-Janice
aka Sparkle!
June 16, 2001
Satoshi's eyes slitted open, then immediately squeezed shut again. Why was the light in his room so bright? Something was nagging at him, but he groggily pushed the thought away.
His mouth felt like something that had been run over by a truck. Twice. His head was pounding, and his skin felt clammy.
And something was tickling his nose.
He reached up to brush away...whatever it was...but his hand encountered something in its path.
Something warm, alive...and breathing.
Satoshi's eyes flew open again, and reflexively closed as the light stabbed into them brutally. In spite of himself, a low moan escaped his throat.
There was...movement! Satoshi carefully slit his eyes open the tiniest bit.
Red? was his first impression. Gradually it resolved itself into individual strands of red hair...which were attached to a head...which was attached to one Daisuke Niwa.
What the HELL?! Satoshi blinked for several moments. His thoughts were in total chaos as he stared at the figure lying in the protective circle of his arms.
And just when his thoughts began to have a little coherency, Daisuke shifted, turning over to face him and snuggle up to him.
This, thought Satoshi, has *got* to be a dream. His eyes widened. Of course! He was sick! That was why he felt so awful! In fact, he was sick enough to be delirious, and this was assuredly just a fever dream.
That being decided, Satoshi relaxed and took in his situation a little more.
Daisuke was curled up against him, his face pressed up to Satoshi's neck.
"Well...if it's just a dream..." he murmured, and proceeded to pull Daisuke's form closer, almost cradling him against his body.
And a fever dream at that...
He permitted himself the luxury of nuzzling Daisuke's sweet smelling hair, smiling a little against the silky strands.
Then, I'm not really responsible for my actions, am I? Something about that thought prickled in the back of his consciousness, but he ignored it in favor of leaning down and kissing Daisuke lightly on the forehead, the cheekbone just beneath the eye, and finally, ever so lightly, on his lips.
He didn't want the dream to end, but the sweetness of the moment had not canceled out the unpleasant sensations in his body. With a sigh he curled around Daisuke's smaller form and closed his eyes. The pounding in his head wouldn't go away, but he felt the warm body pressed against his own, and smiled.
I don't think I've ever felt so good and so bad at the same time, reflected Satoshi as he drifted back into sleep.
* * *
When he awoke again, no small, red-headed young man shared the bed with him. Satoshi sighed and groaned as the symptoms of his illness returned full force. Then he heard something that made his head snap up in consternation.
It was the sound of his apartment door opening! Satoshi struggled to sit up, ruthlessly fighting back the nausea that swept over him as he raised his head too quickly.
Normally, an intruder would have presented no threat to him. After all, he was well trained in martial arts, and far stronger than he looked. But his illness, combined with his low blood pressure (which always made it hard for him to get up in the morning) was making him weak and ineffective. Biting back a curse, he managed to sit up entirely, and was just swinging his legs to the floor when the door to his bedroom opened.
Satoshi blinked, feeling dizzy.
"Ah! You're awake! I thought I heard movement," said Daisuke cheerfully. Some part of Satoshi's dazed psyche noted that Daisuke carried a shopping bag. "I...uh...got some breakfast makings," said Daisuke awkwardly, "But I guess you probably don't want anything right now." He put down the bag and approached the bed. "I called my dad...he said that the first thing you'll need to do is to take some more aspirin and a have a hot shower, ok?"
Satoshi continued to blink at him, but at Daisuke's inquiring look, he realized that some answer was required of him. He opened his mouth, but he found that all he could do was whisper, "Not a dream."
Daisuke looked uneasy. "Are you going to be all right, Hiwatari-kun?"
With an enormous effort, Satoshi focused on the present. "Aa," he said affirmatively. "Right...aspirin and...shower."
Daisuke nodded at him and smiled sweetly, whereupon Satoshi felt something in him shiver oddly...something that was a separate phenomenon from his illness. Daisuke stood awkwardly in the doorway for a moment longer, Satoshi forced himself to say faintly, "I'll be all right...You go ahead."
Daisuke looked at him with a mildly skeptical expression, but then he gave Satoshi a nod and another smile, and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him.
