"For Argument's Sake."
By: Isis @}---
isis@moonkingdom.com
Rating: G
Disclaimers: Don't sue and don't copy!
AN: This is for some of you that know when something
goes wrong to look behind you, because there's more are on their
way.
Chapter 12
*@}---*
"Serena is there something wrong? You've been avoiding me all
week and you haven't said three words to me all night." Neil was
beginning to worry that this night wasn't going to end well. She
seemed so distracted and so quiet. It wasn't like her.
She glanced up at him and then back down at her plate, which she
had been doing a lot tonight. "Serena? Please, tell me what's
going on."
"I'm sorry Neil," she whispered. She could hardly be heard over
the din of the restaurant's other patrons.
"For what?" he asked afraid of the answer.
She closed her eyes a moment and took a deep breath. "Neil, I
don't think I can do this anymore."
He knew exactly what she meant but he played dumb anyway, not
wanting to believe it. "Do what?"
She looked up at him for the first real time that night. "Dating you.
I just don't think it's a good idea. I don't mean to hurt you Neil, I
really don't. I just can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." She looked
back down to hide her face from him.
Sorry. Yeah, he was sorry too. He sat looking at her not knowing
what to say. He didn't understand what he'd done wrong or what
she needed that he hadn't given her. But then again he already had
a suspicion about what had come between them. And he was
beginning to seriously dislike the guy.
"I'm sorry," she whispered again into his thoughts. "I understand
if you hate me for this. I really don't mean to hurt you, please
believe that. I just…" She didn't finish the sentence but added an
"I'm sorry," instead.
She really didn't mean to do this to him, he knew that. She was
too sweet a person to intentionally hurt someone. He just wished it
didn't have to happen at all. "I understand Serena." He really
didn't but he wasn't going to press the issue. After all he couldn't
possibly be mad at this woman sitting in front of him. He'd seen
this coming. But he didn't want to give her up!
"Do you? Can you forgive me?" She looked at him with a
pleading in her eyes.
"I don't have a choice but forgive you. I don't intend on losing
you completely. That is unless I can't be your friend anymore
either." He raised an eyebrow at her with a lot more humor than
he felt.
She smiled at him gratefully. "No way. I want you as a friend."
She paused looking happily at him. "Thank you Neil. I really am
sorry. If I ever figure out my own feelings I'll tell you someday
why all of this happened."
"I'll look forward to that." *And if I find out it was because of
Chiba I'll 'accidentally' throw him off the Observatory's cliff!*
She smiled thankfully at him and he melted again. She was quite
possibly the most wonderful woman he had ever known. How did
he ever hope to hold on to her anyway? Oh but did he want to try!
Maybe everything wasn't lost. After all, maybe someday he'd get
her back. Completely this time.
"So, my dear friend, what do we do tonight?"
They ended up going to see some bad space movie. Granted the
hero guy was really cute, but still Serena had a thing for plot lines.
Apparently the director didn't.
"You know, I still don't understand why they keep putting women
in these things just so they can run around screaming and losing
their clothes," she mumbled to Neil as they waked out of the
theater.
"I think you just answered your own question."
She laughed at him. Neil was really taking this much better than
she had imagined. He was the same sweet guy to her, all though
she would have to admit that she missed his arm around her in the
movie. But on the bright side they'd still shared popcorn. Of
course she had eaten most of it anyway.
It's been a great night. She liked Neil. She liked him much more
now that he wasn't supposed to be something more than a friend.
And who knew, maybe someday something would come out of it.
…Well, anything's possible.
They continued their walk to his car with a comfortable silence.
She wondered if he was really OK with this or if he was just acting
his way through it. But he seemed relaxed and comfortable with
her. Maybe he really did understand. She hoped he did, most of
all she didn't want to hurt him.
But now she had a new good friend and everything was back to
normal. Well, almost everything.
Darien. What it was that was eating away at her about him she
didn't know. In all truth she was slightly afraid to find out. She
didn't understand her emotions and she didn't understand why they
were going haywire on her now either. But she'd deal with it the
same way she always did. Pig out on ice cream and sit in front of
the TV for four hours straight and then go to bed and sleep on it.
Something always came to her after some rest.
"Well, I hate leaving the night on a bad note so how about we snag
a late night snack and make fun of all of the characters?"
She laughed at him and nodded vigorously. "Now that sounds like
an appropriate review for that movie." He opened the door for her
and she got in. As she watched him walk around the car to his own
door she again thought about how much he seemed like Darien.
Sure there were an awful lot of differences, but they had a lot in
common too. It was really odd; she'd never expected to find
someone even remotely close Darien's style anywhere, least of all
in the same city.
"Very well then, off we go!" he said climbing in.
They decided on the Coastal Café near her apartment and were
simply talking along while they drove. "You know if I were
captured by ugly slimly aliens I would totally freak! I mean if I
were that one chick there ain't no way I'd be walking around the
corridors of my space ship looking for a way out when I knew
those stupid things were after me. I'd be hiding under my bed
crying my little eyes out until they went away, or killed me! They
even knew what part of the ship it was in. So what do they do?
They go looking for it like it was going to be a cute cuddly little
thing that would look at them and say 'take me to your leader.' I
mean like even!"
Neil laughed at her and nodded. "I know, and can you believe that
leader guy? Why is it that he was the only one that could
somehow out run that thing through the whole movie when
everyone else just got eaten?"
"Oh, and not to mention that the blond could trip and fall down
twenty times before it managed to grab her and then she just hit it
with a fire extinguisher of all things and it ran away! I don't think
it liked her either."
"There wasn't any meat on her, it probably wanted a meal."
She laughed hysterically at the comment. "Now that would have
been a good line! We should write a movie script. We couldn't
bomb any worse than that."
"Agreed! What do we write on?"
She giggled to herself. "Attack of the Killer Couch Springs!"
He stared at the stop light for a minute and then slowly turned to
her like she'd lost her mind. "What?"
"It would be totally great! This couch is like possessed or
something and its springs pop out and start stabbing people!
You've never sat on my couch or else this would be so much more
realistic to you."
He looked at her oddly but only shrugged and mumbled, "I think
you need to get out more."
"I get out plenty, thank you," she snipped back at him.
He laughed at her when something else caught his attention. Down
the side street on the driver's side came the sound of sirens and
flashing lights. They made out a blue sports car being chased by
three police cars. And they were coming their way. Fast!
Serena leaned forward to see around Neil and immediately grabbed
his arm. The car in front was rushing in at breakneck speed. The
light had turned green but no one in the line of cars they were in
was going to move until the police had passed.
The blue car in front raced towards the intersection and was now
being chased by four police cruisers. It veered in and out of the
traffic that had been caught in the chase unknowingly. Just before
it hit their intersection it veered dangerously close to the side of the
street and then without warning swerved through the intersection
trying to make a very fast turn to escape pursuit.
But it was going way too fast! Serena gasped as the car swung
around the intersection and lost half of its grip with the road. The
driver lost control as he tried force it into the other lane and the
vehicle careened to the side. But it didn't stop it. The driver tried
vigorously to correct the speeding car slamming on the brakes and
placing it into a hard skid.
It didn't stop.
The two lines of cars lined up at the stoplight were directly in the
path of the out of control vehicle. Fighting the car's momentum
the driver swiped the wheel back to the other side to avoid a head
on collision.
He smashed into the line of cars at an angle so as to soften the
blow. It rolled through four vehicles knocking them to the side
and rolling one over. It came to a dead halt as it hit the fifth fender
to fender.
The police screeched to a halt around the intersection. They pulled
the suspect unharmed from his smashed car. They also pulled
three uninjured people from the damaged cars. Five others were
transported to the nearest hospital.
Two were found dead.
*@}---*
Darien sat at his desk in a mostly darkened apartment. His desk
lamp was the only one on. He poured over the number in front of
him as he checked and rechecked his findings. Last week Dr.
Benton had asked him to work through three different starts. He
had given him five years worth of data on them, which was quite a
bit more than normally devoted to a single star. Two or three was
usually more than sufficient. But these weren't normal stars.
The Global Space Advancement Center based in America was
charged with documenting and keeping records on the charted stars
and systems that projects like their own produced. Each time they
received inconclusive results they sent them out to different places
in order to have fresh minds look into the problems. It was their
turn, but Darien didn't exactly think he could call his mind fresh.
At almost eleven thirty on a Saturday night he didn't know what he
expected to accomplish.
But in all truth the real work had already been done. The first one
was rather easy once you turned it upside down and stared at it for
a few hours. The data itself had to be off in a single measurement.
