Living Without You (aka. There You'll Be): Part 2
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In my dreams I'll always see you
Soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you
For all my life
--------------
I move as if in a dream. The steady stream of wounded, and unfortunately dead, that arrive through the gate keep
me occupied, giving me no time to dwell on thoughts of you.
The infirmary is full and the gate room is now set up as an emergency treatment room. Trolleys are all around me
as I stand and gaze up at the gate, the noise around me fading into the background. The dead and the dying
cry out for attention, but there aren't enough of us to cope. The new arrivals are sorted into dead, dying and
wounded, and are left to wait for the attention of one of the medical staff. The cries of pain and the smell of blood
and death is almost intolerable. The trolleys have run out and bodies lie on the floor. Bodies are stacked in the
corridors to make room for the living, and the living are spilling out into the corridors as well. The dead and the
living are almost indistinguishable as both groups are covered in mud and blood and burns.
And still you haven't come back.
Where are you?
"Doctor!" I hear a scream from behind me, "Doctor!"
I spin around, awoken from my reverie, and see Lieutenant McNamara supporting his teammate, Captain
Stuart. The captain lies dying in his arms and he is begging me to save her.
"Please, doctor Fraiser! Help her!"
I see that she has a gash on her forehead, blood running down her face. I also see that this isn't the fatal wound.
Blood is pouring from a large wound in her side, soaking into McNamara's uniform. Both of their uniforms are
tattered and burnt, and their faces blackened with dried blood and smoke.
I run to them and feel for her pulse. It's so weak it's virtually non exsistent.
"Don't worry." I tell her, "You're gonna be fine."
Her eyes are closed and I know that she is near death. A place a hand on McNamara's arm and look into his
eyes. He knows.
He takes her hand and grips it, not letting go. I realise that I can do nothing for her and that they need some time
alone. Or as alone as they can be in a room full of people.
I stand and sigh, walking away. I help a limping Major towards the nurses.
I hear a cry of anguish and grief from behind me,
"No!" McNamara cries.
I watch with tears in my eyes as he brushes her hair off her face and bends to kiss her, folding his arms round
her and rocking her backwards and forwards as if trying to bring her back, his tears falling onto her ragged
uniform.
I realise that the scene I witness is being replayed hundreds of times, all around this room, and I set a place in my
heart aside to grieve for all these broken lives.
And still you have not returned.
But this is war. This is what war does. I've seen death before, I face it almost everyday, but never on this scale.
I always kept death separate from me, treated it as a job, a profession, and science-ised it. But now, I see the
true human side of death, the pain and the suffering, and I hate myself for not doing more.
I always resented being the one left behind when you went through the gate, but now I realise that I'm glad I didn't
go this time. I know it sounds selfish when hundreds of people are out there dying so that I can live, but I can't help
the way I feel, and I pray you're not angry with me.
I stand in the middle of all this destruction and pain and chaos, and it seems separate from me once again. It's as
if I can see it, but I can't touch it. It's as if this is all a nightmare and that I'll wake and you'll be back and no one will
have died.
As if it's just a dream.
--------------
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
And everywhere I am there you'll be....
--------------
It seems as though it has been just minutes since you left, but as I gaze over this terrible scene to the clock, I see
that five hours have passed since you went.
The gate begins to engage again and someone calls that it's SG-1's code.
My heart leaps! Could it be you? It must be!
I turn once more to look at the gate when the event horizon bursts forth and settles back to rest like shimmering
water.
A single figure steps through. And it's not you.
I stand, disapointment sweeping over me. It's not you. Where are you? Why didn't you just step through.
I remember my status as doctor and hurry up the ramp.
"Colonel Makepeace." I say, stepping forward to steady the blackened and bloodied Colonel.
"Dr. Fraiser." He replies.
I look into his eyes and see the dreadful things that he has witnessed.
"Come with me, I'll find you a bed." I can't see any open wounds.
"No, there are more people that need you. I'm not badly injured." He says, as I wrap my arm round his waist to
help him limp down the ramp.
I realise that we need a practical estimate of the numbers of injured we're still to receive.
"How many more beds will we need?" I ask.
He looks at me strangely, then realises I don't know yet. His eyes fill with sorrow. He takes a deep breath.
"You won't." He says.
