Summer of Discontent.
3 of 3-
Two Thousand Seven Hundred and Fifty Four Slimy Snapes.
-*-
"Do you even know where Mundungus lives?" Remus asked Sirius, as they sat on a low brick wall to catch their breath.
"Well... no." Sirius said, wiping the sweat from his brow, "I was hoping you'd come in use there."
"I've not seen Mundungus since... well you know when."
"Yeah." Sirius's gaze dropped. "Well, at least we did something about the Dursley situation."
"Do you think they're actually worried we'll turn up unannounced again on spot checks?"
"Of course." Sirius let out a brief laugh. "So funny- that man's face when we shut his wife in Harry's cupboard..."
"What was Dumbledore thinking when he placed the poor child with those.... incapacitatingly idiotic trolls?." Remus shook his head, and wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead. "Totally out of his mind."
"I'm willing to say that sending Harry there was not one of his better ideas."
"Did you see that porky little cousin of his?" Remus stifled a laugh
"How can you NOT see him?" Sirius sniggered nastily
"Amazing... how can someone eat that much? I mean.. the health factors- he'll be dead by the time he's twenty five, cholestorol problems and heart disease no doubt."
"huh? What's that all about then?"
"Muggle health problems." Remus shrugged, "Stuff they havent really found cures for yet apart from a healthier diet."
"He'll end up looking like one of those Balthazar creatures."
"You're disgusting."
"Thank you." Sirius smiled, pulling out a water bottle from one of his many cloak pockets.
****
"Yes, I need a location for a Fletcher, Mundungus please." Remus smiled a the assistant at the desk who was now checking through rolls of parchment in a cabinet labelled "D to H"
"That your dog there?" She asked amicably.
"Yes, he's very well trained, i can assure you." Remus tugged on the leash he had attached to Sirius before coming into the Owl Post Office which also dealt with Wizarding Directory Enquiries.
"He doesn't like that lead much does he." Another little witch smiled down at him. Sirius wagged his tail and put his paws up on the desk to get a better look over the edge. "My my. You ARE a handsome thing, aren't you."
Sirius let out a quiet bark, and looked up at Remus with a distinctive "Ha, i still have the good looks, even as a dog." look on his features.
"Yes here we are, "Mundungus and Lewellyn Fletcher, Sunrise Farmhouse, Walton on the Nayse. Would you care to use Floo?"
"Er... i dont think Floo would agree with my dog, here." Remus said apologetically.
"Oh yes, i see what you mean..." The assistants waved at Remus as he gave them a quick smile and disappeard into the street.
"You." Remus pointed at Padfoot. "Are a grade A show-off."
Sirius barked in approval and tugged at the leash in the direction of a small food store, dragging Remus along behind him.
****
"Do you normally eat this much?" Remus asked as Sirius tucked into his family sized meal on the grassy hill overlooking the village.
"When you've lived on congealed gruel for twelve years, you'd not say no to this either, matey." Sirius said between mouthfuls.
"That's what they fed you?"
"Uh huh..." Sirius puched his friend "Tell me, how come you got all the muggles at your door?"
"What?"
"You never told me.. why you get these little muggle people coming to your door- that shopkeeper lady person..."
"Oh!" Remus shrugged, "She has a small child, maybe about seven or eight, i never asked her age. I uh... earned a bit of money by looking after the child whilst she was working."
"Remus... you didn't HAVE the child when she came by..." Sirius gave his friend a quizzical look.
"She probably came by to ask if i would babysit again." Remus shrugged, "No big... she DID however recognise you off the muggle news, and i had some seriously fast explaining to do on your behalf."
"Damn, if i'd known all that explaining came with the escapee package, i'd have never enrolled in the class." Sirius laughed, "Shall we keep going... Due west isn't it?"
"South west actually." Remus checked the direction with the compass charm on his wand. "That way."
"Can we sing something to keep us going..."
Remus rolled his eyes, "Like what?"
