Nihao! What's that? You want more? Well, then go get some. When you're done come back and read the second part. Done? Good. Now I'll make this brief since most of you hate the author's guffawing. This is the second part. See? Second Part.... It has to do with a certain warm water Penguin and what happens when a funnily ironic thing happens to him and our new pal Jeffery. Read ahead, for there is much danger here! Go now!
Underdogs-Part zero: When a Penguin and An All Powerful Being Collide
It had been, for the most part, a perfectly normal combat practice, despite Jeffery's tendency to will Angels to appear, just to scare Nerv technician's and then will them away. However at that precise moment, that precise day, that precise year, that precise location, seventy billion light years away, a spaceship full of haggis eating chipmunks (The chipmunks had accidentally on purpose swarmed through NASA after hearing their mice cousins where being experimented on. [The actual tip off that NASA was doing unspeakable things to rats in the corners of their laboratories was given by Irony God Numro quatro, who was very bored, seeing as he was actually a computer programmed to make funnily ironic things happen] They then over powered the UN Keep Small Rodents Away From The Space Shuttle Multi-Task Force, and stole the space shuttle Bratwurst. The shuttle was actually a Swedish make and was being loaned to the UN for 36 months with 0 down and low APR) had received a data transmission from Nerv. It said. 'That Goddamn Mother @#&%ing idiot Ikari will @#&%ing die when I @#&%ing get my damn hands on him!-End of message' In chipmunkese this meant, 'Hey there all you chipmunks! I want you to come down to Nerv to kill us all, don't worry if we shoot at you, it's just for affect. And If you wouldn't mind, please bring all of your cotton plants so we can burn them, then come on over, we're waiting! Buh-bye!-You suck' Bringing up cotton was the worst insult a chipmunk could have thrown at him, if the assaulting chipmunk was lucky then they wouldn't immediately have their innards torn out and nailed to a tree. The mention of burning cotton was altogether worse.
"Hey! Shinji!" Asuka yelled as she chucked an N2 mine his way. "Think fast!"
Shinji saw the approaching cylinder of doom and decided then would be a good time to freeze. In an instant (as so defined be The Irony God's Handbook For Making Funnily Ironic Things Happen) Jeffery was in front of Shinji and was catching the bomb.
"Oh, yeah. Who's the man? Jeff's the man!" He crowed and did a tiny little dance.
He strolled over to Rei in Unit 00. "So, babe, how'd you like my save?"
"I do not understand," Rei began. "Why you did not simply will the N2 mine away to a different location."
Jeffery shook his head, causing his Eva's head to shake too. "Look, I know I have this great power, you know it, the chick over there knows it...."
"I HAVE a name!" Asuka yelled and Unit 02 shook it's fist threatingly.
Jeffery continued. "And Shinji knows it. Why bother flaunting it around? How can I stay in top condition if I don't practice?" With that he turned and lugged the mine over his shoulder. It hit Unit 00 in the eye before falling to the floor and exploding. Exploding wouldn't necessarily be the best term to describe it, since after everyone was done flinching it was revealed that a small banner with the words 'Bang!' took the place of the cracked N2 mine. Jeffery walked away giggling about quantum cylindro-mega harmonics and the relationship of diurnal metasoptic ultra-violet fish with the time space bagel theorem.
"It makes sense now!" Ritsuko yelled suddenly from her post. "That son of a bitch put it into terms!"
"Um......should I ask?" Misato looked balefully over to her friend. Ritsuko was busy scratching equations and figures into a complimentary Nerv napkin.
"You see, the way an AT field works is that the bi-polar ion-super negative ratios causes a being's soul to be projected through time and space on top of a checker board to produce the impenetrable field we are so familiar with."
"..................So you're saying that a checker board and some space make an AT field?" Misato asked cautiously.
"No, no, no...Major Katsuragi....I expected much more from you." The two college roomies turned to the walkway currently attaching itself to the big green Eva standing in the cage. "What she's saying is that once the introversion of a bi-polar mega-sphere is de-ionized, and super heated, then if one used the right variety of garden worm, that person can equilibrate a neuro-sibniatoc co-persision of an antimatter bidilusional time-space continuum ratio of thirty thousand nine hundred and forty two, over eight and against negative of the pi-squared divided against one anomaly of nature, plus it's birth date, then by changing the oil in a 1987 Volvo, you will come up with the number five. Every time." Jeffery took a deep breath. "And then you add that to negative three. You get two, exactly the number of semi-spheres of de-charged ionic ions you need to create the Actuated Surreptitious Surreal field. Much similar to and AT field except it gives the holder of the Actuated Surreptitious Surreal field the same power I hold. Even though it's temporary and very unpredictable."