Satoshi fought the urge to collapse on the bed again and stumbled to his feet. Gritting his teeth, he made his way dizzily across the room and into the bathroom.
Eventually he made it into the shower and turned the heat up as high as he could bear.
Now that he wasn't concentrating on getting across the room, his brain began trying to analyze the situation. He hadn't liked being that way in front of Niwa. He must have looked so...weak. He winced, remembering the solicitous look in Niwa's eyes. That wasn't how he wanted Daisuke to think of him. He wanted...he wanted him to...
Unbidden, the memory came again. Wrapping his arms around Daisuke. Daisuke snuggling up to him, close and trusting. Kissing Daisuke--
Satoshi shook his head hard - and then wished he hadn't.
The situation, he reminded himself. Concentrate on the situation. Not the way Daisuke's hair had felt, warm and soft against his face...Satoshi paused.
What was Daisuke doing here, anyway?
Start over, he told himself firmly. He was sick, that he knew. Had he stayed home from school yesterday? He thought back. Today was Sunday...he thought. It must be, or Daisuke would have gone to school. Unless he'd come over to take care of him and stayed with him...
Satoshi pushed away the warm feeling that thought gave him and continued. Assuming it was Sunday, then yesterday had been Saturday. So he must have gone to school in the morning. That seemed right. He vaguely remembered sitting through the usual mindless classes, but the afternoon was a blur.
Something was nagging at him, something that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Finally, he frowned and shrugged and switched the shower to a fine, cold, stinging spray.
He was starting to feel slightly more human. After he finished his shower and brushed his teeth, he actually felt almost alive, but he was no closer to the solution of his problem.
Well...I'll ask Daisuke. Surely he can tell me what's going on. He hated to do it, but Satoshi couldn't see any other option.
* * *
Satoshi hadn't thought that he would be hungry, but he was surprised to discover that the smell of the breakfast Daisuke was cooking was heavenly. Daisuke looked up at him with an uneasy smile. "Feeling better?"
"...Somewhat."
"Do you think you could handle some food?" Satoshi nodded. Daisuke slid a bowl across the table, and Satoshi sat down and began to drink the warm Miso soup.
After a few minutes of silence punctuated only by quiet slurping sounds, Daisuke looked up at Satoshi with an unusually penetrating expression.
"Hiwatari-kun, can I ask you something?" Satoshi looked up at him and gave a nod.
"Why did you kiss me last night?"
Satoshi choked.
* * *
For a split second, he'd thought that Daisuke had been awake that morning after all. But by the end of the question, his memories were flooding back.
- He was leaning on Daisuke's arm, feeling worse than he could ever remember feeling. -
- The smell of Daisuke's hair. -
- That vile punch...somebody had spiked it, and he'd had way too many cups of it... -
- Stumbling into his apartment...swallowing aspirin and water at Daisuke's insistence. -
- Daisuke's mouth, warm and yielding against his own...
The last thought brought him up short. Feeling a little dizzy again, he stared across the table at Daisuke.
"Are you all right?" asked the red-head, his eyes wide with concern. "I've never seen you so pale!"
"...No. Yes...I'm...I'm fine," Satoshi managed to stammer out in a horrified daze. He took a deep breath and clamped down *hard* on his emotions. "I was drunk last night," he said coolly.
"...Yes," said Daisuke matter-of-factly.
Satoshi paused a moment, studying the face of the boy sitting across from him. Finally he said firmly, "That's why I kissed you. I was drunk. It didn't mean anything."
Was it his imagination, or was there a flash of something like hurt in Daisuke's mahogany eyes? It had to be wishful thinking, Satoshi decided. "That was all it was?" Daisuke's voice was equal parts mingled relief and suspicion. "Do people often do things like that when they're drunk?"
Hiwatari shrugged expressively. Daisuke frowned, his eyes going unfocused as they always did when he carried on an internal conversation with his "other half". Then his face cleared, and he rose and walked over to stand directly in front of Satoshi. His nearness was...disconcerting.
"Was that really all it was, Hiwatari-kun?" he said softly.
