Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon

Story takes place four years after the last one (No One's Fight)

This one also contains self mutilation and depression.

The Knife

The knife glinted in the moon light. I put it back down in the shadows.

Why do people drift away from each other? Is it an inevitable thing? Ever since she left me, I noticed everyone has been drifting away. She left me because she says we were too close for our own good, but then we have our own paths to follow. She also said it was because she would be moving back to America to take some different classes at university. What a joke that was. I still remember the day four years ago when Tai said we would all be together, us Digidestined. He said that we would all move back to Odaiba and live happily ever after with our beautiful girlfriends and best friends. Did that happen? Of course not. What unrealistic fantasy that was, but of course I was so naive, I actually believed it would be true. I only believed that until the day she left me. Then things were completely different.

The knife came out of the shadows again, but hid again.

Where is everyone now? Joe left to South America to use his doctor degree for a real purpose, his brother's dream. I still remember the day he told us her would be leaving with Shila, of course he still doesn't have his degree, but he does help the people of South America. He told me how angry his dad was at him. Ken is dating Maria, another one of the Digidestined that helped us defeat our enemy four years ago. He convinced her to move to Japan, and she agreed. He is so lucky. Izzy and Yolei ended up moving to Tokyo to have their own computer company. Ken and Izzy own the company together. Cody, Davis, Kari, and T.K. all go to university, but not the one I did. They go to one closer to Odaiba and make weekend visits as much as they can. I haven't seen them or talked to them for four months. Tai and Sora are happily engaged. Dad said that Sora had a miscarriage not too long ago, but they are trying to have a child again. Dad keeps in touch with them more than I do for some strange reason. Wallace I'm not exactly sure what he is up to now. He probably is in America right now, but I do know that he keeps in touch with Michael and her. Michael somehow managed to get who he wanted, but I'm not angry at him for taking her. Maybe it is because he didn't steal her away from me, but she went to him on her own. Mimi broke my heart and it can never be fixed, but I can't be angry with her. I'm still deeply in love with her and have been always. Even when she broke up with me three years ago, I can't hate her.

I brought up the knife and stared at it. I leaned my head against the wall, and tilted it so I could see out the window.

The window sill is such a depressing place. It is perfect for me.

The knife looked so comforting, I wanted the pain that it could bring. I took the knife and brought it to my lower arm, just above my wrist. I made a slit, the only sound was it tearing through my skin. I barely felt it, and when I did, it felt good.

The phone rang.

What is that? Why is my head ringing... oh, it is the phone. I guess we have to go now.

I picked up the phone, holding a cloth where I slit my wrist.



Mr. Ishida, your flight will leave in twenty minutes. The others are waiting for you in the taxi. Do you have your bags ready?

I do have my bags ready. I will be down in a minute. Do you have the time?

It is ten fifty seven p.m. Your flight leaves at eleven twenty to go to New York.

Thank you, I concluded by hanging up the phone.

I made sure my bags were packed and that my wrist stopped bleeding. I put on a long sleeved turtle neck, grabbed my jacket and bags, and headed out the door of the hotel.

What a big city. I wonder if we will be able to find our way around tomorrow. Well, good night Yamato, Shori commented as he waved good night.

I smiled weakly and opened the door to the room. The room had a king sized bed with a wardrobe to the side and a closet space. There was also a couch and an armchair in a small space on the other side of the room with a TV, too.

Gennai's house? I shook my head. No, we aren't needed in the Digital World. Sincere Friendship is never needed again, maybe that is why Mimi stayed with me in the first place. Maybe she felt like she had to because of the power of our crests. Maybe she never did love me.

The phone rang

Who could be calling at this time? Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm not in Mexico City anymore. It is still late at night. What time is it? I picked up the receiver and asked,

Matt, is that you?

T.K.'s voice. Dad must have given him the number of the hotel. Yeah T.K., it is me, I said enthusiastically, trying to sound like I'm happy.

It's good to hear you doing okay. I was getting a bit worried when Dad said that you haven't been sounding like yourself lately. I haven't seen you for months; how have you been doing?

I'm doing fine, I lied, but wish I could tell him the truth. I haven't sounded like myself because I've been so busy. I'm so tired, I can almost hardly wait until I finish touring the America

That's good to hear. When will you come home?

Home, a word that hasn't much meaning to me for a long time. I will be home in about a week actually. New York is my last stop before I come home, I answered

You're in New York? T.K. asked, but suddenly was very quiet.

