Earlier tonight, Anthony reminded me that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Does anyone really believe that? Leo, you had to know that you were Cordefic fodder the minute you clicked the send button. I'm glad you thought highly enough of my style to use it yourself, but I must say it was weird reading something like that that I hadn't written. It sure is fun though, isn't it?
Reflections On Whether The Cheap Knock-Off Can Ever Be As Good As The Original, And Is It Really Cordefic If Anyone Else Writes It?
Chapter 1
Corde snickered. "Anger management. Hey Aeryn, did you hear what Siobhan said? She said you need anger management."
"Manage this," Aeryn said as she smacked Corde upside the head.
Chapter 2
"So, Corde, how do you feel about all these people copying your style?" Aeryn asked.
"Let me put it this way," said Corde, as she took out her phaser, set it on "vaporize," and took careful aim at Leo. Leo cowered in terror. "Gratuitous chapter usage is MY trademark, darn it! Bugger off!"
"Now who needs anger management?" Aeryn snickered.
"And what was up with Anthony's little obsession with centrifugal force?" Chia Pet asked. "Are you ever going to stop calling me that?"
"Probably not," Corde replied, "and I don't know about Anthony. I guess when you're a senile dragon…" A muffled roaring was heard from outside the room. "Yeah, I'm talking about YOU, old man!" Corde yelled. She continued, "As I was saying, when you're a senile old rock of a dragon…"
A very loud thump interrupted Corde. They all turned to look.
Chapter 3
"Oh look, we're already on chapter 3 and still on the first page. Is someone running out of things to say?" Aeryn taunted.
"No," Corde snapped. "It's only 10:40. I have plenty of time to write this fic. I'm just a little slow tonight."
"Slow. Yeah, that's a good adjective for you…" Aeryn mused.
Chapter 4
"Hey, what was the thump?" asked Zhaan.
"A plot device," replied Corde. "I didn't have anything else to say, so something had to interrupt me."
"Oh," said Zhaan. "That was the stupidest plot device I have ever heard."
"I love you too, Zhaan."
Chapter 5
"I'll be HANGED if anyone else uses MY style and crams in more chapters than I do!" Corde screamed in a psychotic fashion.
"Ugh. There you go using the word 'fashion' again. Corde, that word is never to be used unless you are discussing clothes or hair. I think you need to write sentences," said Aeryn.
"What? No, you can't be serious. I'm in the middle of a fic here!" Corde protested. Aeryn reached for her pulse rifle and Corde sighed and picked up a pen.
" 'I will not tolerate improper use of the word "fashion,"'" Aeryn dictated.
"Ooh, lookit all the pretty quotation marks!" said Corde.
"Just write," Aeryn commanded.
I will not tolerate improper use of the word "fashion."
I will not tolerate improper use of the word "fashion."
I will not tolerate improper use of the word "fashion."
I will not tolerate improper use of the word "fashion."
I will not tolerate improper use of the word "fashion."
"Okay," said Aeryn, "that's enough. You can write the other 495 after you're done with the fic."
THE END
Chapter 6
"And another thing," Corde screamed. "No more of these fake endings! I came up with that! It's my idiotic plot device, and YOU CAN'T USE IT!" The hand that was holding the phaser aimed at Leo began to shake. Leo cowered in fear.
Chapter 7
"Whoa, Corde, switch to decaf, okay?" said Crichton.
Corde swung around and shot him in the chest. "I can't have caffeine, you dolt. Weren't you paying attention to last night's fic?"
Aeryn groaned. "Who's gonna mop THIS up?"
Chapter 8
"You know," Bongo mused, "I'm pretty sure TPTB wouldn't be too thrilled with your fics. Just look at your characterization. You've got the 'Genius Strongboy Crichton' character shot to frell. And don't even get me started on Aeryn…"
"Bad muse. BAD muse. If you're not going to help, then go away," said Corde.
Chapter 9
A drumroll.
More drumroll.
Drum still rolling.
And…
CRISTIN!
She gets a kick out of being mentioned. Love ya, Cristin!
Chapter 10
"What the frell was that?" demanded Aeryn. "We don't do these ridiculous fics just so you can give a shout out to the shippers. This is serious business here." She glared at Corde for approximately 0.3 seconds before bursting into laughter. "No, that was just too much. Whoo! Okay, really now…"
Chapter 11
Ava help me, I'll get to chapter 27 if it KILLS me!
Chapter 12
"Or me," said Rygel
Chapter 13
"Or me," said Chia Pet. "DON'T CALL ME THAT."
Chapter 14
"Or me," said Pilot.
Chapter 15
"Or me," said a naked blue chick, er, Zhaan.
Chapter 16
"Or me," growled D'Argo.
Chapter 17
"Or me," said Crichton, mopping up his own blood. (Don't worry, it's stage blood.)
Chapter 18
"Or me," said Leo.
"That can be arranged," said Corde, twitching her trigger finger. Leo turned a little paler.
Chapter 19
"Don't look at me," said Aeryn. "I'm not gonna say it." She walked over to Corde and smacked her upside the head. "Shut up. You're not gonna make it to chapter 27.
"Okay," said Corde.
THE END
Chapter 20
"Hey," whined Leo. "Why didn't you threaten to kill Anthony? He copied your style too."
"Let me put it this way," said Corde, as she pulled the trigger. (Do phasers have triggers? I don't really care.) "Shut up."
THE END