"Ten green bottles... or we could do... Ten Slimy Snapes Sitting On a Horribly Spiky Bed of Nails..."
"Sing me the first verse." Remus chuckled
"Ten slimy Snapes sitting on a spikey bed... ten slimy Snaa-AAAApes sitting on a spikey bed, and if one extremely slimy Sna-ape should be accidentally on purpose treansfigured into a sock...... there'll be nine slimy Sna- AAApes sitting on that bed." Sirius added a few extra words in to make it more 'interesting'.
"That's... er... nice." Remus frowned, pulling the corner of his robes out of a hoop of barbed wire. "Don't let me stop your fun."
"Join in."
"No."
"Come ooooooooon." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows, "You know you want to."
"I dont sing." Remus tugged unsuccessfully at his robes, getting annoyed- he gave a large pull, and the material ripped.
"You do now." Sirius shook his head picking up the remaining little scrap of robe Remus had ripped away. "Come on..."
"Alright alright."
"We start from two thousand seven hundred and fifty four snapes... just to make it more difficult." Sirius grinned, starting to walk down the hill, singing at the top of his voice. Remus followed, muttering various insults at his deranged friend, and the barbed wire.
****
Mundungus and Lewellyn Fletcher were sitting outside their farmhouse, enjoying the peaceful August evening, when they heard some raucous singing coming from the forest.
"Lewellyn?" Mundungus raised an eyebrow, "I thought we had sorted out the travellers that settled in our paddock?"
"We did." Lewellyn frowned, "They've obviously returned and have drink with them."
Cautiously, Mundungus stood up and picking up his wand, he started walking towards the noise, when the bushes parted and a very bedraggled Remus Lupin and Sirius Black (who was still singing- he was down to ninty eight slimy Snapes by this time) walked through, looking very worse for their expedition.
"SIRIUS BLACK!" Mundungus shouted, pointing his wand at him. "Move one step and you're dead,"
SIrius feebly put his arms in the air. "Ninty Snapes too long..." He muttered quietly.
"Remus! What are you doing with such FILTH?" Mundungus asked, getting very red-faced about the whole audacity of the issue.
"Mundungus... Dumbledore has sent us here." Remus tried to explain.
"Dumbledore has been harboring a violent criminal? Try telling me another story..."
"Seriously." Sirius nodded, "You can go ask him if you really have to."
"What do YOU want here?" Mundungus' wand was still pointed at Sirius' head.
"I'm with him." Sirius quickly pointed at Remus. "He can explain."
"Thank you so much." Remus said tiredly to Sirius. "Mundungus, you have to try to believe what i'm going to tell you, because every word of it is true and can be vouched for by Dumbledore himself if you so wish."
"Tell me." Mundungus said, but interrupted as Remus started to talk. "INSIDE! I dont want you scumbags running away when you think you have a chance.... Lewellyn! Help me place charms on the doors and windows...!"
****
"So you're telling me Peter Pettigrew is still alive?" Mundungus asked for the eleventh time that day.
"Yes." Sirius said exasperatedly, "I was framed, as we've been telling you..."
"So.. what does Dumbledore think about this situation with You-Know-Who?" Mundungus conjured up three cups of exceptionally strong tea. Professor Trelawney would have been proud.
"He has returned, been reincarnated... whatever you wish to call it... He'd like to regroup the Order, as soon as is physically possible." Remus said quietly sipping at his cup.
"I see, what about Arabella?"
"Already informed." Sirius said proudly. "We went to visit her- nigh on two days ago."
"And now?"
"Now we're headed back to Remus's." Sirius drained his cup. "Good tea, that was."
"Yes, recipe of Lewellyn's," Mundungus smiled into his teacup. "Sirius- you must forgive me for terrorizing you like that earlier."
"Dont think of it." Sirius waved the apology away. "I get that all the time."
"We should get going Sirius." Remus stood up. "Dumbledore will send an owl i think- but if you wish to return to Hogwarts earlier, that's okay."