Yes, I'm in New York.

Oh, a- a that's ni- nice, T.K. choked out, trying to get his voice calm.

What is so wrong about New York?

T.K. was about to say something, but stopped himself. I could hear him breathing heavily into the phone. He shuffled for a few seconds and replied, Nothing is wrong with New York.

I have to go T.K., I'm busy right now.

Bye Matt, T.K. said weakly.

I hung up the phone, but then slapped my forehead. What was that? Ishida, can you not even tell your brother the truth, let alone say goodbye?

***

Same old song, I think I've heard this song a million times. I'll see what bands are playing in town this week, maybe Michael and I can go catch one of them with Wallace and his new girlfriend.

I flipped with the station while I drove.

Now, for your music update. The locals that are playing this week are: New Basers, Brian Griel, Blue Wolves...

Blue Wolves? No, it can't be. His band had a different name, but than again, Tai said the band changed its name.

I sobbed banging my head against the steering wheel.

Suddenly, I felt the car give a bump and I looked up to see a man walking out of his car towards me. Oh great, I bumped into him at a red light.
Excuse me miss, but would you watch where you are driving? You are lucky your car hit my bumper only, The man said angrily.

I'm so sorry, I cried out, sobbing my heart into the steering wheel.

Geez miss, I'm sorry. Just try to get off the road before you regret it, the man said sheepishly, walking back to his car.

The light turned green.

***

What is with the phone lately? I've only been in New York since last night! Can't people leave me alone?

Hi, Matt?

I was shocked at the voice. Tai, is that you?

Yes it is.

How did you get this number? I demanded.

Your dad gave it to me and T.K. when we saw him, Tai answered.


Matt, how are you doing? T.K. called me yesterday and said you sounded funny over the phone.

I'm fine, I lied. I never could lie to Tai that good. Hopefully he bought it.

Are you really Matt? You can tell me anything. I meant what I said a few years back, we will always be best friends. Always.

Is that really true Tai? Is it as true as your vision that we would all live in Odaiba together and live happily ever after? What a joke that was, I sneered into the phone.

Matt, I have to go. There is a call on the other line. I'm going to call you later, okay?

Whatever Tai, I concluded, hanging up the phone.

***

Good, Michael isn't home yet. I ran straight for the phone, not taking off my shoes when I walked into our apartment. I dialed the phone number I knew off by heart.

Hello, Tai speaking.

I sobbed into the phone, is it true?

What is true? Is that you Mimi?

It's me. Is it true, is Matt in town?

I don't know Mimi. Why do you think that? Tai asked.

Because when I was listening to the bands that would be playing in New York, a band called Blue Wolves is here. Didn't you say Matt's band changed its name from Teenage Wolves'? Is that the name, or am I getting worked up for nothing? I asked, sobbing harder into the phone.

Tai was quiet for a minute, but then answered, That is Matt's band name. Mimi, calm down. Why are you getting so worked up?

That is a good question. Why am I getting so worked up? Why should I get so worked up over Matt? We are history now and I am happy with... with I can't even remember his name! I began to sob harder.

Mimi, I'm going to put Sora on the phone, okay?

I just sobbed louder as Sora's voice came onto the other line. Mimi, everything is going to be all right. Why are you so upset?

I don't know, I choked out, still crying.

Mimi, I'm going to ask you a very personal question, Sora stated. She was quiet for a minute before asking, Are you still in love with Matt?

I don't know, I replied, starting to calm down.

Mimi, do you want me to find out where Matt is staying? Sora asked.

I don't know, I said.

I could hear shuffling in the background. Tai's voice was back on the phone and said, I'm going to call you back. I'm going to find out from T.K. where Matt is staying.

***

Where are you going Matt? Shiori asked as he and Lioki were climbing up the stairs.

I'm going for a walk, I said plainly.

But it is pretty late at night.

I shrugged my shoulders and walked past them.

***

It was about fifteen minutes later when the phone rung again. I asked weakly into the phone.

Mimi, it's T.K.

T.K., how have you been doing? I asked.

Good, but it doesn't matter. Do you want to know where my brother is staying? T.K. asked.

I don't know.

You don't know much, do you? I'm going to give you the hotel he's staying at, anyway. He is staying at a small hotel called Reshaker's Hotel. I'm not sure if it is a hotel or a motel, but that doesn't matter. Do you have that down, Mimi?

