Title: The Long And Winding Road
Author: Rob - fatabbot@btinternet.com
Archive: Not without permission please
Category: Carter/Abby
Rating: PG-13 for a bit of bad language and nasty thoughts
Spoilers: All of season 7
Author's notes: Please excuse any incorrect medical terminology or procedures in this chapter. My knowledge of them is somewhat limited :)
Disclaimer: The characters used in this story are not owned by myself. I just borrowing them, and promise to give them back. Also, any lyrics used in this story to head a scene were not written by myself. Again I am just borrowing them and giving them back untainted.
Summary: Carter goes into a downward spiral, causing Abby to rethink a important decision she's made.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Long And Winding Road
Chapter 2 - Consequences
Dr's Jing-Mei Chen and Mark Greene stood outside the ER waiting for a trauma to come in. Some guy had stolen a car, gone on the run from the police and ploughed into a lamppost. They both stood shivering waiting to save yet another criminals life.
"What's the ETA for this guy?" Chen asked.
"Should be here in about five minutes," Mark replied, watching the mist from his mouth that was his own breath. It was freezing.
Chen watched him, smiling, "Can you ever remember it being this cold at this time of year?"
Mark paused a moment to try and recall a moment like this, "probably last year." He said smirking. They both laughed. Mark looked out on the road again to try and see if the ambulance was almost there. It was then that he noticed something. "How long has that bum been lying over there," pointing to a man lying face down in the snow.
"... I don't know... I hadn't seen him." Chen replied.
"Watch my back," Mark said, and they both laughed again. He walked across the street to get a closer look. "He's still breathing!" He jokingly called out to Chen and he heard her laugh. He got to a comfortable distance and stopped, he wasn't taking any chances. "C'mon buddy let's go!" he called out, getting no response from the bum. "Hey! I said C'mon!" raising his voice a little more. Again he got no response. Risking it, he knelt down a shook the man, trying to get him to answer. "C'mon buddy move!" He rolled the man over and froze...
"DR CHEN!!"
****
"What do you want to do tomorrow night?" Luka asked Abby. "I thought we could go to dinner and see a movie or something."
Abby, looked up, having only caught half of his question, "erm... I'm not sure," she replied, "I don't really feel like doing anything."
Luka frowned, "c'mon, we haven't done anything together for almost a month now."
"I know... it's just... I don't feel to good that's all,"
"Ok when we've finished our shifts, we'll go back to my hotel, sleep for a few days, then do something. How's that sound?" Luka smiled.
"I... erm... I don't know," she said.
Luka frowned again, "Ok then fine," he said, annoyed, as he walked out.
Abby realised he was upset and called out, "Luka!" but he didn't stop. She rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. Why was this such a chore?
****
Mark and Jing-Mei knelt over the freezing, almost lifeless body lying on the floor, working frantically and crying out for help.
"What's happened to him?" Chen asked, frightened.
"I'm not sure," Mark replied, "I think he's had an overdose," he said somewhat disappointed.
"I can't believe it," Chen said, visibly upset. She knelt close to the man's face, "John.... John can you hear me? It's Deb. Can you hear me?" she got no response.
****
"Look into my eyes. I'm not coming back."
Carter was lying face up in the snow, with the two doctors working desperately to revive him. He had his eyes half-open, but was not responding to anything they did or said. His skin was pale white and freezing. Abby had destroyed him with the news that she wasn't going to leave Luka for him. So much so that he needed a release. That was why he took the pills, this was what he wanted.
****
"WE NEED SOME HELP OUT HERE!!" Mark shouted out for what seemed like the tenth time.
Finally Luka ran over, "what's the problem?" he asked, unable to see Carter from where he was standing.
Without looking at him, Mark said slowly "Carter's had an overdose,"
Luka was dumbfounded, "What!"
"We're not sure what he's taken but we need to get him inside the ER now," Chen said, "could you get some nurses with a gurney out for us?" Chen asked, seemingly in control of her emotions.
"Sure," Luka said, still unsure of what to do or what to say. He turned and started to go back inside.
"Luka!" Mark called out.
