Tears In Heaven
Carter rubbed his eyes and looked blearily at the glowing green of his digital alarm clock. 5:55. The alarm would be going off in five minutes. He was tired, but was also experiencing a huge sense of relief. After digging through the files at City Hall, he had gone back to County, found Kat, and told her everything. She had, he sensed, been glad that there was someone, and that she wouldn't have to start searching for her father. Three hours and a couple of marathon phone calls later, he had been granted temporary custody and she had moved into the condo in Lincoln Park. She was still quiet, withdrawn, and emotional, and Carter was just letting her be. Thankfully, for both of them, the hearing had been yesterday, and he had got full custody. It wouldn't be for long, as she was eighteen in April, but it was good to know that the legal stuff was over and done with.
After the initial shock, Carter had been happy. Kat was a nice girl, and if he had had to have an almost eighteen-year-old daughter thrown at him unexpectedly, he would have chosen her. And slowly, he was learning to love her. A blast of music hit his ears. Some female singer was singing some mushy song about love, but he wasn't in the mood this morning, and fiddled with the dial until he got Grace Jones. Kerry had got him addicted to that kind of music.
Rolling out of bed, he pulled on a pair of surgical scrubs and went down the hall to the kitchen. Ten minutes later he knocked on Kat's door, and a deafening blast of Nirvana greeted him as she opened it, taking the cup of black coffee. She gave him a funny look.
'Weren't you on at six?'
'What?' Almost on cue, the phone rang, and he said desperately. 'You get it. If it's Kerry, I'm on my way.'
'No way! Let the machine get it.'
'Hi, it's Carter and Kat's. We're not in right now, leave a message and we'll call you back.'
'Carter, it's Luka. You're late…'
'Hi.' He grabbed the phone. 'I was just screening, you know, checking you weren't Weaver. Is she in yet?'
'She doesn't come on until nine.'
'Okay. Uh, I'll be in in an hour. Can you cover for me?'
'Sure, but hurry, okay? We're swamped.'
Terrific. He ran round the apartment like a mad thing, threw a cup of coffee down his throat, and arrived at County at seven, but was lucky not to have been pulled over for speeding. He barely had time to take his coat off before finding himself with a pile of five charts and patients piled four deep in Fast Track. At noon the pace was showing no signs of letting up, but Jing-Mei managed to grab him when she came on.
'How's it going?'
He hesitated. 'You wanna get coffee?' Most of the hospital knew about Kat by this point, but he didn't want to have a private conversation in the middle of the lobby.
'Sure,' she agreed. 'Come find me when you get a break.'
'If I get a break,' he muttered savagely. Thanks to his mucking up his schedule, he had had no breakfast and hadn't got a break all morning. His stomach was beginning to growl. He went back to suturing. The faster he got it done, the sooner he got food. Eventually, at two-thirty, when he was waiting for labs on four patients and radiology on two others, he told Kerry he was going on a break and dragged Jing-Mei over to Doc Magoo's. He had scoffed a burger and salad before he spoke.
'I got full custody.'
'That's great… isn't it?'
He shrugged. 'Yeah, it's good, but I just didn't see that it would have made that much difference - she's eighteen in three months. The good thing is that it was more or less her decision, and she said she wanted to live with me. It's a step in the right direction. Look, we get on all right, and you can't imagine how glad I am that she came into my life. She's sweet, she's intelligent, she's beautiful… she has terrible taste in music, but I can handle that. I love her, I look at her every day and can't believe that I helped to create her… but at the end of the day, I'm not her mom, and that's who she misses right now.'
'It'll be okay, Carter,' she said. 'She's just dealing with it. It's kind of like you were after the attack - we all did everything we could, but we weren't Lucy.'
'That's the problem, though. I don't think she is dealing with it. I've never seen her cry, not even at the funeral.'
'Nobody can go on like that indefinitely. Something has to crack.' She laid her hand lightly on top of his. 'Just don't force it, okay? It'll get better.'