I know where that is, I said, my mind wondering somewhere else.

I dropped the phone and could hear faintly T.K. screaming into the phone, Mimi! Mimi, are you all right?

I took the phone, hung it up, and ran out of the house. I ran a few blocks towards the park. That hotel is somewhere on Parker's Avenue. I can cut through the park, and go there. I stopped when I thought about it. Why am I doing this? Why? I'm not in love with Matt anymore. I broke up with him because we drifted away. I felt trapped, so why am I putting myself back into his life? He probably has a girlfriend and is happy with her and his career. I'm happy too, right?

I began to walk through the park, trying to figure myself out.

***

What is the point of living this lie of a life? It will be so easy, I'll just go back to the hotel, take my trusty, bloody knife, and pierce it through my heart. Maybe that will stop the pain* I leaned my head against the tree I was sitting against.

Help me!

I looked up to find two dark shadows struggling in the dark, not too far away. The larger figure pushed a smaller, struggling figure to the ground. I got up, and found myself in an automatic state. Running toward these two figures, my heart was racing.

Stop it! Somebody, please help me, a female's voice sobbed as she gave up struggling the figure.

I have a gun, now shut up! the male's voice hissed.

I ran up and took him by the collar. I punched him hard and he loosened his way out of my grip. He ran away into the shadows.

I guess he didn't have a gun, I stated.

The girl on the ground continued to sob.

I said lending her a hand.

She took my hand, but hesitated. She let me help her up, but continued to sob.

Everything will be okay, I said soothingly, but I knew in my heart, this woman's life just took a different turn.

No it won't, she said quietly.

I just stared at her silently, trying to see what she looked like.

Everything is not okay! I'm lying to myself! I'm living a lie because I can't face the truth! she screamed as I took her by the hand, trying to make her come into the light.

I hope she isn't hurt, although she does seem to be upset. I wonder if she is hurt? I wish I could tell her to stop resisting me, I want to pull her into the light to see if she is okay.

I don't deserve to live! I don't deserve the Crest of Sincerity! she screamed, half crying as she came in the light.

I looked at her shocked. My heart shattered. Here she is, the love of my life, Mimi Tachikawa. I can't even say a word to her.

She stopped sobbing and looked up when I let go of her arm. She gasped.

I looked at her again, her face trying to hold back a cry. I walked away, back toward the hotel.

***

I dialed the familiar phone number again. Thankful, that Michael left a message saying he would be out of town for two days.

Hello, Tai speaking.

I sobbed again into the phone.

Mimi, did you go see Matt? He asked anxiously.

I nodded, but realized he couldn't see me. I was walking in the park when this guy started to attack me. He was trying to rape me. I screamed for help and I suddenly found myself staring at Matt.

Matt tried to rape you? Tai asked in disbelief.

I sobbed, He helped me.

So, are you with him right now? What happened? Tai asked in the receiver, and then I could hear him telling Sora that Matt didn't rape me.

No, once he saw who I was, he walked away. He didn't say anything, he just stared at me, and then walked away.

Tai said disappointed.

Tai, I know this isn't any of my business, but is Matt okay? I mean emotionally.

Mimi, I'm not going to lie to you. I think he is depressed again. T.K. and I just noticed it these past couple of days. We haven't seen him in months and T.K. says whenever he talks to him, he lies about being fine. But maybe we are wrong, maybe it is really not like that. Maybe he is just tired from being on tour. I don't know, Tai sighed in frustration.
I'm going to go now, I said as I hung up the phone. I took my coat and walked back into the night.

A little while later, I found myself in the hotel at the counter.

Excuse me, miss? Could you please tell me what room Yamato Ishida is staying in?

I'm sorry, but I cannot say for privacy purposes, The clerk said with a smile.

But I am his manager and he never told me what room he was in. Could you at least phone him and ask him if I could see him?

I'll see what I can do.

***

Fine, send her up, I said, a bit annoyed.

I sighed as I hung up the phone. I guess I'll finish what I started later. I took the cloth and wrapped it around my lower arm. I put back on a turtle neck and put my arm at my side as there was a knock at the door. I opened it to find her standing there.

Matt, can I please come in?

I was tempted to close the door, to never see her again.

Please Matt? Mimi asked, putting her hand on the door.