I don't understand, I don't want to believe what he's saying, so he says it again,
"There are no more to come back."
--------------
Well you showed me how it feels
To feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all
The strength you gave to me.
--------------
I stand, too shocked to say anything. Finally, I manage to speak.
"No." I whisper, "It's not true."
"I'm sorry..." He begins.
"But over half of the people that went through that gate haven't come back yet!" I gasp.
"I'm sorry..." He repeats.
I shake my head. It's not true... IT'S NOT TRUE!
I run down the ramp. I know I'm in denial, but I can't help it. Maybe I haven't seen you come back? Maybe you're
being treated and I didn't know?
I run through the trolleys, searching for your face. But I know I won't find you. Somehow I know that you're not
coming back.
That you're not coming back.
--------------
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you.
You were right there for me...
--------------
I reach the control room, now deserted apart from Graham Simmons. Everyone else is helping with the wounded.
Graham is crouched over the microphone which is switched off, gazing out at the gate. I can see tears roll down
his cheeks.
"Hi, Graham." I say quietly.
He jumps, looking round, suprised at the noise. He sees me standing at the top of the stairs and smiles a smile
that doesn't reach his eyes. He wipes away his tears and sniffs.
"Hey, Doctor Fraiser. Just... watching the gate. Seeing if anyone's coming back."
"Are you okay?" I ask, wrapping my arms round myself, a habit that I realise I've picked up from spending too
much time around you.
"Yeah... I guess..." He says.
I walk over to him slowly, sitting down next to him and join him in silently watching the gate.
I realise that he too has lost someone. He's lost the person he's been in love with for six years; Sam.
I place a hand on his.
"They're not coming back, are they?" he asks, not taking his eyes off the gate.
"No." I shake my head.
"Why? Why her?" He asks sorrowfully. "Why didn't someone else go instead?"
"Don't think like that." I say. "They're doing this for us."
"I know."
Suddenly, I move closer to him and pull him closer to me, embracing him to comfort us both.
We sit like that, silent in our shared pain, holding onto each other, and crying for the people we've lost.
It's so unreal. It's like a dream....
To Be Continued......
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*author sings* Review, you funky people!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--------------
In my dreams I'll always see you
Soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you
For all my life
--------------
I move as if in a dream. The steady stream of wounded, and unfortunately dead, that arrive through the gate keep
me occupied, giving me no time to dwell on thoughts of you.
The infirmary is full and the gate room is now set up as an emergency treatment room. Trolleys are all around me
as I stand and gaze up at the gate, the noise around me fading into the background. The dead and the dying
cry out for attention, but there aren't enough of us to cope. The new arrivals are sorted into dead, dying and
wounded, and are left to wait for the attention of one of the medical staff. The cries of pain and the smell of blood
and death is almost intolerable. The trolleys have run out and bodies lie on the floor. Bodies are stacked in the
corridors to make room for the living, and the living are spilling out into the corridors as well. The dead and the
living are almost indistinguishable as both groups are covered in mud and blood and burns.
And still you haven't come back.
Where are you?
"Doctor!" I hear a scream from behind me, "Doctor!"
I spin around, awoken from my reverie, and see Lieutenant McNamara supporting his teammate, Captain
Stuart. The captain lies dying in his arms and he is begging me to save her.
"Please, doctor Fraiser! Help her!"
I see that she has a gash on her forehead, blood running down her face. I also see that this isn't the fatal wound.
Blood is pouring from a large wound in her side, soaking into McNamara's uniform. Both of their uniforms are
tattered and burnt, and their faces blackened with dried blood and smoke.
I run to them and feel for her pulse. It's so weak it's virtually non exsistent.
"Don't worry." I tell her, "You're gonna be fine."
Her eyes are closed and I know that she is near death. A place a hand on McNamara's arm and look into his
eyes. He knows.
He takes her hand and grips it, not letting go. I realise that I can do nothing for her and that they need some time
alone. Or as alone as they can be in a room full of people.
I stand and sigh, walking away. I help a limping Major towards the nurses.
I hear a cry of anguish and grief from behind me,
"No!" McNamara cries.
I watch with tears in my eyes as he brushes her hair off her face and bends to kiss her, folding his arms round
her and rocking her backwards and forwards as if trying to bring her back, his tears falling onto her ragged
uniform.