"Yes?"
"There's a trauma coming in any second now. Could you take care of it?"
"Sure," Luka said as he turned and walked slowly back inside. Haleh was the first to see him and noticed his expression.
"Is there something wrong Dr. Kovac?"
"Something's happened to Carter..."
****
Abby looked at herself in the mirror, noticing how terrible she looked. She hadn't had any sleep in the last 48 hours and it showed. Her eyes looked awful, and her whole face seemed like it just wanted to collapse. She wondered why she agreed to do this shift in the first place, as every movement she made required a huge amount of effort. She laughed to herself as she pictured falling asleep in the middle of suturing a patient, or dozing off while listening to a resident giving a diagnosis and prescribing drugs. She was snapped out of her little comic interlude by all the shouting going on outside. Wondering what was going on she stepped through the door. Just as she opened it, Kerry, Mark, Chen, Haleh and Chuni wheeled Carter past the lounge...
"Carter?" she called out, surprised.
Kerry was giving out all sorts of orders, "We need someone to go with Luka's trauma. Haleh, go with Dr. Kovac. Chen go with Kovac," she said. Abby glanced over her shoulder to see Luka with his patient.
"Dr. Weaver, I would prefer to stay with Dr. Carter," Chen replied, wanting to stay with her friend.
"Carter?" Abby called out again.
"I won't get drawn into a debate about this Dr. Chen, there's no time to waste! Go with Dr. Kovac!" Kerry said as Chen reluctantly agreed and turned around to go with Luka. Walking past Abby as she did so.
"Dr. Chen what's happened to Carter?" Abby asked.
Chen sighed and said, " we think he's had an overdose..."
Kerry called out, "Abby we need you in here!"
Abby looked down at the gurney with Carter's body on it. "JOHN!!" she called out running over to the trauma room. "What's going on? What's happened to John?" she called out trying to barge past Mark who was holding her back.
"Abby calm down, calm down!" he said. Abby stopped pushing him. "Abby, Carter has had an OD. We're not sure what he's taken but we need you to stay calm ok?"
Abby couldn't believe Carter would relapse, "ok," she replied softly. As the rest of the staff worked frantically to revive him, Abby found that she could not move. It felt as though she was glued to the floor. All she could do was look into his eyes. Still open, and harvesting the look of hurt, anger and pain. Only now he had a hopeless expression. Abby felt the tears coming again as she realised John was giving up.
She was awoken from her daze by the heart monitor. For some reason it sounded louder now than it had ever done before.
"He's crashing!" Chuni called out, another staff member who couldn't believe what they were seeing.
Abby still wasn't thinking straight, she couldn't stop looking into his eyes. She felt a few lonely tears drop slowly down her face, she was trying to speak, but all that protruded from her mouth was an inaudible whisper...
"ABBY HAND ME THE PADDLES!" Kerry again screaming at the top of her voice. Chuni reacted first, handing over the paddles to her and charging them.
Abby threw up her hands in defeat and whimpered, "I'm so sorry... I just can't do this." She was surprised she could speak, but still turned and walked quickly out of the room.
"Abby where are you going!" Mark called after her but she didn't listen. Pushing through the doors she turned around briefly to see Carter getting shocked. Turning away again. She ran into the women's bathroom.
****
"I'm not here, this isn't happening."
Abby walked up to the mirror and took a long look at herself. Why would he do this? Why would Carter relapse? He seemed to be in such control of his addiction. It didn't make any sense... She looked at her reflection again, maybe she would have the answers. Everything had come to a head over the last few days. It seemed like only minutes ago that Carter was telling her that he didn't want to be her friend. Now he was lying on the table in a trauma room fighting for his life when he had no fight left in him. "Why did you do it John?" she said aloud, "was it me?" She surprised herself with what she said. Taking a step back she thought about it. Did he overdose because of her? She wrapped her arms around her body for comfort. Wiping the tears away from her eyes she thought about the fact that Carter could die because of her. She covered her mouth with her hand and felt the tears coming back.