There was no way it made sense any other way. But it you
corrected it by two decimal places it worked fine. Or as fine and a
binary star system ever came out.
The second would have been impossible if he hadn't been thinking
along the same lines as the first one. If he accounted for the
system as a double binary, four stars, than he could see where the
numbers had come from. Both pairs would be side by side during
the first look and then on the second measurement they would be
lined up. The fact that both were pairs resulted in enough distance
between the two that it threw the calculations off.
The third was a pain all the way around. First off the data for the
first year looked just fine. A little K class star that had already
gotten to its red giant stage. Only the second year it was measured
it was totally off the scale. Something happened in six month's
time that turned this star into a nightmare. Its spectral signature
was different and it had already been determined that it had gone
through Helium Flash were it began burning helium in its core
instead of hydrogen which it had run out of.
Basically the chemical make up usually didn't make a whole lot of
difference to him. Ida was the Spectral Type guru and he wasn't
about to start up a conversation with her as to why this goofy star
went over the deep end and kept jumping all over the sky.
Measurements taken in their normal periods showed the star way
to far away from its starting point, and then on the next pass it
would be back to normal.
Three years worth of data proved the same thing so it wasn't a
mistake. The only thing he could think of was that during this
helium burning the star had become a pulsar. A star leaving the
main sequence like this usually did show pulsation. If the star
developed this not only in luminosity but also radius variations
then it could throw the measurements off enough to make it seem
to be moving more than it was.
So then the question remained as to how far out there this thing
was. Here Darien was stuck. That was until Serena popped over,
listened to the problem and offered the answer to the question. "So
just throw out all the numbers that don't make sense."
It was quite possibly the simplest explanation that he never would
have thought of on his own. The star had been caught during
pulses and non-pulses so that some of the numbers were
believable. He still had one year's worth of good information to
start with and several number to choose from of the later years.
He'd just have to ignore some.
It might not have been the most scientific method, but it was all he
could come up with. Let someone else find a different answer if
they wanted to. He got his and it was thanks to Meatball Head's
suggestion to just throw away what didn't work.
He laughed to himself as he rubbed his eyes and replaced his notes.
He'd show them to Dr. Benton on Monday and hope that they'd be
good enough. This extra, see if you can figure these out, thing was
killing him. He glanced over at his clock and realized he should
probably just go to bed.
Serena had asked him if he would be on call in case Neil took the
break up harder than she thought and she needed a ride home from
wherever he left her at. Apparently he'd been OK with it or else
she would have called crying over how she hurt him or how he
said he never wanted to talk to her again.
Poor little Meatball Head. He'd call her in the morning to check
on how it went, but for now he was going to bed. He stood up and
licked off the desk light plunging him into darkness.
And of course that was when the phone rang.
Darien walked through the sliding doors into the Mercy View
Hospital at nearly midnight. The lights in the main lobby were
blinding compared to the outside world. But he wasn't seeing
much of the world anyway. Everything was either light or dark,
black or white.
Since Ilene had called him color no longer existed. Neither did
emotion for that matter.
The feelings he kept expecting didn't come and his brain had
turned itself off in sympathy. He was left a walking zombie
without much of any thought in his head. It was like he was
running on autopilot not knowing which direction he was going.
Inside he felt hallow. Empty. Alone.
He met the receptionist with a much calmer voice than he'd
thought he still had. "I was told that a Serena Tsukino was brought
in earlier this evening because of a car accident. Can you tell what
her condition is?"
The older woman flipped through a chart at her side before
responding to him. "Tsukino. Yes, she was brought in about ten
o'clock with the accident on 43rd street. I'm sorry but no
information is available on her condition yet."
Nothing. He paused a moment to register the fact that she'd been
here for about two hours but still no information could be given
out. Not a good sign, he should have at least been able to find out
her condition by now. "I know that her family is here. Is there any
way you can tell me where they might be?"
The woman motioned to her left. "Probably in the emergency
room's waiting area in the east wing."
Emergence room. Darien felt a very slow knife prick at his heart.
"Thank you," he mumbled and turned down the hallway she
mentioned. He barely noticed the people he passed along the
hallway. He was beyond noticing much of anything. But walking
into waiting room he couldn't ignore what he saw.
There were several groups of people scattered through out the
room's couches and chairs. None looked happy to be there. But
the group he was looking for was buried in a corner sitting idly.
Sammy sat staring off into space unseeingly. Ken likewise didn't
seem to be seeing much but there was a nervous twitch to his
mouth and foot. Ilene lay cradled in his arms. Her red-rimmed
eyes were the first to find him.
"Darien," she whispered rising from her husband's care to meet
him. Ken also rose to accompany her as if he were afraid she
might collapse from walking across the room. Sammy turned to
regard the new arrival but remained where he was.
He grasped onto Ilene's outstretched hands as she came to his side.
He noted with a pain the red eyes and the beyond worried
expression she wore in them. He didn't know exactly what to say
to her to help her through this. He'd never been good at this sort of
thing. But there was a much more pressing question weighing on
his mind. "How is she? Do you know yet?" His voice came out
quiet but much stronger than he would have thought possible.
She shook her head slowly and he could see tears gather in bit
more in her eyes. Ken wrapped an arm around her shoulders
protectively. He was the only one capable of answering him. "The
doctor said that she has head injuries and a broken collar bone. He
says that the concussion is what he's worried about. They're still
running tests on her to see what kind of damage has been done.
…Apparently she's comatose. They think it may be from the
blood lose but they aren't sure when or… if she'll come out of it."
The older man swallowed hard and hugged his wife tighter
possibly to comfort himself as much as to console her. For her part
Ilene let a single tear slip from her eye and turned to regard Darien.
She quickly seemed to scan his outward appearance trying to judge
his reaction.
He wasn't even sure he could tell his reaction. He turned his eyes
away from them for a moment trying desperately to make himself
think clearly enough to somehow help them through this. If Serena
were here she would have known what to do. She was always so
much more in tune with people's feelings and emotions than he
was.
But she wasn't here. And he felt that separation start to grow
inside of him.
He turned back to them not knowing what to say or do but
knowing that he had to do something. He didn't get the chance.
Ilene seemed to be watching him closely. When he turned back to
her she looked at him with a pain in her eyes. "That's not all
Darien," she whispered. Fear stung him without mercy. She
paused cautiously looking at him to see if he could handle what she
would say but he didn't turn away and he looked back at her
needing to know.
"Neil was with her and…" she stopped uncertainly. Catching her
breath again she looked at him with tears in her eyes once more.
"He didn't make it out."
His numb brain didn't understand the meaning of her words for a
few long seconds. When reality clicked in he slowly closed his
eyes not wanted to believe the conclusion he had come to. "He's
dead."
He didn't get a response and opened his eyes to see Ilene nodding
her head absently. He looked up taking a deep breath to calm and
collect himself again. This wasn't the time or the place to break
down. "How did this happen?" he asked quietly.
Again Ken answered him. "Some jerk was trying a get away from
the police and slammed into a line of cars stopped on forty third.
They were in one of the cars hit…" He didn't continue.
Darien nodded despite the hundred questions burning in his mind.
It would do no good to put her family through all of the horrors of
the situation again. He settled himself instead on somehow easing
the pain they were feeling.
The pain he was feeling.
The numbness was beginning to wear off as he knew more about
what happened and it was quickly becoming fear. *How could this
happen? Serena doesn't deserve something like this. She has too
much to live for. Too many people that would miss her. Too many
who care. Too many that she would be leaving behind. Too many
people that loved her…*
Ilene must have noticed the change and she dropped his hands and
instead hugged him. He wasn't prepared for the move but he
hugged her back anyway. She seemed so much like Serena. A
little shorter without the meatballs to add to her height, but very
close.
Meatball Head.
His heart cried at the name. How could this happen to her? His
sweet little Meatball Head. She didn't deserve a cold let alone
something like this.
Ilene pulled away with tears on her checks. He wished he knew
what to say or do. If she were Serena he'd hug her tightly and let
her cry her eyes out before letting her go. But he couldn't do that
now. This wasn't Serena and all of his lofty psychological words
weren't going to help either.
Ken and Ilene made there way back to the couch they had been
sitting on before. He followed numbly. He sat down on the other
end from them next to Sammy's chair. The boy hadn't moved an
inch since he'd entered. But soon he found himself in the same
state. For once in his life Darien found himself completely at the
mercy of his emotions. It was a feeling he didn't like, but he
couldn't shut it off or make it stop.