I realise that the scene I witness is being replayed hundreds of times, all around this room, and I set a place in my
heart aside to grieve for all these broken lives.
And still you have not returned.
But this is war. This is what war does. I've seen death before, I face it almost everyday, but never on this scale.
I always kept death separate from me, treated it as a job, a profession, and science-ised it. But now, I see the
true human side of death, the pain and the suffering, and I hate myself for not doing more.
I always resented being the one left behind when you went through the gate, but now I realise that I'm glad I didn't
go this time. I know it sounds selfish when hundreds of people are out there dying so that I can live, but I can't help
the way I feel, and I pray you're not angry with me.
I stand in the middle of all this destruction and pain and chaos, and it seems separate from me once again. It's as
if I can see it, but I can't touch it. It's as if this is all a nightmare and that I'll wake and you'll be back and no one will
have died.
As if it's just a dream.
--------------
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
And everywhere I am there you'll be....
--------------
It seems as though it has been just minutes since you left, but as I gaze over this terrible scene to the clock, I see
that five hours have passed since you went.
The gate begins to engage again and someone calls that it's SG-1's code.
My heart leaps! Could it be you? It must be!
I turn once more to look at the gate when the event horizon bursts forth and settles back to rest like shimmering
water.
A single figure steps through. And it's not you.
I stand, disapointment sweeping over me. It's not you. Where are you? Why didn't you just step through.
I remember my status as doctor and hurry up the ramp.
"Colonel Makepeace." I say, stepping forward to steady the blackened and bloodied Colonel.
"Dr. Fraiser." He replies.
I look into his eyes and see the dreadful things that he has witnessed.
"Come with me, I'll find you a bed." I can't see any open wounds.
"No, there are more people that need you. I'm not badly injured." He says, as I wrap my arm round his waist to
help him limp down the ramp.
I realise that we need a practical estimate of the numbers of injured we're still to receive.
"How many more beds will we need?" I ask.
He looks at me strangely, then realises I don't know yet. His eyes fill with sorrow. He takes a deep breath.
"You won't." He says.
I don't understand, I don't want to believe what he's saying, so he says it again,
"There are no more to come back."
--------------
Well you showed me how it feels
To feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all
The strength you gave to me.
--------------
I stand, too shocked to say anything. Finally, I manage to speak.
"No." I whisper, "It's not true."
"I'm sorry..." He begins.
"But over half of the people that went through that gate haven't come back yet!" I gasp.
"I'm sorry..." He repeats.
I shake my head. It's not true... IT'S NOT TRUE!
I run down the ramp. I know I'm in denial, but I can't help it. Maybe I haven't seen you come back? Maybe you're
being treated and I didn't know?
I run through the trolleys, searching for your face. But I know I won't find you. Somehow I know that you're not
coming back.
That you're not coming back.
--------------
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you.
You were right there for me...
--------------
I reach the control room, now deserted apart from Graham Simmons. Everyone else is helping with the wounded.
Graham is crouched over the microphone which is switched off, gazing out at the gate. I can see tears roll down
his cheeks.
"Hi, Graham." I say quietly.
He jumps, looking round, suprised at the noise. He sees me standing at the top of the stairs and smiles a smile
that doesn't reach his eyes. He wipes away his tears and sniffs.
"Hey, Doctor Fraiser. Just... watching the gate. Seeing if anyone's coming back."
"Are you okay?" I ask, wrapping my arms round myself, a habit that I realise I've picked up from spending too
much time around you.
"Yeah... I guess..." He says.
I walk over to him slowly, sitting down next to him and join him in silently watching the gate.
I realise that he too has lost someone. He's lost the person he's been in love with for six years; Sam.
I place a hand on his.
"They're not coming back, are they?" he asks, not taking his eyes off the gate.
"No." I shake my head.
"Why? Why her?" He asks sorrowfully. "Why didn't someone else go instead?"
"Don't think like that." I say. "They're doing this for us."
"I know."
Suddenly, I move closer to him and pull him closer to me, embracing him to comfort us both.
We sit like that, silent in our shared pain, holding onto each other, and crying for the people we've lost.
It's so unreal. It's like a dream....
To Be Continued......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*author sings* Review, you funky people!