Title: I go to you…
Author: Lux
Email: vivien_rosebud@hotmail.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The WB's 'Roswell' created by Melinda Metz unfortunately doesn't belong to us. Summary: Your future is misleading when your past is untrue.
Category: Max and Isabel
Author's Notes: Just a few… set a bit before Destiny (after Crazy, but 'sexual healing hasn't taken place) if that makes sense, some things might not match up… such as no 'white room', agent Pierce or even Necedo and the orbs. Tess told the podsters about there past… Dedication: To the wonderful Candy Outsiders who have shown support in my notion that Michael is more Isabel's brother than Max…
PART 1
I'm trying to figure this out. Rationalise these feelings. That's what I always do isn't it? I'm Max. That's what I do. Everything will be fine. Who am I kidding… this is NOT going to be fine, this is going to be… dangerous. I can't even explain it… I can't even begin to describe the disgust in myself, and the want.
I don't want to hurt anyone; my biggest problem is that even with this knowledge I don't want to stop…
She's beautiful, she's my home, and in my dreams I go to her…
*~*~*
"Max? What's up?"
"Nothing Liz, why?"
"Max, I know you love me, stop stressing about Tess." Liz sighed and run her hand through my hair. "It's not even an issue." She smiled kissing my check gently.
I watched as her silky brown hair was brought into a bun by her slender caramel fingers and breathed out deeply. I hadn't realised I had been holding my breath. With Liz I always held my breath, was careful, soulful. With her though I always breathed in deep, relaxed and recently… became lustful.
"I should go." I smiled, forcing it upon my lips.
"Yeah…" Liz agreed getting up from the booth so she could walk me to the door.
I reached for our glasses on the table but Liz stopped me, saying she'd do it later. Wandering over to the door I paused. I should say something, maybe we could work it out, Liz might… what was I thinking? Talking to Liz about this was the last thing I wanted to do. Was I mad? She would cry, and the pain of knowing that I had caused my friend, friend?
"You're thinking." Liz observed.
"Guilty." I sighed.
"Don't worry, I'm fine with Tess, I absolutely don't see her as a problem…" Liz stuttered. How ironic, that Liz should feel so incredibly threatened by Tess, if it wasn't such a painful topic, I would have laughed. Tess was not the problem. "She's an alien, so what? I don't care, it doesn't even factor into our relationship, we're together now…"
I placed a finger against her lips, hoping it would arouse me, hoping her grin was because she had seen lust in my eyes. "You sure you don't want help?"
"Help?" Liz asked distractedly. Damn. It was Liz who had the lust in her eyes, it pained me to see it and I pulled my hand away in response – ashamed. An action that Liz interrupted as bashfulness.
"With the dishes, plates…" I stuttered motioning towards our finished dinner in the booth.
"It's part of my job description." Liz replied jokingly, clutching my hand tightly.
Oh God! I panicked, she wants a kiss! "Do you know why in all cultures there's an incest taboo?"
Liz blinked. "Because um… humans are social, they need to move out… expand, not stay in the one spot, create networks." Liz replied warily, wondering where I was going with this.
Humans, hmmmm… "It's not because of biological problems?" It's odd how her ability to think on her feet was the main thing that had attracted me to her, her smartness. Now it made me uncomfortable, because it wasn't enough.
"Rumours, wives tales… Max what –"
"Oh I was just curious… we had a question in social science…" I explained.
Liz nodded slowly, moving forward she brushed my lips… nothing. The usual excitement wasn't there. With a quick peck on her lips I departed as quickly as possible, Liz's words running through my mind.
*~*~*
"Michael? You here?"
"Yea Maxwell…" Michael called from his bathroom.
I shut the alien-opened door and walked slowly inside. This was the only place I could be right now… I couldn't go home, because I would sleep there, and dream about *her* –
Michael came out of the bathroom and surveyed his door. "I don't know why I bother." He muttered shaking his head. "What's up?"
"Nothing… um really, just thought I'd drop by…"
Michael studied me. "O-kay." Wandering over to his cupboard Michael then assessed his food situation. "You want something to chow?" he asked focusing back on me.
"Naaa." I replied sitting on his couch. "Just had dinner with Liz."
"Liz." Michael repeated. Oh no! Michael thinks I've come here to talk about Liz… that's the last thing I want to do – "So she's not with Iz at your house?"
"My place? Liz?" What the hell!
Michael looked at me clearly amused. "Relax boy… I just thought she would have been with the others." Now I really was confused, and Michael noticed it. "Stupid girls night… ring a bell?"
"Ohhhh…" Of course. Maria was at my house.
Michael quirked an eyebrow, looking at me like I (ironically) was from Mars. Shaking his head Michael sat down next to me on the couch. "Maxwell. Life goes on without Liz always involved…" he smirked, and I turned away, wishing it had made me blush instead of angry and more confused.
"We're so different." I observed softly.
"Humans aren't so different." Another smirk passed across his lips. My friend – Michael Guerin aka Mr Horny.
"Michael." I warned and he grinned. "It's just we don't know anything about us really… social structure, biological… only what Tess tells us…" I sighed.
"You need to stop worrying about Tess…"
"I'm not Michael!" I snapped. "I'm worried about me."
Michael rubbed his fingers over his eyes and relaxed back into the couch. "You need to stop worrying–"
"Don't even try," I interrupted. "You worry just as much, what new discovery we might find out…"
"I'm worried about…" He stopped searching for the words. "Everyone gets worried Maxwell."