He simply sat there thinking about Serena. Little images would
come up now and then. Her voice, her laugh, her eyes… And he
wouldn't see that smile or those eyes again—*No! Stop it right
there! She's going to be just fine, you'll see. She'll be OK and
back to her happy little self in no time! You understand me! She'll
be fine!*
He screamed at himself until his head hurt. He raised a hand to rub
away some of the tension from his forehead. He had to stop this,
he was driving himself crazy and it wasn't helping any. Of course
he was already frustrated at the fact that he couldn't do anything.
He was helpless and that was definitely a feeling he didn't like.
A doctor came into the room looking around for the right group to
approach. Several doctors and nurses had spent time with each of
the groups. He assumed that maybe all of the victims families
were here waiting just like they were. He paused to wonder where
Neil's parents were now and if they knew yet or not.
Neil. He closed his eyes and leaned his head on his hand. He was
so young. So in love with life, just like Serena. He could have
gone on to do anything, be anyone. But now he wouldn't. All
because of some idiot!
Anger flared real and hot in him at the thought. This wasn't
supposed to happen; it shouldn't have happened! But it did. It did
and there was nothing he could do about it now. But the anger
didn't leave him. It wasn't fair!
"Excuse me. Mr. and Mrs. Tsukino?"
Darien looked up to see the same doctor he had watched enter
standing next to her parents. "Yes!" they both cried in unison.
"I'm Dr. Amory, I've been treating your daughter."
"How is she?" Ken had long since given up on pleasantries and at
this point he didn't care.
"All of our tests have come back very positive. I believe she is out
of danger now. She is still unconscious and we aren't sure when
she'll come out it. It could be tonight or next week, we really
don't know. We haven't found any signs of permanent brain
damage, but we will know more after she wakes up. Otherwise she
has some stitches and a fractured collarbone that doesn't seem too
serious. She'll be under twenty-four hour observation for at least a
few days just in case. Now it's up to her to pull through on her
own."
Ilene sighed thankfully and raised a hand to her chest. Ken nodded
thoughtfully and Sammy did the same. For his part Darien
remained the same, but a sense of hope washed over him. She
would be OK, she had to be.
"She is a very lucky girl. And I'm sorry about the gentleman that
she was with." He sounded sincere and Darien couldn't help but
believe that he was. He'd known several doctors in his life and
while they did seem cold on the outside sometimes, they were in
this profession first and foremost because they wanted to help
people. Not being able to save someone in their care had to be the
hardest thing to get over.
"Do you know if his family has been notified?" Ilene asked
worriedly.
"I'm sure that every effort has been made to contact them yes."
She nodded. "Is there any way that we can see her?" Ken asked
hugging his wife again.
The younger doctor shook his head slowly. "No, I'm afraid not.
She'll be in the intensive care until she wakes up. The best thing
you can do now is to go home and get some rest. We will call you
immediately if there is any change."
Ken nodded quietly not wanting to leave more than likely. Ilene
gave the doctor a grateful smile and said thank you. The younger
man nodded and turned to leave the room. "Don't worry, she
seems to be a very strong lady."
Darien watched the man sweep from the room. Relief ran through
him, but somehow it still didn't ease that hallow, lonely feeling
inside of him. That small corner of his mind that still sat terrified
and trembling.
Darien walked quietly back into his dark apartment at nearly three
o'clock. The group of them had left the hospital more than an hour
before but he couldn't make himself go home then. He had driven
around for a while not knowing where he was going or what he
was doing. He'd finally ended up in Sunset Park walking along
the all-too-familiar paths. The gardens were mostly dead and the
chill in the wind had chased away any other pedestrians on the
clear October night.
He'd been alone and deep in though standing on the same bridge
that they would usually stop at. So many conversations, insults,
and laughs. So many memories came back to him, so many things
he would take back or live over again. A single bridge could bring
all of that back into his mind. He hadn't even entered the rose
gardens knowing what they would bring back to him. Somehow
he couldn't bare the sight of the fragile rose bushes browning and
dying slowly.
He had finally come to his senses and told himself that he wasn't
doing himself any good being out at that time of night lost in
memories and had come home. Now that he was here he didn't
know what to do either. He walked into his bedroom without
bothering with a light. He stood looking at his bed knowing he
should try to get some rest but every sense in his body told him he
wouldn't sleep.
He walked back into the living room and sat down in his reading
chair wondering if he read for a while it would help to make his
mind quiet down. He clicked on the little lamp next to it and
picked up the novel he was reading.
He set in back down again without opening it.
He simply sat there for a time unmoving and hardly blinking.
Slowly he closed his eyes repeating to himself that she'll be OK.
But he couldn't shake the feelings that assaulted him. What if it
would have been Serena instead of Neil? What if neither one of
them had made it out? What if she would have died?
…What if he'd lost her?
He shook his head trying to clear away the questions but they kept
coming. The last one especially. He stood up attempting to
control the lump of lead in his chest that seemed to have replaced
his heart. He shivered in spite of the jacket that he still wore.
He paced a few times around the room trying anything to stop his
thoughts. He finally stopped in front of his TV. On the shelf
behind it stood his picture frames, illuminated only partially by the
dim lighting. A newly framed picture taken at Andrew's wedding
stood first in line. He stood as a member of the part next to the
happy couple and Rita's bride's maid… whoever. It only served to
remind him that he should call him tomorrow and tell Andrew
what happened.
Beside it stood a picture from graduation. A goofy pose with
Andrew and a few of his other friends. On the end stood a sliver
frame holding a couple that looked as different as they really were.
There was a night and day difference between the tall dark-haired
man in the back with his arms crossed at the wrists in front of a
short little blond holding up a peace sign. A loving, sweet,
beautiful…
He closed his eyes blocking out the image. But the thoughts in his
mind didn't leave him. They were the ones that he couldn't block
out. The ones he couldn't forget. The ones that told him that if he
lost this girl he didn't know if he could go on. The ones that said
that this was exactly what he feared the most from his uncertain
life. The very fact that if he got too close to someone he would
lose them.
He would lose her…
He raised a hand to his head again wanting desperately to block
away the thoughts. Block away the fear. The fear of losing
someone so close to him. Someone that he trusted so much.
Someone, that by all rights, should never have gotten in. He
should never have allowed someone to become so close that losing
her would hurt so much. He shouldn't have—
No!
He cared about Serena. Cared about her more than he had ever
admitted. He couldn't help that. He couldn't help his feelings and
if he had lost her now then at least he would have known her.
Known what it was like to be so close to the one person in the
world that could be so open, so giving… so loving. And that was
how he would think of it!
Even if his heart ached in his chest and he knew deep inside how
much pain he was in. The pain and fear that he'd hoped never to
feel again. Serena had somehow filled the voids in him that his
loss of family had put there. Without her…
No. Serena was going to be just fine. Just fine!
His heart didn't believe him.
He sunk to his knees in the middle of his living room floor. His
heart won't stop its abuse on his mind. Irrational fear swallowed it
whole and it wasn't about to come out of it. He couldn't get
passed the emptiness in his soul, or the loneliness surrounding him
like a shroud. He couldn't…
He let the floor support his trembling frame as he wept openly.
And with each tear, he prayed.
"Hello?" Andrew answered the phone as Rita rolled over in bed
not wanting to face a Sunday morning yet. He poked her playfully
with an elbow. She only wiggled away from him and snuggled
back into the covers.
"Andrew? It's Darien."
"Hey Dare! Haven't heard from you in a couple weeks, where
have you and your lovely assistant been hiding at?"
Rita finally rose halfway in interest. "Is that Darien?" she asked
quietly. He nodded to her and she leaned over towards the phone
in his hand. "Hi Darien!"
A "Hi Rita," came over the line.
"He says hi," he told her who flopped back down and bunched the
covers around her again. "So what's up?"
"Uh, Andrew… I have really bad news."
It wasn't until now that he picked up on his friend's tone of voice.
The breath caught in his throat as he listened to it. Something was
really wrong if he could hear it like this. Darien was impossibly
unemotional when things were wrong. He didn't like showing it,
and he was usually very good at not letting anyone know about it.
This was not like him.
"Darien, what's wrong? What happened?" This got Rita's
attention and she sat up next to him with a worried expression. He
looked at her worried himself.
"It's Serena. She was in a car accident last night with Neil…
She's hurt pretty bad."
His voice barely came out in a whisper. Andrew wasn't sure if it
was the news or the tone of his voice that scared him more. "How
bad?" he asked afraid of the answer.
