Chapter 4
So, story of my life is that my parents constantly fight. No big deal, we aren't a family statistic yet, and probably never will be. I've learned to deal. And besides, maybe they're both home for lunch. I mean, after all it is only 1:00, right? Oh fuckin hell. My car, I totally forgot. Of course they saw it and now are wondering. Or, maybe they're too wrapped up in their own little pathetic lives to pay attention to me. Again, the story of my life. Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit. Here they come. Quick, act asleep. They'll see right through it, but hell, I've got NOTHING to gain.
"David? Hun, are you up here?" No, no I'm not. Go away. Too bad I can't say that. Oh well, doesn't matter now, here she comes barging right in. Stupid bitch.
"Way to knock, mom. Way to knock. I'm fine, now if you please, just leave me alone for a bit, I need to think." Okay, that's over with. Now, turn over so that your back is too her. And while you're at it, face that picture of you, Lizzie, and Miranda that you took in one of those stupid booths at the mall. GUILT! Guilt at all corners! Damnit, maybe I'll just leave again for a while. Yeah, I'll just leave. "Never mind mom, I'm going out for a while. I'll be back who knows when."
"Wait, David. You're father and I have something to tell you." Oh they do, do they? Well, whatever the hell they're planning to do with my miserable life can wait. I don't care about anything else right now than sorting out my fucked up thoughts.
"Oh? Well, it's just going to have to wait, all right? I'm really not in the mood to hear about your petty selfish differences today, okay mom? Save it for another time." Yes, Gordo. Way to go. Now, all you have to do is storm out the door and turn on your car. Without running into Dad.
"David, wait. We need to talk." GOD DAMN! Every time I've tried to get away, I'm always bombarded. What the hell is wrong with everyone?
"No Dad, no we don't. I'm going for a drive. And I'll come back soon, maybe. We'll talk then." Jeezus! Okay, there's the door. Open it, and then run. Run like hell.
Well, here I am again on the open road. Where am I going, you ask? Back to school, like a huge dork. What the fuck am I going to find there? Nothing. Not a damn thing and I know that full well. I'm such a stubborn ass. No one's going to be there. I'm not going to find Lizzie or Miranda and beg for their forgiveness. Wait, I'm not even supposed to be thinking about that. I wish I were dead. Then none of this could happen. Oh good, school. Finally.
Okay, so here I am, in the quad waiting for something that's not going to happen. Here I am, being Gordo, wishing for the impossible to happen. Look, there's the bench that the three of us would sit on before school. Okay, Gordo. Let's go over there and sit down. It won't bring them back. Yeah, it's still the same brown bench. The bench that we've shared for the past three years now. But not anymore. Wait who is that? There is someone walking over here. Please let it be Miranda or Lizzie please! Oh, no it's not.
"Hey. Mind if I take the bench?" Wow, her eyes; they were phenomenal. Don't stutter Gordo. You don't even know her name.
"Uh, sure, I guess. I'm David, well, Gordo. That's what everyone calls me." Way to go. She would've been perfectly happy with David. Oh well.
"Gordo? Cute. I'm Mel." Mel. Mel my brown-eyed girl. She sat down right next to me. You know that song by The Beatles in their early days? When I Saw Her Standing There? Yeah, well the lyric that says "Well my heart went boom when I crossed that room and I took her hand in mine" pretty much sums up what I'm feeling right now. In fact, it's the first concrete feeling that I've had this entire day.
"Wait, Gordo as in Lizzie, Miranda and Gordo? The guy with the camcorder? The brain of that little group?" Yes, yes and yes. How'd she know? "How come you aren't with them?"
"Um, well I guess you could say that we broke up. Heh." I looked at her straight in the eye. There was so much fire, so much passion, they were deep. The deepest eyes I've ever looked through. Then I realized that mine must have been the emptiest and dull eyes she's ever seen. Dammit, Gordo.
"You did? Wow, I never would have guessed. Good job, I think." She looked away. "Can I ask why?"
Okay Gordo, here goes. Give her a real, true reason. "I feel like the loner, the outsider. Like they could be so much, but I'm the force that holds them back. And far be it for me to hold them back from whatever they want to do. That, and I'm being taken for granted." Wow, why the fuck couldn't I say that when I actually broke it off? Where the hell was that? Where, I ask you? It was in the back of my mind waiting for the perfect moment, and here it was. God damnit. Wait, her hand, it's patting my knee. What a rush. Gah, I don't even know her. I hate hormones. Okay, should I take her hand? Or should I just leave it there? I don't know. Why isn't this easier for guys?
"Well, it's a solid reason, but I can tell that you regret it." She was so right. Goddamn women.
"Uh, hey, Mel, you want to go get a bite, or something? I mean, I've got time. If you want." Wow, way to sound like a 12-year-old there, Gordo. Way to go. Please say yes, please. I feel this connection. I need you, Mel. I know you don't know that, but I do. I'm vulnerable.
"Okay. You're a cool guy." Yes! Haha, score one for Gordo. Well, okay now she has to get in my car, and we have to go get a bit to eat. What fun this will be.