"What are you most worried about?" I asked seriously.
"Hurting people." He replied frankly. And in my heart I thanked him.
"I'm worried I'm not who I think I am." I replied, equalling his honestly.
*~*~*
Lying in my bed I could hear the boy sleeping next door better then the girl at my side. The boy sleeping next door, when had I started thinking of him as a boy? And when had I not been able to utter his name without blushing? This is… precarious. I'm losing my mind, hoping these feelings are normal, well as alien-normal as possible.
The one person who I go to… I can't. I don't want to hurt people, disgust them. I can't go to sleep…
He's beautiful, he's my home, and in my dreams I go to him…
*~*~*
Jade rocks and red rivers flowed past the two lovers, who were becoming more lost.
"Vi… V… Isabel…" Her skin was caramel.
"Max… Oh, Z… Max…" His flesh was hard butter.
Max pushed closer, he wasn't close enough, and he needed her to surround him. Be more a part of himself then he was. He wanted to curl up inside her, and lose the world.
Isabel was losing her mind, she wanted this, and she needed it. "Zaaa… Maaaxxx…"
Emerald mountains swirled around them, gaining speed with each kiss more hurriedly then the last. Time was running out, they could both feel it.
Isabel moaned at the thought and begged him to 'hurry' breathlessly. She needed completion, and she knew it was only here, in her dreams, with him, that her wish could ever be fulfilled.
Max groaned and buried himself in her golden locks. He needed completion and he knew it was only here, in his dreams, with her, that his wish would ever be fulfilled.
*~*~*
I woke with a start.
"Isabel." Maria was looking at me, trying to focus on my face. I didn't want her to see my blush, see my lips that were burning, I turned away. "You okay?" She asked.
Oh God, she knew.
"You were moaning and whimpering… are you hurt?" She added concerned, running her hand along my shoulder, kneading my neck, and making me relax. "Bad nightmare?"
"No." I whispered, feeling myself tense again – I had been so close, he had dissolved my resistance, my uncertainty, fear…
"You scared me." I turned my attention back to Maria.
"Why?" Had I moaned his name? Please no…
"Well um, I went to get some water… and when I came back, you were shaking like M… Michael was when he got sick…"
There was something wrong with me. "Thanks for waking me…"
"I didn't." She replied confused getting up to sit on my bed. Her hand running unsurely through her short pixie locks. "I heard a thump next door… I think from Max's room," Maria then grinned. "He probably fell out of bed dreaming about Liz." That hurt… that really hurt. "He woke both of us up though…" She trailed off standing up so she could look out of my window, checking out the day that had begun.
Pulling the covers off I stretched and tried to forget. "You have to work today… early huh?"
"Yea…" She replied. "Can I take a shower?"
"Of course." I smiled. "Second cupboard on the right has towels."
After she had left the room I lay back down on my bed and sighed miserably. I would avoid him today, just like I had done for the past week, and internally crying knowing he loves Liz and I'm just a sicko.
*~*~*
The Crashdown was pretty empty, however it was a Sunday morning… so only people who didn't want to be at home were here. Which included me of course.
Maria wandered over and smiled brightly. "Hey Max, what'll you have?"
"Um… breakfast." I grinned.
Maria tried to give me the 'aren't you a comedian' look but ended up giving me the 'you dork' look instead. "Funny."
"I just don't know… you decide." I offered flatly. I had tried to be normal, friendly, but I was just too preoccupied.
Maria had been watching me. "You worry too much." She observed then added as she walked away. "I'll bring you our Sunday special ~ Biotech Blueberry Pancakes and a Cadet Coffee."
"Hey Max, seen Isabel?" Jealously rose at the sound of Alex's voice…
"Nope." I said trying to keep the snap out of my voice. I longed to see, needed to see her, yearned to touch her…
"We were meant to go to…" Alex trailed off as the door opened. It was she, my fingers had itched and my heart had sped to breakneck speed.
*~*~*
Oh God. He's here with Alex! Drifting over I smiled at Alex, careful not to make eye contact with him. "Do ya wanna have breakfast with Max before we go?" Alex asked looking between the two of us.
"Sh… sure." I stuttered following the two over to a booth.
Maria brought over his food and Alex ordered us something light, I barely registered what was being said, truthfully I was happy for the interruption and scared of the way he was watching me. He knew something. Of course he knew something, I had been avoiding him, that type of thing gets noticed.
Alex was chatting away next to me happily to himself and it pained me that he really did like me more than how I wanted to be liked by him ~ as a friend.
*~*~*
My knee brushed hers under the table and a looked directly at her. Did she feel it? Her eyes told me she had.
I focused on her caramel eyes, hoping they'd melt, give me hope that she was feeling it too. They did, they seemed to scan my eyes as though they had never stoped looking into them, that hers knew mine intimately.
*~*~*
His eyes had been stripping me, mentally pulling back all my layers. I had to get out of there, it was a silly excused, but had to be sure they wouldn't follow me, ask questions. Period talk always seemed to shut guys up. This time it didn't though, and it was all because of his eyes.
Alex had said he'd walk me home, because Max hadn't finished his food. Max had blackened and even scolded. He was annoyed. I hoped even jealous. It was silly of me to think this would just disappear, I'd talk to him tonight.
Tbc…??