and starts to roll down the side walk. ::

Wufei- MUAHAHA that's what I call justice!

Lady- WHA!! STOP THAT BOY! HE STOLE MY BABY! HELP!!!

Wufei- baby?

::Wufei looked down and lifted a pink blanket up::

Baby- goo?

::Wufei screams high pitch::

Baby- go ga ga?

Wufei- AHHHHH!!!!! SAVE ME, IT'S A BABY! Wait...pink...PINK, THAT MEANS IT'S A WORTHLESS WOMAN BABY!!! I DO NOT FEAR WOMAN!!

::Wufei- picks up the baby and throws it out of the carriage. MUAHAHA JUSTICE!!::

::The baby hits the side walk and gets up and turns into the demon baby of doom ( O.o). Grows fangs and gets all hairy ( O.o;;)::

Baby- HISSSS!

::Wufei looks back and sees the hissing baby::

Wufei- eww proves my point, that all woman are ugly(oh and you thought quatre was gay O.o)

::The scary baby chases the carriage containing wufei::

Wufei- ew the thing likes me, its coming after me! MUST GO FASTER

::Wufei starts to look around for something to push the carriage to go faster down hill, he sees an old man walking down the sidewalk with a cane::

Wufei- must be my lucky day!

::Wufei swerves the carriage and knocks down the old man ,sending the cane flying in the air, wufei reaches up and grabs the cane::

Baby jumps up and lands in the carriage then starts to attack wufei

Wufei starts to beat the scary-baby-thing with the cane

Wufei- DIE!!!

::Then the classic, shitting bird flies over the carriage and aims for wufei's head::

Wufei- AHH, DIE LAXATIVE BIRD!!

::Wufei then hits the bird with the cane sending the birds poop right on top of the baby's head, wufei then grabs the bird and starts to beat the baby with the bird ::

Baby- GOOOOOOOOO!!!!

::The baby falls out of the carriage...::

Wufei- JUSTICE!!

::Just then wufei's carriage falls into a man hole ( you know those holes in the street that lead down to the city sewer) Wufei's carriage lands in the sewer water and starts to float down...uhh stream?::
Wufei- well at least there are no laxative birds down here, to aim their fire power of doom at me.
Laxative bird- ~fart~
::Wufei looks down to see that the lax bird is still in the carriage::
Wufei- AHHHHH!!
Laxative bird- ~FAAARRRTTT~ ( you see it farts for communication)
Wufei- DIE!!
::Wufei bites lax birds head off::
::The sewer rats raise their paws and bow::
Rats- OH HALE THE BAT KILLER, OZZY!
::Wufei's eye twitches...::