"Yes!!!" Ritsuko exclaimed. "The ASS field! Just what we need to defeat the Angels!"
Misato looked into her cup of coffee and tried not to laugh. She didn't try very hard. "The ASS field?! Heh, heh, heh....You're kidding....." She looked at Jeffery who was reclining on a nearby Coke machine.
"Don't look at me....I didn't make up the name." he slid off the machine and went to go bother Asuka, who was at that time peeling off the upper part of her plug suit. That was exactly as Jeffery had planned it.
"So....You plan to use that...*snigger* ASS *snigger* Field to defeat the Angels?" Misato asked.
Ritsuko went to the laptop that served as her personal Magi reference bank. "Yes. See. It was prophesied in the Dead Sea Scrolls that someone would make a force field more powerful than an AT field."
"Did they prophesize that their sea would die?" Misato said with a smirk.
Ritsuko wasn't deterred. "No. But it does mean that the ASS field will be a crucial part of destroying all the Angels."
Way back ago when people still used Eight-tracks, I mean waaaaaaaaay back. Math was deemed unusable and stupid by nearly everybody in the universe, except one man...er, Penguin. Yes, PenPen, or Eichee Wooka Wookas as he was known as back then, had re-discovered what math was for, counting money and how big breasts were. So they ( They as they are referred to in The Irony God's Handbook For Making Funnily Ironic Things Happen, are basically the people you don't like, but who you are socially underneath on the ladder disguising itself as life.) decided to reinstate math as a 'emergency only' sorta deal, but the planet Earth was too far arrogant and stuck with it's own problems, that they completely forgot about life outside their own solar system and ignored the math rule. Therefore all things where created to be compatible with math. microwaves, buttons, wiring, shoes, breast size. All of this was made to work with math, instead of proving it wrong, like most of the other sensibly civilized civilizations created things. PenPen told everyone in the rest of the universe, via pay-per-view, that math should be all around us, for it will make our lives so much easier. The people had PenPen killed, but he did his math homework that Thursday, he knew just when and where he was going to kick the bucket, and had designed several safety fail safe's just in case he didn't survive his execution. Which he didn't. Truth be told, no one really ever found PenPen's alternate body, not even PenPen. So he fell to Earth that fateful day in the year 2000.....and landed smack on top of a penguin. How ironic...... But anyway, Misato found the penguin newly occupied with Eichee Wooka Wookas and took him home. Tried to, at least. Turns out some guy named Adam wanted to ask directions for how to get to a place called Eden, but the way he communicated was killing the person he was asking. Misato only survived because PenPen's (As she now called him) Math generator gave Adam a pop quiz, immediately shrinking him down to the form of an embryo. The rest is history. To wrap it up, math is a vital non-component in the construction of an ASS field. But since the Earth revolves around math, it was deemed imposable to create one.....until The Day When Something So Funnily Ironic Happened That Even The Irony God's Themselves Were Stumped On How Ironically Ironic This Thing Could Be Because It Was Never Expected This Could Happen. Then all hell broke loose.
It was three days after Jeffery's first combat test with his Eva and one day after he had to be hospitalized after Asuka cold-clocked him with a soda machine. To put it into terms, Asuka did not like Jeffery at all. To bad for her, she had no say in the matter.
"Hey, Shinji!" Jeffery called out to the pilot of Eva-01 "We still up for table hockey this afternoon?"
"But....I thought...weren't you just in intensive care?" Shinji sputtered confused.
Jeffery thought a bit. "Hmmm, yeah. I seem to remember being in there with Ayanami...that girl's suicidal."
Shinji scratched his head and shrugged, things were always like that with Rei. "Um...yeah. you can come over today, I s'pose."
Jeffery smiled and nodded. "Thanks, and will that hot Major be there?" He ducked behind a building as a can of Pibb came hurdling at his head. He caught it before it hit the ground. "Hey! Don't go wasting that!"
!^_^!
