Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura is copyright to CLAMP and some
animation company who's name I can't recall. Absolutely no
infringement is intended.
by Snow Raven
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *~
He said that I did not have a right to live.
He said I had no soul.
The young Card Captor sits cross-legged on the soft, tan carpet, softly humming a child's tune as she brushes her short, auburn hair. I see the colors dancing around her, radiant pinks, oranges, and golds, evidence of the great magic within her soul. She's young- eleven, maybe twelve- but so much power.... It takes all of my willpower not to instinctively bolt from her presence. I dare not do so- she would sense me if I did, than all would be lost.
She leans towards the tall, full length mirror, smiling at her reflection. She- for all her power- does not sense me within the glass. I burn her features into my mind, painstakingly memorizing every detail. Auburn hair, feathered about a round, cheerful face, bright smile, small nose, and eyes.... I delve into those wide, emerald orbs, my magic reaching out. I can feel the mind behind those eyes, and I see faint images of her life- a classroom, the sunny dark-haired girl that is her best friend, her parents, her serious, dark-haired brother...
My magic twines around the stolen memories, weaving them into my very being.The Card Captor yawns- not suspecting in the least that I've just stolen her identity- puts away her brush, mumbles a short prayer, and clambers into bed. Her aura dims. I know she is asleep.
The Card Captor's aura flickers as I melt out of the mirror, but she does not awaken. I turn, staring at my reflection thoughtfully. A mass of light blue skirts float around me, moving in some unseen breeze. I have the face and body of a child, my long, silver-white hair spilling across the floor. I look like a child's doll.
Like I have no soul.
I close my eyes and concentrate on the image of the young Card Captor. The magic gathers around me. I feel my bones shifting and my body changing, the weight of my skirts melting away, replaced by a white blouse and a short, navy blue skirt. I open my eyes and gaze into the mirror. Looking back at me is not the hauntingly beautiful princess, but the face of a young, human girl. The Card Captor.
It scares me. I shouldn't be here, mirroring this human girl. I should be far across the world, hiding from the servants of the Clow and living off the ever-changing emotions of the hundreds of thousands of human children. But I wasn't. We had not even been given the choice to run. None of us could withstand the call of the Clow for long, even the strongest were eventually pulled back to the waiting Card Captor. It simply wasn't fair.
Quietly, I make my way across the room. Stacked neatly on the desk is a deck of red and gold cards, radiating a blazing aura of magic. I place my hand on top of them, savoring the presence of my sisters. They call faintly back to me, but can do nothing more. They are bound to the cards- bereft of choice and freedom- merely awaiting the summons of their mistress. Slaves.
Why? I had asked him. Why?
Because you have no souls, he said. Look at your sisters. They do not love. They do not hate. They do not feel.
It hurt me to watch them. My sisters acted like nothing more than children that had somehow gotten possession of great power. Perhaps they were. But I was different.
I love! I hate! I feel! I screamed.
You only think you do. Than he took me and bound me with his magic, returning me to my card, bringing me out from time to time to admire my beauty. I was nothing to him. I was merely another one of his creations, a tool, a doll.
A soulless doll.
I hear the soft sound of shuffling footsteps in the hall. I scurry to the door, opening it, and stepping into the light. A young man is striding down the hall, head bent in exhaustion and his hands jammed into his pockets. He eyes me sleepily. From instinct, I flick out my magic, delving deep into those dark brown eyes. There is a myriad of conflicting emotions as he regards who he thinks is his younger sister- tiredness, annoyance, concern, humor, but overall, a sense of deep love, a knowledge that he would do anything for his sister. Something stirs within me, a strange, foreign feeling that makes my heart clench.
I am suddenly examining him for reasons other than gaining a new person to copy. Dark, chocolate colored hair frames a narrow, intelligent face. His expression is grumpy- as usual, the Card Captor's memories tell me- but there are traces of gentleness in his eyes and mouth. What a fool the Card Captor is, not to realize how much her brother loves her. I shake my head suddenly. No...no...where are these thoughts coming from?
"Sakura?" I can't help noticing how deep and pleasant his voice is." Aren't you supposed to be in bed? You aren't even undressed yet! "
My face droops in a drowsy expression as I answer, "I was doing my homework and fell asleep. I'm just going to get a drink of water and then I'll go to bed."
"Oh," he yawns. "Well hurry up squirt, then hop into bed. It's late, and you want to get something a little higher than a D on McKensie sensei's exam, ne? Good night, I'll see your ugly face in the morning."
"Not as ugly as yours, inu-face. Good night."
"Good night squirt."
The stairs creak softly as I tiptoe down them. The kitchen light flickers on as I use the Card Captor's memories to locate the glasses, filling one with cool water from the sink. Water slides down my throat. It's been centuries, since I've actually drank or eaten anything. I am a magic creature. It is unnecessary. I do so tonight however, because I do not know the next time I will have the chance. Despite all of my efforts, I may not be free tomorrow.
I place my glass in the sink, slip out the front door and disappear into the night.
* * * * *
My shoes pound on the concrete sidewalk, my breath coming in short, panting gasps. The Card Captor is searching for me, I can feel the inexorable pull of her will and the Clow drawing me back to destruction. Rage rises like bile to my throat. I refuse to be caught so easily. I refuse to become a mindless slave to these foolish sorcerers, watching helplessly as I drag the rest of my sisters back into imprisonment.
I am not a doll.
"Sakura! Oi! Sakura, wait up!"