2 weeks later...At the other gundam boys house
Quatre- isn't it nice without wufei here, so peaceful....
Heero- yeah, wonder what happened to the weirdo anyway
Quatre- most likely got ran over by a car or something...
Duo- I think we should at least look for him, or maybe put up missing posters.
::Trowa looks up from the newspaper he was reading on the floor::
Trowa- yeah I can see it now " MISSING! Ugly, short, Chinese man. Help us find him, he needs medication!" heh heh
Duo-...yeah that might work.
Quatre- look wufei, none of us want him back so if your so gun-ho about finding him why don't you go look for him yourself.
Duo- hmph! I might just do that
::Duo grabs the car keys and walks out the door slamming it shut.::
Heero- why do you think he cares so much?
Quatre- maybe he likes him...
Trowa- wouldn't be surprised...
Meanwhile...
::Duo is starting to look all around for wufei...::
And meanwhile in the sewer-
::Wufei is starting to hallucinate because of eating laxative bird meat : ( well come on the dude has been in the sewer for 2 weeks, he would get hungery)
Wufei- TELL ME WHERE YOUR COMRADES ARE!!
Rat- squeak
Wufei- OH YOU LITTLE LIAR!!
Rat- squeak
Wufei- I KNOW YOUR FELLOW SOLDERS ARE NOT UP MY ASS, YOU CAN'T PULL THAT ONE ON ME!! I'M TOO SMART FOR YOU!
Rat-squeak...( what wufei hears- wufei I love you!)
Wufei- is that you , noin?
Rat- squeak ( what wufei hears- oh my pretty wufei)
Wufei- AHHHHH!!! YOU BITCH, YOU FOUND ME!!
Rat- squeak ( what wufei hears- Look around you, I'm everywhere! No escape!! )
:: Wufei looks around at all the rats...( what wufei sees- the rats grow noin faces)::
Wufei- AHH!!!!
Wufei- grabs one of the rats and starts to choke it
Dying rat- squeakkkkk ( what wufei hears- its no matter * cough* I'm everywhere...even if you kill me I will live on, to haunt you!)
Wufei- NO! ITS NOT TRUE!
::All the rats start to raise their paws and do the wave...( not a hallucination, these are special rats ; o ) ::
Rats- OH HALE OZZY!! ( what wufei hears- MUAHAHAHA -*noin type voice*)
::The rats jump on wufei and start to attack him for unknown reasons...::
Wufei- ARG!! HELP!! SOMEONE HELP ME!! NOIN IS TRYING TO RAPE ME!
::Wufei jumps out of the baby carriage and climbs up the man hole ladder. Then he jumps out of the man hole, clawing and pulling off rats. Wufei pulls a rat off his face and looks straight ahead to see a car straight ahead of him::
( lesson- boys and girls just so we all know wufei is in the middle of the street because man holes are in the middle of the street)
Duo- AHH GET OUT OF THE WAY!
!@#$%^&* CRASH !!@#$%%^^&*
::wufei is lying on the street in a bloody mess...::
::Duo jumps out of the car and runs over to the bloody body::
Duo- wufei?! OH I'M SO SORRY WUFEI! I DIDN'T MEAN TO HIT YOU!
Wufei- *cough* its ok, finally I will have some peace...
::Wufei dies...::
Duo- NO!!!!!!
Meanwhile the angel wufei is floating up...
Angel wufei-...wait...that's my body down there! Ew I grew a beard...oh that's right, I couldn't shave in the sewer...*sigh* I'm so happy...peace, at last
Angel wufei arrives at the judgement gate...
Angel- now we will go over all the bad and good things you have done...
Wufei- uh oh...
Angel- eating a bird...shame on you! a poor helpless bird!
Wufei- that bird was evil!
Angel- trying to kill poor noin...HOW COULD YOU?!
Wufei- oh shut up
Angel- telling an angel to shut up, tsk tsk
Wufei- HEY THAT DOESN'T GO ON MY RECORD!!
Angel- oh yes it does, now back to what bad things you have done...
Wufei- grrr
Angel- molesting a gundam! ^ GASP ^
:: wufei gets anime sweat drops ::
wufei- you saw that?
Angel- no, just checking. Heh heh
Wufei- GRR!!!
Angel- hmm hmm....YOU'RE A CRACK DEALER!
Wufei- right, now that's bull...
Angel- nope, nope. It says right here.. you fond a baggie of white stuff when you were little and someone came up to you, and told you if you gave them they baggie they would give you a lollypop.
Wufei- THAT DOESN'T COUNT! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS..
Angel- no excuses! Now it says right here you have a tattoo...on your...SHAME ON YOU!
Wufei blushes..
Wufei- I got it removed...
Angel- pull down your pants and lets see
::Wufei pulls down his pants and there is a cute, little, pink butterfly tattoo on his butt cheek...::
Angel- no you didn't. I SENTIENCE YOU TO ETERNITY IN HELL!
::The sky opens up and swallows wufei, next thing he knows he's in hell. A little tea cup walks up to him::