"Niwa-kun." Satoshi's voice was cold steel. "Do you know what will end your curse?"
Daisuke looked puzzled. "My...curse?"
"Dark," stated Satoshi impatiently. "When you find the one you love, and find that they love you in return, Dark is sealed away, correct?"
Daisuke nodded slowly, his eyes locked with Satoshi's.
"Love means the end of your curse. Do you know what it takes to end *mine*?" Daisuke shook his head.
Satoshi stood up, forcing Daisuke to step back. He didn't stop there, though, he kept advancing on Daisuke, and Daisuke kept retreating until his back was to the wall. Satoshi placed one hand on the wall next to Daisuke's head; the other he lightly reached up and placed against Daisuke's throat.
"Death," hissed Satoshi. "In my family, only killing the person one loves the most...or oneself...will end the curse and seal away Krad for another generation. Only blood...our own or that of the one we love...will satisfy him. And if we allow the line to die out completely, allow ourselves to die without an heir to the curse...then he will be unleashed upon the world again. We cannot allow that to happen!"
"Hi-Hiwatari-kun..." stammered Daisuke. Satoshi could feel the pulse in his neck fluttering wildly against the palm of his hand.
And suddenly, in spite of everything, in spite of the truth in the words he'd just spoken, in spite of the fact that it went against everything he knew or believed about himself...
...he had to know.
I am undoubtedly a fool, he thought hopelessly as he leaned forward and captured Daisuke's lips with his own. His hand slipped around to the back of Daisuke's neck, and Daisuke, after stilling a moment, reached up and twined his arms around Satoshi's neck, and the kiss grew deeper and hotter and their breathing faster and it was like...like soaring...
Except...
...Daisuke...
...Daisuke wasn't...
...he wasn't...
...changing...
Hopeless.
It always had been...always would be...hopeless.
Satoshi pushed away, his whole body trembling. "Not the same thing," he whispered.
Daisuke looked up at him, his eyes dazed. "What's not?"
Satoshi's smile was bitter. "Lust...pity...they're not the same thing as love after all, are they, Daisuke?" He turned away, his back stiff.
Something in the words, something in Satoshi's voice caught at Daisuke. Something compelled him to reach out to the retreating figure, but he couldn't move. What was holding him in place? Daisuke's eyes widened in shock. He felt...he felt...his skin was hot! He was...transforming...!
"No, they're not," said Dark sadly. Satoshi whirled around, his eyes going wide with shock.
"You!"
"Yes," said Dark.
"If you're here, then..."
"Yes."
Satoshi stared, his gaze holding Dark's for a full minute. Then he gasped and clutched at his chest. Dark just looked on, his dark eyes full of sadness. Satoshi struggled to raise his head.
"Go," he ground out between clenched teeth. "Run. Now!"
Dark leaned against the wall, his casual position belying the tension in his body. "I'm not afraid of your alter-ego," he said sharply.
"I am," gasped Satoshi. "Afraid he'll kill you...kill Daisuke...please. Please go!" Dark would have stood unmoved, even in the face of that desperate pleading, had not Daisuke raised his voice as well. Dark! I won't let you kill him! I won't! Dark's eyes widened, and with a startled curse, he straightened. He narrowed his eyes at the suffering commander a moment longer, then dove for the window, the balcony, and freedom.
Satoshi lay, fighting it a moment longer, focusing on thoughts of hatred and disgust with every fibre of his being. It wouldn't delay him forever...it was too late for that...but perhaps he could give Dark and Daisuke a few extra seconds to escape.
He was being crushed, suffocated. He was being torn apart, Satoshi thought in some corner of his mind as the transformation finally overtook him completely. Pain ripped through his body, but it was unimportant, distant...it was his heart that hurt, because he knew...he knew what was going to happen...
And it would be his fault.
Sleep, Satoshi-sama, came the cruel, velvet voice. He was being pushed back, into the darkness...into the ice. "No..." Soft and smothering as a blanket, the nothing took him completely...and now there was only emptiness.
In Satoshi's apartment, a young man with long blond hair got to his feet and smiled.
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