Shinagami reaches down and plucks the Pibb from Jeffery's hand.
Jeffery: Hey! That was mine!"
Shinagami: Too bad. Mine now. *finishes it with one gulp* Ahhhhhh
Jeffery: Just be lucky I don't will your ass into a black hole or something....
Shinagami: Then who'd be here to write you and Asuka getting together?
Jeffery: Damn........
!^_^!
Jeffery looked at the door. He knew what it was going to say. It was going to thank him for making a simple door happy. Jeffery despised doors. He would make all doors go away forever, but the ultimate law in The Irony God's Handbook For Making Funnily Ironic Things Happen states that all doors provide a sense of privacy, security, and what would game shows be with out doors? No surprise at all.....So it was illegal to make doors go away forever. Jeffery raised his hand to knock, as his fist neared the door, the door suddenly came to life and said, "Ahhhhhh, I see you are going to knock. Well, please go right ahead, I am honored to have the most powerful being in the universe knock on-" The door didn't finish because Jeffery had decided to kick the it down.
"Hey! Shinji! You home?!" He yelled into the kitchen. "Hmmm, doesn't look like it." He walked down the hallway and stopped in front of the bath. Outside he saw women's under garments and thought what any rational all powerful being would. //Naked chicks....alright.// However, Jeffery was only partly right. There was someone naked in there, but it wasn't a chick. No, it was far older than one of those....
"Hey!! Asuka?! Are you in here?!" He yelled as he yanked open the door to the bath. No....it was definitely not a chick...
"What the hell? Jeffery?! You idiot!! What are you doing here?!"
Jeffery was too shocked to answer, or move, or breath for that matter. He did sorta say something about sorry and some stuff about how horrible it was.
A moment later Shinji exited his room and saw Jeffery turning blue outside the bath. "Uh.....Jeffery? I wouldn't go in there if I were you."
Jeffery wished he had somehow foreseen this thing coming, it would've made his life so much easier. Up on Irony Mountain, where an avalanche had just killed a team of avalanche experts filming a documentary of people dying in avalanches, Irony God Numro Duos smirked. Jeffery might've created him, but it was still fun to play practical jokes on dear daddy.
A second later the door to the bath opened and the most expected thing in the universe happened, Doctor Ritsuko Akagi walked out.
"Jeffery, next time you want to barge in on a woman bathing, remember to knock." She said and glared at the marble figure of Jeffery, still recovering from shock.
"Hey everybody!" Misato said cheerfully from the kitchen as she and PenPen walked out, holding some waffles. "You guys ready to play some table hockey?"
"I am ready." All heads turned to see Rei, outfitted in a hockey jersey, with some black paint under her eyes. "I am ready to play 'table hockey'." She repeated, wondering why everyone didn't automatically jump up and begin playing.
"Rei?" Misato asked. "What are you dong here?"
Rei looked quizzically at Misato. "I am here, Major Katsuragi, because I am ready to play 'table hockey'."
Rei looked around as everyone waited for the rest of the explanation. Hearing none they got up and took up their positions around the foosball table.
"Hey, Shinji. You start us off." Jeffery said and handed Shinji the small red ball.
Shinji nodded and took the ball. He placed it before a little blue man and gave it a swing. On the opposing side of Shinji, Rei immediately stole the ball from it's present flight course and with a quick spin, shot it into the goal. while everyone was busy getting over the fact that Rei was better at foosball then them, Rei scored eight more points.
"One more point and I win." Rei said smugly to herself.
Jeffery decided that now would be a good time for him to be good at foosball too, and so he was. He knocked the ball past Rei's man, towards Misato. Still stunned, and slightly drunk, Misato didn't have a skunk's chance in a florist shop at stopping the ball. So Rei took Initiative. Now, Initiative is a funny thing, sometimes it works for you, other times it makes a whopping pile of bad vegetables. Rei took Initiative and used it to wallop Misato out of the way so she could man her old post. Soon, Jeffery had to do the same with Shinji, because Shinji was busy thinking of how quick and graceful Rei was. Before long just Rei and Jeffery were at the table, covered in sweat and smacking the little red ball up and down the board. Jeffery soon stumbled, though, the sweat making his hand slide off of the peg and giving Rei her opening. Eyes narrowed, Rei zinged the ball past three of Jeffery's men and into the goal. It did not stop there, it tore through the netting of the goal and ricocheted off the far wall, pelting PenPen and shooting the ruffled mass of black feathers across the room and straight into Jeffery. When the dust had cleared (which wasn't very long since Shinji kept the place in top order) Misato, Rei and Shinji looked down at the pile of pillows that PenPen and Jeffery had buried themselves under. From it came a squawk, a moo and several curse words.