"She has a serious concussion and head injuries and a fractured
collar bone. The doctors think that she'll be okay. They don't
think there's any permanent brain damage, but they… can't tell
until she wakes up."
He listened in shock and closed his eyes tightly at the end not
wanted to believe what he had just heard. He felt Rita put a hand
on his shoulder and turned to look at her. The shock must have
been as apparent to her as he thought it would be. He swallowed
hard. "Do they know when she'll come out of it?"
"…No."
That was the only thing he said. Andrew sat there a moment
staring at nothing before reclaiming his senses. He hadn't noticed
that Rita had wrapped her arms around him protectively still not
knowing what was going on. He placed an arm around her and let
the small contact comfort him as much as possible. "Where are
you?" he asked thinking of his friend who was more than likely
alone.
"At home. Ilene Tsukino said that she'd call as soon as she knew
something. She was the one that called me last night…"
"Listen, I'll be over as soon as I can. Just sit tight will you?" he
said wanted to be there for him if he couldn't be there for Serena.
"Andrew…"
"Yeah?"
"That's not all."
Fear crawled up his spine. "What do you mean?"
For a moment the other didn't answer. "Neil… is dead."
"Dead?" he repeated like he'd never heard the word before. Dead.
He had met the guy only once when he and Rita had met the group
of them for lunch one afternoon. He knew, through Darien mostly,
that him and Serena had been dating. But… dead.
"According to what I could find out, he died in the impact." Each
word was pronounced mechanically. The emotion he had heard
evident in his voice before was gone. He was back to the stone
wall that he knew all too well when he was hurt or… scared.
"I'm sorry…" it was all he could think to say. Sorry. It was the
only thing he could be. But Darien would— "I'll be right over,
OK."
"You don't need to. I just wanted to tell you…"
"Yeah I know, but I also know you and I'm coming over." He
didn't leave any room for argument in his tone and somehow he
knew his friend wasn't going to argue anyway.
"Okay."
He quickly said his goodbye and hung up intent on getting to his
apartment building as soon as possible. But Rita wasn't letting go
of him without an explanation. "Andrew what's going on?" Fear
was evident in her voice as she looked up at him. "What
happened? Who's dead?"
He hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. "Serena is in
the hospital. She was in a car accident with her boyfriend Neil.
And, uh…"
"Andrew?!"
"Neil didn't come out of it," he whispered into her hair.
She was quiet and simply tightened her hold on him. He kissed the
top of her head again. "The doctors think she'll be all right
though. But she hasn't come to yet."
"She's comatose?" she asked raising her head to look at him.
He nodded silently, "I think so."
She closed her eyes showing signs of tears forming at the corners.
"Darien," she whispered pushing them back. "I'll come with you."
Two days. Not a batted eyelash or movement in two days.
Darien stood on his balcony watching the twilight overtake the
city. He had managed to go to work today despite Romola's
protests for him to go home and get some sleep. But he couldn't
sleep. This would be the third night that he would lie awake
staring at the ceiling afraid of closing his eyes because he knew he
would see her face. The times when his body did give in to sleep
he was awaken from a nightmare of her death or her funeral. The
same haunting emotions always claimed him.
Andrew and Rita had done their best in order to help him through
this but they weren't the ones he needed right now. All he needed
was to be sure she would be OK. He'd give anything to be sure
that she would somehow come back to him.
But what news would there be when she woke up? Neil. He'd
found out that his family had already had a private burial for him
earlier that afternoon. His mother and brother had come to the
Observatory to thank everyone for their concern. Those two
members of his family had brought at least some closure to him,
but Darien still didn't know how to react to the younger man's
death. Still couldn't believe he was gone.
Between the two of them he was left with an empty feeling inside.
He'd be lying if he said that he was upset about both of them
equally. He'd known Neil and had liked him. It wasn't fair that
such a young life should be taken. But Serena…
He didn't let the thought filter through his mind again. He leaned
against the railing unable to hold his own weight anymore. If he
didn't get some rest he wouldn't be able to stay out of the hospital
himself. Not to mention he couldn't remember the last thing he'd
eaten. He wasn't going to do her any good if she wakes up and
finds out that he killed himself worrying about her.
Somehow though, this seemed like so much more than simply
worry. The emotions he'd gone though in two days startled him.
Fear, loneliness, anxiety, love, hate, and more that he couldn't
even put a name to all came tumbling in and out just as fast. He
simply didn't know what to do about any of them.
What else could he do but wait and pray?
"Morning Romola."
"Darien Chiba! What in this world are you doing here again and
out of bed? I am not going to stand you trying to work your way
through this one more day. So you either go home and sleep, or
I'll knock you unconscious and throw you into the back room until
you look well enough to stand up straight. Do you hear me?"
He looked at the older woman shocked for a moment. She had
been worried about him since this began, much like everyone else
he knew, but she'd never yelled at him before. "Can we try this
again? Good morning Romola," he said walking past her anyway.
"No we can not do this again! Darien, it's been four days. You
can't keep this up forever. You need some rest. I understand that
you're trying to keep your mind off of it but truthfully you need
help. Do you even sleep at nights?" She followed him into his
office and shut the door behind her.
He sat down in his chair and rubbed at his eyes. "No, I don't. I lie
away thinking of her and when I do nod off I wake up scared to
death because of the same nightmares. Andrew's even sent me
sleeping pills!"
She walked over behind him to place a hand on his shoulder. "You
know that Serena wouldn't want to see you like this. She would
have the same conniption that I am. You're taking this all too
hard. You have to just keep telling yourself that everything will be
all right. She will wake up Darien. She will."
He looked over his shoulder at her. She was doing her best to help
he knew, but right now he had to do this on his own. "I know,
somehow I just can't tell the rest of me that. But I'll be fine,
Romola, really."
"Yes, you'll be fine if you get some sleep."
He rubbed at his eyes again knowing that she was right. "I know."
He paused, thinking again of the feelings that he was still trying to
hide from "I never knew something like this could be so hard."
"Losing someone you love is never easy. Even if you don't
actually lose them. You're feeling that same pain even though
your rational mind knows that somehow she'll be okay again."
She placed her hands on his shoulders attempting to comfort him
as much as she could.
He thought quietly on her words for a moment. It was true, if
she'd died he would probably be doing the same thing. His
emotions would probably be the same, even if now he did have the
comfort of knowing that he would see her again. "I can only
imagine what her family is going through. If I'm this torn up I
don't know what I'd do if I truly loved her. You know, I've
wondered about that a lot lately. What they must be going
through."
"Somehow I think you know more than you might think." She
walked around to lean against his desk in front of him. "You may
not be exactly in love with her, but I think if you're completely
honest with yourself you'd admit that you do love her."
It was a very blunt statement but it stabbed him. "What do you
mean?"
She smiled knowingly at him. "Oh, it's a lot of things. The way
you are when you're with her. The way you know her inside out.
The times you finish each other's sentences. The way you look at
her… Might I also add that I don't think this is exactly one sided
at all." She smiled at his shocked features. "Honestly, Darien,
have you ever thought about what would happen if you fell in love
with her?"
He looked away from her for a moment. Yes, he'd thought of it,
but it was always in the context of 'what would it be like to love
her?' He'd never believed that it was even remotely possible for
them to truly love each other. He'd said that to Andrew as well.
They were meant to be friends, and that was all. How could he
possibly consider them more? How could he consider himself
capable of being worthy of her heart? And why would he subject
her to his when he had never known what love really was?
"Darien." Romola had kept a vigil while he was lost in thought.
"Listen to your heart. After all, your mind isn't capable of loving
anyone. You're heart is the only one that can decide that."
He looked at her knowing that she was right and knowing exactly
why he'd never heard the truth in those words before. "That's the
problem. I stopped listening to my heart a lifetime ago. I don't
know if it has a voice anymore."
She laughed lightly at him. "Don't believe that for one minute.
Your heart talks to you as much as it always has. That's why
you're going through this now. If you couldn't hear your heart you
wouldn't be sitting here looking like a holocaust survivor. You
hear it every time you think of her, and every time it tells you how
much you care. It's the one that proves you're scared of losing her
and it's the one that hasn't realized yet what your mind knows.
That she will be all right and that she will wake up."
He nodded slowly understanding something about himself for
possibly the first time in his life. "So how do I tell my heart that?"
She smiled. "You have a conversation with it."
_____________
Dedicated in memory of Joyce Bird.
@}--- "A man's greatest strength develops at the point
where he overcomes his greatest weakness" -Elmer G. Letterman.
@}--- "I have been driven many times to my knees by the
overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go" –Abraham
Lincoln.