The voice arrests me in my tracks. I turn back to see him- her tall, dark-haired brother- pedaling towards me, an expression of concern written across his handsome face. I had been so involved in my panic to get away and my rage at my sisters' plight, that I could not think of how I was supposed to interact with this person. I stared at his approaching figure in incomprehension. He skidded to a stop beside me.
"Sakura?" he asked, "Are you all right?"
That strange emotion is wreaking havoc with my insides again, but I ignore it. An evil idea is rising in the back of my mind. What would it be like...how would it feel....to give the Card Captor a taste of the agony she inflicts on us. She loves him. If he is injured it will hurt her, much like watching my helpless sisters hurts me. I smile sweetly up at him.
"Hey bro, are you doing anything important right now?"
"No, just going home."
"I have a surprise for you. Come with me to the park and I'll show you."
I march confidently ahead of him before he can protest. I can feel his curiosity as he pedals obediently behind me, waving now and then to friends and acquaintances. We reach the park. He parks his bicycle at a bike rack and trails after me. My magic flicks out, sensing the hidden cliff that drops off thirty feet ahead of us. I grin at him cheerfully, pointing into the bushes.
"It's over there."
He pokes his head into the shrubbery, moving closer and closer to his death as I urge him on.
"No, farther. Farther....." I hear his panicked cry as he slips over the edge. I smile. "Found it..."
Those dark brown eyes stares up at me with fear and desperation as he feels his grip on the cliff side loosen.
"Sakura....?"
An innocent smiles curves my lips as I watch him fall, yet my satisfaction dims as I hear his body impact heavily on the ground, and I feel nothing but regret as I note that he is not moving. Had I really killed him? Without thinking, I race to the trail leading down the cliff.
I stop a few paces away as he moans and stirs, opening pain-stricken eyes.
"I feel like I've broken every bone in my body...." he groans. He looks at me, comprehension dawning on his face. "You're not my sister are you?"
"No."
His eyes are filled with emotions I cannot define-- sorrow? pity? concern? "Are you lost?"
The words burn into my soul. Lost? Yes....I felt like I had lost something precious...a very, very long time ago...
"Yes, in a way I suppose you could say that I was lost."
"We're all lost sometimes. We just have to help each other find our way back again...." His eyes are too much for me. I expected anger, fear, hatred, not this strange love, this understanding....
I could have loved this man.
The knowledge shatters my ice-cold heart inside of me. I loved him and yet I had hurt him, would have brought him to his death, or imprisoned him in his own body just as surely as my sisters were imprisoned in their cards.
I could have loved this man- if I had a soul.
I did not have a soul.
The Clow Reed had been right, he had always been right. These little urges and impulses that I called 'feelings' were only mere shadows compared to true emotions. I did not love. I did not hate. I only wished for to be able to feel them, yet I never would.
Because I had no soul.
I hear frantic voices as the Card Captor approaches. She skids to a stop in front of me, clutching the Clow Key tightly as her green eyes lock onto mine.
"You hurt my brother."
I say nothing. I don't even move. She flicks out two cards, releasing their power as the Clow Key sweeps downwards. I watch dully as Windy and Watery streak towards me, stripping me of my illusory spells and revealing my true form. My blue skirts billow around me as I float above her, once again trapped in my child's face and child's body. I descend to the base of the cliff, cupping his face in my hands as I brush his lips with mine.
I'm sorry...I could have loved you...if only...if only...
Then threads of power are weaving around me, forming a net that I could not escape even if I wanted to. Sadly I bow my head, waiting for the inevitable.
"Mirror Card!! Return to your power!"
And all is darkness once again.
End
Author's Notes: *sighs* This is really stupid. Ugh, I'll never
figure out how one can take such a good story idea and btucher it
so badly, but somehow I've done it again. This fic was churned
out in a mere two hours- eleven to one no less- so it's probably
pretty dumb. However, I'm having fun and if I think it's worth my
while later on, I'll rewrite it. As it is, this is just kind of a
blurb that I had to get out of my head if I wanted to go to sleep
at all tonight.
This fic was inspired by the episode that details the capture of the Mirror card and a discussion that I had with my sister. P-chan had asked me whether the cards were bad or not, and I responded thoughtfully that they were sort of like children with lots of power- not meaning any harm, but doing damage nonetheless. (Sort of like a three year old with a nuclear warhead. *grin* ) The Mirror ep. changed that perception however, since- to me- it was completely obvious that the Mirror card was actually in love with Sakura's brother!
The events of this story are probably not even close to what happens in the episode. I can't remember it very well- it was four or five in the morning after all- and don't have anything to look back on.
The 'he' that the Mirror card keeps speaking about is Clow Reed. I don't know the background of CCS, so I made one up. Basically, he was loth to give his power to his heir if he didn't deserve it, and devised the cards as a sort of test. He made them into creatures so that it would be harder for the heir to find them, since they could think and act for themselves, etc. He had never actively given the cards feelings, so it never occurred to him that the cards might not exactly be happy with the arrangement. Actually, most of them don't mind. The reason the Mirror card feels the way she does is because when she mirrored other people, she actually absorbed some of their emotions.
The reason that the Mirror card keeps calling the other card 'sisters' is because every time I see CCS, the cards are either pretty girls or animals. If there is a boy Clow Card, I'm sorry for my mistake.
Augh!!! What's with all the flies on my monitor?! My window is shut! What are they doing, teleporting through? *takes out giant flyswatter and squishes fly into oblivion* *clears throat* Sorry, I lost control for a moment there. ^_^
^^ Have a nice day!