'Um.....Jeffery, you okay?" Shinji asked.
From the corner in which she was reading Genus' Digest, Ritsuko laughed. "Let him die, Shinji. He's nothing but a pain."
The pillows exploded upwards, and a five foot high black feathered thing with brown eyes and brown hair sprung up.
"I'm not a pain!!!" It squawked.
Everyone stared at the discombobulate attachment of parts. It was basically a mix between a person, and a penguin chibified several times over. Human legs, human arms, human lower torso, penguin everything else. To make matters worse there was a small red ball lodged in his chest. While Jeffery quickly put his shirt back on, Ritsuko came over to investigate.
"Jeffery?......." Misato asked, carefully. She approached the thing that was giving evil stares at Ritsuko. As Misato touched it's shoulder it fluttered around and turned to face her.
"Jeffery? You okay?" She asked again.
Jeffery looked around, then at himself. "No........I'm not."
It was later determined that the force of the foosball and the special oil which keep birds afloat in water, combined with the sweat of an all powerful being, had caused PenPen to pop right into Jeffery's body. Since PenPen was a mathematical genus, he was able to save some sort of himself an instant before being incinerated by adding forty-two to the number of beers Misato had and translating that into how many seconds he should hold his breath before hitting Jeffery. So in the end, Jeffery was three parts penguin, and two parts person. He was lucky he didn't become at least a half part cow.
"What's going on?" Asuka said from the kitchen, she had left to make some tequila's while everyone was playing foosball.
"Um......PenPen and Jeffery-" Shinji started to say, but a screech and the words 'Oh, how cute!!!!' disrupted his sentence.
"Wow, Misato. I have to hand it to you, you pick the greatest pets." Asuka said, embracing Jeffery.
Misato sweat dropped and shrugged. "Well, I just have a knack, I guess...."
"Hey, you know we should give it a new name." Shinji said. "I mean, he is mostly PenPen."
Ritsuko thought a bit. "I can make him all PenPen, if you give me a second." She said and pulled on some latex gloves and picked up a scalpel.
"Hey.....for one, I'm not an 'it' I'm me. Secondly, I don't want to be a full penguin. I'd rather be full me." Jeffery said. Unfortunately for him and Ritsuko everyone had already begun thinking up names and were completely ignoring them.
"You know.." Ritsuko said. "Asuka's going to flip when she finds out it's you."
Jeffery frowned. Not easy when you have a beak, mind you. "Well, If she does happen to find out from a certain scientist, then that scientist will have to face all of Nerv and the rest of Tokyo-3 with them seeing these." Jeffery said and pulled five pictures from a sub-etha wave rippling through. "It would be so unfortunate if they all found about you're little 'escapades' during Woodstock."
Ritsuko 'damn you, you dirty son of a bitched' and stormed to the other side of the room.
"So. Guess what?" Shinji said after a moment of discussing with Asuka. (Well, a moment of Asuka beating him into a pulp) "We decided on a name for you." He said it like it was the most important thing that had ever been done to date. How Jeffery yearned to prove him wrong....
"Penfrey." Asuka said proudly.
Jeffery stared at the German girl. "Penfrey?" He asked.
"Penfrey." She confirmed.
!^_^!
Jeffery decides to take a quick stroll over to Shinagami.
Jeffery: Hey!! I know you're in there! Open up!
Shinagami: No one's in here....go away.
Jeffery kicks down the door (which was trying to persuade him to knock) and storms inside.
Shinagami, at his computer: Okay...you found me. What to you want?
Jeffery: Come on, you can give me a better name then Penfrey.
Shinagami: Asuka picked it, and you wanted to get hooked up with Asuka...so what's the problem? Just let her call you Penfrey until the end of this part, then you'll be back to your normal self.
Jeffery: Fine then.....but don't go calling me Penfrey too, I'm still Jeffery.
Shinagami: Okay.......Penfrey.
Jeffery lugs the demolished door at Shinagami, who ducks and almost knocks over his Pibb.