****
Everyone standing around Carter's body breathed a heavy sigh of relief when his condition stabilised. Looking at him lying on the trauma room table they still couldn't believe what he had done. As Chuni cleared up the equipment and prepared Carter to be taken up to intensive care, Mark and Kerry looked down on him, feeling disappointed in themselves.
"I don't understand why he would do this," Kerry said, "he seemed to be coping brilliantly."
"I know," Mark agreed, "He didn't show any signs of drug use. Every test he has taken since he got back from rehab has been negative. I thought he was doing great."
Kerry was staring into space, "Do you think it was because he was turned down for chief resident?" she said, with a small amount of fear in her voice.
Mark looked at her, sensing she needed comfort, "Kerry, you know Carter. There's no way he would let a setback like that get him down."
Kerry was adamant, "Mark, we hardly know Carter at all. Sure we thought we knew him. We didn't think he was a drug addict before. Remember that? I can't believe this."
"Kerry! Carter seemed fine, his performance at work hasn't faltered at all, not like it did last time. He's been getting better every day. The only time I actually noticed that he didn't look so good was yesterday."
Kerry took a moment to remember, "Yeah... Yeah I remember now. He looked tired, but he said he was fine. Then later on he came running down from the roof and insisted he be allowed to go home." She found comfort in that he wasn't badly affected by her returning his application.
"You see? it was something else," Mark said.
"But what could have affected him so badly?" Kerry asked, confused.
****
"Every day, every hour. Just wish that I... was bullet-proof."
Abby stood on the roof, frantically puffing on a cigarette, frightened for her friend and for herself. If Carter died she didn't know what she would do. She was the reason he overdosed, she was certain of that now. Everything that she said to him the last time she was up here... 'She was staying with Luka, she knew that they couldn't be friends' how did she know that. "Some friendships get through tough times," she said to herself. They could have worked it out. Why did she have to say that their friendship was over? She held her head in her hand and sighed heavily.
"You know talking to yourself is the first sign of madness," Mark said, standing at the door. She must have heard her mumbling to herself.
Abby attempted a half-smile, "Hi Dr. Greene."
"Everyone's kinda worried about you downstairs," he said, trying not to mention all the gossip that was going round as well.
"Kinda?"
"Well the way you acted with Carter freaked everybody out." He said, also half-smiling. Abby smiled again, she'd always respected Dr. Greene, he was a responsible person and a good doctor.
"Yeah... erm... sorry about that,"
"What the nurses are more concerned about though is why you did it," he said, letting her in softly on the gossip. He hesitated, "...and Luka's not too pleased with what he's been overhearing." At the mention of his name Abby rolled her eyes. "...Is... everything ok between you two?"
Abby wondered whether she should drag Dr. Greene into her mess, "erm... well... no," she looked up at Mark. He was waiting for her to continue. "We haven't had the most stable of relationships. At the moment its like whenever we see each other we fight."
Mark actually had a look of concern on his face, "who's fault is that?" he asked gently.
"He's never been ok with Carter being my friend. He's jealous," she stopped to remember going to the charity ball with Carter. She remembered telling John in the limo that Luka never got jealous. She felt like laughing out loud. "He's been trying too hard recently, doing stupid things and saying stupid things. I know he means well, but... but... I don't want him to make decisions for me, I want him to make them with me." She looked at Dr. Greene again.
Mark didn't know what else to say. So he thought he'd better change the subject, "so why did run out of Carter's trauma?"
Abby paused again, wondering if she should drag Dr. Greene further down. Definitely not, "its just that... that... he's my best friend."
Mark understood what she meant, "you two are real close huh?"
"... Yeah."
"Well then maybe you should be there to support him?" he said it gently, trying not to make it sound wrong.
Abby looked out at the city, "maybe you're right."
"Take as long as you want Abby," he turned to go back downstairs.
"Dr. Greene?"
"Yeah..."
She turned to face him, "thankyou."
Mark smiled as he shut the door. Leaving Abby to light up another cigarette. Leaving her alone with her thoughts again.
****
"Vultures circling the dead. Picking up every last crumb."