"Of course, i will leave as soon as it is daybreak. Goodness! it's two in the morning, would you gentlemen like a room for the night?" Mundungus dropped his cup as he looked at one of his many clocks, each telling different things.
"No... no thank you." Sirius shook his head. "The quicker we set off, the quicker we return and can lay low for the summer, keeping ears out for news et cetera."
"Then at least use my Floo fireplace..." Mundungus handed them a small biscuit tin.. "Its the least i can do."
Remus threw his Floo powder into the fireplace... "Lupin's Log Cabin!" He disappeared in a flurry of green fire. Sirius followed suit after thanking Mundungus.
****
Dumbledore sat in his office, he did not have time to return to his small countryside home for the summer. There was too much to be getting on with if the ministry refused to accept the return of the Scourge of Europe. A small tawny owl flew in the open window, startling Fawkes from his slumber.
"A letter?" Dumbledore asked, "Thank you." He took the piece of parchment from the owl's leg. The owl didn't stop for water, but flew out of the window again, just as silently as it had arrived. Dumbledore leaned back in his chair as he unfolded the paper.
"Dumbledore- Sirius is at the moment looking after one of the local children in the orchard, amusing the boy with his dog tricks, so i thought it might be better if i wrote you this letter now rather than later when he returns. We have visited Mundungus and Arabella, i think they will come to visit you as soon as they possibly can, though they await owls from you to verify the situation with Sirius. Along the way we stopped off at Harry's house. He seemed alright, though i'm sure he is having a better time after our... little chat with his uncle. i have heard nothing of the death eaters or Voldemort since your last letter- and we shall stay here for the duration of August- Meeting you on Hogsmeade station on September the first. I hope you are well and that Fawkes is over his burst into flames day. Till September- Remus Lupin."
"That Sirius..." Dumbledore chuckled to his phoenix "A stranger dog i have yet to meet. Perhaps i should compose a reply with detailed instructions of Dog Etiquette."
The phoenix replied by bursting into a ball of pink and blue flames.
END
3 of 3-
Two Thousand Seven Hundred and Fifty Four Slimy Snapes.
-*-
"Do you even know where Mundungus lives?" Remus asked Sirius, as they sat on a low brick wall to catch their breath.
"Well... no." Sirius said, wiping the sweat from his brow, "I was hoping you'd come in use there."
"I've not seen Mundungus since... well you know when."
"Yeah." Sirius's gaze dropped. "Well, at least we did something about the Dursley situation."
"Do you think they're actually worried we'll turn up unannounced again on spot checks?"
"Of course." Sirius let out a brief laugh. "So funny- that man's face when we shut his wife in Harry's cupboard..."
"What was Dumbledore thinking when he placed the poor child with those.... incapacitatingly idiotic trolls?." Remus shook his head, and wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead. "Totally out of his mind."
"I'm willing to say that sending Harry there was not one of his better ideas."
"Did you see that porky little cousin of his?" Remus stifled a laugh
"How can you NOT see him?" Sirius sniggered nastily
"Amazing... how can someone eat that much? I mean.. the health factors- he'll be dead by the time he's twenty five, cholestorol problems and heart disease no doubt."
"huh? What's that all about then?"
"Muggle health problems." Remus shrugged, "Stuff they havent really found cures for yet apart from a healthier diet."
"He'll end up looking like one of those Balthazar creatures."
"You're disgusting."
"Thank you." Sirius smiled, pulling out a water bottle from one of his many cloak pockets.
****
"Yes, I need a location for a Fletcher, Mundungus please." Remus smiled a the assistant at the desk who was now checking through rolls of parchment in a cabinet labelled "D to H"
"That your dog there?" She asked amicably.
"Yes, he's very well trained, i can assure you." Remus tugged on the leash he had attached to Sirius before coming into the Owl Post Office which also dealt with Wizarding Directory Enquiries.
"He doesn't like that lead much does he." Another little witch smiled down at him. Sirius wagged his tail and put his paws up on the desk to get a better look over the edge. "My my. You ARE a handsome thing, aren't you."