!^_^!
Later that day an alarm sounded for an Angel attack. It was no real biggie, the Angel was just a big metal object flying into the atmosphere. Since it looked like, smelled like, and was even tempted to be called a space shuttle, it must've been an Angel. So Nerv technicians declared it space shuttle not. But that didn't change the fact that it was still basically a metal shell with a bunch of furriness inside. ( Nerv has used a pair of X-ray glasses they had found lurking inside Asuka's locker) In fact it was such an easy target, they sent Jeffrey out in unit negative one. Jeffery waited till the target had entered the atmosphere and smashed itself into a building and a cotton field, to walk over to it and bang a dent into the side.
"Take that, Angel." He said proudly as he did a small dance around the beaten up white thing.
Shinji looked at the Angel. "It doesn't look like any Angel I've ever seen. What's this one's name?" He remembered defeating the last Angel, Flagellants, if he remembered correctly. He remembered something about a party with a spine, but remembered it was all hazy after that. Then Shinji decided not to use the word remember ever again. //Damn...just did.//
"It's called Atlantis." Ritsuko said from inside the GeoFront.
Asuka stared at the comatose white thingy. "How do you know? SEELE isn't here to tell us anymore,"
A few years after that whole third impact thing blew over, SEELE had decided to form the NRA Mk. II and began producing huge lavishly constructed sport rifles for Evas.
"Cause it says so on the side." Ritsuko said, absently spraying some Rei Clone Be Gone down in Terminal Dogma, killing all those annoying little albino nudists who kept piling up.
Shinji looked at the space shuttle-the Angel and it did in fact, have Atlantis written on the side in German, Sweden, Switzerlandese, whatever country that invented bratwurst and weinersnitzle and manufactured Volvos.
"Oh, yeah....who's the man? Who's the man? Jeffery's the man." Jeffery said and finished his dance, swinging Rei in unit 00 off her feet and up into the air in what could have passed as a German interpretation of the tango.
As suddenly as Rei landed, the side of the Angel/space shuttle broke open and a ba-jillion tiny chipmunks full of haggis poured out of the cracks, washing over unit negative one, who was busy playing tic-tac-to on the white expanse that was the Angel/space shuttle's side. Jeffery's cries for some mouse traps and Raid were silenced when the chipmunks chewed through the Eva's power cable, shocking the hell out of at least thirty million of them. This didn't deter the stampeding brown varmints. They ran at Nerv intending to find the one they called Ikari. After the last stragglers had cleared the remaining flesh off of Unit -1 and continued on, Jeffery sat outside his dismembered Eva and looked at it's corpse disdainfully.
"And I was just getting used to you, dear Miss Ibuki, The Greatest Car Designer In The World. Your daughter was hot, too." Jeffery walked over to Unit-02, who was trying to eat some barbecue wings, but was realizing for the first time that it didn't have a mouth.
"Hey, Penfrey!" Asuka yelled. "Help out here, I'm hungry. Will me a mouth."
Jeffery complied, and soon 02 was sporting a penguin beak, similar to Jeffery's own. "That better?"
"Hey, yeah.....It's so cute!!!" Then again, everything was cute to Asuka if it had a beak and waddled around. Which partly explained why she had first started to like Shinji...
Ayanami was becoming very annoyed by two things. The first one was that Dr. Akagi kept killing her sisters, and the second one was that the supposedly all powerful penguin didn't try to stop the advancing Angel...Angels....many ba-jillion Angels.....???
"Heifer-san......" Rei began
Jeffery looked up from his chicken biscuit. "Yeah?"
"Why do you not stop the enemy?"
Jeffery shrugged. "It's your problem. I can't go killing some big nasty guys that want you dead just because I'm the most powerful being in the universe."
"Why not? You have been ordered to do so." Rei said calmly.
Jeffrey shrugged again and thought that unit 02's entry plug was open...and magically it was. //Sigh...If only this damned conscience would go away so I could will Asuka's clothes into non-existence.// He stepped inside.
Rei narrowed her eyes and snatched the penguin guy from 02's entry plug just as him and Asuka were about to play 'nail the hot German chick' and ran head long at the scampering Angel.