When she finally came back downstairs she was aware of all the eyes watching her. Every, nurse, doctor, receptionist and even janitor was watching her walk slowly over to the trauma room. She thought briefly about what could have been said about her, but stopped when she saw Luka. It seemed like an eternity before he slowly looked up at her. She saw the expression on his face... he was pissed. She felt like laughing again... no "Abby are you ok? you really worried me back there." Just a dirty look. He really didn't care...
Her heart leapt into her mouth as she suddenly realised she was staring at an empty trauma room... with an empty bed...
"Haleh, what happened to Carter?"
Without looking up from her patient Haleh replied, "Oh he stabilised so they took him up to intensive care."
Abby felt her heart fall back down into her chest. She meandered over to the elevator, again in full knowledge of everyone watching her. Pushing the button she wondered what they would all say to one another as soon as the doors closed. She was giving them a lot to go on. She smiled as the elevator forced itself into life remembering that rumours had been going around about her and Carter ever since that charity ball, and then the road trip made it ten times worse. She didn't blame them for gossiping, the same thing always happened when a man and a woman were close friends... The elevator doors opened and she stepped through into the ward. She saw Mark and Kerry walking towards her, still looking upset. She attempted a genuine smile, "Hi."
"Hi Abby," Kerry retorted, trying to sound positive, "I take it you've come to see Carter?"
She felt like saying, 'No Kerry, I came to feed my dog' but all that came out of her mouth was an equally optimistic, "yep."
"Ok, he's hooked up to a ventilator right know," Abby nodded slowly as she saw Kerry hesitate. Hopefully she was going to let her have the rest of the shift off. "Listen Abby... I think it would be good if you took the rest of the night off... try and get some sleep." Jackpot.
Abby half-smiled, "thankyou Dr. Weaver." Kerry and Mark smiled politely and walked past her. Leaving her to see Carter on her own. Taking a deep breath she once again attempted to summon courage from within. Courage she didn't have. Carter had always been the courageous one.
She stood outside for a few more moments before stepping slowly through the doors into his room.
****
"We are standing on the edge."
****
TO BE CONTINUED
Author: Rob - fatabbot@btinternet.com
Archive: Not without permission please
Category: Carter/Abby
Rating: PG-13 for a bit of bad language and nasty thoughts
Spoilers: All of season 7
Author's notes: Please excuse any incorrect medical terminology or procedures in this chapter. My knowledge of them is somewhat limited :)
Disclaimer: The characters used in this story are not owned by myself. I just borrowing them, and promise to give them back. Also, any lyrics used in this story to head a scene were not written by myself. Again I am just borrowing them and giving them back untainted.
Summary: Carter goes into a downward spiral, causing Abby to rethink a important decision she's made.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Long And Winding Road
Chapter 2 - Consequences
Dr's Jing-Mei Chen and Mark Greene stood outside the ER waiting for a trauma to come in. Some guy had stolen a car, gone on the run from the police and ploughed into a lamppost. They both stood shivering waiting to save yet another criminals life.
"What's the ETA for this guy?" Chen asked.
"Should be here in about five minutes," Mark replied, watching the mist from his mouth that was his own breath. It was freezing.
Chen watched him, smiling, "Can you ever remember it being this cold at this time of year?"
Mark paused a moment to try and recall a moment like this, "probably last year." He said smirking. They both laughed. Mark looked out on the road again to try and see if the ambulance was almost there. It was then that he noticed something. "How long has that bum been lying over there," pointing to a man lying face down in the snow.
"... I don't know... I hadn't seen him." Chen replied.
"Watch my back," Mark said, and they both laughed again. He walked across the street to get a closer look. "He's still breathing!" He jokingly called out to Chen and he heard her laugh. He got to a comfortable distance and stopped, he wasn't taking any chances. "C'mon buddy let's go!" he called out, getting no response from the bum. "Hey! I said C'mon!" raising his voice a little more. Again he got no response. Risking it, he knelt down a shook the man, trying to get him to answer. "C'mon buddy move!" He rolled the man over and froze...
"DR CHEN!!"
