It's a Matter of Trust
Fan fiction (based on
characters from Kare Kano) by sanaaki
(sometime after the
anime ended?)
Standard
disclaimers apply here. A fanfiction
based on the characters from Kare Kano by Tsuda Masami
Chapter 3
**********
He came to class. Everyone was already there. He sat down. Asapin came over to join him.
People were giving him side glances.
He tried to ignore them.
Then the
whispering began. The whispering. There was always the whispering. He couldn't stand the whispering
anymore. Arima tried to ignore their
voiced suspicions. He had to keep from
flinching with pain with every comment.
Asapin tried to occupy him with inane conversation. It didn't help. The combined whispers drowned out the loud voice of his always
genki friend.
"Wonder
what happened to them? They made a
really good looking couple."
"Yeah they
did…you think maybe I should confess to her now…"
"Well I
wouldn't be surprised if she already has a new boyfriend…"
"Yeah but
we don't know for sure…"
Miyazawa
came in then. The whispers died
off. Several girls then surrounded her
and began chattering away. He tried to
hear what they were saying but the classroom suddenly came alive with gossip
about other people. Several guys came over
to him.
They
looked uncomfortable.
"What is
it?" he questioned them cautiously.
Asapin stood at his side watching.
"Um,
Arima-kun…we were wondering… is it really over between you and Miyazawa…?" He looked at them. Then at her. He could
trust his feelings. Could he trust
hers?
They were still waiting for an answer. What should he say? He could laugh it off. He could be the perfect ex-boyfriend. The good guy that everyone expected. But that would be signing them off. Was he his own worst enemy? Struggle tightened his heart. Whatever he said would destine them to an
immutable fate. He looked over at
her. He loved her still. Was there ever a choice? He looked back at his captive audience.
"Is it
over?" One of them repeated the question as if he hadn't heard it.
"Come on
guys, leave him alone…" Asapin began covering for him.
He
couldn't lose her…not now, not ever.
"No," he
interrupted raising his hand to stop Asapin from continuing.
"No," he
announced abruptly, pinning them down with an uncharacteristic stare. "It's far
from over. It will never be over." He stood up, his chair clattering to the
floor. Surprised at the sudden outburst
from the perfect student, startled heads turned in his direction. Hers flamed into his memory. He stared at her. She looked back at him and frowned. They stared at each other, uncaring of what others thought. Feeling the tremble begin from within, he
broke the glance that connected their souls.
He had to get out of there. Without a second glance, he left the room
before it closed in on him.
He
didn't know how he managed to get there but he found himself in the
bathroom. Drowning his face as he had
been doing many times of late. He
stared at the mirror. A different
visage faced him. Darkness clouded his
eyes mirroring once again that which warred within. Shadows marred his face.
Water trickled down mingling with … with his tears? Was he crying? He touched his dampened face
wonderingly. He laughed. It wasn't enough though. There would never be enough water to
submerge his turmoiled dirty soul. He
lifted his right hand. He stared at
it. It trembled. His left hand slowly moved to gently touch
his right hand then squeezed it tightly, painfully. Suddenly, he let go and smashed his fist into the mirror,
shattering it. He looked curiously at
his left hand, watched the blood seep out of his hand into the sink.
No,
it was never going to be over…
**********
"Nooooooooo!!!" Maho tried to
escape but strong hands pulled her back.
"Come on, it'll be fun…"
"Nooooooooo!!! Let me go!! Leave me out of this!!!" Maho practically screamed.
"Pleeeeeease? I was so lonely and outcast before … that
was such a miserable time for me …" Yukino lamented, looking downcast and
pathetic. Maho looked at Yukino and
crumbled. Yukino really knew how to put
the squeeze on her.
"Fine," she sighed, she knew she
lost.
***********
She
walked home in the dark. Her activities
often ran late. She had never worried
too much before. Now things were
different. She felt tense, an eerie
feeling touching her skin. It felt as
though… as though someone were watching her.
She looked around surreptitiously. She tried to shrug off the
feeling. What was going on with
her? She laughed to herself. Was she going crazy now? This was ridiculous. Was it because she was alone now? When did she get used to them being
together? She always walked alone
before. Now… what was this feeling of
need? She could stand alone. She braced her shoulders. After all , she was Miyazawa Yukino, a woman
of power and grace under pressure. She
smiled. Yes, that's the spirit. That's who she was and she shouldn't forget
it. She laughed. But still… she looked around again. She just couldn't help feeling something …
**********
He came home as usual.
They sat at the dinner table as
usual.
Polite and reserved as usual.
He didn't know how to change
things. He thought back to the times he
spent with Miyazawa's family. How he
wished he could be free and open. That
was the way families were meant to be.
And here he was, feeling like a stranger in his own house. He looked at his aunt and uncle. They were such good people. Yet he still felt empty. He would do anything for them but … his
feelings felt so dead inside. What
would it take? Miyazawa. Why did things always come back to
her? He looked down unseeingly into his
food. He lost his appetite. Nothing tasted the same anymore. It was as if the world had became grey for
him, flavorless, odorless. Doing
anything took so much effort. He was
slowly falling apart. He had to do
something, something soon. He looked at
his injured hand wrapped in the bandage.
He then looked upon the pair that took care of him. He had to be perfect for them but perfection
seemed even more remote now then it had before. He closed his eyes. But
that wasn't how it was suppose to be.
Miyazawa told him he could be himself.
That's right. They would love
him whether or not he was perfect. He
missed her.
He opened his eyes. The reality was much harder to swallow. The kind faces of his aunt and uncle swam
before him. Other faces, cruel faces,
blurred before him. Nothing he did
was ever good enough. He was always
wrong. HE was never good enough. He would never be good enough.
"Souchiro…" He refocused. The darkness threatening to blacken his
world momentarily shadowed. He found
this happening to him more and more. He
mentally tried to pull himself together.
Block those once distant memories.
He bit the inside of his lip. He
could taste the blood. He brushed his
fingers through his hair. Relax.
Routine. Routine saved him. The routine was always the same.
Today would be no different. He
hung on to that. Routine.
"How was school today?"
"Fine." That was always his answer.
"How was kendo?"
"Fine." It was the only answer.
"That's good."
"What happened to your
hand?" This… this wasn't routine.
"Souchirou…."
"Yes?"
"What happened to your hand?"
"Oh it
was just an accident. I accidentally
broke some beakers in chemistry and cut my hand when I was trying to clean
up." A lie. This wasn't routine.
"You should be more careful…"
"Yes I'll try." A
sense of foreboding began to permeate his being. Why did he feel like this?
This wasn't routine.
"Souchirou…"
No…
"Yes?"
"We found out some news today…"
No…This wasn't routine.
"We have something to tell
you…."
No!!! This wasn't routine.
He tried to look at them
normally, expectantly. No, please,
no. Not now. They looked at each other before turning to
look at him again, worry lining their faces.
Irrational dread washed over him.
His pulse felt like as though it were slowing down to a standstill. He couldn't breathe. Action floated into slow motion. Miyazawa. Miyazawa, where are you?
I need you. Help me… His mouth went dry, his throat constricted,
his fingers gripped tightly piercing into his palms lying deceptively still on
his lap. He knew. He knew what they were going to say. Miyazawa…help me…
"Souchiro…your parents have come
back for you…."
TBC