Ritsuko decided to look up and give a damn about whatever the hell Rei was doing. "It's a Pen2 mine!" She yelled and ducked as Rei chucked Penfrey at the mass of brown, clawing at the metal pyramid. Just as he was about to hit, Jeffery broke a policy of his own and willed Asuka's plug suit in place of himself, and vise-versa. A pretty neat trick, unless you do it wrong and come out as the plug suit, instead of right next to the person the plug suit was just wearing. Jeffery did it right, however, and appeared right on Asuka's lap, just as the plug suit excused itself to go drop onto a bunch of near rabid chipmunks. For good measure, Jeffery decided to make Asuka's plug suit combustible, and combust it did. It combusted itself and all ba-jillion of the chipmunks into a smoldering pile of ashes. Too bad for everyone that chipmunks only grow bigger after a near nuclear weapon hits it and the ashes grew to a monstrous giant squid-chipmunk. Penfrey (Jeffery, goddamn you!) Jeffery and Asuka knew they had to take this one out, cause Shinji and Rei's Evas were busy making out. The squid-chipmunk angel named Atlantis charged 02, and whipped a tentacle at the red Eva. Since this is anime and everyone knows what tentacles do to females in anime (Note: All Evas are chicks)the tentacle searched for, and found it's quarry, Eva 02's nice ready------Due to the extreme graphic nature of this scene we have transferred your image to a grassy field. Think flowers and bees, and lush green grass. Scene done.---------
"That damn Angel raped me!" Asuka yelled, enraged. "I'll kill it!"
Jeffery smirked. "Then why were you screaming 'Atlantis! Atlantis!' at your clima-"
"Shut up....I'll kill it anyway." Asuka muttered as another tentacle came sliding her way. It flew at her Eva's rear and stopped. A bright fleshy colored couple of semi-spheres were blocking the tentacle.
"The ASS field!" Ritsuko said in awe. True to it's name the ASS field was basically as translucent ass. Then Asuka wished she had some more barbecue wings......and somehow the angel-squid-chipmunk turned into a platter of wings. Which, with a spray of barbecue sauce, flapped off.
"Hey, Nice job." Jeffery congratulated his female co-pilot.
Asuka blushed, then remembered who she was. "Um.....thanks. Want to play Twister?"
Afterward it was noted that some strange unintelligent things came moaning from inside unit-02, but when Nerv turned on the video camera super glued into the corner, they found that Asuka and Jeffery were just doing the 'frisky'. Nope. Nothing to worry about there.
"Hey! Jeffery!" Shinji yelled and knocked on unit-02's entry plug hatch, who was busy explaining in German about his country's history.
"What do you want?" Jeffery yelled, grumpy after his 'game' was disturbed.
Shinji thought a bit.....what did he want? A nice car, a loving wife. A nice village to call his own in the Swiss Alps.... "What are you and Asuka doing?"
"We're playing Twister. Want to join?" Came the response.
Shinji knew full well they weren't playing Twister. He was watching the image being transferred to him by Nerv....and if that was Twister, then the rules had changed to include 'right hand breast'.
"No you aren't!" Shinji whined. He forced open the hatch and peered in. Inside was a fully clothed Asuka and Penfrey, playing Twister. "Oh...guess you are. I'll leave now."
Jeffery and Asuka shrugged as Shinji went away and did some more stuff they were doing before Shinji came interrupting.
It was then that Jeffery woke up. Quickly he checked his manhood, making sure it was still there, then he checked the rest of him. Still about 6" brown hair and eyes.....whew.....//I guess I either dreamed about the PenPen incident, or somehow my coolness just repelled that icky-poo penguin DNA outta me.// He looked around spotting Asuka's undies scattered about his room and the ever so subtly unclothed Asuka sleeping next to him. //I guess I'm just cool.//
Jeffery walked into the kitchen and got him some Lucky Charms. Yes, they were magically delicious. At around his forty second bowl Misato walked in and grumbled something about how he was back to normal and that Asuka was going to be sad that Penfrey was gone and how she needed a beer and a life. And then some more beer.
Asuka walked in a second later and sat across from Jeffery. She gazed lovingly into his eyes, and gently took his hand....One must note that the definition of 'gazed lovingly' and 'gently took' are often confused with 'gave a death glare' and 'squeezed till some bones gave way'.
"You anta-baka! What the hell where you trying to pull?!" Asuka yelled.
Jeffery was confused for a second. And another one. Then he decided that Asuka had some mutant power to nullify his oh-so-special power.