****
"What do you want to do tomorrow night?" Luka asked Abby. "I thought we could go to dinner and see a movie or something."
Abby, looked up, having only caught half of his question, "erm... I'm not sure," she replied, "I don't really feel like doing anything."
Luka frowned, "c'mon, we haven't done anything together for almost a month now."
"I know... it's just... I don't feel to good that's all,"
"Ok when we've finished our shifts, we'll go back to my hotel, sleep for a few days, then do something. How's that sound?" Luka smiled.
"I... erm... I don't know," she said.
Luka frowned again, "Ok then fine," he said, annoyed, as he walked out.
Abby realised he was upset and called out, "Luka!" but he didn't stop. She rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. Why was this such a chore?
****
Mark and Jing-Mei knelt over the freezing, almost lifeless body lying on the floor, working frantically and crying out for help.
"What's happened to him?" Chen asked, frightened.
"I'm not sure," Mark replied, "I think he's had an overdose," he said somewhat disappointed.
"I can't believe it," Chen said, visibly upset. She knelt close to the man's face, "John.... John can you hear me? It's Deb. Can you hear me?" she got no response.
****
"Look into my eyes. I'm not coming back."
Carter was lying face up in the snow, with the two doctors working desperately to revive him. He had his eyes half-open, but was not responding to anything they did or said. His skin was pale white and freezing. Abby had destroyed him with the news that she wasn't going to leave Luka for him. So much so that he needed a release. That was why he took the pills, this was what he wanted.
****
"WE NEED SOME HELP OUT HERE!!" Mark shouted out for what seemed like the tenth time.
Finally Luka ran over, "what's the problem?" he asked, unable to see Carter from where he was standing.
Without looking at him, Mark said slowly "Carter's had an overdose,"
Luka was dumbfounded, "What!"
"We're not sure what he's taken but we need to get him inside the ER now," Chen said, "could you get some nurses with a gurney out for us?" Chen asked, seemingly in control of her emotions.
"Sure," Luka said, still unsure of what to do or what to say. He turned and started to go back inside.
"Luka!" Mark called out.
"Yes?"
"There's a trauma coming in any second now. Could you take care of it?"
"Sure," Luka said as he turned and walked slowly back inside. Haleh was the first to see him and noticed his expression.
"Is there something wrong Dr. Kovac?"
"Something's happened to Carter..."
****
Abby looked at herself in the mirror, noticing how terrible she looked. She hadn't had any sleep in the last 48 hours and it showed. Her eyes looked awful, and her whole face seemed like it just wanted to collapse. She wondered why she agreed to do this shift in the first place, as every movement she made required a huge amount of effort. She laughed to herself as she pictured falling asleep in the middle of suturing a patient, or dozing off while listening to a resident giving a diagnosis and prescribing drugs. She was snapped out of her little comic interlude by all the shouting going on outside. Wondering what was going on she stepped through the door. Just as she opened it, Kerry, Mark, Chen, Haleh and Chuni wheeled Carter past the lounge...
"Carter?" she called out, surprised.
Kerry was giving out all sorts of orders, "We need someone to go with Luka's trauma. Haleh, go with Dr. Kovac. Chen go with Kovac," she said. Abby glanced over her shoulder to see Luka with his patient.
"Dr. Weaver, I would prefer to stay with Dr. Carter," Chen replied, wanting to stay with her friend.
"Carter?" Abby called out again.
"I won't get drawn into a debate about this Dr. Chen, there's no time to waste! Go with Dr. Kovac!" Kerry said as Chen reluctantly agreed and turned around to go with Luka. Walking past Abby as she did so.
"Dr. Chen what's happened to Carter?" Abby asked.
Chen sighed and said, " we think he's had an overdose..."
Kerry called out, "Abby we need you in here!"
Abby looked down at the gurney with Carter's body on it. "JOHN!!" she called out running over to the trauma room. "What's going on? What's happened to John?" she called out trying to barge past Mark who was holding her back.
"Abby calm down, calm down!" he said. Abby stopped pushing him. "Abby, Carter has had an OD. We're not sure what he's taken but we need you to stay calm ok?"
