If Only Memories Could be Erased As Easily [Chapter 6]
Lucas peeked out between the two large boxes, noticing just how close the doctor and Tony were to his hiding position. He breathed softly, trying to not make any noise to draw them to his hiding place.
An eternity seemed to pass as the seconds ticked by. The doctor swept her eyes across the room before signaling to Tony to check another room. The door closed behind them as Lucas let out a deep breath of relief and a choked sob.
'I can't keep doing this,' he thought to himself. He rubbed his wrists against the sides of his temples, sighing softly.
The darkness in the room seemed to pull at him, begging him to come closer. It promised him peace from his current pain. It was all he could do to try and resist it. It had been tugging at his heart for weeks now, ever since he got back from his first shore leave. He remembered the shore leave well.
*~*
His father had decided... well, he had decided Lucas was a punching bag. And his body only proved that fact. Bruises and sore ribs were carefully hidden beneath layers of clothes. He carefully positioned himself away from people who would want to touch him innocently. Hugs were unbearable, and it was all he could do sometimes not to grimace in pain.
His father's words echoed in his mind: "You good-for-nothing son! I get you a position on that boat and you don't even thank me for it!" He screamed in Lucas' ear as he pulled him by his hair to his knees.
Lucas mumbled, "You didn't want me around. Why do I thank someone who doesn't even want me around?" This comment only earned him a slap across the face.
"Of course I want you around! Who else would I parade around like a puppet?" his father spoke harshly as he grinned wickedly at him. "And this puppet has been bad. Time to cut its strings..." His next words were drown out by the screams of horror echoing throughout the room, all of them coming from Lucas.
*~*
Lucas rubbed his eyes as he tried to shoo the memories away. They had been tormenting him ever since he got back on SeaQuest. He couldn't take anymore pitying looks sent his way by the Captain and the rest of the crew. They just thought he was restless. Lucas laughed a cruel laugh devoid of any sort of humor. It felt like a dry scraping at the bottom of his throat. They could be no further from the truth, even if it had been staring them in the face!
Which it practically HAD been, with Lucas' scars barely visible once. The Captain had noticed, but Lucas had told him that he simply hurt himself by falling out of bed a few weeks ago. 'And he had bought it!' Lucas thought angrily. 'Who would buy that? Unless the Captain wanted to ignore it,' Lucas realized.
"Face the facts, genius," Lucas muttered under his breath. "Maybe the Captain doesn't want you around either. Maybe that's why he's pretending like he doesn't know what's going on. He'll hope your father will kill you and be done with it!" Lucas whispered fiercely to himself.
He knew he was being unfair to the Captain, but he didn't care anymore. He just wanted the pain to stop, so he blamed the pain on anyone he could. He blamed the pain on his father for causing it, and he blamed the pain on the people of SeaQuest for ignoring it. 'Surely they would have realized what was going on by now?' Lucas thought with a sigh. And then he remembered something that hurt him; the one chance he had of letting someone realize something was wrong was taken away when Lucas deleted his medical files so that the Doctor would not think anything was wrong. It was his fault no one knew. His fault alone.
He barely noticed the tears the fell down his dirty cheeks as he realized this or the shaking hands that gripped the edge of the box closest to him. He only knew one thing now: he needed the pain to stop. The irrational, illogical pain that haunted his soul for what seemed like an eternity.
"Make it stop," he whispered to the walls. But the walls did not answer back. He walked over to the door and opened it, carefully checking both ways before he stepped out. He knew where he was going, he only hoped he wouldn't run into anyone who would detain him because they knew the whole ship was looking for him.
He tried not to make his presence known, as he willed himself not to run back to his room. He only let himself move at a fast walk. He knew that that still probably sent suspicions racing through people's minds, but he decided if anyone stopped them he would simply tell them he was working on a new program that wasn't working right and needed to get back to his room to get the rest of the data before it died on him.
Miraculously, no one stopped him on the way to his room. Just his luck that the halls were mostly empty. He wasn't sure what time it was, but he was thankful just the same. Now he needed just one more miracle. He opened the door to his room, praying that Tony was not in there. If he was, then Lucas was in big trouble.