I made way for her to come in. She did and I closed the door behind her. She took off her coat revealing a green tank top and blue jeans. She turned around and stared at me. I couldn't speak. Mimi turned back around and lay her jacket on the couch. She sat down and sighed, beginning to stare at me again.

I finally got the courage to ask, Shouldn't you be at home with Michael?

Mimi put a weak smile on her face and answered, He's out of town this weekend.

I nodded and walked over and took a seat in the armchair. I hid my arm by my side. I glanced to the window sill where I would have killed myself if the phone hadn't rung. Oh no, the knife is out. How could I have been so stupid to leave it out? I quickly looked back, so she wouldn't look to where I was looking.

Too late. Mimi's eyes went wide. She stood up and walked over to the window. I stared at the floor, not watching what she was doing until I quickly snuck a peak to see Mimi picking up the knife. She stared at the dry blood that was on it and looked at me. I looked away again.

Mimi walked over with tears in her eyes. She stood in front of me, the knife still in her hands. Matt, are you slitting yourself with this?

I didn't answer and Mimi took my arm, the one that I was trying to hide. She tried pulling up the sleeve, but I jerked my arm away.

Matt, you didn't answer my question. You haven't said anything to me. Are you using this knife on yourself?

I could feel tears in my eyes and gave up the struggle. I didn't let them flow, but I let Mimi take my arm, pull up the sleeve, and take the cloth off. She began to sob when she saw the marks where I slit my wrists. I stared motionless in front of me, which happened to be Mimi's waist. She bent down to catch my eye contact. I turned away.

Matt, why are you doing this? She asked quietly.

You actually think there is some point to living Mimi? My life as I know it is over. It has been for three years. I died the day you left me, I replied quietly.

That is no reason to slit yourself! No Matt, you can't blame this on me. That isn't fair, Mimi said.

I looked at her. Did I say I blamed you? I don't, I never blamed you for anything. Ever! I shouted in a whisper as I stood up and pushed her out of my way. I took a seat at the window sill.

Mimi walked over and put her hand on my shoulder.

I always find a hotel room with a window sill. It helps me think about the mistakes I make everyday. Sitting here is one of them. I think too much for my own good. I think about what I did to make you leave me.

Mimi began to cry again.

Why are you here? You don't have any right to come back into my life again. You left me, deal with it.

I miss you Matt, Mimi said quietly. I don't like to see you like this. I hate seeing you like this.

Why do you miss me? If you miss me so much, then what was the point of leaving me in the first place? You don't miss me, you just feel guilty.

No Matt, I care for you a lot. That is why I am here.

If you care for me so much, then I'll tell you what I do with that knife. I was going to kill myself tonight Mimi. Once I left the park, I planned to come back here, sit in this window sill, and plunge this knife into my heart. But no, you came back into my life. I still was going to kill myself. After I left the park, I came back here, but then the phone rang.

Mimi sobbed, wrapping her arms around me. I can't live this lie!

What lie are you talking about? I heard you say something about living a lie in the park.

Mimi hesitated and bit her lip. She finally replied, I'm living the lie that I'm not in love with you. Every time Michael puts his arms around me and kisses me, I long for you. Matt, I want you so bad.

I stared at her, shocked. She dropped my knife and put her hands on my face. She leaned to kiss me, and did. I didn't kiss her back though, I was too stunned to. She pulled away and stared at me.

Mimi said, The last time I did that kiss was so long ago.

I nodded. I haven't kissed anybody since you, Mimi.

You mean you haven't had another girlfriend since me?

I nodded again. I looked into her eyes, they showed a need. She longed for me to scoop her off her feet and carry her to the bed. I did what her eyes told me to. I lay her gently on the bed and began to kiss her. She kissed back and put her arms around me. I let her take my shirt off, and when she did, I stopped. Mimi pulled my face close to hers and kissed me. I kissed back and helped take her shirt off. We took the rest of our clothes off and turned off the lamp that was next to us.

***

Why did I leave him in the first place? This is all my fault, he is depressed because I was selfish and left him. Why did I leave? That was the worst mistake I have ever made in my life, I can't even remember the actual reason why I left him. Why didn't I realize how I care for him sooner? I could have saved us both, a lot of trouble.

I lifted my head off of his shoulder, staring into his peaceful face. He breathed quietly, I could barely hear him breathing. His body moved up and down. I lay my head back onto his chest and smiled.