By: Isis @}---
isis@moonkingdom.com
Rating: G
Disclaimers: Don't sue and don't copy!
AN: This is for some of you that know when something
goes wrong to look behind you, because there's more are on their
way.
Chapter 12
*@}---*
"Serena is there something wrong? You've been avoiding me all
week and you haven't said three words to me all night." Neil was
beginning to worry that this night wasn't going to end well. She
seemed so distracted and so quiet. It wasn't like her.
She glanced up at him and then back down at her plate, which she
had been doing a lot tonight. "Serena? Please, tell me what's
going on."
"I'm sorry Neil," she whispered. She could hardly be heard over
the din of the restaurant's other patrons.
"For what?" he asked afraid of the answer.
She closed her eyes a moment and took a deep breath. "Neil, I
don't think I can do this anymore."
He knew exactly what she meant but he played dumb anyway, not
wanting to believe it. "Do what?"
She looked up at him for the first real time that night. "Dating you.
I just don't think it's a good idea. I don't mean to hurt you Neil, I
really don't. I just can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." She looked
back down to hide her face from him.
Sorry. Yeah, he was sorry too. He sat looking at her not knowing
what to say. He didn't understand what he'd done wrong or what
she needed that he hadn't given her. But then again he already had
a suspicion about what had come between them. And he was
beginning to seriously dislike the guy.
"I'm sorry," she whispered again into his thoughts. "I understand
if you hate me for this. I really don't mean to hurt you, please
believe that. I just…" She didn't finish the sentence but added an
"I'm sorry," instead.
She really didn't mean to do this to him, he knew that. She was
too sweet a person to intentionally hurt someone. He just wished it
didn't have to happen at all. "I understand Serena." He really
didn't but he wasn't going to press the issue. After all he couldn't
possibly be mad at this woman sitting in front of him. He'd seen
this coming. But he didn't want to give her up!
"Do you? Can you forgive me?" She looked at him with a
pleading in her eyes.
"I don't have a choice but forgive you. I don't intend on losing
you completely. That is unless I can't be your friend anymore
either." He raised an eyebrow at her with a lot more humor than
he felt.
She smiled at him gratefully. "No way. I want you as a friend."
She paused looking happily at him. "Thank you Neil. I really am
sorry. If I ever figure out my own feelings I'll tell you someday
why all of this happened."
"I'll look forward to that." *And if I find out it was because of
Chiba I'll 'accidentally' throw him off the Observatory's cliff!*
She smiled thankfully at him and he melted again. She was quite
possibly the most wonderful woman he had ever known. How did
he ever hope to hold on to her anyway? Oh but did he want to try!
Maybe everything wasn't lost. After all, maybe someday he'd get
her back. Completely this time.
"So, my dear friend, what do we do tonight?"
They ended up going to see some bad space movie. Granted the
hero guy was really cute, but still Serena had a thing for plot lines.
Apparently the director didn't.
"You know, I still don't understand why they keep putting women
in these things just so they can run around screaming and losing
their clothes," she mumbled to Neil as they waked out of the
theater.
"I think you just answered your own question."
She laughed at him. Neil was really taking this much better than
she had imagined. He was the same sweet guy to her, all though
she would have to admit that she missed his arm around her in the
movie. But on the bright side they'd still shared popcorn. Of
course she had eaten most of it anyway.
It's been a great night. She liked Neil. She liked him much more
now that he wasn't supposed to be something more than a friend.
And who knew, maybe someday something would come out of it.
…Well, anything's possible.
They continued their walk to his car with a comfortable silence.
She wondered if he was really OK with this or if he was just acting
his way through it. But he seemed relaxed and comfortable with
her. Maybe he really did understand. She hoped he did, most of
all she didn't want to hurt him.
But now she had a new good friend and everything was back to
normal. Well, almost everything.
Darien. What it was that was eating away at her about him she
didn't know. In all truth she was slightly afraid to find out. She
didn't understand her emotions and she didn't understand why they
were going haywire on her now either. But she'd deal with it the
same way she always did. Pig out on ice cream and sit in front of
the TV for four hours straight and then go to bed and sleep on it.
Something always came to her after some rest.
"Well, I hate leaving the night on a bad note so how about we snag
a late night snack and make fun of all of the characters?"
She laughed at him and nodded vigorously. "Now that sounds like
an appropriate review for that movie." He opened the door for her
and she got in. As she watched him walk around the car to his own
door she again thought about how much he seemed like Darien.
Sure there were an awful lot of differences, but they had a lot in
common too. It was really odd; she'd never expected to find
someone even remotely close Darien's style anywhere, least of all
in the same city.
"Very well then, off we go!" he said climbing in.
They decided on the Coastal Café near her apartment and were
simply talking along while they drove. "You know if I were
captured by ugly slimly aliens I would totally freak! I mean if I
were that one chick there ain't no way I'd be walking around the
corridors of my space ship looking for a way out when I knew
those stupid things were after me. I'd be hiding under my bed
crying my little eyes out until they went away, or killed me! They
even knew what part of the ship it was in. So what do they do?
They go looking for it like it was going to be a cute cuddly little
thing that would look at them and say 'take me to your leader.' I
mean like even!"
Neil laughed at her and nodded. "I know, and can you believe that
leader guy? Why is it that he was the only one that could
somehow out run that thing through the whole movie when
everyone else just got eaten?"
"Oh, and not to mention that the blond could trip and fall down
twenty times before it managed to grab her and then she just hit it
with a fire extinguisher of all things and it ran away! I don't think
it liked her either."
"There wasn't any meat on her, it probably wanted a meal."
She laughed hysterically at the comment. "Now that would have
been a good line! We should write a movie script. We couldn't
bomb any worse than that."
"Agreed! What do we write on?"
She giggled to herself. "Attack of the Killer Couch Springs!"
He stared at the stop light for a minute and then slowly turned to
her like she'd lost her mind. "What?"
"It would be totally great! This couch is like possessed or
something and its springs pop out and start stabbing people!
You've never sat on my couch or else this would be so much more
realistic to you."
He looked at her oddly but only shrugged and mumbled, "I think
you need to get out more."
"I get out plenty, thank you," she snipped back at him.
He laughed at her when something else caught his attention. Down
the side street on the driver's side came the sound of sirens and
flashing lights. They made out a blue sports car being chased by
three police cars. And they were coming their way. Fast!
Serena leaned forward to see around Neil and immediately grabbed
his arm. The car in front was rushing in at breakneck speed. The
light had turned green but no one in the line of cars they were in
was going to move until the police had passed.
The blue car in front raced towards the intersection and was now
being chased by four police cruisers. It veered in and out of the
traffic that had been caught in the chase unknowingly. Just before
it hit their intersection it veered dangerously close to the side of the
street and then without warning swerved through the intersection
trying to make a very fast turn to escape pursuit.
But it was going way too fast! Serena gasped as the car swung
around the intersection and lost half of its grip with the road. The
driver lost control as he tried force it into the other lane and the
vehicle careened to the side. But it didn't stop it. The driver tried
vigorously to correct the speeding car slamming on the brakes and
placing it into a hard skid.
It didn't stop.
The two lines of cars lined up at the stoplight were directly in the
path of the out of control vehicle. Fighting the car's momentum
the driver swiped the wheel back to the other side to avoid a head
on collision.
He smashed into the line of cars at an angle so as to soften the
blow. It rolled through four vehicles knocking them to the side
and rolling one over. It came to a dead halt as it hit the fifth fender
to fender.
The police screeched to a halt around the intersection. They pulled
the suspect unharmed from his smashed car. They also pulled
three uninjured people from the damaged cars. Five others were
transported to the nearest hospital.
Two were found dead.
*@}---*
Darien sat at his desk in a mostly darkened apartment. His desk
lamp was the only one on. He poured over the number in front of
him as he checked and rechecked his findings. Last week Dr.
Benton had asked him to work through three different starts. He
had given him five years worth of data on them, which was quite a
bit more than normally devoted to a single star. Two or three was
usually more than sufficient. But these weren't normal stars.
The Global Space Advancement Center based in America was
charged with documenting and keeping records on the charted stars
and systems that projects like their own produced. Each time they
received inconclusive results they sent them out to different places
in order to have fresh minds look into the problems. It was their
turn, but Darien didn't exactly think he could call his mind fresh.
At almost eleven thirty on a Saturday night he didn't know what he
expected to accomplish.
But in all truth the real work had already been done. The first one
was rather easy once you turned it upside down and stared at it for
a few hours. The data itself had to be off in a single measurement.
