Realization Hits Now
Disclaimer:
I DON'T OWN DIGIMON
A/N
Just a story I thought up. This takes place after Wormmon dies and Ken returns
to the real world. I don't remember the episode very well, so bear with me if I
make any mistakes. This is told from Ken's point of view.
~
Here
I am. Alone. Not asleep, but not awake either. In my subconscious, I think. My
head keeps swirling with thoughts I can't ignore. On the Digital World… On the
Chosen Children… On Wormmon… On my reign of terror… I don't know exactly what
possessed me to try to dictate the Digital World. Some sort of unspeakable
evil, I suppose. But this course of action has caused me to lose the only
friend I ever had.
Wormmon.
Speaking your name brings tears to my eyes now. A week ago I wouldn't have
given a damn if you were dead and gone. But today sorrow tugs at my heart
relentlessly. To think I caused your death by my incredibly large ego. You gave
your life so willingly to protect me. Even after all that abuse. Why? Why
didn't you let me die? I deserved to. Why do you care so much about me? Did you
do it just to escape from me? Or was it something deeper than that? Did you
love me as a good friend… or as a brother? Love… A word that has long
disappeared from my vocabulary, however large it may be.
The
Chosen Children are right. I. Am. A. Heartless. Fool. I used to think that they
were the weak opposing enemy in my game. But they are much stronger than I will
ever be. Both in strength and spirit. I remember the first time I saw them in
the real world. At that fateful soccer match. Where they figured out who I
really was. Daisuke and the soccer team he represented was just another
obstacle to overcome. But when I glanced into the stands to find the source of
all that annoying cheering I found his friends. Sitting with digimon. Very
familiar digimon. It was then that I realized that he was one of the Chosen.
One that I was trying so hard to eliminate. Obviously he didn't suspect a
thing. How could Ken Ichjouji, boy genius, possibly cause so much pain? Yet
looks, and stories can be deceiving.
Yes…
I don't deny it. My hands are forever stained with blood. I killed all those
digimon. I killed my own digimon. My actions have not gone unnoticed. All those
associated with the Digital World hold my name in disgust. The Digimon Kaizer.
The one who killed all those defenseless creatures. He has no heart. He is and
always will be evil. I don't hold that name with pride anymore. I hold it with
a burning hatred deep within my soul. I reigned over those digimon mercilessly.
I enslaved them. Destroyed them. Completely ruined their lives. I can't force
that thought out of my mind. It is wherever I turn.
My
devices I created to rule were fool proof. Evil but full proof nonetheless. The
control spires that controlled my dark rings. The dark rings that made peaceful
digimon murderers. Later, the rings turned to spirals, made to control Greymon
and make him digivolve into MetalGreymon. I don't know where the ideas
blossomed. I woke up once and they were there. At the time, I thought it was a
miracle. They had arrived so unexplained. Almost as unexplained as the sudden
raise in my IQ.
I
had become a genius over night. Where I once was a mediocre student there was
someone ruling the grading charts. I scored perfectly on every exam and every
test I took. And gym class. Oh, how I loathed gym class. I was chosen last
during the games to be on a team. I sucked at every game I was required to
play. But, suddenly, I was the captain of the soccer team and the best athlete
in the whole entire school. I could play any video game presented to me
flawlessly. I even beat one of the hardest games to conquer, Donkey Madness.
Nobody
was very much surprised at my sudden abilities. They said I was just living up
to my potential. After all, my brother had been a genius also. It was just my
turn to shine. But my life abruptly became more boring. I then turned to an old
game I used to play. Or what I thought was a game. When I first arrived in the
digital world years ago, I felt like I was finally where I belonged. Overlooked
by my parents and friendless I found little solace at home or at school. But
suddenly I had Wormmon. And he was the best friend I could ever have.
But
I just couldn't believe that there was a whole another world coexisting
alongside ours. To me, it was that the computer would figuratively eat me and
transport me into a game where I couldn't lose. But I have lost. Miserably.
I
found the digital world by accident. I was just watching my brother at the
computer when the digivice flew out and hit the floor. My brother warned me not
to touch it. He left the room looking for something to examine it, and I picked
it up. Holding it out towards the computer, it lifted me from the ground and
sent me flying through the computer screen. Remember the old saying "Curiosity
killed the cat"? It's wrong. Curiosity got the cat slapped. I returned home
bursting with things to tell my brother but before I could get a word out, he
hit me. Hard. He then told me that he couldn't trust me and pushed me out of
his room. I never wished harder that he'd go away than I did then.
Osamu.
Your name still floods my being with guilt. I was your brother but I wished you
would leave me alone. I wished that you would disappear. Well you didn't
disappear. But you might as well have. When I was eight, you were victim of a
hit and run. You died upon impact and I am left believing that it was my fault
that you were killed. Your funeral is the saddest moment in my life. Mom and
Dad were crying uncontrollably and I was hiding, crying on my own. When the
lowered you into the ground, I wailed and ran away. It took Mom and Dad a good
part of an hour to find me. They didn't yell at me, but I could see the
disapproval in their eyes.
I
was only checking my email when I found this weird message in my inbox. It
expressed its sorrow for my loss and told me that it had a way for me to escape
the grief. And the sorrow. I took it up on its offer. That's how I became the
Digimon Kaizer. Pouring the last of my purity into something I couldn't see.
And being rewarded with the impurity that followed.
Kindness.
That doesn't describe me at all. Do kind people destroy others? Do they hunt
creatures down before impaling those creatures on their swords of evil, only to
return the sword to its sheath to be called upon when needed? No, they do not.
Yet that is what I did. And I find myself holding the crest of kindness. There
must be a mistake. But who made the mistake? Certainly not God. But whom?
I
am stirring. Awakening. I don't want to leave my protective bubble, but I guess
I have to. I open my eyes slowly and as they focus I find that my mind is blank
to my surroundings. I turn my gaze to the people on my left. "Ken," the woman
cries, tears running down her strained face, "You're awake."
"Who
are you?" I murmur.
"You
don't remember us?!"
"No,
I don't think so."
"But
I'm-" The woman is cut off as the man speaks quietly to her. I don't listen to
what they are saying. They cease talking and the woman turns towards me again.
"I'll fix you something to eat Ken dear," she said with a fake smile etched
upon her face. I nod my consent and she leaves.
~
For
the past few days I have drifted to and from school, staying at home most of
the time. My amnesia has done nothing to affect my knowledge yet I know my
genius abilities have disappeared. I failed a math test yesterday for the first
time in years. Everyone seems surprised by that. But today I know I must do
something important. I must return to the digital world.
I
activate my computer and hold my digivice out to it, opening the digital gate.
I go through the complex inner workings of the computer until I find myself standing
near the front gate to Primary Village. When I enter I am barraged with every
insult possible by the infant digimon. I try to apologize, but they don't listen,
as I knew they wouldn't. I walk over to the field of digieggs, searching
frantically for the one that carries Wormmon. Suddenly, inexplicably, one
starts to glow a heavenly yellow. I pick it up and it hatches in my hands. "Hi
Ken!" it squeaks joyfully.
"Who
are you?"
"Don't
you remember me? I'm Leafmon, the baby form of Wormmon."
"Wormmon,"
I whisper happily, "Wormmon…"
~
He
returns home with me, and I leave him in my room while I confront my parents. I
finally remember them now. My Mom is crying, but at sight of me, she engulfs me
in a tight hug. "Mama?" I whisper into her shoulder.
"Ken,
I'm sorry," she says, "I'm sorry for not being a good mother to you. Can you
give me a second chance?"
"Only
if you can give me one in return," I reply.
~
End
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