The thing was, if anyone knew that you couldn't go on like that indefinitely, it was Carter. He had tried to, very hard, and had wound up in Atlanta. At that moment, he knew exactly how much he had come to care for Kat in the last few weeks. Three and a half years ago, he hadn't really seen anything wrong in it. It hadn't been anyone else's business. He had hurt a lot of people, and he wouldn't go down that road again for anything. He didn't want his daughter to go down it either. He was still worrying over what to do later that night when he heard music coming from her room. He went to the door, and saw Kat lying on her bed, surrounded by what looked like all the candles they possessed. Her CD player was on, and he was about to go in when he saw that she was crying, and decided that he should respect her privacy. The song started over again, and as Carter leaned against the doorframe, a tear slid down his nose.
Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same, if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand, if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please
Darling please.
Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.
~~~~~~
He didn't mention it to her, but would have known in any case that something had broken inside her. The next morning, at six, when he delivered her coffee as was becoming their morning routine, she was already up and dressed.
'Kat?' He rubbed his eyes. 'How long have you been up?'
'An hour? I've got a term paper due today, I needed to polish it up a little.' She was noticeably more relaxed, happier, and even gave Carter a kiss on the cheek as she accepted her coffee.
He knew, somehow, that things would work out okay now, and went into work - on time - a lot less worried than he had been the previous day. He was sat at admitting catching up on chart review when the phone on the desk rang. Automatically, he answered it.
'ER.'
'Hi, I'm calling with a message for Dr Weaver. Would you tell her that I'd be more than happy to take the job, and I'll be in Chicago ready to start work Monday. Right, my name…'
With all the recent upheavals that had been going on, the last three weeks had left Carter very little time to think about his love life, or, as he now saw it, lack of one. But he would have recognized that voice anywhere. An image of a blond, leggy, Catholic paediatrician from South Philadelphia floated into his mind and he almost fell off the chair.
'Anna?'
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ba-DUM. Sorry to leave you all hanging, but Chapter 3 should be up by next Sunday at the latest (June 17th). If it's not, feel free to flame me, but remember that I am still doing exams. That song in the middle was 'Tears In Heaven' by Eric Clapton.
Carter rubbed his eyes and looked blearily at the glowing green of his digital alarm clock. 5:55. The alarm would be going off in five minutes. He was tired, but was also experiencing a huge sense of relief. After digging through the files at City Hall, he had gone back to County, found Kat, and told her everything. She had, he sensed, been glad that there was someone, and that she wouldn't have to start searching for her father. Three hours and a couple of marathon phone calls later, he had been granted temporary custody and she had moved into the condo in Lincoln Park. She was still quiet, withdrawn, and emotional, and Carter was just letting her be. Thankfully, for both of them, the hearing had been yesterday, and he had got full custody. It wouldn't be for long, as she was eighteen in April, but it was good to know that the legal stuff was over and done with.
After the initial shock, Carter had been happy. Kat was a nice girl, and if he had had to have an almost eighteen-year-old daughter thrown at him unexpectedly, he would have chosen her. And slowly, he was learning to love her. A blast of music hit his ears. Some female singer was singing some mushy song about love, but he wasn't in the mood this morning, and fiddled with the dial until he got Grace Jones. Kerry had got him addicted to that kind of music.
Rolling out of bed, he pulled on a pair of surgical scrubs and went down the hall to the kitchen. Ten minutes later he knocked on Kat's door, and a deafening blast of Nirvana greeted him as she opened it, taking the cup of black coffee. She gave him a funny look.
'Weren't you on at six?'
'What?' Almost on cue, the phone rang, and he said desperately. 'You get it. If it's Kerry, I'm on my way.'
'No way! Let the machine get it.'
'Hi, it's Carter and Kat's. We're not in right now, leave a message and we'll call you back.'
'Carter, it's Luka. You're late…'
'Hi.' He grabbed the phone. 'I was just screening, you know, checking you weren't Weaver. Is she in yet?'
'She doesn't come on until nine.'
'Okay. Uh, I'll be in in an hour. Can you cover for me?'
'Sure, but hurry, okay? We're swamped.'