"Um.....you don't love me?" He asked.
Asuka shook with rage. "No! You idiot! How could I love someone as disgustingly egotistical as you?!"
Jeffery felt like he could cry. But since he had an image to keep, he transferred all his weepyness over to Shinji, who had just walked in.
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Shinji wailed. "Noooooo!!!" He flung himself against the wall and started pounding it with his fists.
//Much better.// Jeffery thought. //Now on to business.// "So.....why were you sleeping naked next to me?"
"She does that all the time, sleepwalker." Misato said, fully charged after thirteen Yebisu's.
Jeffery 'damned' and poured his forty second bowl of Lucky Charms. "So what's on the agenda for today?"
"We have a appointment scheduled with the doctor today, then we have to stop by the post office, and after that we need to go to the dry cleaners to pick up your plugsuits." Misato said, finishing off her last beer for that hour.
"He said what's on the agenda for us, Misato. Not your errands." Asuka said, and looked around for Penfrey. "Where is that cute little pumpkin?"
"He's right there." Misato pointed to Jeffery, who held out his arms, awaiting a loving embrace. Once more, loving embrace is often mistook as beaten to a pulp....and Jeffery was.
"Oww..." He said.
"Why?! Waaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa! Why?! What did I do?! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!" Shinji continued and flopped onto the floor and sobbed uncontrollably into the carpet.
"Geeze, Shinji....I wasn't feeling that pathetically sad." Jeffery said. "I mean....the transfer doesn't add any angst on." He poured his forty second bowl of Lucky Charms and dug in.
Shinji stopped flailing and looked up. "What? I do this every morning."
"Oh. Then who got my weepyness?"
Down in the depths of Terminal Dogma Rei was throwing an all out temper tantrum.
"I don't want to!!!" She screamed and started punching Gendo's arm. "I don't wanna go!!"
Gendo looked around at the scientists gathered around the big fish tank filled with LCL. "I'm sorry....she doesn't normally do this...I'll get the tests under way immediately." He looked over at a sulking figure in the corner. "Fuyustuki, help me."
Kozo 'hmphed' "You're the commander, remember? You can handle it."
Later some would report that the clouds that had formed over Tokyo-3 had parted, and some gold trumpets stuck out and made some trumpet noises.
"All hail God." some little naked cherub dudes with sunglasses said.
Jeffery looked up from his newly poured forty second bowl of cereal goodness and sighed....//Not God again....//
Two hands appeared at the edges of the two sides of the clouds. " Am I on? Oh, okay." A head jutted out from the cloud bank. "Hello, loyal subjects!" God said cheerily.
"Oh, you again...."
"Who's that?"
"Am I missing something?"
"Hyuuga?"
The face did indeed have short hair with a couple strands hanging uselessly from the front, but the white robes and a gold crown discerned any theories relating the bridge bunny to.....well, God.
God sighed "Yes...It's me."
"What the hell are you doing? Get down from there! And how did you get so big?" Misato was too busy scolding the lieutenant that she missed his cocking back his arm, ready to throw some lightning.
"Um....why are you here, God?" Jeffery asked.
God squinted down at him. "Jeffery? Why do you have Shinagami's body?"
"Oh, you know him?" Jeffery asked.
God rolled his eyes. "Everyone in this fic knows him, he created us you know."
"So technically," Shinji began. "Technically, this Shinagami guy is Over-God....Godder....More God than you?"
God sighed again. "Yes...but then again, I can make him go to hell if he does anything I don't like to me."
"Hyuuga? How did you become God? Weren't you just a Nerv lieutenant?"
God looked guilty. "Okay....okay...I'm not really God, I'm just keeping his seat warm till he gets back.
Just then Gendo got up to 'here' with the kicking and screaming Rei and pushed the 'end of the world' button. True to it's name the world ended. Two eyes looked around the darkness.
"Damn....." Jeffery said. "I'll have to start all over."
End.
*Author's note. Okay, sorry all you religious people. I won't ever use God again, I promise. And I don't mean to insult God or nothing, but it was crucial to use God in the plot. Wait...did I just say plot? Lord knows that this fic didn't have one. Jesus, just look at how long it is, and not a plot to be found.....Goddammit, it was fun to write though. *looks at what he just wrote.* Whoops.....I'll leave now.