Abby couldn't believe Carter would relapse, "ok," she replied softly. As the rest of the staff worked frantically to revive him, Abby found that she could not move. It felt as though she was glued to the floor. All she could do was look into his eyes. Still open, and harvesting the look of hurt, anger and pain. Only now he had a hopeless expression. Abby felt the tears coming again as she realised John was giving up.
She was awoken from her daze by the heart monitor. For some reason it sounded louder now than it had ever done before.
"He's crashing!" Chuni called out, another staff member who couldn't believe what they were seeing.
Abby still wasn't thinking straight, she couldn't stop looking into his eyes. She felt a few lonely tears drop slowly down her face, she was trying to speak, but all that protruded from her mouth was an inaudible whisper...
"ABBY HAND ME THE PADDLES!" Kerry again screaming at the top of her voice. Chuni reacted first, handing over the paddles to her and charging them.
Abby threw up her hands in defeat and whimpered, "I'm so sorry... I just can't do this." She was surprised she could speak, but still turned and walked quickly out of the room.
"Abby where are you going!" Mark called after her but she didn't listen. Pushing through the doors she turned around briefly to see Carter getting shocked. Turning away again. She ran into the women's bathroom.
****
"I'm not here, this isn't happening."
Abby walked up to the mirror and took a long look at herself. Why would he do this? Why would Carter relapse? He seemed to be in such control of his addiction. It didn't make any sense... She looked at her reflection again, maybe she would have the answers. Everything had come to a head over the last few days. It seemed like only minutes ago that Carter was telling her that he didn't want to be her friend. Now he was lying on the table in a trauma room fighting for his life when he had no fight left in him. "Why did you do it John?" she said aloud, "was it me?" She surprised herself with what she said. Taking a step back she thought about it. Did he overdose because of her? She wrapped her arms around her body for comfort. Wiping the tears away from her eyes she thought about the fact that Carter could die because of her. She covered her mouth with her hand and felt the tears coming back.
****
Everyone standing around Carter's body breathed a heavy sigh of relief when his condition stabilised. Looking at him lying on the trauma room table they still couldn't believe what he had done. As Chuni cleared up the equipment and prepared Carter to be taken up to intensive care, Mark and Kerry looked down on him, feeling disappointed in themselves.
"I don't understand why he would do this," Kerry said, "he seemed to be coping brilliantly."
"I know," Mark agreed, "He didn't show any signs of drug use. Every test he has taken since he got back from rehab has been negative. I thought he was doing great."
Kerry was staring into space, "Do you think it was because he was turned down for chief resident?" she said, with a small amount of fear in her voice.
Mark looked at her, sensing she needed comfort, "Kerry, you know Carter. There's no way he would let a setback like that get him down."
Kerry was adamant, "Mark, we hardly know Carter at all. Sure we thought we knew him. We didn't think he was a drug addict before. Remember that? I can't believe this."
"Kerry! Carter seemed fine, his performance at work hasn't faltered at all, not like it did last time. He's been getting better every day. The only time I actually noticed that he didn't look so good was yesterday."
Kerry took a moment to remember, "Yeah... Yeah I remember now. He looked tired, but he said he was fine. Then later on he came running down from the roof and insisted he be allowed to go home." She found comfort in that he wasn't badly affected by her returning his application.
"You see? it was something else," Mark said.
"But what could have affected him so badly?" Kerry asked, confused.
****
"Every day, every hour. Just wish that I... was bullet-proof."
Abby stood on the roof, frantically puffing on a cigarette, frightened for her friend and for herself. If Carter died she didn't know what she would do. She was the reason he overdosed, she was certain of that now. Everything that she said to him the last time she was up here... 'She was staying with Luka, she knew that they couldn't be friends' how did she know that. "Some friendships get through tough times," she said to herself. They could have worked it out. Why did she have to say that their friendship was over? She held her head in her hand and sighed heavily.
"You know talking to yourself is the first sign of madness," Mark said, standing at the door. She must have heard her mumbling to herself.
Abby attempted a half-smile, "Hi Dr. Greene."