Sirius let out a quiet bark, and looked up at Remus with a distinctive "Ha, i still have the good looks, even as a dog." look on his features.
"Yes here we are, "Mundungus and Lewellyn Fletcher, Sunrise Farmhouse, Walton on the Nayse. Would you care to use Floo?"
"Er... i dont think Floo would agree with my dog, here." Remus said apologetically.
"Oh yes, i see what you mean..." The assistants waved at Remus as he gave them a quick smile and disappeard into the street.
"You." Remus pointed at Padfoot. "Are a grade A show-off."
Sirius barked in approval and tugged at the leash in the direction of a small food store, dragging Remus along behind him.
****
"Do you normally eat this much?" Remus asked as Sirius tucked into his family sized meal on the grassy hill overlooking the village.
"When you've lived on congealed gruel for twelve years, you'd not say no to this either, matey." Sirius said between mouthfuls.
"That's what they fed you?"
"Uh huh..." Sirius puched his friend "Tell me, how come you got all the muggles at your door?"
"What?"
"You never told me.. why you get these little muggle people coming to your door- that shopkeeper lady person..."
"Oh!" Remus shrugged, "She has a small child, maybe about seven or eight, i never asked her age. I uh... earned a bit of money by looking after the child whilst she was working."
"Remus... you didn't HAVE the child when she came by..." Sirius gave his friend a quizzical look.
"She probably came by to ask if i would babysit again." Remus shrugged, "No big... she DID however recognise you off the muggle news, and i had some seriously fast explaining to do on your behalf."
"Damn, if i'd known all that explaining came with the escapee package, i'd have never enrolled in the class." Sirius laughed, "Shall we keep going... Due west isn't it?"
"South west actually." Remus checked the direction with the compass charm on his wand. "That way."
"Can we sing something to keep us going..."
Remus rolled his eyes, "Like what?"
"Ten green bottles... or we could do... Ten Slimy Snapes Sitting On a Horribly Spiky Bed of Nails..."
"Sing me the first verse." Remus chuckled
"Ten slimy Snapes sitting on a spikey bed... ten slimy Snaa-AAAApes sitting on a spikey bed, and if one extremely slimy Sna-ape should be accidentally on purpose treansfigured into a sock...... there'll be nine slimy Sna- AAApes sitting on that bed." Sirius added a few extra words in to make it more 'interesting'.
"That's... er... nice." Remus frowned, pulling the corner of his robes out of a hoop of barbed wire. "Don't let me stop your fun."
"Join in."
"No."
"Come ooooooooon." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows, "You know you want to."
"I dont sing." Remus tugged unsuccessfully at his robes, getting annoyed- he gave a large pull, and the material ripped.
"You do now." Sirius shook his head picking up the remaining little scrap of robe Remus had ripped away. "Come on..."
"Alright alright."
"We start from two thousand seven hundred and fifty four snapes... just to make it more difficult." Sirius grinned, starting to walk down the hill, singing at the top of his voice. Remus followed, muttering various insults at his deranged friend, and the barbed wire.
****
Mundungus and Lewellyn Fletcher were sitting outside their farmhouse, enjoying the peaceful August evening, when they heard some raucous singing coming from the forest.
"Lewellyn?" Mundungus raised an eyebrow, "I thought we had sorted out the travellers that settled in our paddock?"
"We did." Lewellyn frowned, "They've obviously returned and have drink with them."
Cautiously, Mundungus stood up and picking up his wand, he started walking towards the noise, when the bushes parted and a very bedraggled Remus Lupin and Sirius Black (who was still singing- he was down to ninty eight slimy Snapes by this time) walked through, looking very worse for their expedition.
"SIRIUS BLACK!" Mundungus shouted, pointing his wand at him. "Move one step and you're dead,"
SIrius feebly put his arms in the air. "Ninty Snapes too long..." He muttered quietly.