He breathed a sign of relief as he found the room empty, just the way he had left it. The papers were still stacked on his desk, in complete disorder.
He needed to do one more thing before he did anything else. He called up one of his old computer programs, aptly called Security113-A, and started the program. He watched as the numbers flashed by his screen, booting it up. Within seconds he had a schematic of the ship. So far, all he had been able to work on was the residential rooms. But that was all he needed... He punched in his room code, telling the computer to zoom in on his room.
Enter Security Code:
flashed on his screen. With shaking hands, he closed his eyes and typed in a long string of random numbers and pressed enter. After waiting a few seconds, he opened his eyes and realized the screen now read something new.
Security Code Confirmed. Please enter code again to lift the code from this room.
He knew that would only buy him a little bit of time. It was an old code that he had constructed when he first got here, out of boredom. The DeCrypt1A program the crew would use on his room would take a bit to figure out the right code. He himself didn't even know what it was.
There was no turning back now. No regrets.
He doubted anyone would find him in time, anyway. No one even really cared. But the logical part of him reminded him that if no one cared, why were Tony and the Doctor racing across the ship to try and stop him? They knew what he was going to do. And now so did he.
Opening his drawer, he pulled out a pill bottle and opened it, the top popping off. He spilled pills all over his hand as he stared at them greedily. There was no more time for logical thinking now. Based on the drug effects, he realized he would have about 5 to 10 minutes before he passed out. Just enough time to relive the memories once more.
He took a deep breath, rubbing his other free hand against his pants, trying to get the sweat off them before tipping his head back and swallowing a large handful of them dry.
He sank to the ground in a fetal position, tears rolling down his cheeks. Oblivious to the real world, his lips formed words that barely passed out of them: "No, father, stop please...I'll be good. I promise!...I promise!" he cried out weakly.
He rocked himself silently on the floor, his eyes squeezed shut against the horrors of the past as a dream-filled haze spoke in his ear of peace, of an ending to a life lost...
tbc
Lucas peeked out between the two large boxes, noticing just how close the doctor and Tony were to his hiding position. He breathed softly, trying to not make any noise to draw them to his hiding place.
An eternity seemed to pass as the seconds ticked by. The doctor swept her eyes across the room before signaling to Tony to check another room. The door closed behind them as Lucas let out a deep breath of relief and a choked sob.
'I can't keep doing this,' he thought to himself. He rubbed his wrists against the sides of his temples, sighing softly.
The darkness in the room seemed to pull at him, begging him to come closer. It promised him peace from his current pain. It was all he could do to try and resist it. It had been tugging at his heart for weeks now, ever since he got back from his first shore leave. He remembered the shore leave well.
*~*
His father had decided... well, he had decided Lucas was a punching bag. And his body only proved that fact. Bruises and sore ribs were carefully hidden beneath layers of clothes. He carefully positioned himself away from people who would want to touch him innocently. Hugs were unbearable, and it was all he could do sometimes not to grimace in pain.
His father's words echoed in his mind: "You good-for-nothing son! I get you a position on that boat and you don't even thank me for it!" He screamed in Lucas' ear as he pulled him by his hair to his knees.
Lucas mumbled, "You didn't want me around. Why do I thank someone who doesn't even want me around?" This comment only earned him a slap across the face.
"Of course I want you around! Who else would I parade around like a puppet?" his father spoke harshly as he grinned wickedly at him. "And this puppet has been bad. Time to cut its strings..." His next words were drown out by the screams of horror echoing throughout the room, all of them coming from Lucas.
*~*
Lucas rubbed his eyes as he tried to shoo the memories away. They had been tormenting him ever since he got back on SeaQuest. He couldn't take anymore pitying looks sent his way by the Captain and the rest of the crew. They just thought he was restless. Lucas laughed a cruel laugh devoid of any sort of humor. It felt like a dry scraping at the bottom of his throat. They could be no further from the truth, even if it had been staring them in the face!
