The Professionals
By Cynic X
I don't own the X-men and am making no money whatsoever off this story. This is a piece about the uniforms the X-men where, and I wrote it about an actual event I had to go through =). Anyway, I don't think it's my best work, but it is actually the first story I ever wrote. Thanks again for reading, and feedback would be appreciated.
"What do ya mean professah?!" Cried Rogue upon hearing the Professors news. The emergency alarms had gone off, and all the X-Men were now assembled in the briefing room.
"What I mean is, " the Professor said in a very serious tone, "you people have to start dressing more appropriately. People don't take our cause seriously people you people are dressed like Halloween rejects and circus clowns. Half of you run around in mismatched spandex, spandex for God's sake, with it riding up the crack of your ass, and the other half are run around with their underwear on the outside of their uniforms!"
"But Professor, wearing your underwear on the outside is quite functional." Claimed Cyclops, "With all the missions we go on, who has time to change their underwear. By wearing them on the outside, we just slip them off and put on a new pair on and are as good as new."
"Mon Ami, that is tres disgusting!, not to mention a vile visual picture. Now take Gambit on de other hand, he don't wear his underwear on de outside."
"You also wear pink Cajun" growled Wolverine
"So what, de women love it, and anyway Magneto wears red and purple and no one be yelling at him." Gambit cried.
"Yes, but everyone thinks that Eric is gay, look at the way he comes on to me. Plus, everyone laughs in his face when he says that he is going to wipe out the human race because they are too busy laughing at the bucket on his head." Remarked the Professor. " If we want to be taken seriously, we have to start dressing more professional."
"What do you have in mind Chuck, black leather?" asked Wolverine being sarcastic.
"Well, honestly it did cross my mind, but then all the animal activist would be on our backs, so leather is out of the questions. I took the liberty to go out and buy all new uniforms. You all will be wearing suits."
"Suits" cried all the X-Men at once.
"Yes, but not just any suits, Armani suits. The women will be wearing skirt suits!
"Skirts," shrieked Rogue, "ah haven't worn a skirt since ah was…ah was, well ah can't remember the last time ah wore a skirt!"
"When people go to work everyday, they have to dress appropriately. Do you think a businessman on Wall Street could go to work in yellow spandex? I think not. Now go try on your new uniforms." Commanded the Professor.
Grumbles and protests were heard around the room, but the X-Men went to go try on their new uniforms anyway, because lets face it, Chuck pays the bills, and their was no way in yell any of them could get a real job.
"I like des outfits," commented Gambit, "de ladies love a man in a suit."
"Too bad it ain't pink Gumbo" Wolverine said, walking back into the briefing room, trailed by the rest of the team.
"I am not wearing this Chuck, bloody hell, I can't move, I feel so restricted." Wolverine said, showing how the suit pulled everywhere, hardly allowing any movement what so ever.
"What do you mean restricted mon ami, just where does it …oh, oh, hey Gambit agrees too, these suits are too tight."
"Too tight, You boys don't know how lucky you are, Professah, just how do you expect me to fly in a skirt, everyone below will see my underwear, plus this thing itches." Rogue said, scratching the suit all over.
"It's not like we haven't see Cyclopes and Wolverine's underwear before." Commented Xavier
"Yeah, Chere, I like de suit." Said Gambit
"You like it swamp rat because even though you can't get in my underwear, you still wanna see them." stated Rogue
"Uhhh…" Gambit turned away looking "tres" embarrassed.
"Now X-Men, I truly believe that by looking professional, we will be able to make great strides towards my dream of a peaceful coexistence.
"Cut the crap Charley, tell you what, we think that these uniforms could be very functional another way." Growled Wolverine
"Just what do you mean" cried Xavier, as the X-Men started to approach him from all sides.
______________________________________________________________________________
-Later-
"Ah, much bettah" exclaimed Rogue as she walked into the briefing room once again wearing her green and yellow spandex outfit.
The other X-Men entered the briefing room, ignoring the pile of torn and shredded clothes in the corner, with a very much angry Xavier, tied permanently to his hover chair by the so called "new uniforms".
"Do you think tying him to his chair was a bit much homes?" asked Gambit
"Hell no, if I had my way, he would be eating those damn outfits." Commented Wolverine, just as the TV phone came on line.
"Look y'all, it's a call from Muir Island." Rogue said as Beast came on the screen
"Excuse me my fellow comrades, sorry for the intrusion, but is it at all possible that I may talk to the professor, it is of the utmost importance." Asked the Beast.
"Sorry bub, but he's a little is tied up at the moment." Answered Wolverine as he turned off the TV phone and exited the mansion, with the others to go get dinner.
-3 weeks later-
"Muhmhimshid…"
"What was that?" ask the gold team as they entered the mansion, coming back from their mission.
"That was the Professor," said the four X-Men in unison, not looking up from what they were doing, as both teams watched the Professor try to struggle out of his Armani suit bonds.
The End…
(A.N. I'm not getting dressed up, no way, no how!!!! Never Never Never….)
Cynic (X)