"Remus! What are you doing with such FILTH?" Mundungus asked, getting very red-faced about the whole audacity of the issue.
"Mundungus... Dumbledore has sent us here." Remus tried to explain.
"Dumbledore has been harboring a violent criminal? Try telling me another story..."
"Seriously." Sirius nodded, "You can go ask him if you really have to."
"What do YOU want here?" Mundungus' wand was still pointed at Sirius' head.
"I'm with him." Sirius quickly pointed at Remus. "He can explain."
"Thank you so much." Remus said tiredly to Sirius. "Mundungus, you have to try to believe what i'm going to tell you, because every word of it is true and can be vouched for by Dumbledore himself if you so wish."
"Tell me." Mundungus said, but interrupted as Remus started to talk. "INSIDE! I dont want you scumbags running away when you think you have a chance.... Lewellyn! Help me place charms on the doors and windows...!"
****
"So you're telling me Peter Pettigrew is still alive?" Mundungus asked for the eleventh time that day.
"Yes." Sirius said exasperatedly, "I was framed, as we've been telling you..."
"So.. what does Dumbledore think about this situation with You-Know-Who?" Mundungus conjured up three cups of exceptionally strong tea. Professor Trelawney would have been proud.
"He has returned, been reincarnated... whatever you wish to call it... He'd like to regroup the Order, as soon as is physically possible." Remus said quietly sipping at his cup.
"I see, what about Arabella?"
"Already informed." Sirius said proudly. "We went to visit her- nigh on two days ago."
"And now?"
"Now we're headed back to Remus's." Sirius drained his cup. "Good tea, that was."
"Yes, recipe of Lewellyn's," Mundungus smiled into his teacup. "Sirius- you must forgive me for terrorizing you like that earlier."
"Dont think of it." Sirius waved the apology away. "I get that all the time."
"We should get going Sirius." Remus stood up. "Dumbledore will send an owl i think- but if you wish to return to Hogwarts earlier, that's okay."
"Of course, i will leave as soon as it is daybreak. Goodness! it's two in the morning, would you gentlemen like a room for the night?" Mundungus dropped his cup as he looked at one of his many clocks, each telling different things.
"No... no thank you." Sirius shook his head. "The quicker we set off, the quicker we return and can lay low for the summer, keeping ears out for news et cetera."
"Then at least use my Floo fireplace..." Mundungus handed them a small biscuit tin.. "Its the least i can do."
Remus threw his Floo powder into the fireplace... "Lupin's Log Cabin!" He disappeared in a flurry of green fire. Sirius followed suit after thanking Mundungus.
****
Dumbledore sat in his office, he did not have time to return to his small countryside home for the summer. There was too much to be getting on with if the ministry refused to accept the return of the Scourge of Europe. A small tawny owl flew in the open window, startling Fawkes from his slumber.
"A letter?" Dumbledore asked, "Thank you." He took the piece of parchment from the owl's leg. The owl didn't stop for water, but flew out of the window again, just as silently as it had arrived. Dumbledore leaned back in his chair as he unfolded the paper.
"Dumbledore- Sirius is at the moment looking after one of the local children in the orchard, amusing the boy with his dog tricks, so i thought it might be better if i wrote you this letter now rather than later when he returns. We have visited Mundungus and Arabella, i think they will come to visit you as soon as they possibly can, though they await owls from you to verify the situation with Sirius. Along the way we stopped off at Harry's house. He seemed alright, though i'm sure he is having a better time after our... little chat with his uncle. i have heard nothing of the death eaters or Voldemort since your last letter- and we shall stay here for the duration of August- Meeting you on Hogsmeade station on September the first. I hope you are well and that Fawkes is over his burst into flames day. Till September- Remus Lupin."
"That Sirius..." Dumbledore chuckled to his phoenix "A stranger dog i have yet to meet. Perhaps i should compose a reply with detailed instructions of Dog Etiquette."
The phoenix replied by bursting into a ball of pink and blue flames.
END