Just breathe..
So, story of my life is that my parents constantly fight. No big deal, we aren't a family statistic yet, and probably never will be. I've learned to deal. And besides, maybe they're both home for lunch. I mean, after all it is only 1:00, right? Oh fuckin hell. My car, I totally forgot. Of course they saw it and now are wondering. Or, maybe they're too wrapped up in their own little pathetic lives to pay attention to me. Again, the story of my life. Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit. Here they come. Quick, act asleep. They'll see right through it, but hell, I've got NOTHING to gain.
"David? Hun, are you up here?" No, no I'm not. Go away. Too bad I can't say that. Oh well, doesn't matter now, here she comes barging right in. Stupid bitch.
"Way to knock, mom. Way to knock. I'm fine, now if you please, just leave me alone for a bit, I need to think." Okay, that's over with. Now, turn over so that your back is too her. And while you're at it, face that picture of you, Lizzie, and Miranda that you took in one of those stupid booths at the mall. GUILT! Guilt at all corners! Damnit, maybe I'll just leave again for a while. Yeah, I'll just leave. "Never mind mom, I'm going out for a while. I'll be back who knows when."
"Wait, David. You're father and I have something to tell you." Oh they do, do they? Well, whatever the hell they're planning to do with my miserable life can wait. I don't care about anything else right now than sorting out my fucked up thoughts.
"Oh? Well, it's just going to have to wait, all right? I'm really not in the mood to hear about your petty selfish differences today, okay mom? Save it for another time." Yes, Gordo. Way to go. Now, all you have to do is storm out the door and turn on your car. Without running into Dad.
"David, wait. We need to talk." GOD DAMN! Every time I've tried to get away, I'm always bombarded. What the hell is wrong with everyone?
"No Dad, no we don't. I'm going for a drive. And I'll come back soon, maybe. We'll talk then." Jeezus! Okay, there's the door. Open it, and then run. Run like hell.
Well, here I am again on the open road. Where am I going, you ask? Back to school, like a huge dork. What the fuck am I going to find there? Nothing. Not a damn thing and I know that full well. I'm such a stubborn ass. No one's going to be there. I'm not going to find Lizzie or Miranda and beg for their forgiveness. Wait, I'm not even supposed to be thinking about that. I wish I were dead. Then none of this could happen. Oh good, school. Finally.
Okay, so here I am, in the quad waiting for something that's not going to happen. Here I am, being Gordo, wishing for the impossible to happen. Look, there's the bench that the three of us would sit on before school. Okay, Gordo. Let's go over there and sit down. It won't bring them back. Yeah, it's still the same brown bench. The bench that we've shared for the past three years now. But not anymore. Wait who is that? There is someone walking over here. Please let it be Miranda or Lizzie please! Oh, no it's not.
"Hey. Mind if I take the bench?" Wow, her eyes; they were phenomenal. Don't stutter Gordo. You don't even know her name.
"Uh, sure, I guess. I'm David, well, Gordo. That's what everyone calls me." Way to go. She would've been perfectly happy with David. Oh well.
"Gordo? Cute. I'm Mel." Mel. Mel my brown-eyed girl. She sat down right next to me. You know that song by The Beatles in their early days? When I Saw Her Standing There? Yeah, well the lyric that says "Well my heart went boom when I crossed that room and I took her hand in mine" pretty much sums up what I'm feeling right now. In fact, it's the first concrete feeling that I've had this entire day.
"Wait, Gordo as in Lizzie, Miranda and Gordo? The guy with the camcorder? The brain of that little group?" Yes, yes and yes. How'd she know? "How come you aren't with them?"
"Um, well I guess you could say that we broke up. Heh." I looked at her straight in the eye. There was so much fire, so much passion, they were deep. The deepest eyes I've ever looked through. Then I realized that mine must have been the emptiest and dull eyes she's ever seen. Dammit, Gordo.
"You did? Wow, I never would have guessed. Good job, I think." She looked away. "Can I ask why?"
Okay Gordo, here goes. Give her a real, true reason. "I feel like the loner, the outsider. Like they could be so much, but I'm the force that holds them back. And far be it for me to hold them back from whatever they want to do. That, and I'm being taken for granted." Wow, why the fuck couldn't I say that when I actually broke it off? Where the hell was that? Where, I ask you? It was in the back of my mind waiting for the perfect moment, and here it was. God damnit. Wait, her hand, it's patting my knee. What a rush. Gah, I don't even know her. I hate hormones. Okay, should I take her hand? Or should I just leave it there? I don't know. Why isn't this easier for guys?
"Well, it's a solid reason, but I can tell that you regret it." She was so right. Goddamn women.
"Uh, hey, Mel, you want to go get a bite, or something? I mean, I've got time. If you want." Wow, way to sound like a 12-year-old there, Gordo. Way to go. Please say yes, please. I feel this connection. I need you, Mel. I know you don't know that, but I do. I'm vulnerable.
"Okay. You're a cool guy." Yes! Haha, score one for Gordo. Well, okay now she has to get in my car, and we have to go get a bit to eat. What fun this will be.
Just breathe..