Damn Thoughts
Well, it's been done for five minutes. I wonder if anyone's documented it. I'm sure they have, because they probably think Hell has frozen over, or it's a sure sign that the end is near. And yet I'm plagued by this voice in the back of my mind. What have I done? No, stop. What I just did had to happen. I need my space. That's it, I need my space. Now, if I just keep telling myself that, it should all be okay. Normalcy. Maybe that's what I'm feeling. Finally after all these years of being deprived of it, a sense of normalcy is what I'm feeling. Damn the fool who came up with such a sense. What a load of shit. I'm not feeling a sense of normalcy. I'm feeling deep regret for something that "had to happen." Wow, that's a load of bullshit, too. Damn, Gordo. You are really batting a thousand today! I can't be feeling regret; I've been feeling animosity for the past year, why is this all coming up now? I need to scream. Where's a pillow when you really need one?
Okay, so now that all of that is floating around in that confused head of mine what to do now? Well, dumbass. We eat now. Wow, I'm eating alone, all by myself. No Lizzie or Miranda talking my ear off about absolutely nothing important. Let me turn on my camera and spy on them, just to see if they're feeling anything. All right well, I can't see anything. Maybe it will hit them later. Yeah, right. Oh, oh God. There goes my lunch. No, not...
"Ethan." Smile Gordo. Be nice.
"Gor-don! My man! Lizzie told me you guys split up."
"Well, I guess she told the truth." Sadly. Wait, no. It's not sad. It's good. It's good to be apart. Isn't it?
"Bummer, man. They're pretty hot." Damnit. He was right. NO GORDO! STOPIT! Fuck! I'm so confused!
"Uh, yeah okay. Gotta run, catch ya later!" Way to go. Run from the problem. Damnit what a headache this has caused me. I think I'm gonna go hop into my Jeep Wrangler, and speed off into the sunset. Well, maybe just leave school early. It's not like I'll be missed or anything. It'll be me, my thoughts, and the open road; until I get home, that is. Then it will be me, my bed, and my music. What a life you lead, David Gordon. I'm proud to be you, very proud. If only you weren't such a complete jackass sometimes. It's times like these I wish I had someone to talk to.
**
All right, so here I am on the open road. I was thinking back, and honestly I couldn't think of one damn bad thing that happened between the three of us that would cause me to do what I just did. Well, I guess I could count that time in seventh grade when I was Gordo, the Garbage King and I was married to Lizzie, the Lawyer who took me for granted both as a friend and a faux-husband. But, as usual, we worked it out. Maybe I'm just scared that this is going to happen after high school, when we're all at different colleges around the US. Is that what this is? Or, maybe it's because I need a change. Yes, that must be it. I need a change. Our relationship was too predictable. I still haven't found what I'm looking for, though. But, we all know what they say; Happiness is not a fish that you can catch. Well, okay, Our Lady Peace said that, but it fit with what I was thinking. This is way more complicated than it needs to be. I can't stand this anymore, I need to just stop over thinking this for a while, and take a nap. A well deserved nap.
Well, now that naps have become over rated, I'm stuck here at home with nothing to do but think. Damn thinking. That never did me any good. I thought about picking up the phone, but then the shock of reality came back and bit me in the ass. Stupid Gordo, you have no friends, remember? You dumped them not one hour ago! How soon we forget. What am I going to do? I need to talk to someone. But I can't. It's not that simple. What would be simply fantastic is if someone I could relate to, and talk to came to the door and just rid me of all my complex and confusing problems. Lord knows I'm too stupid to handle them. After all, I'm only a 16-year-old boy whose life has just started to crumble. Or so I thought.
My parents are home. Both of them, at the same time. This can't be a good sign. Damnit!
Well, it's been done for five minutes. I wonder if anyone's documented it. I'm sure they have, because they probably think Hell has frozen over, or it's a sure sign that the end is near. And yet I'm plagued by this voice in the back of my mind. What have I done? No, stop. What I just did had to happen. I need my space. That's it, I need my space. Now, if I just keep telling myself that, it should all be okay. Normalcy. Maybe that's what I'm feeling. Finally after all these years of being deprived of it, a sense of normalcy is what I'm feeling. Damn the fool who came up with such a sense. What a load of shit. I'm not feeling a sense of normalcy. I'm feeling deep regret for something that "had to happen." Wow, that's a load of bullshit, too. Damn, Gordo. You are really batting a thousand today! I can't be feeling regret; I've been feeling animosity for the past year, why is this all coming up now? I need to scream. Where's a pillow when you really need one?
Okay, so now that all of that is floating around in that confused head of mine what to do now? Well, dumbass. We eat now. Wow, I'm eating alone, all by myself. No Lizzie or Miranda talking my ear off about absolutely nothing important. Let me turn on my camera and spy on them, just to see if they're feeling anything. All right well, I can't see anything. Maybe it will hit them later. Yeah, right. Oh, oh God. There goes my lunch. No, not...
"Ethan." Smile Gordo. Be nice.
"Gor-don! My man! Lizzie told me you guys split up."
"Well, I guess she told the truth." Sadly. Wait, no. It's not sad. It's good. It's good to be apart. Isn't it?
"Bummer, man. They're pretty hot." Damnit. He was right. NO GORDO! STOPIT! Fuck! I'm so confused!
"Uh, yeah okay. Gotta run, catch ya later!" Way to go. Run from the problem. Damnit what a headache this has caused me. I think I'm gonna go hop into my Jeep Wrangler, and speed off into the sunset. Well, maybe just leave school early. It's not like I'll be missed or anything. It'll be me, my thoughts, and the open road; until I get home, that is. Then it will be me, my bed, and my music. What a life you lead, David Gordon. I'm proud to be you, very proud. If only you weren't such a complete jackass sometimes. It's times like these I wish I had someone to talk to.
**
All right, so here I am on the open road. I was thinking back, and honestly I couldn't think of one damn bad thing that happened between the three of us that would cause me to do what I just did. Well, I guess I could count that time in seventh grade when I was Gordo, the Garbage King and I was married to Lizzie, the Lawyer who took me for granted both as a friend and a faux-husband. But, as usual, we worked it out. Maybe I'm just scared that this is going to happen after high school, when we're all at different colleges around the US. Is that what this is? Or, maybe it's because I need a change. Yes, that must be it. I need a change. Our relationship was too predictable. I still haven't found what I'm looking for, though. But, we all know what they say; Happiness is not a fish that you can catch. Well, okay, Our Lady Peace said that, but it fit with what I was thinking. This is way more complicated than it needs to be. I can't stand this anymore, I need to just stop over thinking this for a while, and take a nap. A well deserved nap.
Well, now that naps have become over rated, I'm stuck here at home with nothing to do but think. Damn thinking. That never did me any good. I thought about picking up the phone, but then the shock of reality came back and bit me in the ass. Stupid Gordo, you have no friends, remember? You dumped them not one hour ago! How soon we forget. What am I going to do? I need to talk to someone. But I can't. It's not that simple. What would be simply fantastic is if someone I could relate to, and talk to came to the door and just rid me of all my complex and confusing problems. Lord knows I'm too stupid to handle them. After all, I'm only a 16-year-old boy whose life has just started to crumble. Or so I thought.
My parents are home. Both of them, at the same time. This can't be a good sign. Damnit!