There was no way it made sense any other way. But it you
corrected it by two decimal places it worked fine. Or as fine and a
binary star system ever came out.
The second would have been impossible if he hadn't been thinking
along the same lines as the first one. If he accounted for the
system as a double binary, four stars, than he could see where the
numbers had come from. Both pairs would be side by side during
the first look and then on the second measurement they would be
lined up. The fact that both were pairs resulted in enough distance
between the two that it threw the calculations off.
The third was a pain all the way around. First off the data for the
first year looked just fine. A little K class star that had already
gotten to its red giant stage. Only the second year it was measured
it was totally off the scale. Something happened in six month's
time that turned this star into a nightmare. Its spectral signature
was different and it had already been determined that it had gone
through Helium Flash were it began burning helium in its core
instead of hydrogen which it had run out of.
Basically the chemical make up usually didn't make a whole lot of
difference to him. Ida was the Spectral Type guru and he wasn't
about to start up a conversation with her as to why this goofy star
went over the deep end and kept jumping all over the sky.
Measurements taken in their normal periods showed the star way
to far away from its starting point, and then on the next pass it
would be back to normal.
Three years worth of data proved the same thing so it wasn't a
mistake. The only thing he could think of was that during this
helium burning the star had become a pulsar. A star leaving the
main sequence like this usually did show pulsation. If the star
developed this not only in luminosity but also radius variations
then it could throw the measurements off enough to make it seem
to be moving more than it was.
So then the question remained as to how far out there this thing
was. Here Darien was stuck. That was until Serena popped over,
listened to the problem and offered the answer to the question. "So
just throw out all the numbers that don't make sense."
It was quite possibly the simplest explanation that he never would
have thought of on his own. The star had been caught during
pulses and non-pulses so that some of the numbers were
believable. He still had one year's worth of good information to
start with and several number to choose from of the later years.
He'd just have to ignore some.
It might not have been the most scientific method, but it was all he
could come up with. Let someone else find a different answer if
they wanted to. He got his and it was thanks to Meatball Head's
suggestion to just throw away what didn't work.
He laughed to himself as he rubbed his eyes and replaced his notes.
He'd show them to Dr. Benton on Monday and hope that they'd be
good enough. This extra, see if you can figure these out, thing was
killing him. He glanced over at his clock and realized he should
probably just go to bed.
Serena had asked him if he would be on call in case Neil took the
break up harder than she thought and she needed a ride home from
wherever he left her at. Apparently he'd been OK with it or else
she would have called crying over how she hurt him or how he
said he never wanted to talk to her again.
Poor little Meatball Head. He'd call her in the morning to check
on how it went, but for now he was going to bed. He stood up and
licked off the desk light plunging him into darkness.
And of course that was when the phone rang.
Darien walked through the sliding doors into the Mercy View
Hospital at nearly midnight. The lights in the main lobby were
blinding compared to the outside world. But he wasn't seeing
much of the world anyway. Everything was either light or dark,
black or white.
Since Ilene had called him color no longer existed. Neither did
emotion for that matter.
The feelings he kept expecting didn't come and his brain had
turned itself off in sympathy. He was left a walking zombie
without much of any thought in his head. It was like he was
running on autopilot not knowing which direction he was going.
Inside he felt hallow. Empty. Alone.
He met the receptionist with a much calmer voice than he'd
thought he still had. "I was told that a Serena Tsukino was brought
in earlier this evening because of a car accident. Can you tell what
her condition is?"
The older woman flipped through a chart at her side before
responding to him. "Tsukino. Yes, she was brought in about ten
o'clock with the accident on 43rd street. I'm sorry but no
information is available on her condition yet."
Nothing. He paused a moment to register the fact that she'd been
here for about two hours but still no information could be given
out. Not a good sign, he should have at least been able to find out
her condition by now. "I know that her family is here. Is there any
way you can tell me where they might be?"
The woman motioned to her left. "Probably in the emergency
room's waiting area in the east wing."
Emergence room. Darien felt a very slow knife prick at his heart.
"Thank you," he mumbled and turned down the hallway she
mentioned. He barely noticed the people he passed along the
hallway. He was beyond noticing much of anything. But walking
into waiting room he couldn't ignore what he saw.
There were several groups of people scattered through out the
room's couches and chairs. None looked happy to be there. But
the group he was looking for was buried in a corner sitting idly.
Sammy sat staring off into space unseeingly. Ken likewise didn't
seem to be seeing much but there was a nervous twitch to his
mouth and foot. Ilene lay cradled in his arms. Her red-rimmed
eyes were the first to find him.
"Darien," she whispered rising from her husband's care to meet
him. Ken also rose to accompany her as if he were afraid she
might collapse from walking across the room. Sammy turned to
regard the new arrival but remained where he was.
He grasped onto Ilene's outstretched hands as she came to his side.
He noted with a pain the red eyes and the beyond worried
expression she wore in them. He didn't know exactly what to say
to her to help her through this. He'd never been good at this sort of
thing. But there was a much more pressing question weighing on
his mind. "How is she? Do you know yet?" His voice came out
quiet but much stronger than he would have thought possible.
She shook her head slowly and he could see tears gather in bit
more in her eyes. Ken wrapped an arm around her shoulders
protectively. He was the only one capable of answering him. "The
doctor said that she has head injuries and a broken collar bone. He
says that the concussion is what he's worried about. They're still
running tests on her to see what kind of damage has been done.
…Apparently she's comatose. They think it may be from the
blood lose but they aren't sure when or… if she'll come out of it."
The older man swallowed hard and hugged his wife tighter
possibly to comfort himself as much as to console her. For her part
Ilene let a single tear slip from her eye and turned to regard Darien.
She quickly seemed to scan his outward appearance trying to judge
his reaction.
He wasn't even sure he could tell his reaction. He turned his eyes
away from them for a moment trying desperately to make himself
think clearly enough to somehow help them through this. If Serena
were here she would have known what to do. She was always so
much more in tune with people's feelings and emotions than he
was.
But she wasn't here. And he felt that separation start to grow
inside of him.
He turned back to them not knowing what to say or do but
knowing that he had to do something. He didn't get the chance.
Ilene seemed to be watching him closely. When he turned back to
her she looked at him with a pain in her eyes. "That's not all
Darien," she whispered. Fear stung him without mercy. She
paused cautiously looking at him to see if he could handle what she
would say but he didn't turn away and he looked back at her
needing to know.
"Neil was with her and…" she stopped uncertainly. Catching her
breath again she looked at him with tears in her eyes once more.
"He didn't make it out."
His numb brain didn't understand the meaning of her words for a
few long seconds. When reality clicked in he slowly closed his
eyes not wanted to believe the conclusion he had come to. "He's
dead."
He didn't get a response and opened his eyes to see Ilene nodding
her head absently. He looked up taking a deep breath to calm and
collect himself again. This wasn't the time or the place to break
down. "How did this happen?" he asked quietly.
Again Ken answered him. "Some jerk was trying a get away from
the police and slammed into a line of cars stopped on forty third.
They were in one of the cars hit…" He didn't continue.
Darien nodded despite the hundred questions burning in his mind.
It would do no good to put her family through all of the horrors of
the situation again. He settled himself instead on somehow easing
the pain they were feeling.
The pain he was feeling.
The numbness was beginning to wear off as he knew more about
what happened and it was quickly becoming fear. *How could this
happen? Serena doesn't deserve something like this. She has too
much to live for. Too many people that would miss her. Too many
who care. Too many that she would be leaving behind. Too many
people that loved her…*
Ilene must have noticed the change and she dropped his hands and
instead hugged him. He wasn't prepared for the move but he
hugged her back anyway. She seemed so much like Serena. A
little shorter without the meatballs to add to her height, but very
close.
Meatball Head.
His heart cried at the name. How could this happen to her? His
sweet little Meatball Head. She didn't deserve a cold let alone
something like this.
Ilene pulled away with tears on her checks. He wished he knew
what to say or do. If she were Serena he'd hug her tightly and let
her cry her eyes out before letting her go. But he couldn't do that
now. This wasn't Serena and all of his lofty psychological words
weren't going to help either.
Ken and Ilene made there way back to the couch they had been
sitting on before. He followed numbly. He sat down on the other
end from them next to Sammy's chair. The boy hadn't moved an
inch since he'd entered. But soon he found himself in the same
state. For once in his life Darien found himself completely at the
mercy of his emotions. It was a feeling he didn't like, but he
couldn't shut it off or make it stop.