Terrific. He ran round the apartment like a mad thing, threw a cup of coffee down his throat, and arrived at County at seven, but was lucky not to have been pulled over for speeding. He barely had time to take his coat off before finding himself with a pile of five charts and patients piled four deep in Fast Track. At noon the pace was showing no signs of letting up, but Jing-Mei managed to grab him when she came on.
'How's it going?'
He hesitated. 'You wanna get coffee?' Most of the hospital knew about Kat by this point, but he didn't want to have a private conversation in the middle of the lobby.
'Sure,' she agreed. 'Come find me when you get a break.'
'If I get a break,' he muttered savagely. Thanks to his mucking up his schedule, he had had no breakfast and hadn't got a break all morning. His stomach was beginning to growl. He went back to suturing. The faster he got it done, the sooner he got food. Eventually, at two-thirty, when he was waiting for labs on four patients and radiology on two others, he told Kerry he was going on a break and dragged Jing-Mei over to Doc Magoo's. He had scoffed a burger and salad before he spoke.
'I got full custody.'
'That's great… isn't it?'
He shrugged. 'Yeah, it's good, but I just didn't see that it would have made that much difference - she's eighteen in three months. The good thing is that it was more or less her decision, and she said she wanted to live with me. It's a step in the right direction. Look, we get on all right, and you can't imagine how glad I am that she came into my life. She's sweet, she's intelligent, she's beautiful… she has terrible taste in music, but I can handle that. I love her, I look at her every day and can't believe that I helped to create her… but at the end of the day, I'm not her mom, and that's who she misses right now.'
'It'll be okay, Carter,' she said. 'She's just dealing with it. It's kind of like you were after the attack - we all did everything we could, but we weren't Lucy.'
'That's the problem, though. I don't think she is dealing with it. I've never seen her cry, not even at the funeral.'
'Nobody can go on like that indefinitely. Something has to crack.' She laid her hand lightly on top of his. 'Just don't force it, okay? It'll get better.'
The thing was, if anyone knew that you couldn't go on like that indefinitely, it was Carter. He had tried to, very hard, and had wound up in Atlanta. At that moment, he knew exactly how much he had come to care for Kat in the last few weeks. Three and a half years ago, he hadn't really seen anything wrong in it. It hadn't been anyone else's business. He had hurt a lot of people, and he wouldn't go down that road again for anything. He didn't want his daughter to go down it either. He was still worrying over what to do later that night when he heard music coming from her room. He went to the door, and saw Kat lying on her bed, surrounded by what looked like all the candles they possessed. Her CD player was on, and he was about to go in when he saw that she was crying, and decided that he should respect her privacy. The song started over again, and as Carter leaned against the doorframe, a tear slid down his nose.
Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same, if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand, if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please
Darling please.
Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.
~~~~~~
He didn't mention it to her, but would have known in any case that something had broken inside her. The next morning, at six, when he delivered her coffee as was becoming their morning routine, she was already up and dressed.
'Kat?' He rubbed his eyes. 'How long have you been up?'
'An hour? I've got a term paper due today, I needed to polish it up a little.' She was noticeably more relaxed, happier, and even gave Carter a kiss on the cheek as she accepted her coffee.
He knew, somehow, that things would work out okay now, and went into work - on time - a lot less worried than he had been the previous day. He was sat at admitting catching up on chart review when the phone on the desk rang. Automatically, he answered it.
'ER.'
'Hi, I'm calling with a message for Dr Weaver. Would you tell her that I'd be more than happy to take the job, and I'll be in Chicago ready to start work Monday. Right, my name…'
With all the recent upheavals that had been going on, the last three weeks had left Carter very little time to think about his love life, or, as he now saw it, lack of one. But he would have recognized that voice anywhere. An image of a blond, leggy, Catholic paediatrician from South Philadelphia floated into his mind and he almost fell off the chair.
'Anna?'
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ba-DUM. Sorry to leave you all hanging, but Chapter 3 should be up by next Sunday at the latest (June 17th). If it's not, feel free to flame me, but remember that I am still doing exams. That song in the middle was 'Tears In Heaven' by Eric Clapton.