ACT 5, SCENE 1
Setting: Hallway outside LOGAN's bedroom.
The formerly mentioned EVIL SOCK has progressed down the hall and has disappeared, and we see that it is wriggling under a doorway. Camera pans up to reveal the nameplate: PROFESSOR CHARLES XAVIER.
Cut to LOGAN, asleep in his bed. Suddenly, his eyes fly open as, in his mind, XAVIER's voice materializes loudly. He sounds rather angry, as though he was rudely awakened from a deep and comfortable sleep.
XAVIER: Logan.
LOGAN: (Aloud) Wha…huh? What?
XAVIER: Wake up, Logan.
LOGAN: Oh. It's you. Umm….you can't, by any chance, see what I was dreaming in there, can you? (he picks at the lint that has somehow migrated up his nose) Whoa…how'd that get up there? Heh heh…cotton boogies…heh heh…
XAVIER: Do your laundry, Logan. Now.
LOGAN: But it's the middle of-
XAVIER: NOW, I said. And make sure to get it all.
LOGAN: (Grudgingly) Oh, all right. Jeez. (He gets up)
XAVIER: And Logan?
LOGAN: What now?
XAVIER: Your dream Jennifer Lopez's boobs are really fake looking.
LOGAN: Arrgh! Get out of there!!! (He pounds on his head and XAVER quickly departs We see that the "boogie" is now in his hair.)
LOGAN: (After a long pause) Ow. Ow ow ow. (Grudgingly he gets up and begins to gather his laundry.)
ACT 5, SCENE 2
Setting: Jean Gray's Room
Jean has awakened early and has hurried into the shower before all the hot water is taken. Meanwhile, TOAD sits at the mirror, putting gel in his hair and spiking it.
TOAD: (singing) Sheri don't like it, doo do do doo doo, rock the catbox, rock the catbox…(he stops as SCOTT enters the room, looking sleepy and surly.) Hello there.
SCOTT: Yeah, whatever. And why are we so cheerful this morning?
TOAD shrugs.
SCOTT: Hmmph. (He is about to complain about something else when LOGAN enters the room, yawning.)
LOGAN: Hi, guys. (he yawns again)
SCOTT: Wow, Logan. You look really tired.
LOGAN: Yeah, I was doing laundry all night.
TOAD: (From the mirror) Thank God!
SCOTT is about to ask why but thinks better of it and keeps his mouth shut.
TOAD: Em…Logan?
LOGAN: What, Frogface?
TOAD: What's that in your hair?
LOGAN: I dunno? What's it look like?
SCOTT: Well, it's white and blobby…
TOAD:…like a big cotton boogie or something.
LOGAN promptly turns five shades of red and rushes to the mirror, plucking the offensive thing from his head just as JEAN emerges from the bathroom.
JEAN: Good morning, fellas. Glad I decided to dress in the bathroom this morning.
SCOTT looks vaguely dejected.
JEAN looks approvingly at SCOTT and TOAD.
JEAN: Well, I see you two aren't trying to kill each other. That's a good start.
SCOTT: Yeah, well…it's early yet. He'll get on my nerves soon enough.
TOAD: Shut up, Scoot.
SCOTT: The name is Scott.
TOAD: Whatever.
JEAN sighs. Apparently she has spoken too soon. LOGAN is still primping in the mirror.
(Suddenly, STORM runs into the room, panicked.)
STORM: Oh God! Oh God! One of Logan's socks has escaped!
LOGAN: Not again!
TOAD: Logan, if you can't keep control of your socks you shan't be allowed to have any!
(They all rush into STORM's room, where MYSTIQUE is keeping the thing
back with a chair. It hisses threateningly.)
LOGAN: Get back in the laundry bag, you stupid sock!
EVIL SOCK: I'm not going back in there! It stinks!
(The sock attacks TOAD, who jumps out of the way.)
TOAD: Help! I'm being hassled by a killer sock!
LOGAN: Oh, no! What are we gonna do?
TOAD: Get back in the sack, sock!
SOCK: Screw you! The time has come to take over the world! Muuaaa ha ha
ha ha!
STORM: Blast him, Scott!!
EVIL SOCK: HA! Your lasers cannot harm me! In my incredibly strong sweat-soaked state, I am utterly, completely, and explosively flammable!
SCOTT: I'll be right back! (He runs out of the room)
Everyone looks frightened. SCOTT finally returns, holding the complete works of Shakespeare.
SCOTT: Help has arrived!
(He proceeds to beat the sock to death with the massive book. It screams and dies, emitting green smoke that begins to peel the wallpaper off. Strangely, the work of William Shakespeare is not in the least harmed.)
TOAD: Wow. I guess Shakespeare can survive everything. (He pauses for a minute, then,) Dammit.
SCOTT: HA! Take that!
STORM: Murderer! You should have just captured it!
TOAD: Oh yeah? Well, it was a mercy killing, and… and you're a hippie!
Everyone cheers except STORM.
JEAN: Well, that certainly was interesting.
MYSTIQUE: Let that be a lesson, kids. Always do your laundry.
LOGAN looks dejected.
JEAN: Aw, cheer up. It was just a stray. You're other socks are probably as harmless… er, probably less violent than this one.
LOGAN: (Cheering up) Right!
MYSTIQUE: Well, well, well. A happy ending, for now. Who'dve thought?
(Exeunt)
The End.