He simply sat there thinking about Serena. Little images would
come up now and then. Her voice, her laugh, her eyes… And he
wouldn't see that smile or those eyes again—*No! Stop it right
there! She's going to be just fine, you'll see. She'll be OK and
back to her happy little self in no time! You understand me! She'll
be fine!*
He screamed at himself until his head hurt. He raised a hand to rub
away some of the tension from his forehead. He had to stop this,
he was driving himself crazy and it wasn't helping any. Of course
he was already frustrated at the fact that he couldn't do anything.
He was helpless and that was definitely a feeling he didn't like.
A doctor came into the room looking around for the right group to
approach. Several doctors and nurses had spent time with each of
the groups. He assumed that maybe all of the victims families
were here waiting just like they were. He paused to wonder where
Neil's parents were now and if they knew yet or not.
Neil. He closed his eyes and leaned his head on his hand. He was
so young. So in love with life, just like Serena. He could have
gone on to do anything, be anyone. But now he wouldn't. All
because of some idiot!
Anger flared real and hot in him at the thought. This wasn't
supposed to happen; it shouldn't have happened! But it did. It did
and there was nothing he could do about it now. But the anger
didn't leave him. It wasn't fair!
"Excuse me. Mr. and Mrs. Tsukino?"
Darien looked up to see the same doctor he had watched enter
standing next to her parents. "Yes!" they both cried in unison.
"I'm Dr. Amory, I've been treating your daughter."
"How is she?" Ken had long since given up on pleasantries and at
this point he didn't care.
"All of our tests have come back very positive. I believe she is out
of danger now. She is still unconscious and we aren't sure when
she'll come out it. It could be tonight or next week, we really
don't know. We haven't found any signs of permanent brain
damage, but we will know more after she wakes up. Otherwise she
has some stitches and a fractured collarbone that doesn't seem too
serious. She'll be under twenty-four hour observation for at least a
few days just in case. Now it's up to her to pull through on her
own."
Ilene sighed thankfully and raised a hand to her chest. Ken nodded
thoughtfully and Sammy did the same. For his part Darien
remained the same, but a sense of hope washed over him. She
would be OK, she had to be.
"She is a very lucky girl. And I'm sorry about the gentleman that
she was with." He sounded sincere and Darien couldn't help but
believe that he was. He'd known several doctors in his life and
while they did seem cold on the outside sometimes, they were in
this profession first and foremost because they wanted to help
people. Not being able to save someone in their care had to be the
hardest thing to get over.
"Do you know if his family has been notified?" Ilene asked
worriedly.
"I'm sure that every effort has been made to contact them yes."
She nodded. "Is there any way that we can see her?" Ken asked
hugging his wife again.
The younger doctor shook his head slowly. "No, I'm afraid not.
She'll be in the intensive care until she wakes up. The best thing
you can do now is to go home and get some rest. We will call you
immediately if there is any change."
Ken nodded quietly not wanting to leave more than likely. Ilene
gave the doctor a grateful smile and said thank you. The younger
man nodded and turned to leave the room. "Don't worry, she
seems to be a very strong lady."
Darien watched the man sweep from the room. Relief ran through
him, but somehow it still didn't ease that hallow, lonely feeling
inside of him. That small corner of his mind that still sat terrified
and trembling.
Darien walked quietly back into his dark apartment at nearly three
o'clock. The group of them had left the hospital more than an hour
before but he couldn't make himself go home then. He had driven
around for a while not knowing where he was going or what he
was doing. He'd finally ended up in Sunset Park walking along
the all-too-familiar paths. The gardens were mostly dead and the
chill in the wind had chased away any other pedestrians on the
clear October night.
He'd been alone and deep in though standing on the same bridge
that they would usually stop at. So many conversations, insults,
and laughs. So many memories came back to him, so many things
he would take back or live over again. A single bridge could bring
all of that back into his mind. He hadn't even entered the rose
gardens knowing what they would bring back to him. Somehow
he couldn't bare the sight of the fragile rose bushes browning and
dying slowly.
He had finally come to his senses and told himself that he wasn't
doing himself any good being out at that time of night lost in
memories and had come home. Now that he was here he didn't
know what to do either. He walked into his bedroom without
bothering with a light. He stood looking at his bed knowing he
should try to get some rest but every sense in his body told him he
wouldn't sleep.
He walked back into the living room and sat down in his reading
chair wondering if he read for a while it would help to make his
mind quiet down. He clicked on the little lamp next to it and
picked up the novel he was reading.
He set in back down again without opening it.
He simply sat there for a time unmoving and hardly blinking.
Slowly he closed his eyes repeating to himself that she'll be OK.
But he couldn't shake the feelings that assaulted him. What if it
would have been Serena instead of Neil? What if neither one of
them had made it out? What if she would have died?
…What if he'd lost her?
He shook his head trying to clear away the questions but they kept
coming. The last one especially. He stood up attempting to
control the lump of lead in his chest that seemed to have replaced
his heart. He shivered in spite of the jacket that he still wore.
He paced a few times around the room trying anything to stop his
thoughts. He finally stopped in front of his TV. On the shelf
behind it stood his picture frames, illuminated only partially by the
dim lighting. A newly framed picture taken at Andrew's wedding
stood first in line. He stood as a member of the part next to the
happy couple and Rita's bride's maid… whoever. It only served to
remind him that he should call him tomorrow and tell Andrew
what happened.
Beside it stood a picture from graduation. A goofy pose with
Andrew and a few of his other friends. On the end stood a sliver
frame holding a couple that looked as different as they really were.
There was a night and day difference between the tall dark-haired
man in the back with his arms crossed at the wrists in front of a
short little blond holding up a peace sign. A loving, sweet,
beautiful…
He closed his eyes blocking out the image. But the thoughts in his
mind didn't leave him. They were the ones that he couldn't block
out. The ones he couldn't forget. The ones that told him that if he
lost this girl he didn't know if he could go on. The ones that said
that this was exactly what he feared the most from his uncertain
life. The very fact that if he got too close to someone he would
lose them.
He would lose her…
He raised a hand to his head again wanting desperately to block
away the thoughts. Block away the fear. The fear of losing
someone so close to him. Someone that he trusted so much.
Someone, that by all rights, should never have gotten in. He
should never have allowed someone to become so close that losing
her would hurt so much. He shouldn't have—
No!
He cared about Serena. Cared about her more than he had ever
admitted. He couldn't help that. He couldn't help his feelings and
if he had lost her now then at least he would have known her.
Known what it was like to be so close to the one person in the
world that could be so open, so giving… so loving. And that was
how he would think of it!
Even if his heart ached in his chest and he knew deep inside how
much pain he was in. The pain and fear that he'd hoped never to
feel again. Serena had somehow filled the voids in him that his
loss of family had put there. Without her…
No. Serena was going to be just fine. Just fine!
His heart didn't believe him.
He sunk to his knees in the middle of his living room floor. His
heart won't stop its abuse on his mind. Irrational fear swallowed it
whole and it wasn't about to come out of it. He couldn't get
passed the emptiness in his soul, or the loneliness surrounding him
like a shroud. He couldn't…
He let the floor support his trembling frame as he wept openly.
And with each tear, he prayed.
"Hello?" Andrew answered the phone as Rita rolled over in bed
not wanting to face a Sunday morning yet. He poked her playfully
with an elbow. She only wiggled away from him and snuggled
back into the covers.
"Andrew? It's Darien."
"Hey Dare! Haven't heard from you in a couple weeks, where
have you and your lovely assistant been hiding at?"
Rita finally rose halfway in interest. "Is that Darien?" she asked
quietly. He nodded to her and she leaned over towards the phone
in his hand. "Hi Darien!"
A "Hi Rita," came over the line.
"He says hi," he told her who flopped back down and bunched the
covers around her again. "So what's up?"
"Uh, Andrew… I have really bad news."
It wasn't until now that he picked up on his friend's tone of voice.
The breath caught in his throat as he listened to it. Something was
really wrong if he could hear it like this. Darien was impossibly
unemotional when things were wrong. He didn't like showing it,
and he was usually very good at not letting anyone know about it.
This was not like him.
"Darien, what's wrong? What happened?" This got Rita's
attention and she sat up next to him with a worried expression. He
looked at her worried himself.
"It's Serena. She was in a car accident last night with Neil…
She's hurt pretty bad."
His voice barely came out in a whisper. Andrew wasn't sure if it
was the news or the tone of his voice that scared him more. "How
bad?" he asked afraid of the answer.