Things can be back to how they were before. Matt loves me and I love him more than ever before. I have always loved his blue eyes and blonde hair to the way he kisses me. I will never forget tonight.

***

I'll see you soon Matt, Mimi whispered as she hugged me goodbye.

I leaned forward and gave Mimi a long kiss on the lips.

a voice called.

We turned around to see Michael heading our way. He stared blankly at me for a second, but turned to Mimi, I got your note saying you would be here. How are you Matt?

I'm fine now, I said as I picked up my bags and headed with the other members of my band through the gate. Bye Mimi.

Goodbye Matt, Mimi whispered.

***

What a boring flight home. Oh well, Mimi makes it all better when I think about her.

***

A voice called to my right.

I found myself looking at T.K., Kari, Tai, and Sora. I walked over and gave T.K. a quick hug. I gave Kari and Sora a kiss on the cheek. I smiled at Tai and said, Why don't you and I go out to coffee one day?

Tai looked at me surprised, but nodded. How about next week?

I said with a smile. I looked at T.K., who stared at me with a bit of doubt on his face. What is wrong with you?

T.K. put a small smile on his face.

Let's go get your suitcases, Kari suggested.

Good idea Kari, Sora said as we followed the luggage signs.

***

Good morning Matt, Tai said as he sat across from me.

Hello Tai. How are you this morning? I asked.

I'm fine, but....

What is it?

Matt, I'm going to be honest. I sort of had the idea that you were depressed.

I was depressed, I said quietly. I pulled up the sleeve of my shirt and showed him the marks where I slit my wrists.

Tai's face paled. Matt, are you still doing this to yourself?

I shook my head. No, I decided it isn't worth it. I also was going to kill myself until-

A body slid into the booth I was sitting in.

Tai exclaimed.

Mimi hugged me. I'm here. The flight took forever, but I am back home.

I said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

I guess this is the reason why you aren't depressed anymore, Tai said with a smile.

I nodded.

Mimi's face went to a frown. She asked, Guess what?

Tai and I asked in unison.

I'm pregnant. And this time, it is no illusion.

Tai's face paled more and said, I hope this won't effect your relationship.

Mimi looked at him confused. Why would it do that?

Do I have to say it? Michael?

I looked at Mimi who smiled and said, It won't be Michael's child.

Mimi, I know you want it to be Matt's kid, but you can't change genetics.

I rolled my eyes and said with a laugh, You can be so dense sometimes, Tai.

Oh really Matt? Even if you did sleep with Mimi, how do you know it won't be Michael's kid?

Mimi giggled, but her face then turned to a frown. Like I told Matt, I was living a lie. I never let Michael actually sleep with me, well actually once, but that was a long time ago.

I looked at Tai who put a smile back onto his face. I guess I should tell you. Sora is two and a half months pregnant.

I asked.

Tai nodded. Yes she is. We also have a date set for our wedding.

That is wonderful, Mimi said. When will it be?

In about a month.

That soon? I asked.

Yes, we have had it planned out for a while. It isn't going to be a big wedding. We just plan on inviting family and the Digidestined.

I said, taking a sip of the coffee I had.

***

The three of us talked for an hour about the latest things happening.

I can't believe Izzy and Ken own a computer company together. I'm so happy from them, Mimi gushed.

Tai and I both laughed.

What is so funny? Mimi demanded.

I said plainly.

Oh thanks, Mimi said sarcastically. Mimi checked her watch. Matt, we should get going. You promised your dad you would stop by to see him.

I glanced at my watch too and said, You are right.

Mimi slid out of the booth and stood up. I followed her.

See you later Tai, Mimi waved.

I'll walk out with you, too, Tai said as he slid out of the booth as well. I turned around and began to walk out, but I felt Tai put a hand on my shoulder.

Mimi and I both turned around and I asked, Yeah Tai?

I don't know how to say this, Tai said taking a deep breath in, Matt, even though you aren't depressed anymore, I think you should go see a someone or something. I don't want to see you in that state again. Well, I didn't see you, but I did hear you in that state. Maybe you could get some anti-depressants for when you feel down.

I stared at the ground and then glanced at Mimi who nodded with Tai. I will Tai, I promise.

Thank you Matt, Tai said in relief.

No Tai, thank you, I said to him with a wink.

End of this installment.

Cheesy, no? It's a lot more shorter than the last segment! lol