Tea cup- hello, I'm Satan
Wufei- HAHAHA, bull shit
::The tea cup whacks him over the head::
Wufei- ow! Little bastard
Tea cup- bow to me!
Wufei- how about...no
Tea cup- YES!
Wufei- NO!
Tea cup- YESSS!!
Wufei- shut up before I sit on you
:: the tea cup grows a noin face and goes BOO!::
::Wufei Screams::
Wufei- OH DON'T HURT ME!!! PLEASE
Tea cup changes into...tea cup
Tea cup- bow to me!
::Wufei bows to the...tea cup::
Tea cup- YAY! Now I want you to meat my friends
A sugar bowl, a tea pot, a plate and a spoon appear
Tea cup- this is sugar bowl, plate, -
Wufei- yeah, yeah I get the point, it's a tea pot and a spoon
Tea cup- Oh I see you have met before!
Wufei- yah sure...you know this doesn't really seem like hell...
Tea cup- course this isn't hell! YOU WANNA SEE HELL?!
The tea cup and pate and spoon and sugar bowl turn into tellatubies ( how ever that's spelled)
Wufei-...yeah ok...scary?
It turns back into a tea cup...
Tea cup- YES SCARY!
Wufei- yeah, you know your annoying don't you
Tea cup - I try...I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves.
Wufei- oh, lovely...
Tea cup- I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout.
Wufei-...you know you don't have a spout, right?
Tea cup- ...
Wufei- hey, where is all the fire and forever damnation and torture...
Tea cup- oh is that what their telling the kids for bed time stories, these days eh?
Wufei- um yeah, something like that.
Tea cup- well, gee, golly ,whiz, there isn't any fire, but listening to me make dumb remarks for a few million years could pass under torture
Wufei- true...but then again, I lived with 4 gay guys, you have no idea how many dumb remarks I have put up with. " quatre, where did you put my cheery leg shaver?", " heero ,you better tell me where you put my pink striped thong!" whine, whine, whine, the whining never stops in that house.
* authors note- as you can tell, I pretty much think that all the gundam boys are gay *
Tea cup- poo, well you can't ENJOY being here. You still have to be punished for your pink butterfly tattoo, and rubbing on a gundam .So I will send you back to earth.
Wufei-...YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
Tea cup- wait, your right, I can't...But Satan can!
Wufei- I thought you just said that YOU were Satan
Tea cup- you believed that Satan was a TEA CUP?! HAHA, anyways...I will take you to Satan, and he will either let you stay or send you back to earth
Wufei- uh, ok.
Tea cup- follow me...
::The tea cup spins around and around and black smoke cloud sucks wufei and the tea up under ground::
::Tea cup throws up on wufei ::
Tea cup- hate going down here
Wufei- ew!
Barbie- HI! I'M BARBIE!
Wufei- oh god no.
Tea cup- meat Satan, wufei.
Barbie- HI THERE WUFEI, WANNA HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOUR FAVORITE TOY?
:: Wufei's mouth drops open and he starts to silently vomit. ::
Barbie- COME ON WUFEI, LETS GO TO THE PLAY HOUSE! YOU CAN EVEN MEET KEN!!
Wufei- wow wait, I thought you said Satan was a boy tea cup.
Tea cup- well he is-
:: Barbie grabs her skirt and pulls it up, * cough* anyways HE is not wearing boxers so its extremely evident that he is a boy ::
Barbie- SEE? I'M A PRETTY LITTLE BOY!!!
:: Wufei goes back to silently vomiting ::
Tea cup- did a mention that ken is also a boy...well...kind of one...he got a hold of some kitchen knifes, and he wanted to be a little girl so...he-
Wufei- please spare me the details...
:: Barbie grabs wufei's hand and drags him to a giant play house thing::
Ken- YO, WHAT UP HOMMIE?!
:: Wufei twitches ::
Wufei- you're the guy that-that-
Ken- THAT CUT OFF HIS LIL WEEEEEEEEEE WEEEEEEE
Wufei- you could put it that way..
Ken- I'm the best lil Kim wannabe there is!
Wufei- you know what, going back to earth sounds good right about now.
Ken- whatta hear me sing bullshit?!
Wufei-...
Barbie- oh stop it ken, I think hes starting to like you!
Ken- what to see the coo ass cutting job I did?
Wufei- N-
Ken grabs his skirt like Barbie did and pulls it up, and...and...well what do you think a guy that cut off his dick with kitchen knifes would look like...
Now think about that image
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. think about it longer.
.
.
.
.
.
.
do you have that image in your head yet? No? damn keep trying
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
YOU GOT IT?! YAY!! Now keep it in your mind
Tea cup- anyways...we have to send wufei back to earth
Ken- NO!
:: ken grabs wufei and hugs him, wufei starts the silently vomiting thing again::
Barbie- LIKE WHY DO WE HAVE TO LET THE CUTE LITTLE WUFEI GO?
Tea cup- he enjoys it here! He cant enjoy it here! He has to be punished for his pink butterfly tattoo on his butt!
Ken- I WANNA SEE!
:: ken pulls down wufei's pants::
ken- ohh pretty
Wufei- AH! GET AWAY FROM ME!!
Ken- hehe
Barbie- OH LIKE TOTALLY A BUMMER DUDE! ALL RIGHTY THOUGH, I LIKE SEEE YOUR POINT MAN.
:: Barbie starts doing the chicken dance and boom wufei is back on earth::
Duo- WUFEI?! YOUR ALIVE?!
Wufei- like totally!
Duo- wha?
Wufei- like yaaaa
Duo- ...you turned into a vally girl....
Wufei- say whaattt ,girlfriend?

In Hell
Tea cup- hehehe, ETERNAL PUNISHMENT! MUAHAHA



The end?
Anyway...that was weird wasn't it? If you didn't get it, wufei turned into Barbie on earth for eternal punishment for his pink butterfly tattoo on his ass. Heh...anyways you think I should give up this fan fic thing? I mean I think I'm loosing my touch, its' not as funny anymore, well maybe it is. I donno... oh and note that noin hasn't been that " went bad" it was more wufei after the 1st fic. ^ sigh^