If Only Memories Could Be Erased As Easily [Chapter 8]
"Stop it, Captain," the doctor said with a thin, tense smile. "You're going to wear a hole in the floor if you don't stop pacing."
Bridger glanced up. "Oh. Sorry. I guess I'm just so worried..." he said softly.
"We all are," Kristin said.
"How is he?" Bridger asked hoarsely as he looked up.
"Stable, but still unconscious. We got most of it out of his system," she said.
"Can I see him?" he asked as he peered through the glass at the unconscious figure on the bed.
"I don't see why not." She led him to his bed, gave Bridger a reassuring squeeze on the hand, and then left the room so that they might have more privacy.
Bridger sighed heavily, noting the paleness of his face and thinness of his body. 'Well, I should be thankful he's alive at all,' Bridger thought wearily.
"I can't believe you did this, kiddo," Bridger said softly. "But I should have known better.. I ignored all the signs... Why didn't I listen to you?"
"Well," Bridger whispered. "I had listened... to you telling me to leave you alone, that you were fine, that you just wanted space... And look where it got me?"
Bridger placed his hand on top of Lucas' hand. "I'm sorry, Lucas. I never thought this would happen. I thought you were fine... just being a teenager. I guess I was wrong. I just guess the biggest question now is... Why? Why did you do this?" Bridger turned around for a moment and looked at his reflection in the glass, pondering the most recent events silently.
"Captain..." a soft voice whispered from behind. Slowly, Bridger turned back to the form of Lucas. His eyes were still closed, but he had no doubt Lucas had uttered that word.
"Do you know what pain feels like?" The question startled Nathan so much that he wasn't sure how to respond.
Finally he answered, "Not your pain, no."
Lucas sighed heavily. "No, I suppose not. You can't understand." He opened his eyes and looked intently at Bridger. The Captain was shocked at the pain he saw revealed in those blue eyes.
Nathan moved a few steps closer to Lucas and took Lucas' hand in his and squeezed it before replying, "Just because I don't understand your pain doesn't mean I can't be here to listen to you. I can try..."
"It's not something you exactly want to feel, Captain," he replied. "I wouldn't wish this on anybody. Not even my father..." Lucas said softly.
"I know what your father did, Lucas. While you were unconscious the doctor examined you, and Tony filled in the bits and pieces we didn't know."
"Ah, Tony. Where is he?" Lucas asked.
"Right here, Lucas," a soft voice said from behind the Captain. Tony hesitantly stepped into the room.
"I'll leave you two alone. I'll be back later, kiddo," the Captain replied before he left the room silently.
"Why'd you do it, Lucas?" Tony asked softly.
"Too much pain. I didn't know where to go. I didn't think anyone cared," Lucas said.
"We care. We ran across half the ship to find you. And we still failed to stop you," Tony sighed softly.
"Tony, even if you had found me before I did anything, or got me to come here, I still would have done it later. Don't blame yourself," Lucas whispered. "This is my problem."
"But you're my friend," Tony insisted.
"I know that. And I'm sorry... but I guess sorry doesn't cut it," Lucas said.
Tony shrugged. "You could always clean my side of the room to make up for it," he joked.
Lucas snickered softly. "Maybe..." his voice trailed off.
"Lucas?" Tony asked.
"Yeah?"
"Do you... you know..." Tony asked, obviously uncomfortable. "Do you still feel like doing it?"
Lucas adverted his eyes and studied the bed sheet a while before replying. "Yes. If you want the truth."
Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I always want the truth. You know that. You know we'll get through this, Lucas," he whispered.
Lucas nodded. "Somehow. Do you know when I get out of here? The food isn't that great," he joked.
"Ummm... I think you have to stay here for a few days. And start counseling."
Lucas nodded again. "I figured as much," he replied, not looking into Tony's eyes.
Tony placed a hand on Lucas' arm. "Hey, we'll get through this," he said again. "You just don't rush these things."
"I know."
"Well, I'd better let you get some sleep, Luke. I'll see you later, okay?" Tony gave his arm a pat before he left the room.
Lucas sighed and closed his eyes, drifting off to a restless sleep.
*~*
"Do you think he'll ever snap out of it, doctor?" Tony asked.
"I don't know. He has a lot of work ahead of him. But he needs to want to live, or..." the doctor trailed off.
Tony nodded. "And that will be hard. He already told me he still wants to die."
Kristin said softly, "I figured as much. You go get some sleep. We'll watch over him."
Tony looked like he wanted to protest but thought better of it. As he walked, he wondered where his friend was. The Lucas he knew from before - the one who always laughed at his jokes, smiled a lot, and seemed genuinely happy. Maybe that Lucas - the Lucas he knew - was fake, and the real Lucas was back in that bed. He just didn't know.