"Everyone's kinda worried about you downstairs," he said, trying not to mention all the gossip that was going round as well.
"Kinda?"
"Well the way you acted with Carter freaked everybody out." He said, also half-smiling. Abby smiled again, she'd always respected Dr. Greene, he was a responsible person and a good doctor.
"Yeah... erm... sorry about that,"
"What the nurses are more concerned about though is why you did it," he said, letting her in softly on the gossip. He hesitated, "...and Luka's not too pleased with what he's been overhearing." At the mention of his name Abby rolled her eyes. "...Is... everything ok between you two?"
Abby wondered whether she should drag Dr. Greene into her mess, "erm... well... no," she looked up at Mark. He was waiting for her to continue. "We haven't had the most stable of relationships. At the moment its like whenever we see each other we fight."
Mark actually had a look of concern on his face, "who's fault is that?" he asked gently.
"He's never been ok with Carter being my friend. He's jealous," she stopped to remember going to the charity ball with Carter. She remembered telling John in the limo that Luka never got jealous. She felt like laughing out loud. "He's been trying too hard recently, doing stupid things and saying stupid things. I know he means well, but... but... I don't want him to make decisions for me, I want him to make them with me." She looked at Dr. Greene again.
Mark didn't know what else to say. So he thought he'd better change the subject, "so why did run out of Carter's trauma?"
Abby paused again, wondering if she should drag Dr. Greene further down. Definitely not, "its just that... that... he's my best friend."
Mark understood what she meant, "you two are real close huh?"
"... Yeah."
"Well then maybe you should be there to support him?" he said it gently, trying not to make it sound wrong.
Abby looked out at the city, "maybe you're right."
"Take as long as you want Abby," he turned to go back downstairs.
"Dr. Greene?"
"Yeah..."
She turned to face him, "thankyou."
Mark smiled as he shut the door. Leaving Abby to light up another cigarette. Leaving her alone with her thoughts again.
****
"Vultures circling the dead. Picking up every last crumb."
When she finally came back downstairs she was aware of all the eyes watching her. Every, nurse, doctor, receptionist and even janitor was watching her walk slowly over to the trauma room. She thought briefly about what could have been said about her, but stopped when she saw Luka. It seemed like an eternity before he slowly looked up at her. She saw the expression on his face... he was pissed. She felt like laughing again... no "Abby are you ok? you really worried me back there." Just a dirty look. He really didn't care...
Her heart leapt into her mouth as she suddenly realised she was staring at an empty trauma room... with an empty bed...
"Haleh, what happened to Carter?"
Without looking up from her patient Haleh replied, "Oh he stabilised so they took him up to intensive care."
Abby felt her heart fall back down into her chest. She meandered over to the elevator, again in full knowledge of everyone watching her. Pushing the button she wondered what they would all say to one another as soon as the doors closed. She was giving them a lot to go on. She smiled as the elevator forced itself into life remembering that rumours had been going around about her and Carter ever since that charity ball, and then the road trip made it ten times worse. She didn't blame them for gossiping, the same thing always happened when a man and a woman were close friends... The elevator doors opened and she stepped through into the ward. She saw Mark and Kerry walking towards her, still looking upset. She attempted a genuine smile, "Hi."
"Hi Abby," Kerry retorted, trying to sound positive, "I take it you've come to see Carter?"
She felt like saying, 'No Kerry, I came to feed my dog' but all that came out of her mouth was an equally optimistic, "yep."
"Ok, he's hooked up to a ventilator right know," Abby nodded slowly as she saw Kerry hesitate. Hopefully she was going to let her have the rest of the shift off. "Listen Abby... I think it would be good if you took the rest of the night off... try and get some sleep." Jackpot.
Abby half-smiled, "thankyou Dr. Weaver." Kerry and Mark smiled politely and walked past her. Leaving her to see Carter on her own. Taking a deep breath she once again attempted to summon courage from within. Courage she didn't have. Carter had always been the courageous one.
She stood outside for a few more moments before stepping slowly through the doors into his room.
****
"We are standing on the edge."
****
TO BE CONTINUED