"She has a serious concussion and head injuries and a fractured
collar bone. The doctors think that she'll be okay. They don't
think there's any permanent brain damage, but they… can't tell
until she wakes up."
He listened in shock and closed his eyes tightly at the end not
wanted to believe what he had just heard. He felt Rita put a hand
on his shoulder and turned to look at her. The shock must have
been as apparent to her as he thought it would be. He swallowed
hard. "Do they know when she'll come out of it?"
"…No."
That was the only thing he said. Andrew sat there a moment
staring at nothing before reclaiming his senses. He hadn't noticed
that Rita had wrapped her arms around him protectively still not
knowing what was going on. He placed an arm around her and let
the small contact comfort him as much as possible. "Where are
you?" he asked thinking of his friend who was more than likely
alone.
"At home. Ilene Tsukino said that she'd call as soon as she knew
something. She was the one that called me last night…"
"Listen, I'll be over as soon as I can. Just sit tight will you?" he
said wanted to be there for him if he couldn't be there for Serena.
"Andrew…"
"Yeah?"
"That's not all."
Fear crawled up his spine. "What do you mean?"
For a moment the other didn't answer. "Neil… is dead."
"Dead?" he repeated like he'd never heard the word before. Dead.
He had met the guy only once when he and Rita had met the group
of them for lunch one afternoon. He knew, through Darien mostly,
that him and Serena had been dating. But… dead.
"According to what I could find out, he died in the impact." Each
word was pronounced mechanically. The emotion he had heard
evident in his voice before was gone. He was back to the stone
wall that he knew all too well when he was hurt or… scared.
"I'm sorry…" it was all he could think to say. Sorry. It was the
only thing he could be. But Darien would— "I'll be right over,
OK."
"You don't need to. I just wanted to tell you…"
"Yeah I know, but I also know you and I'm coming over." He
didn't leave any room for argument in his tone and somehow he
knew his friend wasn't going to argue anyway.
"Okay."
He quickly said his goodbye and hung up intent on getting to his
apartment building as soon as possible. But Rita wasn't letting go
of him without an explanation. "Andrew what's going on?" Fear
was evident in her voice as she looked up at him. "What
happened? Who's dead?"
He hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. "Serena is in
the hospital. She was in a car accident with her boyfriend Neil.
And, uh…"
"Andrew?!"
"Neil didn't come out of it," he whispered into her hair.
She was quiet and simply tightened her hold on him. He kissed the
top of her head again. "The doctors think she'll be all right
though. But she hasn't come to yet."
"She's comatose?" she asked raising her head to look at him.
He nodded silently, "I think so."
She closed her eyes showing signs of tears forming at the corners.
"Darien," she whispered pushing them back. "I'll come with you."
Two days. Not a batted eyelash or movement in two days.
Darien stood on his balcony watching the twilight overtake the
city. He had managed to go to work today despite Romola's
protests for him to go home and get some sleep. But he couldn't
sleep. This would be the third night that he would lie awake
staring at the ceiling afraid of closing his eyes because he knew he
would see her face. The times when his body did give in to sleep
he was awaken from a nightmare of her death or her funeral. The
same haunting emotions always claimed him.
Andrew and Rita had done their best in order to help him through
this but they weren't the ones he needed right now. All he needed
was to be sure she would be OK. He'd give anything to be sure
that she would somehow come back to him.
But what news would there be when she woke up? Neil. He'd
found out that his family had already had a private burial for him
earlier that afternoon. His mother and brother had come to the
Observatory to thank everyone for their concern. Those two
members of his family had brought at least some closure to him,
but Darien still didn't know how to react to the younger man's
death. Still couldn't believe he was gone.
Between the two of them he was left with an empty feeling inside.
He'd be lying if he said that he was upset about both of them
equally. He'd known Neil and had liked him. It wasn't fair that
such a young life should be taken. But Serena…
He didn't let the thought filter through his mind again. He leaned
against the railing unable to hold his own weight anymore. If he
didn't get some rest he wouldn't be able to stay out of the hospital
himself. Not to mention he couldn't remember the last thing he'd
eaten. He wasn't going to do her any good if she wakes up and
finds out that he killed himself worrying about her.
Somehow though, this seemed like so much more than simply
worry. The emotions he'd gone though in two days startled him.
Fear, loneliness, anxiety, love, hate, and more that he couldn't
even put a name to all came tumbling in and out just as fast. He
simply didn't know what to do about any of them.
What else could he do but wait and pray?
"Morning Romola."
"Darien Chiba! What in this world are you doing here again and
out of bed? I am not going to stand you trying to work your way
through this one more day. So you either go home and sleep, or
I'll knock you unconscious and throw you into the back room until
you look well enough to stand up straight. Do you hear me?"
He looked at the older woman shocked for a moment. She had
been worried about him since this began, much like everyone else
he knew, but she'd never yelled at him before. "Can we try this
again? Good morning Romola," he said walking past her anyway.
"No we can not do this again! Darien, it's been four days. You
can't keep this up forever. You need some rest. I understand that
you're trying to keep your mind off of it but truthfully you need
help. Do you even sleep at nights?" She followed him into his
office and shut the door behind her.
He sat down in his chair and rubbed at his eyes. "No, I don't. I lie
away thinking of her and when I do nod off I wake up scared to
death because of the same nightmares. Andrew's even sent me
sleeping pills!"
She walked over behind him to place a hand on his shoulder. "You
know that Serena wouldn't want to see you like this. She would
have the same conniption that I am. You're taking this all too
hard. You have to just keep telling yourself that everything will be
all right. She will wake up Darien. She will."
He looked over his shoulder at her. She was doing her best to help
he knew, but right now he had to do this on his own. "I know,
somehow I just can't tell the rest of me that. But I'll be fine,
Romola, really."
"Yes, you'll be fine if you get some sleep."
He rubbed at his eyes again knowing that she was right. "I know."
He paused, thinking again of the feelings that he was still trying to
hide from "I never knew something like this could be so hard."
"Losing someone you love is never easy. Even if you don't
actually lose them. You're feeling that same pain even though
your rational mind knows that somehow she'll be okay again."
She placed her hands on his shoulders attempting to comfort him
as much as she could.
He thought quietly on her words for a moment. It was true, if
she'd died he would probably be doing the same thing. His
emotions would probably be the same, even if now he did have the
comfort of knowing that he would see her again. "I can only
imagine what her family is going through. If I'm this torn up I
don't know what I'd do if I truly loved her. You know, I've
wondered about that a lot lately. What they must be going
through."
"Somehow I think you know more than you might think." She
walked around to lean against his desk in front of him. "You may
not be exactly in love with her, but I think if you're completely
honest with yourself you'd admit that you do love her."
It was a very blunt statement but it stabbed him. "What do you
mean?"
She smiled knowingly at him. "Oh, it's a lot of things. The way
you are when you're with her. The way you know her inside out.
The times you finish each other's sentences. The way you look at
her… Might I also add that I don't think this is exactly one sided
at all." She smiled at his shocked features. "Honestly, Darien,
have you ever thought about what would happen if you fell in love
with her?"
He looked away from her for a moment. Yes, he'd thought of it,
but it was always in the context of 'what would it be like to love
her?' He'd never believed that it was even remotely possible for
them to truly love each other. He'd said that to Andrew as well.
They were meant to be friends, and that was all. How could he
possibly consider them more? How could he consider himself
capable of being worthy of her heart? And why would he subject
her to his when he had never known what love really was?
"Darien." Romola had kept a vigil while he was lost in thought.
"Listen to your heart. After all, your mind isn't capable of loving
anyone. You're heart is the only one that can decide that."
He looked at her knowing that she was right and knowing exactly
why he'd never heard the truth in those words before. "That's the
problem. I stopped listening to my heart a lifetime ago. I don't
know if it has a voice anymore."
She laughed lightly at him. "Don't believe that for one minute.
Your heart talks to you as much as it always has. That's why
you're going through this now. If you couldn't hear your heart you
wouldn't be sitting here looking like a holocaust survivor. You
hear it every time you think of her, and every time it tells you how
much you care. It's the one that proves you're scared of losing her
and it's the one that hasn't realized yet what your mind knows.
That she will be all right and that she will wake up."
He nodded slowly understanding something about himself for
possibly the first time in his life. "So how do I tell my heart that?"
She smiled. "You have a conversation with it."
_____________
Dedicated in memory of Joyce Bird.
@}--- "A man's greatest strength develops at the point
where he overcomes his greatest weakness" -Elmer G. Letterman.
@}--- "I have been driven many times to my knees by the
overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go" –Abraham
Lincoln.