Which it practically HAD been, with Lucas' scars barely visible once. The Captain had noticed, but Lucas had told him that he simply hurt himself by falling out of bed a few weeks ago. 'And he had bought it!' Lucas thought angrily. 'Who would buy that? Unless the Captain wanted to ignore it,' Lucas realized.
"Face the facts, genius," Lucas muttered under his breath. "Maybe the Captain doesn't want you around either. Maybe that's why he's pretending like he doesn't know what's going on. He'll hope your father will kill you and be done with it!" Lucas whispered fiercely to himself.
He knew he was being unfair to the Captain, but he didn't care anymore. He just wanted the pain to stop, so he blamed the pain on anyone he could. He blamed the pain on his father for causing it, and he blamed the pain on the people of SeaQuest for ignoring it. 'Surely they would have realized what was going on by now?' Lucas thought with a sigh. And then he remembered something that hurt him; the one chance he had of letting someone realize something was wrong was taken away when Lucas deleted his medical files so that the Doctor would not think anything was wrong. It was his fault no one knew. His fault alone.
He barely noticed the tears the fell down his dirty cheeks as he realized this or the shaking hands that gripped the edge of the box closest to him. He only knew one thing now: he needed the pain to stop. The irrational, illogical pain that haunted his soul for what seemed like an eternity.
"Make it stop," he whispered to the walls. But the walls did not answer back. He walked over to the door and opened it, carefully checking both ways before he stepped out. He knew where he was going, he only hoped he wouldn't run into anyone who would detain him because they knew the whole ship was looking for him.
He tried not to make his presence known, as he willed himself not to run back to his room. He only let himself move at a fast walk. He knew that that still probably sent suspicions racing through people's minds, but he decided if anyone stopped them he would simply tell them he was working on a new program that wasn't working right and needed to get back to his room to get the rest of the data before it died on him.
Miraculously, no one stopped him on the way to his room. Just his luck that the halls were mostly empty. He wasn't sure what time it was, but he was thankful just the same. Now he needed just one more miracle. He opened the door to his room, praying that Tony was not in there. If he was, then Lucas was in big trouble.
He breathed a sign of relief as he found the room empty, just the way he had left it. The papers were still stacked on his desk, in complete disorder.
He needed to do one more thing before he did anything else. He called up one of his old computer programs, aptly called Security113-A, and started the program. He watched as the numbers flashed by his screen, booting it up. Within seconds he had a schematic of the ship. So far, all he had been able to work on was the residential rooms. But that was all he needed... He punched in his room code, telling the computer to zoom in on his room.
Enter Security Code:
flashed on his screen. With shaking hands, he closed his eyes and typed in a long string of random numbers and pressed enter. After waiting a few seconds, he opened his eyes and realized the screen now read something new.
Security Code Confirmed. Please enter code again to lift the code from this room.
He knew that would only buy him a little bit of time. It was an old code that he had constructed when he first got here, out of boredom. The DeCrypt1A program the crew would use on his room would take a bit to figure out the right code. He himself didn't even know what it was.
There was no turning back now. No regrets.
He doubted anyone would find him in time, anyway. No one even really cared. But the logical part of him reminded him that if no one cared, why were Tony and the Doctor racing across the ship to try and stop him? They knew what he was going to do. And now so did he.
Opening his drawer, he pulled out a pill bottle and opened it, the top popping off. He spilled pills all over his hand as he stared at them greedily. There was no more time for logical thinking now. Based on the drug effects, he realized he would have about 5 to 10 minutes before he passed out. Just enough time to relive the memories once more.
He took a deep breath, rubbing his other free hand against his pants, trying to get the sweat off them before tipping his head back and swallowing a large handful of them dry.
He sank to the ground in a fetal position, tears rolling down his cheeks. Oblivious to the real world, his lips formed words that barely passed out of them: "No, father, stop please...I'll be good. I promise!...I promise!" he cried out weakly.
He rocked himself silently on the floor, his eyes squeezed shut against the horrors of the past as a dream-filled haze spoke in his ear of peace, of an ending to a life lost...
tbc