But, he knew they'd get through this... somehow.
Fin
"Stop it, Captain," the doctor said with a thin, tense smile. "You're going to wear a hole in the floor if you don't stop pacing."
Bridger glanced up. "Oh. Sorry. I guess I'm just so worried..." he said softly.
"We all are," Kristin said.
"How is he?" Bridger asked hoarsely as he looked up.
"Stable, but still unconscious. We got most of it out of his system," she said.
"Can I see him?" he asked as he peered through the glass at the unconscious figure on the bed.
"I don't see why not." She led him to his bed, gave Bridger a reassuring squeeze on the hand, and then left the room so that they might have more privacy.
Bridger sighed heavily, noting the paleness of his face and thinness of his body. 'Well, I should be thankful he's alive at all,' Bridger thought wearily.
"I can't believe you did this, kiddo," Bridger said softly. "But I should have known better.. I ignored all the signs... Why didn't I listen to you?"
"Well," Bridger whispered. "I had listened... to you telling me to leave you alone, that you were fine, that you just wanted space... And look where it got me?"
Bridger placed his hand on top of Lucas' hand. "I'm sorry, Lucas. I never thought this would happen. I thought you were fine... just being a teenager. I guess I was wrong. I just guess the biggest question now is... Why? Why did you do this?" Bridger turned around for a moment and looked at his reflection in the glass, pondering the most recent events silently.
"Captain..." a soft voice whispered from behind. Slowly, Bridger turned back to the form of Lucas. His eyes were still closed, but he had no doubt Lucas had uttered that word.
"Do you know what pain feels like?" The question startled Nathan so much that he wasn't sure how to respond.
Finally he answered, "Not your pain, no."
Lucas sighed heavily. "No, I suppose not. You can't understand." He opened his eyes and looked intently at Bridger. The Captain was shocked at the pain he saw revealed in those blue eyes.
Nathan moved a few steps closer to Lucas and took Lucas' hand in his and squeezed it before replying, "Just because I don't understand your pain doesn't mean I can't be here to listen to you. I can try..."
"It's not something you exactly want to feel, Captain," he replied. "I wouldn't wish this on anybody. Not even my father..." Lucas said softly.
"I know what your father did, Lucas. While you were unconscious the doctor examined you, and Tony filled in the bits and pieces we didn't know."
"Ah, Tony. Where is he?" Lucas asked.
"Right here, Lucas," a soft voice said from behind the Captain. Tony hesitantly stepped into the room.
"I'll leave you two alone. I'll be back later, kiddo," the Captain replied before he left the room silently.
"Why'd you do it, Lucas?" Tony asked softly.
"Too much pain. I didn't know where to go. I didn't think anyone cared," Lucas said.
"We care. We ran across half the ship to find you. And we still failed to stop you," Tony sighed softly.
"Tony, even if you had found me before I did anything, or got me to come here, I still would have done it later. Don't blame yourself," Lucas whispered. "This is my problem."
"But you're my friend," Tony insisted.
"I know that. And I'm sorry... but I guess sorry doesn't cut it," Lucas said.
Tony shrugged. "You could always clean my side of the room to make up for it," he joked.
Lucas snickered softly. "Maybe..." his voice trailed off.
"Lucas?" Tony asked.
"Yeah?"
"Do you... you know..." Tony asked, obviously uncomfortable. "Do you still feel like doing it?"
Lucas adverted his eyes and studied the bed sheet a while before replying. "Yes. If you want the truth."
Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I always want the truth. You know that. You know we'll get through this, Lucas," he whispered.
Lucas nodded. "Somehow. Do you know when I get out of here? The food isn't that great," he joked.
"Ummm... I think you have to stay here for a few days. And start counseling."
Lucas nodded again. "I figured as much," he replied, not looking into Tony's eyes.
Tony placed a hand on Lucas' arm. "Hey, we'll get through this," he said again. "You just don't rush these things."
"I know."
"Well, I'd better let you get some sleep, Luke. I'll see you later, okay?" Tony gave his arm a pat before he left the room.
Lucas sighed and closed his eyes, drifting off to a restless sleep.
*~*
"Do you think he'll ever snap out of it, doctor?" Tony asked.
"I don't know. He has a lot of work ahead of him. But he needs to want to live, or..." the doctor trailed off.
Tony nodded. "And that will be hard. He already told me he still wants to die."
Kristin said softly, "I figured as much. You go get some sleep. We'll watch over him."
Tony looked like he wanted to protest but thought better of it. As he walked, he wondered where his friend was. The Lucas he knew from before - the one who always laughed at his jokes, smiled a lot, and seemed genuinely happy. Maybe that Lucas - the Lucas he knew - was fake, and the real Lucas was back in that bed. He just didn't know.
But, he knew they'd get through this... somehow.
Fin